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Neerb

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7-May-2020
Last activity
24-Nov-2020
Posts
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Post
#1342790
Topic
Dom's (Possibly) Useful TROS Edit (WIP)
Time

I don’t think it would be too hard, so long as the audience doesn’t ask how they were able to casually fly into a Star Destroyer hanger.

It’s already bad enough that they do so using the same ship Kylo saw them escape Pasaana in; either Kylo didn’t tell the FO to look for it, which is weird, or they were allowed in as the world’s worst trap and didn’t tell Kylo about it. I guess Hux could have kept that news from getting to Kylo? But now I’m like three layers deep into it.

Idir_hh might have the right idea. The existence of the medallion solves the above issue by saying “it doesn’t matter what model the ship is, there’s a captain aboard.”

Post
#1342765
Topic
Episode IX: A New Order (<em>Alpha version released</em>)
Time

Some thoughts after viewing the Alpha (posting here instead of PM so others who watch it can comment):

  • I don’t like Rey being called “the girl” in the opening crawl. Leia is not called “the woman,” Poe, Finn, and Kylo are not called “the boy,” and three movies into her own series Rey should be taken more seriously than that (though I’m sure you didn’t intentionally mean anything by it).
  • I like the reframing of the opening to be around the Sith Fleet prior to Palpatine’s reveal. I wasn’t sure it would work, but that’s not bad. One thing that needs changing during the Resistance discussion, which shouldn’t be too difficult I think, is Maz’s line. As Rey grabs the books to look up Exogol, Maz says “if we want to stop him, we must find Exogol.” That needs to be changed to “if we want to stop them,” since they’re now talking about a fleet, and not Palpatine or even Kylo.
  • Kylo having the helmet in the meeting doesn’t really work here. For one, having this be Kylo’s first appearance in the movie is odd in general, as the scene’s not really built like a character introduction. Second, he already has the helmet which he dramatically destroyed early in the last movie, and while Hux questions it, this being our first sight of it makes the helmet’s return feel like a weird gag. And third, the very next scene, in your version, has him fighting on a battlefield with no helmet, which makes no sense because the movie just brought attention to the fact that he has one again.
  • The galactic broadcast needs some restructuring, I think. From Palpatine’s smirk, we should cut (not wipe, since this is not really a new scene narratively-speaking) to an establishing shot of the planet Ajan Kloss as the message begins, which then cuts to the characters we know receiving the broadcast. Rose: “Listen… it’s on every frequency.” Then, now clear that this is an in-universe broadcast, we cut (not wipe) to other parts of the galaxy, during which we need to see civilians appearing to listen to the message, and not just zoomed out shots of planets and cities. Then end back on Kloss with our characters again. Also, it’s odd that the characters don’t really react to hearing Palpatine’s voice specifically, but you’ve already repurposed their discussion of Palpatine to be about the fleet, so I’m not quite sure what to do here.
  • The scene where Rey “kills” Chewie is too heavy-handed. We don’t need to see literally baby Rey do the deed and hear “You killed your parents,” which leaves nothing for the audience to think about and distracts from the fact that Chewbacca (who we care about way more than Rey’s parents) may have just been killed. Simply having some small quick cuts to child Rey and the old ship, maybe with some small dark side element (not lightning, we’re about to see that anyway), should be enough to get the audience thinking of the implications, but don’t take focus away from the dramatic scene that’s actually happening in the present.
  • Threepio speaking in a foreign language when Babu is hacking doesn’t really make sense. The whole reason they brought him to Kijimi is because they don’t know the language and need him to translate for them. In this version, the characters never actually hear the information they need, but head off to the correct location anyway.
  • I know the recoloring is a work in progress, but Palpatine’s life force drain is too green, especially if everything else is going to be gray. I get that you want it to be like the magicks from extended universe material, but the fact that Palpatine doesn’t use green in any other scene (in this or any previous movie) just makes it more confusing.
  • Both of Anakin’s ghost appearances seem out of place. I know people really wanted his ghost in this movie and don’t like Palpatine returning after the Chosen One prophecy is completed, but without having spoken with Rey earlier in the movie/series (directly, not just through the voices at the end), his appearance here is not justified by the story. His voiceline of “restore the balance, as I did” is all that’s needed to address the prophecy. If you were going to put multiple Jedi ghosts during the Father-Son Kamehameha, not just Anakin by himself, that would work with what’s happening in the scene, but his ghost shouldn’t appear at all on Tatooine because Rey does not know this person (which is also why I dislike Hayden in RotJ, since he looks nothing at all like the man Luke met).
Post
#1342506
Topic
Dom's (Possibly) Useful TROS Edit (WIP)
Time

I don’t think the Resistance should be referred to as “fledgling” when they’ve been fighting in cold war skirmishes for years, fighting a war proper for a year, and are now about to end said war.

I also still wish Luke’s actions specifically could get a reference at the beginning, again, assuming that can be rectified with later dialog. It’s just baffling to me that TLJ ends with Luke’s heroism becoming inspirational legend that spreads to oppressed worlds, TROS ends with the people of those worlds uniting to save the day, and yet TROS makes no direct connection between the two events, as if the same allies who wouldn’t answer the call at Crait were just waiting specifically for Lando smooth-talk them over.

Post
#1342271
Topic
Dom's (Possibly) Useful TROS Edit (WIP)
Time

Hey Dom, really great stuff so far. I’m definitely keeping an eye on this edit.

Regarding the opening crawl: I totally agree with the need for some sort of hope as reference to Luke at the end of TLJ, and in fact I would prefer a more direct reference (“Inspired by the sacrifice/final act of Luke Skywalker, …”). Either way, however, do you think a new title crawl that references the hope of the galaxy would fit with the rooftop Zorri/Poe scene where Poe claims that the galaxy is still too scared to fight after the battle of Crait?

Also, a potentially odd suggestion after watching the movie again last night… I think D-0 might be improved if he didn’t speak in complete first-person sentences. Examples:

Poe: What, coneface?
D-0: I am D-0.
Poe: Sorry, “D-0.”

becomes

Poe: What, coneface?
D-0: D-0
Poe: Sorry, D-0

or

D-0: I miss her.
Finn: I miss her too.

becomes

D-0: Miss her.
Finn: I miss her too.

I think this would fit better with his general character; he’s timid, stuttering, old and unmaintained, and the least anthropomorphic droid in the cast, so it’s odd to me that he speaks like a person while R2 and BB-8 cannot.