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Montcalm

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Members
Join date
8-Aug-2003
Last activity
29-Sep-2012
Posts
306
Web Site
http://mapledogart.blogspot.ca/

Post History

Post
#295149
Topic
UFOs and Aliens
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/295149/action/topic#295149
Time
Originally posted by: ferris209
Yeah, I think it is incredibly conceited to believe we are the only living species living within this vast expanse known as space. I dunno how confident I am that they have actually visited and influenced us though.

On the risk of sounding like an idiot i think they may have visited us in the past and are still sometime coming our way,we have a few example that some of their tech were retrieved (Roswell Kecksburg etc) a government or military does not threaten people over a stupid weather balloon or Russian probe.
Post
#295125
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/295125/action/topic#295125
Time
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.

He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed By The Sisters of St. Francis. Serves You Right, You Sinner!
Post
#294953
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/294953/action/topic#294953
Time
A young Florida football player was viciously attacked by a pit bull while practicing with a friend in his yard one warm September afternoon. His friend witnessed the bloody attack and quickly inserted the blade of his stick between the dog and its collar. With a snap of his wrist, he broke the dog's neck and saved his friend from certain death.

A local reporter, driving by the field saw what happened and quickly parked and attended to the 2 boys. He immediately began writing a story for the newspaper. Scribbling furiously, he penned, "Local Buccaneers fan saves pal from vicious dog". The young lad who saved his friend commented that he was not a Buccaneers fan. The reporter changed the headline to "Local Dolphins fan saves friend from vicious dog".

The young lad again explained that he was not a Dolphins fan but a fan of the New York Jets. The reporter stared in disbelief at the child hero and after some time, changed the headline to read, "Dirty little Yankee bastard from New York murders beloved family pet."
Post
#293208
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/293208/action/topic#293208
Time
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five
dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from.
The little girl replied: 'Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties."
'OOOOhhhh' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...'
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, 'Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today.'
Post
#293140
Topic
Michael Moore's Sicko
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/293140/action/topic#293140
Time
Originally posted by: vbangle
Originally posted by: C3PX
I'd usually agree with you on that one Sean, but in this case it is Micheal Moore we are talking about, you know, the guy who admits to embellishing the truth for the sake of entertainment and yet still has people hanging on his every word. He is also the guy who accused Charleton Heston (you know, that old actor who use to campaign for M. L. King Jr.) of being a racist... With guys like Moore, you really only have to see one of their films and see how full of crap it is before you can safetly assume they will all be that way.


Yeah exactly....his crappy embellished film "FAHRENHEIT 9/11" was way off.......no wait, was it?


Maybe it was but i liked it when he asked these politicians to send their kids to Iraq,but none of them would ever do it,as JFK said in his speach "Ask not what your country can do for you,ask what you can do for your country" i guess this does not apply to them.
Post
#292991
Topic
Lassiter kills Disney's direct to DVD sequels
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/292991/action/topic#292991
Time
Originally posted by: Sluggo
I was in high school when the Little Mermaid came out, so I got to witness the new era of Disney 'classics' first hand. The new movies were pretty good, but they didn't have the same feel as the old movies I grew up with. This is just a preference of style really. I just liked the old ones better. This is why I never really liked the direct to DVD releases. How could 2002's Cinderella II - Dreams Come True match up with 1949's original? Maybe this is why the Star Wars prequels feel funny to me as well.

Disney's bad move is/was making sequel to stories that never had sequels, "Cinderella 2" "Snow White 2" etc 100% bad choice,it would be equally silly to make a "Titanic 2"
Post
#292401
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/292401/action/topic#292401
Time
Early Retirement
The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and senior enlisted
men. It was decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer or senior enlisted man who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.

Those applying got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Sergeant
Major who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From
the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Marine insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and
instructed the Sergeant Major to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical
officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Sergeant Major calmly replied, "Vietnam".
Post
#292114
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/292114/action/topic#292114
Time
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was
taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy,"
admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms
have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"

"Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the
sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the
cheek, and said, 'Goodnight beautiful,'...And he sat up all night
watching me."
Post
#290595
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/290595/action/topic#290595
Time
Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea - why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it - she'll probably be thrilled."

So that's what Rich did.

The next day at the bar his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said Joe.

"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
Post
#290441
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/290441/action/topic#290441
Time
Tom & Mal went moose hunting every winter without success.

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume,moved into their tent and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, Tom said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Mal shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

Tom says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
Post
#290161
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/290161/action/topic#290161
Time
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day the kids come in and share their stories. “My daddy told me about my uncle Dave,” says one boy. “He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands.”

“What is the moral of that horrible story?” yelps the mortified teacher.

“Stay away from Uncle Dave when he’s drinking.”
Post
#289959
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/289959/action/topic#289959
Time
A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

I don't want to know! the child says, bursting into tears. Promise me you won' tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, dad, the boy sobs. When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny speech'. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really f*ck, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Post
#289601
Topic
star trek XI J.J. Abrams
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/289601/action/topic#289601
Time
Originally posted by: Johnny Ringo
The last star trek film was visually a feast of special effects and pretty much nothing else. Of course they couldn't keep pushing in that direction and expect success but i'm doubtful this course of action [series reboot] is a wise one.

Also a ripoff of at least 2 other Trek movies,Shinzon's hatred toward Picard Khan's hatred toward Kirk Spock's death and ressurection Data's "death and techno ressurection"
Post
#289035
Topic
OT's Joke Box
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/289035/action/topic#289035
Time
NASA and the Navajo
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, it did some astronaut training near a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?” A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. They then took the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the message said, “Watch out for these guys. They have come to steal your land.”
Post
#288920
Topic
OT's Joke Box
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/288920/action/topic#288920
Time
Old Lady In Court
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard
Post
#288891
Topic
OT's Joke Box
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/288891/action/topic#288891
Time
Since the old topic seems to be gone,i'll make a new one.
Hope its alright with the admins/mods.

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Store Manager
Post
#284521
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/284521/action/topic#284521
Time
Brand New Member

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin - in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; .... an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies, ..."Look at this, still in the CRATE!"
Post
#283217
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/283217/action/topic#283217
Time
Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.