If we're talking REVISITED here and all, is there the possibility of having a more epic finale (among other things)? Here are some humble suggestions:
(1) IF this is going to be done, I think I like the idea of the Schwartz ring colors being changed to red and blue may as well be done, though Helmet can have the blue and Lonestar the red (maybe he's a democrat?). Also, while the music is serviceable, play with adding overly dramatic music, whether it's "Duel of the Fates" or not.
(2) make Spaceball 1 even bigger (maybe not replace it, but in scenes like when they tractor beam the princess' space cadillac, her ship is a tiny dot - hell, if there was a way to add a scene where the tractor beam operator is having a hard time locking on because they are so big and she is so small, that could add some laughs)
(3) maybe do a FISTFUL OF YEN and replace the outside shots of Spaceball city with shots of:
- coruscant
- the distance shot of Mos Eisley
- the really bad stock footage shot of Hong Kong as New York from FISTFUL OF YEN
- or take the Death Star from SW, grain it up a lot and add multiple sized versions in said Hong Kong stock footage shot. That way you'd have your parody shot ... but with balls.
(4) I really liked the Druidia Albert Witlock matte - if anything, add birds in the far distance like everyone else does to make things look massive. You know, LOTS of birds (with maybe a plane flying through them, catching on fire and starting to crash, which we don't see (the final crash, that is) because the "cut to the next scene" happens)
(5) I can see the space platform being changed, as that one is a little wonky. Don't know what you could replace it with, but one idea (if someone with the FX know-how helps) is take one of the many platform shots from the SW Prequels, stick a bad matted diner on top of it, add some spaceships from various other films that shouldn't be there and show Eagle 1 flying in (possibly use a clip from somewhere else in SPACEBALLS)
- in fact, if you show the original Enterprise, the real (Space:1999) Eagle 1, etc, would there be a way to rotoscope scenes from STAR TREK TOS, SPACE:1999 and essentially have Commander Koenig and others in the background? Hell, would it be funny to figure out ways of having scenes from said shows (with the backgrounds replaced with the diner) with dialogue that would fit with "waiting for your meal for a long time" and the like?
(6) Yogurt's planet could use some work. I like the idea of seeing thousands of Spaceball troopers combing the desert. I'll have to think about this one..
(7) I could see some altered or added FX with the "they've gone plaid!" scene - such as add some of that video and audio "wormhole effect" to the Spaceball 1 cast when they hit plaid to emphasize their fastness. Maybe even replace the first inside the cockpit view of Spaceball 1 going overhead with an outside one, so we can see Eagle 1 in the lower center of the screen - this would show the plaid trail as something much bigger and more impressive. Also, adding sound FX, close-up of speedometer dials going bug-nuts (from THE ROAD WARRIOR), etc. couldn't hurt - maybe even do a quick rif on 2001, where the plaid trail is two planes, with the occasional still shot of grimaces from Helmet and Sanders (before the part where he says "We're moving too fast! We need to stop!")
- on a side note, all shots inside and outside of spaceship cockpits when going faster than light, don't just show the stars streaking past ala STAR TREK; show them spinning per the original Falcon getaway shot - so from cockpit sideviews, the stars would be streaking and moving backwards, but they would be travelling at a 45% angle upwards or downwards depending on which side of the cockpit we were looking at and the direction (clockwise/ counter-clockwise) of the spin.
- hell, would it be conceivable to make the plaid trail spin too (make the trail more conical as opposed to boxey) or would that be too much ( I would still love to see a mock-up)? If done, it could start out conical (for the initial blast and the outside shot showing SB1 going overhead Eagle 1), then add in the STARGATE "stars coming from the outer edge" shot, then go to the 2001 altered shot (with the 2 plaid planes on top and bottom) with still shots of Dark Helmet and Col. Sanders grimaces, DH says " stop it!" per the line (with added ST:TMP wormhole streakiness) and the rest follows per the movie, with maybe a slightly sped up DH flying into the bulkhead scene... and smoke coming out of his collar when they pick him up.
(8) have druidia/ naboo/ every fighter from every science fiction fighter combat movie scene go out to meet Spaceball 1, so before/ during/ after it transforms, there is actual explosions, fat fighter pilots having problems and getting blown up, etc. to heighten the tension.
(9) replace the PLANET OF THE APES sequence with an altered one with Charlton Heston instead of the 2 Ape-men on horseback (edit the Mega Maid head overtop the Statue of Liberty head, but have the rest of the shot from the original POTA, with Chuck doing his "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! GODDAMN YOU! GODDAMN YOU TO HELL!)
- also, I would cut this scene out from where it is and place it after the credits.
(10) maybe work in the "Jews from Space" fighters into the climactic battle against Mega Maid.
(11) when Dark Helmet hits the gaffer, add some quick grotesqueness or make him explode, followed with a comment from Moranis (taken from another movie and audio altered to sound like Helmet) saying something like "Jesus Christ! .... Please don't sue me!" It would also help to show what would happen if the Schwartz actually made contact (make it more threatening... you know, other than having the power to crush balls)
(11) I don't know... figure out a way to stick in a Daphne Zuniga nude scene (like when Lonestar looks into the window on the cell, cut to the scene in the FLY 2 where she's having sex with Eric Stolz)?
(12) the mirror under the hoverjeep that Dark Helmet is in? I would DEFINITELY keep it.. hell, if it can be done, I would figure out a way where the mirror falls down and you see that the jeep is being carried on top of the shoulders of a bunch of spaceball soldiers. Again, probably impossible to do, but could make for a great gag.
That or add the reflection of the camera crew's feet... remember, this is SPACE BALLS... the more gags the better.
(13) again, don't know how it could be done (other than some good editing and some blending FX), but when Lone Star and Barf arrive on Space Ball City and first go in (also, more beating up sound FX could be used when they get their soldier uniforms), you could add a shot of Lone Star essentially looking down the corridors:
- it starts off with a left-to-right pan of one of the familiar Space Ball corridors, then blends into the left-to-right pan of the Nostromo hallway, then blends into a left-to-right pan of one of the Death Star hallways.. this could go on as long as you wanted.. though keep in mind the FAMILY GUY rule of not to tell a joke: it's all in the timing; make a joke go on TOO long and it becomes annoying (until someone comments on it, then it becomes funny again).
That's all I can think of.. FOR NOW!
