Mike O

Tyrphanax said:

Mike O said:

Tyrphanax said:

Mike O said:

The puns are fun, but this is some seriously scary stuff for me. I’m worried that I might approaching some sort of breakdown.

I was being serious. If it’s seriously scary, you need to talk to someone. We’re all here to back you up, but we can’t provide much more than platitudes over the internet. You gotta take care of yourself and there is no shame in seeing someone who’s been to school for many years to help someone with your issues.

I’m looking into it, but unfortunately it’s a holiday weekend, so it’s going to be a while before anyone is even open. I opened up to my mother, and she’s been appropriately sympathetic and is trying to help as well. But even if we do get someone, who knows if said mental health professional will be compatible with me or even be able to help? I have to work in five minutes, and it’s hard to function this way day-to-day.

I can’t make guarantees, but if you’re really serious about the therapy and are truly tired of your situation, then you’ll be willing to do the work necessary to make progress. It’s not going to be easy or overnight, but it certainly can work.

I know intellectually that I’m going to have to do the heavy lifting, that it takes time and effort, and that it’s hard, but I’m worried that I’m going to look at therapy as some sort of cure-all and be angry after a couple of sessions if I’m not magically better. I just don’t want to think about this anymore. I was never deeply religious enough to be having some sort of theological crisis which has inexplicably manifested itself after reading stupid forum posts. I respect other peoples’ beliefs, and had my own. My parents never rode me about it, my friends never rode me about it, I was able to intellectually compartmentalize it and function perfectly fine. I want my mind back! I want to be able to come home from work and watch a movie or read a book without worrying about the problem of evil. I want to be able to clear off my DVR without constantly obsessing about things that have puzzled philosophers for thousands of years. I want to be able to enjoy my life again. I want to be able to relax. I want to be able to smile. I want to be able to stop thinking about things when I want to.

Just a little background to get this off of my chest: I was brought up Catholic. It gave me an exceptional private school education (extremely pro-science), a strong understanding of morality, and a good sense of community. No, I don’t believe that what I was taught was the only truth. Yes, I believe that an atheist is perfectly capable of being a moral person. I respect other peoples’ beliefs, and as I had my doubts, my beliefs mutated into something a bit more deistic. I look at these many different interpretations of things as a sort of path to spirituality, and thought they I saw my idea of God in beauty and aesthetics. I was fine with this viewpoint. It comforted me and seem a happy intermediary. I guess on some level you could argue that since I found some atheistic arguments more convincing than some theistic ones, I had some sort of cognitive dissonance where I feel like it was some kind of divine punishment for doubt or something, but no one has ever said that to me, so if that’s the case, then it’s something in my unconscious mind.

I don’t sneer at faith and tell people they believe in Santa Claus and magic men and bullshit about zombies and talking snakes. My mother’s faith is all that sustains her sometimes. It gives her hope. It gives her strength. It gives her purpose. I don’t denigrate that. I admire, even envy it. As I stopped going to church quite so regularly, she never rode me about it. No one has ever told me I was going to hell or given me an “accept Christ into your heart” speech or anything. It’s a strong part of my cultural upbringing, but it’s not like I feel isolated in any way. On the contrary, it gave me a strong sense of community.

I definitely don’t go with the Catholic church on some moral or social issues. I’m pretty leftist politically and far from the Church on many issues, and certainly not politically aligned with most of my family. I’m fairly quiet about it, not because I feel persecuted, but because I feel it’s largely personal. I’ve never used my religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs to justify any viewpoints or argue with anyone. One of my best friends is agnostic. He told me that, I shrugged, and we didn’t talk about it anymore. It wasn’t a huge rift in our friendship or anything. Faith comes in many forms, and it isn’t for everybody and is different for everybody. I certainly wouldn’t begrudge a person who saw suffering or had an unimaginable loss or pain in his life for losing faith. I understand that. This was my personal spirituality and theology. If there’s an afterlife, I’ll find out the same way everybody else does, and I certainly don’t believe such an idea is necessary for someone to want to behave morally or make the world a better place. I liked also how the beliefs I grew up with gave me an understanding of a lot of the underpinnings of lots of art, from fun stuff like Supernatural to heavy stuff like Paradise Lost. I was cool with this.

Years ago, I came across various things online about “zombie Jesus, cannibalistic communion,” and all of the usual rhetoric. It was good for me to have doubts, and I was good for me to rethink, even if most involved were assholes. After a certain point, I made a vow to stay far away from this kind of thing, and never click on anything that I knew would lead to religious discussion. I broke this rule a month or two ago on DVD Talk, stumbling into a gigantic, sprawling debate, with a lot of the nastier side of the rhetoric. I cannot emphasize enough how much I believe in freedom of speech and peoples’ rights to say such things, I just wish I hadn’t clicked on it. But I did. And I can’t undo what it did. I followed a few links in it as well (I didn’t participate in any discussion personally), and it led me down the rabbit hole of various atheist websites and YouTube videos.

All of the arguments about these topics have been thoroughly mined, and I’ve heard all of this stuff before. Hell, I heard it all the time on House, Bones, True Detective. I was always able to watch and observe enough intellectual distance to enjoy the shows. Lately, my obsessive compulsive disorder, never previously this bad, has manifested itself as an odd form of scrupulosity, constantly watching atheist-theist debates on YouTube or angry atheist memes or Googling various things I knew would upset me like “God is evil” or “Religion is stupid.” I physically felt Unable to stop myself from looking at these things, know they would upset me further, but also feeling an odd temporary relief from the compulsions. It’s the most masochist thing imaginable.

I’ve had enough. I don’t have a Bible by my bedside, so it’s not like this was ever a big component of my life. It’s manifested itself completely Suddenly, and it’s literally ruining my life. My appetite is destroyed. I can’t watch the programs on my DVR. I’ve tried my usual method for Turning my mind from such things-gaming with audiobooks-but it won’t help. I can’t stop. I can’t escape. It’s consuming my mind. Customers at work are starting to comment on how I look or that I seems sick or don’t talk as much as I used to.

I have real-world problems: a job that makes me unhappy, sexual dissatisfaction, personal feelings about my place in life. These seem far more worth worrying about that what I’ve describe above. What I’ve talked about is worth thinking about, but it’s not worth allowing it destroy my life and occupy every moment. I love film. I want to watch movies again. I want to be able to wake up and not fear the day, do my job and not feel like my mind is being eaten.

When I opened up to my mother about this, she was unexpectedly kind and sympathetic. Now that the holiday weekend is over, she’s looking for a therapist for me. She’s loving. My father is loving. My family is loving. I have a middle class home where I live in comfort (And air-conditioning!). Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I make it stop? I feel like my head will explode. I can’t feel better. I can’t fix it. God, it’s horrible.

EDIT: I finally got a day off work and slept in until 2:00. More compulsions. It’s getting worse. It’s getting harder. My parents are both shrink-hunting for me. I wish I could take a pill and just sleep. I wouldn’t have to think if I was still asleep. This is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Chewtobacca said:

Mike O, do you at least have a friend to whom you can talk about your problems?

EDIT: I mean a real-world friend, not someone online. Tyrphanax is right that we all support you but that there’s only so much that we can do.

Not many. A couple, and my family.

Lately not much…

Tyrphanax said:

Mike O said:

The puns are fun, but this is some seriously scary stuff for me. I’m worried that I might approaching some sort of breakdown.

I was being serious. If it’s seriously scary, you need to talk to someone. We’re all here to back you up, but we can’t provide much more than platitudes over the internet. You gotta take care of yourself and there is no shame in seeing someone who’s been to school for many years to help someone with your issues.

I’m looking into it, but unfortunately it’s a holiday weekend, so it’s going to be a while before anyone is even open. I opened up to my mother, and she’s been appropriately sympathetic and is trying to help as well. But even if we do get someone, who knows if said mental health professional will be compatible with me or even be able to help? I have to work in five minutes, and it’s hard to function this way day-to-day.

The puns are fun, but this is some seriously scary stuff for me. I’m worried that I might approaching some sort of breakdown.

I feel like I’m stuck inside my own head…

Tyrphanax said:

TV’s Frink said:

Mike O said:

I need a shrink, but I don’t think that a shrink will be able to help me with the meaning of life.

You won’t know for sure until you try. It can’t hurt to try it and it sounds like you need it.

Word. Therapy is cool and everyone should do it.

My brother had crippling OCD and has gone from not eating at all to functioning very well in life and society (better than myself, really). You can’t cure it, sure, but you can learn to manage it.

I just want this buzzing hornets nest in my fucking head to go away! I want intellectual equilibrium back! I want to think about fucking something else!!. Yes, philosophical and theological questions are important, but I don’t need to be obsessed with them every goddamn minute of every goddamn day! Fucking hell,I had a Redbox disc for days, but was too busy burying myself in my gaming and audio, desperate to get my mind free from this. God in Heaven, why was I obsessively watching videos I KNEW would fucking upset me?! Why couldn’t I watching videos that actually make me feel happy? It’s like my brain has turned against me! Fucking. ENOUGH!! God, I just want my mind back!

Sorry.

The crisis I mentioned a few pages back intermingled with my OCD and man alive, I got ugly. My panic attacks worsened, I repeatedly indulged compulsions to look at things which I knew would upset me (but perversely made me feel briefly better, a sort of weird masochism), and culminated in a giant discussion I found somewhere I can’t even remember about free will vs. God’s omnipotence. You know, I have nuts and bolts problems in my life: a job I’m not satisfied with, sexual dissatisfaction, anxiety and depression, and lots of other things. I really don’t be to be having fucking panic attacks about fucking cosmological problems, but here I am. I need a shrink, but I don’t think that a shrink will be able to help me with the meaning of life. I work retail, and it’s a holiday this weekend, and this actually started to interfere with my work today, or at least almost. I was able to keep it under control, but just barely. I want to cry. I have to get up early this weekend, something hard for me at the best of times. And now it feels like my brain is like a car in freewheel with the clutch out, and I’m not sure if this is repairable. This is just fucking hell.

The thread of doom that caused my whole anxiety crisis reactivated and got nastier. Why did I click on it, you might ask, when I knew it would upset me and had been the cause of so much trouble before? That is an excellent question that I wish I knew the answer. God, I’m tired of this.

Though I feel like a bit of an asshole when the above-mentioned problems seem like actual problems, and I’m whining about this. Sorry. Just wanted to vent a little.

joefavs said:

Can someone quickly direct me to the part where the idea that they’re waiting until next year’s 40th anniversary is closer to make a statement was debunked? Until then, “It’s been four years” carries no weight at all for me.

A) But I don’t want to wait that long!!
B) Yeah, it’s nice to think that they are, but there really isn’t much evidence.
C) Well, one would think that if they were going to, they’d at least have said something.

Tyrphanax said:

TV’s Frink said:

Frank your Majesty said:

This is a very bold claim.

To state our allegations, may I present Frank your Majesty, who speaks on our behalf.

Posts of the year.

Wait!

TV’s Frink said:

HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?!?!

New contender.

This thread is a hoot.

As for the topic: For what it’s worth, Density is correct. Why drop the restoration now? Before now they were hyping up TFA, intentionally starving us so that we would be ravenous when the film came out. Now we’re in the afterglow of TFA, which was a huge success financially. We’re all recovering, and with Rogue One on the horizon that has to be good enough to show that they can do a good Star Wars movie without the main cast, and Episode VIII is even further away. There’s no anniversary event soon, or any sort of big announcement about the franchise coming up, so why drop them now? Why not wait until 40 years of Star Wars? Or after Episode IX? Why say “Yeah we’re working on it for some day” and get people hyped up now when it’s still years away, only so the hype can die off? It doesn’t make marketing sense.

If they’re going to do it, they’re going to do it when it will make them the most money. They have teams of people dedicated to figuring out when that is. This is something you drop as a bombshell at the close of your press conference, not something you tell some “opinion blogger” at the Washington Post website in the middle of the Star Wars refractory period.

It’s fun to think about, but getting no information about it is almost worse.

Handman said:

moviefreakedmind said:

Mike O said:

The weight of the the available evidence suggests that his thesis is sound.

What evidence?

I think that’s his point. We really don’t know anything for sure until an official statement is made. So far, we have nothing but 4 years of silence.

Which could be an even worse answer in and of itself.

doubleofive said:

crissrudd4554 said:

I said it before I’ll say it again. Unless someone official with Lucasfilm and/or Disney (no not ‘someone familiar on the subject’) confirms or disconfirms the release of the OUT, only then will I ‘let it go’.

<insert image of Elsa from Frozen singing “Let It Go”>

She technically works for Disney.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSgJeVwjnpc

moviefreakedmind said:

Alderaan said:

imperialscum said:

One way or another, putting hope on the “profit” is delusional. As I already said, LF is making billions with each new film. Several millions of profits from potential release of theatrical versions is not even worth a consideration (profit-wise).

You guys can think whatever you want, but money is not the reason the OOT has been nixed. It has nothing to do with the distribution rights, either. The sole reason Disney has no plans to restore the OOT is because George Lucas doesn’t want it to happen. Kathleen Kennedy and his minions still run Lucasfilm. Lucas himself is the largest single living shareholder of Disney stock. It’s not going to happen as long as he is alive.

It’s been 4 years already. Let it go.

Worst comment nominee right here. I didn’t know you worked for Lucasfilm.

The weight of the the available evidence suggests that his thesis is sound.

Alderaan said:

imperialscum said:

One way or another, putting hope on the “profit” is delusional. As I already said, LF is making billions with each new film. Several millions of profits from potential release of theatrical versions is not even worth a consideration (profit-wise).

You guys can think whatever you want, but money is not the reason the OOT has been nixed. It has nothing to do with the distribution rights, either. The sole reason Disney has no plans to restore the OOT is because George Lucas doesn’t want it to happen. Kathleen Kennedy and his minions still run Lucasfilm. Lucas himself is the largest single living shareholder of Disney stock. It’s not going to happen as long as he is alive.

It’s been 4 years already. Let it go.

Bye bye Mr. Hope! Bye bye! It was sure nice to have you for a little while before I realized you were a liar!

Wazzles said:

TV’s Frink said:

http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Greedo-Han-shot-first/id/49755

It is somewhat relevant here too, since the actor is saying he’s like to see the original versions.

I’d like a million dollars, a job that doesn’t make me beg for death, a gorgeous girlfriend. “Want” doesn’t amount to much.

Density said:

Well, “a person familiar with the matter” said it. There goes that. Other people familiar with the matter who have actual names have said the opposite though, of course, so there’s that.

Whom?

I’m going to wish in vain for an announcement of remasters of the originals.

KillerQueen said:

@Mike O, I read your post, most recent post, I’m not sure if you’ve posted more on this thread but the post I did read, I felt like this needed to be said.

I can’t tell you how much I can relate to how you are feeling. I see a lot of myself in your words and although it probably doesn’t help all that much, know that you are NOT alone in feeling this way. I’m going through a somewhat similar situation and I can’t tell you how much I’m sick of feeling this way and that I feel like what I’m going through can’t even remotely compare to pretty much any other person’s problems.

For years and years, I avoided this kind of stuff for precisely this reason. As a firm believer in free speech, I always did (and do) stand by people’s rights to say these things and discuss them. It’s important and necessary. I was brought up Catholic, buy my parents and my Catholic school teachers were never pontificating that AIDS was God’s punishment for homosexuals or that the Earth was created in seven days or any such nonsense. My parents were very loving, they and my education were pro-science (Science classes at my schools were a bitch, and my mother always had me at therapists and doctors if need be, never trying to pray problems away.). I definitely came to disagree with some of their social views and politics, but I appreciated the moral grounding and exceptional education that it gave me. It’s a big thing in my family, and I’m OK with it and haven’t really been ridden about it by anyone. I’ve mostly had a very live-and-let-live policy towards it. I still broadly think of myself as Catholic, and appreciate the understanding it gave me of a lot of things, even though I don’t stand behind the church on many of their issues. It’s precisely why I avoided all of this kind of talk for years and years. Why I wandered into the off-topic section and into something I always swore I would avoid, I still don’t know. But it didn’t end well

I see that you are very much worried about your friend because they are going through a really tough time. Dealing with a suicide is one of the most difficult things one can go through because often we feel as if we could of done something. All you can do for your friend is to be there if they need someone to listen and assure them that everything will eventually be okay.

I don’t know, there are starving children, people struggling with addiction, it just almost feels selfish to have my rather insignificant problems.

As for you, I want to tell you a few things – You know, you say that you constantly check these threads that upset you and you can’t seem to help it. I struggle with something similar and I know… I know it’s REALLY fucking hard to not give in and you feel compelled to do this. Maybe try this, look at it as “hey it’s been X amount of hours since I’ve looked, I really don’t need to go there” or set it in your mind that you’ll look when you get up and/or before you go to bed. Something like that, to try and control yourself so you don’t get as affected.

I’d actually go Googling stuff that I knew would upset me. I just don’t get why the hell I would be doing this. There’s no rational reason for it. It’s stupid, and all it does is upset me, which I know it will. It’s almost masochistic.

I know, for me personally, I tell myself “You’re not going to do this until bed time” and although I’ve only made that once, I did make it. And the result was still the same. You’re exactly right about it being an obsessive compulsion and it can be managed. Once the obsession is acted upon, I bet for a while you feel some sort of relief from your anxiety but then the pattern starts to repeat itself. That’s how it is for me, anyway.

I have to admit, I do! At least mildly. It’s sort of perverse. Even though I know I’m looking at something I know will upset me, I feel like I’ve at least given in to the weird compulsion that’s drawn me to it. It’s so bizarre that it’s hard to describe.

You mention that you distract yourself with video games, hey me too. I’ve been trying to get back to that myself. Gaming is great to escape reality and mostly harmless. If you ever need someone to game with, I’ll give it a go.

I’m mostly into retro gaming right now, so not much online 😉.

Mainly, I know you’ve heard it a million times and so have I, but I really do think time will likely help with your situation. That, and a commitment to want take control of your emotions. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this and I hope that you find peace.

Hang in there.

It has cooled at little bit over the past few weeks, thought it still flares up from time-to-time, especially since a lot of the topic unavoidably pop up in various places.

Bingowings said:

Mike, I know there are lots of mental health mentoring charities out there. What they would do would train you to help someone else who has a situation a bit like yours. That might seem odd but if you have to contextualise the negative thoughts someone else might be having it will help you with your own thoughts. It’s also been scientifically demonstrated that helping other people has mental health benefits for the person providing the help.

My time for therapy is years and years overdue. But I’ve been through a couple, and didn’t have a ton of luck. I think I kind of secretly romanticize my depression in a perverse way (I know how messed up that sounds), or that I really don’t, or at least didn’t want help.

It’s interesting that your current reflections on your well-being were triggered by a friend talking about their tragic suicide experiences. If suicidal thoughts are something you have experienced yourself I can well understand how that would be a distraction from nuts and bolts of living and I would recommend you talking to a human being about that.

I’m definitely not suicidal, thankfully. But it has made me look at and try to evaluate some things in my life, if it isn’t too late.

If not maybe getting some sort of training to deal with other people in that situation would be of benefit.
We have training of that kind here in Scotland (most work places have a fire warden and a first aider and now they are trying to spread mental health first aid around which I think is a great idea). I know there are similar schemes in Australia and Canada because the scheme I attended shared materials with those projects. It might be worth while looking into similar programmes in your locality using the internet.

Yeah, my extreme sheltering of myself is definitely at the heart of the problem, but I think that like I said, I secretly take comfort in the routine even while complaining about it.

I always recommend rationalise feelings. Feelings are a reaction to something and if you can’t pin down a reason for why you feel a particular set of feelings and deal with that in a practical way it may well be that you have some sort of medical situation which could be fixable and a trip to the doctor might be all that’s needed. Good luck.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

EDIT: Slipped again. Badly. Fuck.

Well, at least we’re getting the director’s cut of II. Hopefully Hunt is right and its testing the waters so we can eventually get remastered versions of the rest, but I’m not holding my breath.

TV’s Frink said:

Neglify said:

Are talking about Bad/Good movies, like “The Room” or “Showgirls”? Or are we just talking about shitty movies that we’re too blind to realize are garbage, like the “Godzilla” reboot or “Signs”?

I liked Signs too. One man’s trash is another man’s decent sci-fi character flick despite some flaws.

If we are talking about Bad/Good movies, there’s already a thread for that.
http://originaltrilogy.com/topic/The-So-Bad-Its-Good-Thread-Unintentional-and-Intentional-Comedy-Both-Allowed/id/12659

The evangelism of Signs is perhaps a little much, and the plot holes are big, but I like the film stylistically: emphatically slow, operatic but small.

I’ve been on Prozac for years. I was doing fairly well until a month or so ago when I opened a thread of Internet religious discussion, something I swore I would never do again, and it was like some kind of weird trigger that set off some kind of mental chain reaction. I have to many nuts-and-bolts problems in my life-I’ve been out of college for many years, and still live with my parents working a dead-end job that makes me miserable because of some sort of inexplicable inertia that has meant that I’ve been stagnant. I’d rather be depressed about that. At least that’s something that realistically merits actual concern in my life as opposed to this nonsense. Like I said, compared to what my friend is going through, this seems particularly petty and selfish of me. I’d just like to be able to stop my brain from freewheeling like sixth-gear car with the clutch out. It’s driving me crazy. It’s up and down though, so hopefully it’ll eventually stay down.

EDIT: I do temporarily feel a bit better after getting this all out. We’ll see how long that’ll last.

EDIT 2: Not very.

My friend approached me today, apparently one of his friends committed suicide. Needless to say, I am sad, sympathetic to him, and very, very worried about him.

Elsewhere, in my own life, the whole theology crisis I was going through has triggered some obsessive behavior and depression of my own for the past several months which have been horrible, and I’m sick and tired of it. I want to return to the intellectual equilibrium I had before this nonsense started, I have enough nuts and bolts real life problems, I don’t need this horseshot. I’m so sick of it. My friend has an actual issue in his life that’s beyond my imagining, and this OCD loop in my head and inexplicable obsession with repeatedly looking at things and returning to threads which I know will only have seriously upsetting effects on me is worsening when it shouldn’t even be an issue at all. I feel like shithead of the year while my friend has real problems, and I’m so sick of this crap. So sick of it. I want it fucking stop. I want my mind back to normal. I have to work tomorrow again. I want to be a normal, functional adult again before my parents start catching onto this. I have real-life problems with an unhappy job, wasted life, and actual problems in my real-world life. If I were stressing about those, maybe this might be more tolerable. I want to cry. I want my head to stop buzzing like a goddamn beehive. No long clicking threads and links I know will bother me would be a good start, but like a relapsing junkie who keeps licking at a scab, I keep going back it. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I go to my audiobooks and video games to distract myself like I used to. The last bout of anxiety eventually stopped, why won’t this one? Why have I been typing this crap until my thumbs get tired on an anonymous message board? Jesus Christ.

Sorry. I do feel slightly better. I’d just like to focus on actual problems like my friend’s instead of this pointless crap in my life. I’m so worried about him.

I’m having a nasty crisis of faith, so I suppose this is oddly appropriate.

DuracellEnergizer said:

I learned to avoid most on-line religious debates a long time ago. Sometimes you get respectful dialogues between the different parties, but most of the time it’s just a bunch of uncouth jackasses tossing insults and strawman arguments back-and-forth.

Well, fucking special. I just went and Googled a whole bunch of stuff about various legal entanglements and lawsuits related to the issue, read a whole bunch of stuff about a lot arguments, and now the buzzing anxiety has returned. Fuck. I feel like a junkie who’s relapsed. God, what’s wrong with me.

Lil Brutto said:

01 Distribution in Italy released Once Upon a Time in the West on BD back in December. I have a copy but haven’t viewed it yet. Not sure if/how it differs from the Paramount BD in terms of PQ. I’ll update this thread once I get a chance to check it out.

Which version of the film does it have? Does it contain the uncut version and the correct end credits music? Does it have lossless English mono?

Running it in compatibility mode for XP or 95\98 has so far made the machine believe that the disc isn’t even in the drive. Odd.

suntech said:

I have searched High and Low but I do not find it. any clue to where it is?

It’s not on Amazon.it or Amazon.fr. If we knew the UPC, we could check eBay. It seems to be the same 01 Distribution who did the Italian release of Duck You Sucker, but damned I can find it. What music is supposed to be in the end credits?