NeverarGreat

I’ve fixed the voice trailing off issue, and I have a potential fix for the jump cut head turn, but I’m drawing a blank at replacing the 180 shot with something else, simply because there’s only two shots in that scene.

I’ve been going back through deleted and BTS material and I can’t find anything remotely about the Starkiller Base hallways. This is weird because I distinctly remember watching someone talk about how they built the Starkiller hallways to be filmable from many directions, but I don’t have any idea where I watched it.

I could extend the last two shots a bit.

Hal 9000 said:

Maybe when he chokes on the word “escape,” add a sneeze a second later.

This is why I keep you around 😉

JEDIT: Maybe I’ll try fixing that word in Audacity

Well the reason I flipped it was because it would just cut from a shot of Kylo to a slightly different shot of Kylo from the same angle. I realize it breaks the 180 degree rule, but that’s really the only thing I could do to put enough footage in the scene to cover the dialogue. Of course I could cut the reversed shot of him turning his head back, but that breaks the continuity of action which is an even more noticeable sin.

The question is whether the idea survives with those shots in that configuration, so if it’s a dealbreaker perhaps not.

I’d be interested in hearing what specifically makes it feel odd. Keep in mind the music and integration of the scene will be changed, but really I’m wondering if the basic premise of the scene works, the dialogue and progression of the shots.

-Mountain establishing shot

-Troops marching down the corridor

“Sir, Phasma’s troops are converging on the prison level, and all sectors are on alert.”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her…” (Distracted by the Force)
“Um, sir?”
“Put every hangar on lockdown! She’s going to steal a ship to escape!”

-Rey runs furtively down the corridor

You’re both wrong. He falls down the shaft with lightning still shooting out of his hands, then on his way down he redirects his lightning hands to act as rocket boosters and launches himself at high speed back up the shaft, exploding out of the throne room ceiling into space like the elevator from Willy Wonka.

Don’t forget what happened to the man who got everything he always wanted. He lived happily ever after.

File this under ‘weird ideas’ but I wanted to see if it was possible to combine both Kylo update scenes into one. The answer: maybe! I think it’s pretty fun, especially the unintentional zolly effect at the end that makes it feel extra intense, and with some effects work may even be a viable scene.

It gets me thinking, of course, whether such a scene could be used in this edit. It would need officer voiceover like before, basic stuff like ‘Sir, Phasma’s troops are converging on the prison level’. I like the idea that Kylo senses Rey’s intentions on the base rather than his father many miles away, but it would require some other scene where he goes after the Falcon. With repurposed Stormtrooper dialogue in the other update scene, they could say something direct like ‘Sir, the Falcon has been found in the mountains above the base.’ without Kylo responding at all, or just his quiet ‘Han Solo’. This would send him off for his scene on the Falcon like before. Having a specific line of dialogue about the Falcon also explains why Kylo goes directly to the Falcon rather than intercepting Han, whom he can apparently sense from miles away in the theatrical cut.

So perhaps the scenes would go:

-Falcon Crash
-Senate Update
-Base Establishing Shot
-Combined Kylo Update
-Rey Roams the Halls
-Trooper Alerts Kylo to the Falcon
-Han and Finn move to the base

One could interpret energy absorption as an ability Vader uses when Han shoots his blaster at him.

And if it only works against Force lightning, the ability to negate another Force ability seems lame, especially since AOTC neutered the ability before it appeared by showing that lightsabers can do the same job just as well.

TPM: Speed
AotC: Lightning Absorption
RotS: Plagueis Deeplore

Ah yes, the ‘possible editing mistake’, the ‘tertiary Force ability from ESB’, and ‘happened offscreen twenty years ago’.

Classics.

Hmm, I wouldn’t want to make her seem even more powerful than the original film implies.

jedi_bendu said:

I’m just surprised you’d make that decision based on a lightsaber spin.

I can’t believe we’re having a discussion about the believability of a spinning lightsaber and it’s not the double-bladed levitating helicopter sword.

Fine ideas! I had placed some chatter in the Rey deleted scene at the end of the film, so it would only be a matter of recording another line to reference Holdo.

And you’re right, nobody was ever chummy with Vader, but did Vader ever discuss his fear about the Force power of his rivals to his underlings? I only ever recall him sending his concerns up the ladder, so to speak, to Tarkin or the Emperor. And no underling would voice their private fears to Vader because he was a genuinely terrifying figure.

I actually see this as an opportunity to reveal the difference between Vader and Kylo. Kylo is the pretender operating in the shadow of Vader, so I imagine people don’t so much fear him as they merely try to avoid him. He’s like an unpredictable, toxic manager who (to take an example from my own ex-boss) flies into a rage when the office printer doesn’t work quite like he wants and he throws it into the dumpster. The farthest we see him go against an underling in this film is when one gives him terrible news and he chokes the poor guy. But he doesn’t actually kill anyone that works for him, unlike Vader.

All this to say, Kylo is already breaking the Vader image by speaking at all about the Force to his underlings. At least if the trooper initiates the subject it would feel like an actual scene and not just another info dump, which we have just had with the Senate Response scene.

Maybe I could change the trooper line to be less familiar, though.

“Sir, all troops are converging on the cell block. But if the rumors about her are true…”
“Sir, all troops are converging on the cell block. Are the rumors about this girl true?”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

Sounds good! I’m trying to shorten the line while keeping all the meaning, so perhaps:

“Sir! Phasma has ordered a lockdown search of the entire cell block. She won’t escape us.”

“Sir, Phasma has ordered her troops to search the prison block until the girl is found.”

“Sir, Phasma’s elite unit has been deployed to the cell block. Are we facing a Jedi, sir?”

This is if I want to cram as much exposition as possible into the scene in order to help justify Finn’s plan. The other option is to go into the personal place that Kylo’s lines imply. Something like this:

“Sir, about the girl. They say that she’s dangerous, that she has powers like yours.”
“She’s just beginning to touch her powers. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

This feels more natural to me, since it frames Kylo’s words as a de-escalation of the trooper’s fears along with a threatening encouragement to do their job. It also speaks more directly to the overall theme of the edit, that of implying a similarity of Force between Kylo and Rey. And keep in mind that the reason this scene was originally cut was due to the perceived escalation of Rey’s power, so any lines would have to reframe this somehow.

All of the sounds at that moment are from the theatrical version.

All good points! Kylo’s line getting cut off when sensing Han sounds fine to me, but several people have identified it as an editing mistake even though I didn’t change it at all for V1. This time I figured he would say his entire line so people don’t get confused.

I did intend the dialogue to be a bit funny, but it could be more mission-oriented.

Since the scene of Rey looking startled comes right before this, perhaps I could place the sound effect of a blast door closing. Then:

“Sir, prison level is on lockdown, and Phasma’s troops are searching every cell. Is she that dangerous?”

This could fix a lot of issues. It separates Phasma from her troops and relocates these forces in a locked-down area, shows that Rey has already escaped this area, gives Finn justification for believing that Phasma’s troops won’t bother them, and gives him a reason to be scared when he finally does attempt to blow up the blast door leading to the prison block.

That’s correct. And I’m sure we can manage to make the line volume work, but no need to worry about that until we have a recording that Eddie is completely happy with.

Focusing now on the surrounding scenes, I have had a bit of a rethink about them. I was never too happy with the Kylo update scene where he says ‘put every hangar on lockdown, she’s going to steal a ship to escape’, because he is immediately distracted by Han’s presence and then in my edit he goes to the Falcon and ignores the lead on Rey. Essentially all of the dialogue in that scene would have to be removed except for his ‘Han Solo’ moment. It is also weird to have a dramatic establishing shot in that scene which would come after another establishing shot of the mountain or of Rey in the halls. Essentially there’s nothing about the first part of the scene that works here.

So I deleted it, and replaced it with another cut scene. I think this has much more promise.

“Sir, I saw the damage to the cell block. Is she really that dangerous?”
“She’s just beginning to touch her power. The longer it takes to find her, the more dangerous she becomes.”

That Kylo update scene was originally cut for several reasons. One, it feels like Kylo oversharing, and two, it increases the stakes in the wrong direction - we should be feeling like the villain is a greater threat at this point, not the hero. Now, however, Kylo’s dialogue is well-motivated and his warning about Rey is really a thinly-veiled threat directed at his underlings. And now that he has no lead on Rey, he is free to pursue the only lead he has, which is Han.

EddieDean said:

Just a couple of thoughts “from the outisde” now, Nev:

In the “one-shot Kyber cannon” scene, I feel like my line needs to be just a fraction earlier, for better lipsync.

(Though I’ll also definitely record new and alternate lines once we’ve compiled a list.)

In the “senate has voted” scene, I think my voice needs to be pulled a little deeper, to better match your “kyber cannon” line tweaks. I’m a little high-pitched by nature and the deeper voice better suits that actor’s face, I reckon.

Also, I’m just wondering if there’s any other reading that might best lipsync to the delivered line.

The original is “The Jakku village was wiped out”, and the most clear lip movements there are “aa-oo-ee-ws-wap”. The letters ‘w’ and ‘p’ have similar movements to ‘m’, ‘n’, ‘b’, and ‘t’, and some of the vowels are similar, so maybe for the part where he’s on screen, the best fit would be “A senate transmission”. (Try voicing it yourself over the muted clip, it matches well.)

“General? A senate transmission. They’ve voted to mobilize the fleet, but are hours from launch.” -perhaps?

Or “General? A senate transmission. The Republic fleet is mobilising, but is still hours away from launch.”?

Both of those variants sound good to me! Though I imagine that for such a brief scene, the more simple the better, and since ‘transmission’ is a difficult word, removing ‘mobilizing’ may help comprehension:

“General? A Senate transmission. They’ve voted to send the fleet, but it is still hours away from launch.”

Here is the latest Senate Response scene with Eddie’s new recording and more sound editing. The First Order officer line has yet to be added.

As far as the flow of the scene, I think it works well. However, it does require the use of the mountain establishing shot which was deleted from Starlight V1 but was not deleted from Restructured. Any attempt to add this deleted scene to Restructured would need to contend with this difficulty, either in cutting directly to Kylo’s update or finding another unused establishing shot.

I could do that.

However, ‘one-shot’ or a variation on that line could refer to the fact that it can’t move and thus can only absorb a single star to be used for one or two attacks.

Perhaps “some kind of single charge Kyber cannon.” would make everyone happy.

Alternatively…perhaps we could play up the fact that this weapon is experimental and unstable:

“An extremely unstable Kyber cannon.”

or

“A massive, unstable Kyber cannon.”

or

“Some kind of unstable Kyber cannon.”

This would not only set up the plan later in the scene based around destabilizing the weapon, but it would explain the First Order’s behavior as well. Only Hux seems eager to use the weapon and his last dialogue in the film practically implies that he expected the weapon to be destroyed. It also explains why Snoke is nowhere near the Starkiller at any point in the film, and why such a weapon isn’t just a power-crept Death Star.

Yeah, Eddie liked that idea because it tied the Illum planet’s history to the weapon, and for casual viewers it’s just some in-universe jargon that won’t matter either way.

I’m still working on the Senate Response scene, but Eddie also provided line variations for the character’s other speaking role in the film. So here it is, hopefully making some more sense of the Starkiller weapon.

While yes, a desert can be striking and beautiful, there is at least a thematic reason why Tatooine is so drab in Star Wars, that being Luke’s angst at his backwater nothing planet.

I’d like to see a desert planet in Star Wars that actually is stunning. Pasaana tries to do this but it isn’t fully there.

That would be awesome! I’ll send you the clip.

There’s another line in this edit that could use replacement, and it appears in the mockup videos. A First Order officer tells Kylo ‘Sir, she was not found in hangar 718, but all troops are on alert.’

For the edit, Rey hasn’t yet entered hangar 718 so I truncated the line to ‘Sir, all troops are on alert.’ However, it still feels a bit strange to have that gap in dialogue, so I thought it might be good to kill two birds with one stone and establish the players of the upcoming scenes:

‘Sir, Phasma is in full command of base security, and all troops are on alert.’

This reminds everyone that Phasma will be important in a few scenes as well as establishing that she would have the clearance to deactivate the shields. An audience member could then guess what Finn is about to do instead of throwing up their hands with an ‘I guess!’ when he does it.

Anyway, it should probably have a different voice actor than Eddie since the scene is so close to the ones he’s already working on. If anyone else wishes to volutneer as tribute, I would be inestimably grateful.

Speaking of audio, the Starkiller destruction sequence has never felt right to me due to the constraints of the music forcing me to delete the ships jumping to Hyperspace. I’ve revamped that entire sequence with a modified musical cue that removes the upbeat section back on D’qar and replaces it with a single ending note. Now the ships jump to Hyperspace on this finale and the scene on D’qar begins with no music whatsoever, better fitting the somber tone of Restructured and Starlight.

I like it!