Peter Pan

Thank you very much, your work on this is invaluable.

I think the video file on your Jar Jar voice library is broken, only the first ten minutes or so have sound, everything else is muted.

I think flashbacks of something like this could be used during the lightsaber duel at the end, as a hint that Anakin is using the dark side to fight Dooku.
Obi-Wan dropping to the ground could serve as the trigger for the flashback.
This would also underline the parallel between Anakin seeing his mother dying and his father-figure being about to be struck down by a lightsaber and thus show how his mother’s passing affects him.

Anakin Starkiller said:

What would be the thing that leads Anakin to turn him in in the end?

I had palpatine declaring the empire be the incident that pushes the Jedi to move against him, which leads to the showdown in Palpatine’s office.
Anakin is now put into a position where he cannot delay his decision any longer and brakes under the pressure.

Anakin Starkiller said:

Peter Pan said:

I think the inciting incident in ROTS should be that Palpatine tells Anakin that he is Sidious.

I think this is a good idea. How do we implement it?

Whoops, sorry for the double post!

I made an edit that put the talky bit after the opening first, but it turned out a bit meh and now I’m thinking to start the movie with one of Anakin’s nightmares and the original opening battle directly after that.
Then I would implement some dialogue from Anakin’s turn into the scene where Palpatine tells Anakin to kill Dooku. (stuff like “only then will you be strong enough with the dark side to save Padmé”, I did something similar in my first edit)

I think this should be the moment where the reveal happens, because Obi-Wan is unconscious and Dooku is at Anakin’s mercy.
Also the scene is rather static and shot in close ups, so maybe we can rearrange some shots or create some new ones to give room for one or two more lines of dialogue.

Yeah that might work

StarkillerAG said:

When it comes to incorporating the Dark Times content into the main series, I’ve actually been thinking of a fairly interesting idea involving that for a while now: Have the Dark Times content be the new Episodes 4-6, with the OT now being Episodes 7-9.

Episode 4 would be Kenobi (edited into a movie), Episode 5 would be Solo, and Episode 6 would be Rogue One. Kenobi and Solo have been swapped chronologically, but I feel like the “trilogy” is more cohesive this way: Kenobi resolves plot threads left hanging by ROTS and establishes the new state of the galaxy, Solo shows someone trying to survive in this new galaxy and establishes organized resistance movements against the Empire, and Rogue One shows these resistance movements united as a whole and leads directly into ANH.

I feel like this reorganization would have two benefits: It would allow for a bit more of a transition between the radically different aesthetics of the prequels and OT, and it would allow for the cool “trilogy of trilogies” structure to be preserved while having ROTJ be the definitive ending.

This sounds very cool

I’m reading it as in “XY is no Jedi anymore”. I want to raise the question who is meant with this. Is it Anakin? Is it Dooku, who is meant? Or does it refer to the Jedi as a whole?

I can understand that it might not be grammatically correct, but in my opinion it is a better fit for a title to a movie than “No Jedi anymore”.

Thanks for the hint regarding the crawl. The title is final, why are you asking?

I removed the first voice and put a bit of Gunray’s original line back in, now the important line is delivered by Wat Tambor. I have given him a deeper, more robotic voice and I think it fits rather well into the audio mix.

The thing is the separatist have to speak English, because Obi is listening. Other ways it would feel jarring.
I think the problem with the voices is that they sound like they were recorded on a toilet, it doesn’t sound like they are standing in this huge hall.

I am planning to complete the first 30 minutes with all the Geonosis stuff this week. Most of the difficult dialogue work from the first act is already done so all that remains is to throw everything together.

Here are the first five minutes:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RpQKv8jvMUyS74B-boYCY05rrZFXXZFM/view?usp=sharing

Let me know what you think of the audio, working with the AI voices was a little harder than expected.

EDIT: There are some audio cracks during the opening, I’ll try to fix this later today.

I’ll admit that putting Palpatine in Lincoln’s place was a really weird feeling at first, but I think it serves ROTS well in the way that it makes the Jedi’s suspicions against Palpatine feel completely ludicrous.

T-202 said:

This edit sounds really cool can’t wait to see more of it!

Can’t promise how fast I’ll make progress, but I got a lot of free time at the moment and I
had the movie almost finished before, so I think I’ll finish it rather sooner than later.

Thanks a lot and good luck with Ancient Lore v2. I’m looking forward to what you will end up with.

I made a first draft of the new crawl, let me know what you think.

It is a time of great change. Under the
supervision of Chancellor Palpatine and
the young Senator Padmé Amidala, the
Republic has successfully enforced Anti-
Slavery-Laws across the galaxy.

Sparked by these reforms, several solar
systems have left the Republic. Lead by
the mysterious Count Dooku, this
separatist movement made it difficult
for the limited number of Jedi Knights
to maintain peace and order.

Sent to investigate the vanishing of
Jedi Master Sifo Dyas, Obi-Wan Kenobi
followed a trace to the desolate Outer
Rim world of Geonosis…

So I decided to start all over again with my prequel edits and because I haven’t really figured out what I want to do with TPM, I’ll start with AOTC. But first a super short synopsis of the two big changes, I’ll make to the trilogy as a whole.

1.: The Galactic civil war will be fought over the abolishment of slavery. That will allow for a much closer connection between all three of the prequels by making this conflict a much more personal matter to Anakin and a sort of consequence of the Jedi not actively fighting slavery in TPM. Apart from that it would also explain Anakin’s high opinion of Palpatine.

2.: I’ll change the clone army’s origin completely. The clone army will not have been made for the republic, but for the Trade Federation instead. The idea is to introduce the clones under less shady circumstances, because those mysteries never get resolved anyway and it makes the Jedi and the Republic look extremely foolish, because nobody is investigating anything. Instead I am trying to invent a really solid explanation for why this army exist and twist the creation of the GAR into a victory of the Republic over the Separatist. But more on this later.

Now lets get to the main course, here is a broad layout of the changes I have in mind for AOTC:

-New structure: Opening on Geonosis, Obi-Wan is sent to investigate the vanishing of Sifo Dyas
-In the beginning Anakin and Padme are something between just friends and more
-Shmi has been freed thanks to the Senate enforcing the abolishment of slavery
-it is this law that lead to the formation of the separatist

Mostly complete changelist:

-New crawl establishing the enforcement of the anti slavery law, the formation of the separatist and Obi-Wan’s mission to investigate Sifo Dyas’ whereabouts

-Pan down to Obi-Wan entering the orbit around Geonosis

-Obi eavesdropping on the separatist (only the first scene) with new dialogue mentioning the Kaminoans and a secret deal

-Obi-Wan is directly contacting Coruscant to report that he hasn’t found any clue that Sifo Dyas is still alive and that he thinks that Sifo Dyas was killed while investigating this deal with the Kaminoans (I’m using the AI voice of clone wars Obi-Wan for his hologram voice); Obi-Wan gets captured

-Dooku interogates Obi-Wan; Obi tells him that he is looking for Sifo Dyas; but Dooku shows no reaction

-Anakin and Padme arrive to rescue Obi; no 3PO and R2 action

-Deleted scene; Anakin and Padme on trial; changed subtitles, they are sentenced to die in the arena, fro trying to abolish these gladiator fights

-Arena scene plays out as usual minus R2, 3PO and Jango’s death (the Reek dies from the impact of the explosion that throws Anakin, Padme and Obi-Wan off its back, instead of being shot by Jango); there won’t be any clones either, we will only see the gunships picking up the survivors

-Library scene with new dialogue, Obi-Wan is trying to find out more about the Kaminoans but the archives prove incomplete

-Hallway scene with new dialogue, Obi-Wan explains that there are no leads regarding Sifo Dyas and tells Yoda and Mace what Dooku told him about Sidious

-Padme arrives on coruscant, first assassination attempt, Padme addresses the senate

-Padme meets Yoda and Mace at Palpatine’s office, Mace suggest that disgruntled slavers are behind the assassination attempt and Palpatine asks the Jedi to protect Amidala

-Anakin and Obi elevator scene minus the haven’t seen her in ten years line

-Heavily edited Fireplace scene (background replacement, heavily trimmed dialogue)

-Zam sends the assassination droid on its way, Obi-Wan arrives at the apartment (cut some dialogue, to make Anakin less creepy), New dialogue between Anakin and Obi-Wan
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qGjqTuUfP5uX6soZAY5sENl_BazjQFnK/view?usp=sharing

-Speeder chase without the flames and Anakin disables Zam’s speeder with his lightsaber

-Night club, council scene, Obi-Wan meets Dex to find out more about the Dart

-Padme prepares to depart from coruscant (new dialogue)
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1g30FKS5UM5zWfP647kFQndvR2sMeAk9J/view?usp=sharing

-Obi-Wan asks Yoda for help to find his lost planet, Padme and Anakin leave coruscant, Obi-Wan leaves coruscant (deleted scene landing platform)

-Anakin and Padme arrive on Naboo and meet the queen (reordered the dialogue to put greater emphasis on the threat of a civil war rather than Nute Gunray still being around), New senate scene: Jar Jar is trying to convince the senate to pursue a diplomatic solution, but he is cut off by the delegate of Malastare, who opposes him and causes uproar in the senate, end on a shot of dooku watching the scenery via hologram.

-Obi-Wan enters the orbit around Kamino and is attacked by Jango (dyed Geonosis blue)

-Anakin and Padme meet her parents

-Obi-Wan lands on Kamino after he had been hiding from Jango and talks to the prime minister: Lama Su tells him that the clone army was ordered by Gunray after his defeat on Naboo and that Sifo Dyas approached them to buy this army off them instead. He then assures Obi-Wan that they are still willing to sell to the highest bidder. (Again I’ll be using an AI voice to redo Lama Su’s dialogue)

-Deleted Scene Padme’s bedroom without the terrible dialogue about dead children, Meadow picnic without the terrible dictatorship dialogue (boy, oh boy, I wonder why they don’t have any chemistry in this movie…)
(+I cut the cows)

-Obi-Wan inspects the clones and meets Jango

-Anakin and Padme dinner (replaced the aggressive negotiation joke with this one: Padme: “Love, That was forbidden for a Jedi” Anakin: “Ah, well, we are encouraged to love a lightsaber”)
(+I cut the pear)

-sundown midnight kiss, anakins nightmare (might use some of Bobas flashbacks of the tusken to extend the scene)

-Obi-Wan has a detective moment (borrowed the idea from poorandin), Obi-Wan fights Jango on the landing platform (cut closeups of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber handle to hide continuity error)
(+cut Obi-Wan hanging on the cable for half an eternity, took inspiration from Caleb Gamman)

-Anakin and Padme arrive on Tatooine and meet Watto to find out about Shmi’s whereabouts, Watto tells Anakin that he doesn’t own her anymore because of the enforcement of the anti slavery law, but after Anakin repeats his question he tells them what he knows

-Jango arrives on Geonosis, Separatist meeting (new subtitles referring to the clones, replaced Wat Tambor’s voice with AI, bacause he is given a new line later on)

-Anakin and Padme arrive at the Lars homestead, Anakin speeds off to find his mother, Shmi dies and Anakin kills the tusken, Yoda senses this through the force, Obi-Wan reports to Mace and Yoda about the clones (AI voice)

-garage scene (trimmed Anakins confession to make him seem more rueful and less hateful + removed to be angry line)

-The senators gather in Palpatine’s office to asses the situation, the senator of Malastare proposes a preemptive strike against the separatist, Palpatine is granted emergency powers and creates the GAR, Mace tells Yoda to take what Jedi they have left and go to Geonosis, Shmi’s funeral (3PO says that R2 is carrying a message from Mace Windu, again altered using AI)

-Anakin and Padme leave Tatooine, Obi-Wan watches the troops assemble on Kamino, transition to the Battle on Geonosis

-During the war room scene the Separatist are puzzled about the strength of the republic army and Wat Tambor mentions that large amounts of money have been transferred to the Kaminoan cloning corporation, new subtitles for Poggle expressing his anger at the betrayal of the Kaminoans

-Obi-Wan, Anakin and Yoda fight Dooku

-New montage after the Battle showing dead clones, Jedi, broken droids and ships as well as Boba holding Jango’s helmet (sadly I couldn’t find good footage of dead clones and Jedi, I could have sworn I saw a fan film sometime ago, which I was intending to use for this, but I couldn’t find it)

-Normal ending but without the line about Sidious controlling the senate (used that earlier) and with the scene of Anakin and Palpatine talking in his office (new dialogue, Palpatine congratulates Anakin on becoming a Jedi Knight)
(+restructured the ending, took inspiration from Cathy’s edit of AOTC: first Yoda, Mace, Obi-Wan on coruscant, then Anakin+Padme wedding, then Dooku meeting Sidious, after that Anakin meets Palpatine in his office and we close on the clones assembling under the eyes of the supreme chancellor)

That’s mostly it, but I am sure as hell that I forgot about some minor cuts here and there.

RogueLeader said:

Maybe your new 3PO line could call it the hidden fortress of the Sith.

I like the Kurosawa ester egg.

I’m done with my exams for this semester and I’m going to reward myself by cooking my favorite food.

Add them to the background of all scenes with rey, so that she’s never alone.

I think the inciting incident in ROTS should be that Palpatine tells Anakin that he is Sidious. Ideally during or immediately after the duel with Dooku. It raises so many interesting questions like: “why does he straight up tell Anakin?” “Why was he kept prisoner by dooku” “Why did he allow anakin to kill dooku?” And most importantly it puts Anakin into a position where he has to act, he is out under pressure. Does he tell the Jedi or does he cover for his friend. It also makes the spy plot so much more interesting if anakin already knows Palpatines identity by shifting the focus to Anakin: How will it affect him, which side will he chose?

The way it is the opening is just completely isolated from the rest of movie, no of the events really matter for the rest of the movie, rather they hurt the rest. Like Anakin pointing out how spying on the chancellor is against the Jedi code which feels stupid for him to say as he obviously doesn’t care about the code to begin with. Yet it is a valid point and it adds tension to this awfully slow portion of the plot.

CaptainFaraday said:

I keep thinking about Watto and the chance cube, and how to keep it in a “Qui-Gon frees Shmi” edit. As I figure it, there’s only two moments of dialogue that need to be altered.

When Watto says “red, the boy - blue, his mother,” change it to “red, them both - blue, neither.”

This follows on from “no pod is worth two slaves” and his lecherous “we’ll let fate decide,” and strengthens the following “your friend had better be careful or I’ll end up owning him too,” since (from Watto’s perspective) Qui-Gon now gambled on a whim with very disadvantageous odds.

I wonder if there’s anything in AOTC that might be usable?

Maybe like something like this could work:
W:„No pod is worth two slaves. Not by a long shot.“
Q: „It‘s the fastest ever built“
(Watto thinks)
W: „We‘ll let fate decide. Red, No, blue, yes.“

He says Yes when Qui-Gon shows him the ship („Yes, Yes, Nubien…). I don’t know from the top of my head whether Watto ever says No, but maybe it could be taken from „Not by a long shot“.

Grand Master_ Luke Flywalker said:

I know these lines would be useless for an edit, but just listen to how good this AI Grievous voice sounds. https://fakeyou.com/tts/result/TR:w31g8e0z0yfr8d5gny9r8ds5wtav7 https://fakeyou.com/tts/result/TR:m4hv24rbm167r1b3c8kapzmm5xb1a

The woo-hoo sound is great, you can really hear him suffer 😄

I think Palpatine should be the one to free Anakin’s mother, this would emphasis his importance to Anakin and in my opinion really raise ROTS to another standard. The problem is that Anakin describes him as a friend and mentor and this doesn’t distinguish Palpatine from the Jedi. Palpatine has to have a greater significance to Anakin to justify his decisions.

I am a stupid piece of sh*t. I accidentally deleted the AOTC file I was using for my edit from my iMovie media library and not the copy I had on my desktop. Now my whole edit is basically gone…