Possessed

I did not call them whores for their sexual choices in and of themselves.

I called my mom a whore for having an affair on my dad with whom she'd been married to for 25 years instead of being honest with him and telling him it was over.  If she had been open about it and left him before she was with the other man I wouldn't be calling her a whore.  I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't think of her as a whore.

I called my previous friend a whore for stringing me along and taking advantage of me, for lying about caring for me, and for manipulating me.  It's not that I didn't want to have sex with her because I did.  But I knew that wouldn't last forever, and I was okay with that.  I'm not calling her a whore because she stopped having sex with me.  I'm calling her a whore because she was obviously pretending to care about me, advanced on me in a time when SHE KNEW I was in a weak place, then wanted nothing more to do with me.  She acted like a best friend, had sex with me, then told me not to talk to her anymore.  If that doesn't make you a whore, or at least a shitty enough person to warrant being called one, then I guess I was wrong.

I am calling neither of them whores simply for having sex with other people than I would like them too.  I'm calling my mom a whore for treating my dad who she was married to for 25 years like he doesn't matter when he was great to her and cheating on him instead of just telling him it was over.  And I'm calling my friend a whore for using me for sex.  Not because of her sexual choices, but for USING ME FOR SEX.  If you can't understand the difference, then you aren't somebody I should be taking advice from anyway.

Like I said, this isn't all that devastating to me, at least now.  I was just venting about it.  My friendships may be more shallow than I wouild like, but they are at least there and they don't try to hurt me and they enjoy spending time with me.

Bingowings said:

See this is why you need to (at the risk of sounding insensitive) get out more.

I recommend a dose of ritual activity. Along with the usual domestic tasks of cleaning your own clothes, tidying your own living space and preparing your own food you should set some time in the week to mingle. Walk somewhere, talk to strangers and maybe join some sort in some sort of activity where have to interact with real people who aren't on the end of a computer (even and indeed especially if at first it seems a chore and maybe even uncomfortable).

 Fuck you man.  As I plainly said, I have plenty of friends.  They may not be real friends or caring or genuine, but they are there and they aren't on computers.  I do NOT spend all my time on a computer, I do NOT get all my socializing from the internet or computers, and I do NOT spend all my time at home.  I said the friendships aren't very genuine.  This may be true, but we still go out and hang out and stuff.  

Sometimes people just feel bad on the inside.  As shocking as it may seem, it's not always because they don't live the way you think they should.  Because I am not a homebody.  I do go out.  I may not have close ties with my friends, but we do hang out very regularly.

I'm not quite the loser you apparently think that I am.  And I'm not in a crisis over this or devastated.  It just kinda sucks right now.  I wasn't reaching for help I was just venting about it.  You can keep your stuck up wisdom, I don't need it.  Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean it's because I sit at home by myself all day, because that isn't the case.  But thanks anyway.

Yeah.  So I'm just as bad as she is?  At least I actually gave a shit.  My issue with her was that she pretended to care about me and was just stringing me along.

I didn't tell her that I was her friend and then fuck her and dump her.  It wasn't that I didn't want the sexual advance, because I did.  It was that I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere.  But we were friends and I did care about her.

I'm calling her a whore for lying to me about being my friend, when by the way she came on to me then all the sudden doesn't care anymore indicates she wasn't.

I did not expect for us to end up together.  I knew we wouldn't.  My anger is not at that.  My anger is that we are no longer friends, which is entirely her decision, because I was fully prepared to stay friends, even if the sex was going to end.  She just cut ties completely without warning and acted like she didn't care.  Whatever, people do this I know, but it was just jolting. 

And I wasn't even saying anything about my parents just now, I was only commenting that their recent separation contributed to me going through a hard time.

But thank god you've got me figured out.  Fuck you.

Well, in addition to all the depression issues I already have, plus my parents recent (one sided from my mom... as it turns out she's been having an affair for a long time and just now in the last month had the guts to come clean about it to the whole family.  Which is the only time she's even spoken to the family in years, she finally breaks the silence to let us know shed been having an affair), and my grandfather's death soon to come from a terminal brain tumor, and his wife, my grandma's, soon death from MS which she's been pushing the life expectancy on for years, it has now come to my attention that somebody that I thought was one of my best friends was really just using me for sex.

Let me back up and tell this story.

I had started working this job over a year ago.  At that time my parents separation was still very new and my grandpa had just been getting sick.  So I was in a really vulnerable and weak place at that time.  There was this lady who I worked with that was a sortof older lady, not old but middle aged.  Middle aged in years, not in looks, she looked great.  (this may seem like a weird detail to include, but it's important)  Anyway we worked together alot, and we became good friends.  Seemingly anyway.  I ended up confiding in her about my parents and all the other stuff and she was very supportive and sweet and good about it.  She started telling more about herself and we sortof bonded.  At least it seemed that way.  By about 6 months in we were kinda like best friends I guess you could say.  (Keep in mind that I'm 20 years old and she's 51 but looks like she's about 30 or so... easily)  She wasn't like a mother to me, but she was a little bit like a mentor.  Well anyway, she was my best friend.  I wasn't in love with her or anything, but she was my best friend.  But one night she hit on me, and assured me that it would be okay and we were just two friends helping each other out.  It was a red flag and I knew it was a bad idea.  I knew we obviously had no future together given the age difference, but since I did care about her and she was good looking I decided to just give in.  Because for another thing, she was important to me, and I was afraid shooting her down would have made her feel rejected and awkward to the point of not talking to me anymore.  (not a good reason to have sex with somebody I know, but like I said it was a weak point in my life and I was lonely).  We had it regularly for about a month.  Then one day she just told me to back off and leave her alone.  No explanation.  She wouldn't talk to me anymore and she suddenly wasn't my friend.  It wouldn't have been a big deal, but she had been my best friend for a long time, and all the sudden I had no best friend and she all the sudden didn't give a shit about me at all.

So, given the unsmooth nature of the break off, and her sudden, uncaring change of attitude, I have no choice but to assume she had just been using me the whole time to get me in bed.  I know that kind of shit happens, but posing as my best friend for months before was a really dirtball thing to do I think.  I don't think it was an accident that just happened, it seems deliberate now that I think back on it.

Fucking whore.  Now I feel horrible and empty.  Not of a broken heart, just an empty one.  Like I said she'd been my (supposed) best friend for about a year and all the sudden she's not there and apparently never gave a shit.

What gets me is that she KNEW what I was going through and she did that anyway.  Oh well I guess.  Not the end of the world, but it really fucking sucks.  It shows that it's the quality of friends you have, not the quantity.  In high school I was the popular type, and it got me nothing but a bunch of meaningless aquaintencships.  And this bit me in the ass because when I thought I finially had something real I was so glad that I couldn't see that it wasn't real either.

Live and learn I suppose.

Love and support from a fellow who feels the same way you do and is going through what you are going through.  I too lost my job because of the way I feel.  And you are right... depression isn't something that people that don't have it can ever understand.  They expect you to just snap out of it and "suck it up"... it doesn't work that way and it doesn' thelp when they say things like that.

Yeah, when Frink thinks something is off topic you KNOW you're in it bad.

That's right!  I totally forgot about him saying "May the Force be with us" later on.

doubleKO said:

How do people use these ear plug style headphones? 

 They put them in their ears I believe.


*rimshot*

Those are all good ideas, I'm not sure how to go about achieving them.  Anyone want to volunteer adding holograms to the shots it would be needed in?  In return I would give... i dunno... a workprint of the edit before anyone else gets it or something.  

A way to end that scene is the biggest challenge I see.  As you said, the scene kind of ends abruptly without any sort of formal closing... but unfortunately I have no idea how to fix that.

I don't have the technical knowledge to create a hologram unfortunately.

Nope no idea... that's way beyond my expertise.  Unless perhaps I just had him talking off screen and showed shots of the hologram when he talks the second time.  Not sure how that would work though.

I hadn't noticed it and I wished you hadn't either.  :P

Any opinions at all on the test clip?  I know the editing is rough but that will be amended later.

Of course I would not use "would of"... I'm not some kind of riff raff.

Hooray for guitars.

Are you thanking me for not using a contraction or am I missing something? Could be both.

Are you suggesting that Conker's Bad Fur Day was nothing more than a ploy to gather who their real allies were?

I don't even honestly like squirrels that much.  I mean yeah they are fun to get drunk with, but when they start taking advice from scarecrows  and hooking up with grey rabbits I'm out.

I meant to say "socky", as in we all pretended to be other people.

:P

That's the way it should be.  Too many friends is a headache.  One or two good ones is the best way to be.  I wish I would have understood that.  I had far too many semi-friends and not enough good ones.  And now I'm surrounded by people who kinda sorta care but not a whole lot.  It's like I'm full of emptiness.  It kinda sucks, I would trade them all for one or two good friends.

Of course it's not saying much, it was only one sentence.  You could say alot more!

(not poking fun... I'm sure you have friends.  Many of us have friends that we don't even realize are our friends...  we just have to open our eyes and see that they are there)

I literally have no friends who are into Star Wars.  I was much too 'jockey' for my own good in high school.  I sometimes secretly wish I would have hung with the 'nerd' (and I DON'T mean that in a negative context) crowd.  Don't get me wrong I never lied about liking star wars if it came up and I was never stuck up or snobby to others, but I definitely had the wrong group of friends for my mindset.  :(

My good looks and big but lean frame gave everyone the wrong impression of my personality and I just went with it.  (not bragging as this means nothing in life, that's just honestly what happened... and I regret to this day not being truer to myself)

Infernal Lord Satan.

empty toothpaste dispenser hovering above

nothing else.  But please grab

container.  But what was strange