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Jedi Master

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Members
Join date
30-Mar-2003
Last activity
5-Jan-2007
Posts
421

Post History

Post
#126031
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/126031/action/topic#126031
Time
Football Analysis By A Blonde

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was:

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'

Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!"
Post
#125627
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/125627/action/topic#125627
Time
Circle Flies

A cowboy in Montana got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding.

The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in
general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy
feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out
the ticket.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were
buzzing around his head.

The cowboy said, "Having some problem with Circle flies there, are
ya?"

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if
that's what they are. I never heard of Circle flies."

So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies are common on ranches. See,
they're called circle flies because they're almost always found
circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.

Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a
horse's ass?"

The cowboy says, "Oh no, Trooper. I have too much respect for law
enforcement to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to
writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the cowboy says, "Hard to fool them flies
though."
Post
#123112
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/123112/action/topic#123112
Time
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT ... THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
******
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
******
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
******
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
******
Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
******
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
******
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes;
Damn, I'm good at telling lies.
******
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.
******
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
******
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
******
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "go to hell."
******
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Post
#116439
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/116439/action/topic#116439
Time
FUNNY STUFF

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she ! wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....... (You'll love this.)













"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS"
Post
#115798
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/115798/action/topic#115798
Time
Memory

Three sisters ages 72, 74, and 76 lived in a house together. One night the 76-year-old drew a bath. She put her foot in and paused. She yelled down the stairs "was I getting into or out of the bath?"

The 74-year-old yelled back "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She started up the stairs and paused. Then she yelled, "was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 72-year-old sat at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shook her head sadly and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocked on wood for good measure. She then yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Post
#115797
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/115797/action/topic#115797
Time
Face Lift

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the heck and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Post
#114336
Topic
6 DVD Box Set for this November
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/114336/action/topic#114336
Time
Here's the same news from DVDfile.com.

Quote
In the Pipeline

Nerds had better get their pocketbooks ready for a Star Wars dry run: While presumably not the super-duper mega version of the six Star Wars films Lucasfilm promises will arrive in the next few years, November 1 st will bring the release of six different products: Widescreen and full-frame editions of Revenge of the Sith ; widescreen and full-frame Episodes I-III box sets; and widescreen and full-frame Episodes I-VI sets. No word yet on special features or anything, but stay tuned to DVDFile for news as it comes in…

Post
#114015
Topic
Star Wars DVD's Coming This Fall
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/114015/action/topic#114015
Time
Here is an article from TheForce.net that should interest you:

Quote
6 Star Wars DVDs in the Fall

Posted By Joshua on June 5, 2005
According to sources for
ComingSoon.Net, we'll be seeing 6 different Star Wars DVD releases on November 1st of this year. It looks like you can buy the final movie separately, buy the prequels together or buy all six films in a complete set. Whether or not this is the "definitive release" of the complete saga is unknown, but we can sure hope for a pile of new extras. Here's the list we were given:

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (Widescreen) 11/1
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (Full Screen) 11/1
Star Wars Episodes I-III (Widescreen) 11/1
Star Wars Episodes I-III (Full Screen) 11/1
Star Wars Episodes I-VI (Widescreen) 11/1
Star Wars Episodes I-VI (Full Screen) 11/1
Post
#112995
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/112995/action/topic#112995
Time
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN


Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.



Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance.
Post
#102675
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/102675/action/topic#102675
Time
3 Thoughts


(1) Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them.

(2) Our Constitution
"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and hell, we're not using it anymore."

(3) Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.
Post
#102078
Topic
For Transformers Fans
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/102078/action/topic#102078
Time
From what I've read in articles, I don't think they're going to make Sounwave a cassette player, they'll be making him something a little more modern. I would guess that Ravage, Rumble, Laserbeak, and the rest will transform into compact discs instead of cassettes. Personally, I think they should just leave them as what they are, but I won't mind a few changes as long as they aren't too drastic.