NeverarGreat

Ed Slushie said:

This is more of a starting point than a full-fledged idea, but I was thinking that it might have made more sense if the Sith Eternal established themselves as an enemy of the First Order as well as of the Resistance.

One thing that’s always bothered me about TLJ is how its ending doesn’t really lend itself well to being “Part 2 of 3” because of the fact that all of the remaining conflict can be resolved by one event - Kylo being redeemed. Luke says “the war is just beginning” and Rey says they’re going to “build a rebellion” but I feel like if I were seeking to overthrow a regime run by someone whom I knew personally, whom I had a means of communicating with, and who didn’t 100% believe in what he was doing, then I’d probably put all my resources in persuading him to my side and having a peaceful transition of power. The movie may have shown him doing some terrible things, but it never really convinced me that turning him to the Light Side would be hard enough to justify waging a bloody war instead. So it occurred to me - in order for the movie to redeem Ben while keeping him in power (which is presumably, something we’d want to see because of how much “Supreme Leader Kylo” was built up in the Last Jedi), the Resistance and First Order would have to team up against a common enemy. Kylo could spend most of the movie doing the right things for the wrong reasons, and his return to the light could be more smooth and gradual.

What do you think?

I agree, and that’s sort of what my rewrite is about - the Resistance’s plan in Act 1 is to capture and turn Kylo Ren. I don’t think that a dramatically new threat is warranted in the third movie, so they are just up against Hux as the new Supreme Leader who is allied with Thrawn, who gives the First Order some much needed competence.

My first draft of the idea on this forum had Kylo turn at the end of Act 1, but the more I thought about it the more it felt too abrupt, as you say. The second draft has him only begin to turn at the end of Act 1, and all of Act 2 is him realizing that his goal - destroying the Jedi and the Sith - has been undermined by Snoke’s sinister plot throughout the trilogy to become a new Sith spirit through Kylo. Act 3 will have him turn fully against evil while still holding to his conviction that the Jedi and the Sith, as they have been known, must die so that the cycle of conflict can end.

Rodney-2187 said:

Is Revenge of the Sith any good? It’s as good or as bad as any other Star Wars movie.

Sure the movies all have flaws, but there’s gotta be a bounds of reason here, right? Why even have a discussion if AOTC or the 2003 Clone Wars movie is on the same level as SW or ESB?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHowJ7ULNfo

The most epic duel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdyXKJ8NcNI&feature=youtu.be

Deeply saddened that you’re moving on, oojason, you’ve been a great moderator and voice on these forums.

I had no idea that the attacks you’ve received have gone so far, it’s absolutely disgusting behavior.

“Somehow, Hal’s computer returned.”

Absolutely. I’d say that the final entry should have been primarily about the First Order losing power from within, as their kidnapped troops were won over by the actions of Finn and Rose. That TROS casually murders these troops offscreen in the final scenes of the movie is the dagger in the back of the entire sequel trilogy.

I wonder how much that has to do with being a beneficiary of the Clone Wars tv show, where it was largely able to resuscitate the characters and provide a more compelling war narrative than the movies.

Anakin Starkiller said:

I feel the other shot better rhymes with TPM and ANH and just feels more Star Warsy…or at least it would be those things if it weren’t moving! I really want to end on a static version of that shot because it just looks wrong when the iris to credits happens on a pan, but I don’t see any way to remedy it here.

Your version just cuts from space to space so it looks really weird.

I had used the same starfield so that the cut would be invisible, but I can accept that it would seem weird since that ‘invisible cut’ has never happened in Star Wars before.

However, ESB used a cut from space (with ships) to space and in my eyes that looks a lot weirder since there’s still an iris out between starfields.

It has three scenes that don’t suck though - The Invisible Hand crash landing, Padme’s Ruminations, and Order 66. Padme’s Ruminations is one of the best scenes in Star Wars, period.

But yes, the rest can take a running jump.

Yeah, I couldn’t get it to work with that group shot and also ended it with the Falcon to Hyperspace. Here’s the end of that edit btw:

https://vimeo.com/351538137

Password: fanedit

StarkillerAG said:

Dude, whataboutism ain’t gonna help your case. AOTC was a fluke because of the Spider-Man movie coming out at the same time, and the OT fit the same box office pattern that the sequels did. TROS made 1 billion dollars at the box office, that’s pretty damn good to me.

Comparing box office totals as a judge of audience interest isn’t whataboutism, it actually has a fair amount of bearing on the argument. And the OT doesn’t really fit the sequel box office pattern domestically, since TROS made less than TLJ domestically while ROTJ made more than ESB with the same metric. Comparing worldwide gross and the pattern isn’t really there however. The takeaway from that seems to be that 4, 5, 1, and 7 all did extremely well compared to their sequels, telling me that the only trilogy starter that wasn’t a disappointment was the original. TFA and TPM both depressed turnout for their sequels. Only TLJ seems to have unequivocally depressed the turnout of the final installment, since the domestic numbers for ROTJ were actually better than ESB and there are as you said extenuating circumstances in the case of AOTC.

Finally, every saga movie made over a billion dollars worldwide, accounting for inflation. The shocking thing is that TROS only barely made it.

On my latest rewatch of the trilogy, both Star Wars and Empire felt timeless. Jedi, however, felt like a movie constrained to its time.

That said, Jedi towers above every subsequent entry.

Let’s be honest, the man writes short stories in song form and I had to draw the line somewhere.

But if you wish, you may of course continue. 😃

Weird Al: The Jackson Park Express

[Verse 1]
Tuesday morning, 8:15
I was riding to work on the
Jackson Park Express
Seemed like any other day
Then my whole world changed
In a way I never could have guessed
Cause she walked in
Took the seat right across the aisle
I knew we had a special connection
The second I saw her smile

She smiled as if to say
“Hello, Haven’t seen you on this bus before”
I gave her a look that said
“Huh, Life is funny, you never know what’s in store
By the way, your hair is beautiful
I bet it smells like raisins”

She looked at me in a way that asked
“Did you have a nose job or something?
I’m only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better
Than the rest of your face”
I arched my eyebrow, ever so slightly
Which was my way of asking
“Do you want my old Hewlett-Packard printer?
It still works, Kinda
And I got a bunch of ink cartridges left”

Then, she let out a long sigh
Which, I took to mean, “Uh
Mama, What is that deodorant you’re wearing?
It’s intoxicating
Why don’t we drive out to the country sometime?
And collect deer ticks in a zip-lock baggie”, Oh yeah

I gave her a penetrating stare
Which could only mean
“You are my answer, my answer to everything
Which is why, I’ll probably do very poorly
On the written part of my driver’s test”

[Chorus]
Yes, It all happened
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

[Verse 2]
I knew she was starting to fall for me
Cause she crinkled her nose, which unmistakably meant
“Baby, lets wear each other’s clothes
And speak in a thick German accent
And, maybe someday we can own and operate
Our own mobile pet-grooming service”
I couldn’t hold back my feelings
I gave her a look, that said
“I would make any sacrifice for your love
Goat, chicken, whatever
I could never hold you close enough
Let’s have our bodies surgically grafted together
Oh, surgically grafted together”

She picked up her newspaper, and started reading to herself
Which I’m sure, was a way of telling me
“When you’re cold, I will warm you
When you’re shivering, I will hold you
When you’re nauseous, I will give you Pepto-Bismol every hour
For as long as the symptoms persist
Oh, I, I never, ever want to see you cry
So, please let me cauterize your tear ducts with an arc welder”
Then, I glanced down, at her shirt, for a second
In a way that clearly implied
“I like your boobs”

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I cleared my throat quietly, and then, I looked away
And I’m sure it was obvious to her, just what I was trying to say
I was trying to say, “Hey
I’d like to make a wall-sized mural out of all the dead skin cells
That you slough off while you sleep at night”
Whoa-o-Oh, “I’d like to rip you wide open
And french-kiss every single one of your internal organs
Oh, I’d like to remove all your skin, and wear your skin, over my own skin
But not in a creepy way”

Then, I’m pretty sure, she looked at me, out of the corner of her good eye
And, though, she never spoke a word, this is exactly what I heard
She was saying, “Oh!
I wanna make out with you, in an abandoned toll-booth, in the middle of a monsoon
I wanna ride dolphins with you, in the moonlight
Until the staff at Sea World kicks us out
I want you inside me, oh, like a tapeworm”

I pointed to the side of my mouth, as a way of indicating
“Hey, I think you got something on the side of your mouth”
She licked the corner of her lips, as if to say
“Here?”, I nodded, implying, “Yeah, you got it”

And, then the bus stopped, at 53rd Street, and she got up suddenly
“Where are you going?”, pleaded my eyes, “Baby, don’t you do this to me
Think of the beautiful children we could have someday
We could school them at home, Raise them up the right way
And protect them from the evils of the world
Like Trigonometry and Prime Numbers, oh no
Baby, please don’t go”

She brushed my leg, as she left the bus
I’m sure that was her way of saying
“I’m sorry this just isn’t working out
You’re suffocating me
I need some space to find out what life’s all about
So, goodbye forever, my love”

And deep inside, I knew she was right
It was time for us both to move on
And though, I never got her number, oh no no
She never bothered to leave her address, oh
But, as long as I live, I’ll never forget
Those precious moments we shared together

[Outro]
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express
On the Jackson Park Express

Weird Al: Albuquerque

[Verse 1]
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait Shop
(You know the place)
Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Aw, big bowl of sauerkraut!
Every single mornin’!
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said, “Hey, mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?”
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said, “It’s good for you!”
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

That’s when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That’s right, a first class one-way ticket

[Chorus]
To Albuquerque!
Albuquerque!

[Verse 2]
Oh yeah
You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It’s okay, they’re clean!

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say, “Who is it?”
No answer
“Who is it?”
There’s no answer
“Who is it?”
They’re not sayin’ anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I’m right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I’m like, “Hey, you can’t have that!
That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me!”
And he’s like, “Tough.”
And I’m like, “Give it!”
And he’s like, “Make me.”
And I’m like, “'kay!”
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes, indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I’ll tell you what it said

It said
"If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again;
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
"If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again;
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.”

[Chorus]
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

[Verse 3]
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says, “Yeah, what do ya want?”
I said, “You got any glazed donuts?”
He said, “No, we’re outta glazed donuts.”
I said, “You got any jelly donuts?”
He said, “No, we’re outta jelly donuts.”
I said, “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?”
He said, “No, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.”
I said, “You got any cinnamon rolls?”
He said, “No, we’re outta cinnamon rolls.”
I said, “You got any apple fritters?”
He said, “No, we’re outta apple fritters.”
I said, “You got any bear claws?”
He said, "Wait a minute, I’ll go check

“No, we’re outta bear claws.”
I said, “Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?”
He says, “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels”
I said, “Okay, I’ll take that.”

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin’ me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin’ through my head
I believe it went a little something like this…

Doh!
Get 'em off me!
Get 'em off me!
No, get 'em off, get 'em off!
Oh, oh God, oh God!
Oh, get 'em off me!
Oh, oh God!

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it, that’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I’ll never forget the first thing she said to me
She said, “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face.”

That’s when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said, “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?”
I said, “Whoa, hold on now, baby, I’m just not ready for that kind of a commitment!”
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that’s just the way things go

[Chorus]
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

[Verse 4]
Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say, “Hey, you want me to help you with that?”
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
“No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.”

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He’s like, “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!”
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname: “Torso-Boy”!
So what’s he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn’t had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like, “Hey, come on, don’tcha get it?”
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, okay
Anyway I, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is:

I
Hate
Sauerkraut!

That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary​
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours
There’s still a little place called

[Outro]
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said, “A” (A)
“L” (L)
“B” (B)
“U” (U)
“…Querque!” (Querque!)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

That we can agree on.

Here’s an idea - Use part of the Kylo prayer scene between the interrogation and the rescue. The reasoning is that during the interrogation, Kylo might have picked up on Poe’s memories of Leia. There could even be some dialogue of her from the deleted scenes: “Poe, if they get to Luke first we don’t have a chance.”

Then just have a couple lines from the prayer scene, keeping the helmet reveal for later: “Forgive me…I feel it…the pull of the light. Show me the power of the darkness.” Then the vision of the Starkiller would be here instead of in the interrogation, along with the First Order theme music making its first appearance.

This would also explain why Kylo felt the need to give Hux the responsibility of going after the droid instead of doing it himself.

RogueLeader said:

Hmm, I don’t think there are enough shots to really make this work. Plus, the additional Rey dialogue doesn’t really sound like it fits into the ambiance of the environment. I understand what is going on based off of your explanation, but I think it wouldn’t be totally clear without that context.

I wonder if you could do a similar thing as you’ve done in a past attempt, where you went from:
Rey’s Intro
Poe Interrogation
Rey Meets BB-8
Finn Rescues Poe

You could try that order again, but have Rey meeting BB-8 occur the next morning, which could be established with some kind of dawn establishing shots and a different color grade.

I continually get excited by this ordering until I remember the reason I don’t use it, which is that introducing Rey without her meeting BB-8 leaves her as an inexplicable presence in the film. That whole sequence of introduction and meeting the droid is close to perfect.

I know I’ve probably suggested this before and you probably had a good reason for this not working. But I wonder if you could just combine Poe’s Interrogation and Finn’s Rescue, and since we’ve removed Kylo’s line, “I leave that to you”, we could now have Ren say, “We have what we need” or “We have what we need from him”. And maybe add some sinister music over that line and Hux’s expression. That way, when it cuts to the stormtrooper entering and say Ren wants the prisoner, it leads the audience to believe Poe is about to be executed.

I’ve tried to connect those scenes but it feels so sudden. Maybe if there was any extra footage of Finn in armor debating about what to do.

That idea is interesting though. It would probably be necessary to have a more explicit threat, maybe having Kylo say “Dispose of him.” or “Terminate the pilot.” The reason is that this makes Poe’s imminent destruction more immediately important than anything else, justifying the next scene not cutting to Rey. “We have what we need” feels like a shorthand for moving attention away from Poe, not toward him.

Also, if the trooper says “Kylo wants the prisoner” we already know something is up. In the original cut this wasn’t an issue because of the intervening scene but here it’s a bit of whiplash. Maybe if Finn said “It’s time” or something a bit more sinister. Or maybe “I’m here for the prisoner.”

dgraham414 said:

For the static shot of inside Reys house having some flickering lights or the light coming in through the door adjust slightly over time would really help that shot

These images are really placeholders, if I were to commit to this route there would be a lot of dynamic effects to make these feel like real shots.

This was years ago, but a friend had some people on speakerphone and they started laughing so hard at some joke that the connection started breaking up. Naturally I turned to him and said “Listen to them, they’re dying Artoo!”

I’ve been chasing that high ever since.

I thought the show and the movie were pretty similar from a story perspective. They’re both very simple, bare bones if you will, with the show having more characters to alleviate this issue. But I don’t think the story is the draw for Dark Crystal, we’re here for the artistry.

I’d sure like to see it!

Sure there’s a big gap, but all events are trending in the direction of the status quo at the beginning of the movie.

It’s rather like going from Attack of the Clones straight into A New Hope. The Republic was becoming an Empire, its armies were being made, Anakin was practically evil by this point, the Jedi were on their way out, etc. Sure, there are questions about how all these things happened, but it’s more interesting to speculate than to fill in all this history with imagination-destroying answers.

All this to say, I would have watched another season. All I’m getting at is maybe there’s a silver lining.

“You have failed, your highness. I am a clone, like my father before me.”

I wasn’t aware that there were any plans for another season, since the cliffhanger set up the events of the film pretty well. It was a fun show to a good movie, but I’m not sad it’s over.