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Jedi Master

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Members
Join date
30-Mar-2003
Last activity
5-Jan-2007
Posts
421

Post History

Post
#74365
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
The Miracle Of Toilet Paper

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks."They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat the husband says,"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"He is still alive and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.
Post
#72917
Topic
Deals to take advantage of...
Time
I buy stuff off of eBay, but I always read the whole page to make sure that particular seller accepts money orders first. I never pay for anything online. That's what I like about Amazon.com as well is that they don't require paypal or any online payment. They let you choose your own method of payment. But as far as eBay goes, it depends on the individual seller.
Post
#72893
Topic
Deals to take advantage of...
Time
Quote

Originally posted by: Bossk
I don't use eBay unless the seller allows for non-PayPal payment methods. I've had so many problems with PayPal that I refuse to use them. Makes it tough sometimes, yes. But better safe than sorry.

Thanks for the search though, JM.

Gundark, I got your DVD. Will send it out soon.


I checked out all four listings from the search and they all accept money orders/ Cashier's checks.
Post
#72785
Topic
Deals to take advantage of...
Time
Quote

Originally posted by: Bossk
Not that I wouldn't mind a Criterion Collection copy of The Silence of the Lambs, but I believe that would unweight the equality of our trading, don't you?

Most of the DVDs I want are more expensive than what I would be sending you.

But one thing I am looking for if you can find for roughly the same price is that Prozzak album. I'm addicted to that song Luke e-mailed me and I want to hear more and can't find it anywhere here in the States. Maybe, since you said they are Canadian, you can find it there and relatively inexpensively. I'll even take a used copy if it's in good shape.


Here are the search results from eBay, BossK. Is that any help?
Post
#72784
Topic
The Next Superman
Time
I hated Hulk the movie, loved The Incredible Hulk the series, and I liked the Daredevil movie. As far as the Batman movies go, I think they ruined the character. One thing that made Batman great in the comic books and in the animated series/movies was the fact that he relied on his own instincts and fighting abilities (and maybe a few things from his utility belt). The only protection his costume provided him was his cape and cowl was flame retardant. In the movies, he's wearing armor, he had to tilt his body back (instead of just his head) to look up. He's in no real danger in the live movies. Also, I think it's obvious what Joel Schumacher's fetish is. Rubber nipples? Get a grip, Joel. Or better yet, get a girl. The 1989 and 1992 movies were decent, don't get me wrong. They just weren't anything great. As for the rest, I was hugely disappointed in them.

Okay, I'm stepping down from the soapbox, now.
Post
#71923
Topic
Harry Potter (spoilers!)
Time
Here's some interesting news from ComingSoon.net

Quote

Rowling Says A Harry Potter Character Will Die
Source: J.K. Rowling
October 8, 2004


"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling said on her official website that one of the characters will not survive the full series of books about the young wizard.

Asked whether she planned to kill off any more characters, Rowling replied, "Yes, sorry." But she refused to identify the character. It is unclear whether the death will occur in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth book in the series due to be published next year.

Rowling has previously said Harry Potter himself will survive until the seventh and final book in the series, but she did not say whether he will reach adulthood. "You have to wait and see whether he survives to be a grown-up," Rowling said in August.

Rowling publicly stated before the publication of her last installment, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," that a major character would die in that book as well, though we won't reveal who here.
Post
#70960
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
Three Women In Mexico

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,"

They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again, they all immediately prostate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Texas, and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
Post
#69974
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
Two Old Guys

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

To which the first old guy says, "Never mind; let's look for yours."
Post
#68019
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Time
Mammograms

I know my memory's fading. I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long I'd totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man. "So...what are you here for?" Talk about a showstopper. Dead silence just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone voice. I thought, "Great..a name to match the idiot." I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the angel of no mercy. Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee , strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?" I'm thinking,"Belinda...try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard, then felt, zap! Complete darkness. "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk" Before I could shout "NO" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the Jaws of Life. After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbefief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps of the mammograph machine....
Post
#65373
Topic
Beautiful Women
Time
Quote

Originally posted by: Luke Skywalker
LOL
you ass nut...

but that was a good burn!!


Why, whatever do you mean? LMAOROTF!!!! I could have put this in the jokes thread, but I thought that would have been way too obvious. I was still skeptical about putting it in this thread, but I guess it worked.

No hard feelings? (chuckle)
Post
#65304
Topic
Beautiful Women
Time
Police Calendar

The all-nude police officer calendar for 2005 comes in an all-male and an all-female version. All Pics show full frontal nudity, for both female and males. Just click on the menu to select which one you want to view. They are available for sale on the site -- the calendars, not the officers.

Click on the site below to view all 12 (24) totally nude police officers.

2005 Calendar