I didn’t know the hyperspace thing was from ROTJ, the first I heard of it was from the TPM rough draft:
http://fd.noneinc.com/secrethistoryofstarwarscom/secrethistoryofstarwars.com/thebeginning.html
Here’s what I’m thinking in terms of the future dialogue of TR-8R:
Password: fanedit
The janitor bit helps tie in to the subsequent scenes where Finn’s knowledge of the Starkiller becomes important. I wanted to include some dialogue about the Starkiller itself, but I doubt that the Stormtroopers would have divulged any of that info on the battlefield and it was also too awkward to fit into the fight.
Additionally, Finn’s status as a janitor becomes much more of a pejorative and distinction from the other ‘real’ Stormtroopers, which goes a long way towards justifying his willingness to wantonly kill them as he escapes the Finalizer.
Finally, the line about Ren choosing Finn over the judgement of Phasma increases the competence of the rank-and-file members of the First Order since Finn’s defection is no longer on their hands, and it opens up a lot of interesting speculation with regards to the Finn/Kylo dynamic which is one of the most underbaked interactions in the ST.
Why did Ren choose Finn? Maybe the Force guided Ren to make this decision on the eve of their Jakku assault, feeling that Finn would be important in some way. This would be ironic and correct, and even makes sense if Kylo was being unduly influenced by the light side and its mysterious ways. Kylo’s dramatic look at Finn after the villager massacre and his immediate knowledge of Finn’s number heavily implies that Finn is notable to Kylo beyond his status as a stormtrooper, after all. Finally, Kylo’s scream of betrayal at Finn in the Forest has much more significance if Kylo was the one to personally pick Finn for his assignment.
Sure, here it is:
You can of course discuss anything at any time, I’m all ears 😉
Okay, I’m going to talk about the crawl!
I consider myself to be a semi-purist, and I don’t like changing canon too much. Moving the order of events around and providing some additional context for what has happened is great, but major alterations bug me a bit. So with regards to the crawl, I’d like to keep its contents true while shedding light on three main points:
- Luke is missing
- The First Order is a threat
- The Resistance is defending the Republic
Your existing crawl has some great verbiage and does explain some of this, though it needs to be just a little less wordy and a little more in line with canon. So I’d like to propose another version, which takes some of your ideas (which are fantastic, by the way) and merge them with some of mine. This is what I came up with:
https://vimeo.com/370007727
Password: faneditLuke Skywalker has vanished.
In the years since his absence,
the fledgling New Republic has
been threatened by the sinister
IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER,
risen by remnants of the Empire.Lead by a mysterious shadow,
this faction of evil grows quickly,
annihilating all in its
path until Skywalker, the last
Jedi, has been destroyed.Determined to defend the
vulnerable Republic, a small
RESISTANCE is desperate to
find Luke and enlist his help in
defeating this new darkness
spreading across the stars . . . .This crawl addresses the three points made above, and also sheds a little light on some of the unanswered questions about the political state of the galaxy without being overbearing. It explains that the First Order comes from remains of the Empire and is lead by “a mysterious shadow,” which might give some credence to their quick rise to power and military clout. Finally, I want it to be clear that the Resistance is not lead by the Republic, but still vows to defend then — with Luke as a key player in their strategy. Hence why, “This will begin to make things right.”
It also uses some of your great expressions (“spreading across the stars” is awesome) and many of the word choices, albeit in a few other locations in the text, where terms like “sinister” and “shadow” are great too.
Let me know what you think.
Speaking of the crawl, I had a somewhat weird idea for a more substantial change to the galactic table setting, so it would be something to do after v1 is released (if at all):
I have to think a bit more about this.
This change is certainly interesting and does make me curious how it would look if executed correctly. Of course, I’d have to loosen up about my desire to keep things canon here! 😜 But you’re right, it does fix the issue of Leia not warning the Republic of the impending Starkiller attack. However, there may be another way to resolve that, although I had never even thought about that until you just mentioned it. Wondering if a line could simply be thrown in about Hosnian Prime preparing to evacuate or something. I’ll think on this some more.
Sorry about the delayed response.
There is a lot to like here, and your mockup crawl is technically very nice! I agree that there needs to be more about the table setting, but I’ve come to the grudging acceptance that it’s not possible to put it in without making the crawl too wordy and clunky. I’m also constrained by the timing I’ve chosen for this crawl which means the paragraphs need a 4/9/7 line composition. This is why the first two paragraphs in particular are tricky - the first is too short to include much info and the second risks being too wordy off the bat. That’s just the nature of making room for the Episode number and title with the original film music timing.
I’ll continue to think about the crawl, taking your suggestions into consideration. 😃
Apply new color grading to the entire film in general, and a bright, washed-out ‘purgatory’ look for Jakku in particular.
Any progress on the purgatory look? Sounds interesting.
That’s actually completed to my satisfaction, and hasn’t substantially changed since this update on page 26:
https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/The-Force-Awakens-The-Starlight-Project/id/54912/page/26
No, thank you.
Hmm, it’s been a while since the last update. I wish I had more to report, but not much has gotten done on the edit recently save some minor tweaks and sound fixes. The final act of the film is shaping up nicely, which is good because it’s the most involved. There is still a lot of work left to do in Acts 1 and 2, but most of those edits are non-essential.
…a potential upside is that the crawl might not need to be quite as plot heavy.
I don’t mind having some plot elements mentioned in the crawl. This does take place ~30 years after Return of the Jedi, so I feel like at least a few major elements are going to need to be mentioned in it.
Speaking of which, I’d like to discuss the crawl again and some of the content of it… whenever you’re ready to have that discussion. 😃
You can of course discuss anything at any time, I’m all ears 😉
Speaking of the crawl, I had a somewhat weird idea for a more substantial change to the galactic table setting, so it would be something to do after v1 is released (if at all):
Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, a sinister new power has routed the New Republic.
Using a weapon of devastating power, the IMPERIAL FIRST ORDER has destroyed the Republic’s capital world of Hosnia, scattering their mighty fleet and sending the surviving senators into hiding.
As a last act of defiance, the remaining senators have mobilized a covert Resistance to find the missing Jedi and repel the shadow now spreading across the stars…
Having the remaining senators in hiding with a portion of the fleet makes sense of why they are such a small part of the story - they have been beaten before the story begins, and this establishes the threat of the weapon right from the beginning as well.
Poe’s full line ‘He’s familiar with the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian system.’ would be reinstated here, so the planet where the senators are hiding is never named on screen.
The tricky change would be to communicate that the First Order has discovered which world is harboring the Senators. Hux’s first speech to Snoke about the Republic would be cut, and some of it repurposed in the second Snoke scene.
‘…they may have the map already.’
‘GENERAL! Our strategy must must now change. The Resistance must be stopped before they reach Skywalker.’
‘We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance.’
Snoke looks at Hux.
‘We have their location. We tracked their ship to the Republic. Without their friends to protect them the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.’
‘Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.’
This would imply that Kor Sella has inadvertently and unknowingly started a ticking clock for the Republic. Since I’m planning on re-dubbing the line from the Resistance briefing as well, it could be changed to this:
Leia: ‘The First Order. They’re charging the weapon again.’
Off-screen officer: ‘Do we know the target?’
Leia: ‘No.’
C-3PO: ‘Oh my, this is a catastrophe!’
This would also fix the weird issue from Restructured where Leia doesn’t warn the Republic of the impending Starkiller attack, since in this case the most reasonable explanation for the activation is for the First Order to target a random system in order to force the Resistance to respond and divert resources away from finding Luke. Also, the fact that she doesn’t know the First Order’s plan until the Republic is destroyed really turns the knife by giving her some direct responsibility for this horror.
Somewhat random, but I appreciate how the prominence of the lightsabers is inversely correlated with the quality of the installment.
I’d argue that this is actually a flaw in ANH, and the evidence is in ESB. Part of what makes Luke’s desire to fight Vader so compelling is precisely because he was robbed of this moment in ANH.
So yes, a flaw, but one that ends up working to the trilogy’s benefit overall.
Interesting, I’ll have to put that back in!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjuLcceCm-U
Kylo Reacts makes me smile.
You owe me a new mouse wheel.
Seriously though, fantastic work.
It’s by far my favorite of the official ST posters.
Hello there!
How egalitarian of you.
Yes! Sending Poe, Finn, and Rey together on an adventure is what should have happened from the beginning.
I don’t think Ep 9 feels significantly different than Eps 7 or 8, tonally. The sequel trilogy has been quite Marvely since the beginning, so it’s something I’ve gotten used to. It would actually feel weirder at this point to have something tonally similar to ESB cap off the entire saga.
SomethingStarWarsRelated said:
Hmmm…what’s this?
That’s like, the 5th sequel to that 70’s Star War.
I hope they win.
The issue with that is that Rey’s purpose in the plot doesn’t become clear until after she finds BB-8, and if cut that way I fear it would feel like a non sequitur between the exposition heavy crawl and the village attack. However if Rey finds the droid at the end of her scenes the first day, her part flows naturally into the larger story.
How is it a big budgeted film can’t get Yoda spot on but a dedicated fan can?
Also, TLJ Yoda needs a fun nickname like Creepy Puppet Yoda™ has.
The Lumpy Jowl Yoda™
And this is why Star Wars tends to not do flashbacks.
Maybe if the pan up into the stars was extended/stylized and accompanied by some (non harp 😉) music so it was fairly clear that this wasn’t literally happening overhead at that moment, then the pan back down to BB-8 in a clearly new situation would sell it.
It’s probably the sort of idea which is heavily dependent on execution, but I wanted to gauge if the flashback angle was a bridge too far even in concept.
So here’s an idea that has been bouncing around for a while, and it uses the old false starfield.
Original concept: https://vimeo.com/311822845
Password: fanedit
Previously the best idea for using this opening was to cut from Rey eating dinner to the Finalizer flying overhead, cutting to night in between the two shots or something to that effect.
However with the new images I’ve created of BB-8 sitting outside of Rey’s house at night, a new option becomes available. Rey finds BB-8 and brings the droid home, then BB-8 facilitates the transition to the Finalizer as a flashback. Perhaps BB-8 looks up at the stars and the camera pans up to the moons and the Finalizer, carrying the plot on from there. Cut from Finn being accosted by Phasma to Poe being tortured, then return to the theatrical progression of scenes (Rey arriving in town, Escape of Poe and Finn, Crash landing, etc…). The reversion to the theatrical ordering is a slight downside for me, but a potential upside is that the crawl might not need to be quite as plot heavy. It would need to reference the disappearance of Luke, the rise of the First Order, and the existence of the Resistance, but this could be communicated in two paragraphs with the final paragraph focusing on the plight of planets such as Jakku and the repercussions of the devastating Civil War.
SomethingStarWarsRelated said:
I think what’s slightly jarring is that the camera movement as it is now is not “flowing” with the shot before…if that makes sense. BB8 is moving from left to right, but the next shot has more movement (mostly from 3PO) on the far left (not too mention a large wookie) so your eyes don’t quite know where to look.
Something that might help with that shot is to zoom in slightly (can you center the 3 dudes or add more of Liea?)…and possibly position the frame closer to the bottom, and then have it slowly rise up…maybe even pulling back out a bit…as if it could’ve been an alternate angle filmed with Poe kneeling with and BB8. Am I making sense? 😄
I’ll play with it some more and report back 😃
Concerning the final scenes, it becomes more and more clear that I need to show BB-8’s contribution to the map or else the Resistance looks that much worse for failing to search R2. So I’ve extended the TLJ musical cue to give the map scene more time to breathe. There are also a few small changes to the Luke dream I’m sure you’ll spot:
Password: fanedit
The music transitions are really top notch and the bright dream affect is superb, I personally wouldn’t blur luke at the beginning instead leaving it till the end of the dream so that it remains more subtle.
Would it be better if I were to replace the rocks behind Luke and have him fade in totally independent of the surroundings?