Jar Jar Bricks

I think it’s nearly perfect - except I’m going to continue to insist on replacing “warriors” with something else! Lol

I ran it through ChatGPT three times at this point asking for any suggestions and all three times it flagged that word as needing replacement. That could just be random chance, but who knows. And if you’re wondering, it seems to want to replace it with the word “forces”.

Now onto the nitpicking. I’d replace “restore” with “rekindle” only because it paints more vivid imagery. “Restore” probably fits better in place of “reforge” in the first paragraph.

As for saying “darkness” on the first line, I think it’s good to catch people’s attention, but I worry about its accuracy. I’d describe the state of the galaxy more like it’s at a crossroads or twilight. You even state at the bottom that it’s in the process of growing darker. This is why “despair” worked well, albeit it’s less flashy. I’ll think about this one some more to see if there is an alternative.

I’d be careful calling them rebels, it’s best to limit as many similarities to the original trilogy as possible for this film in particular.

Is there any real reason why we couldn’t just call them a militia? Given how important the people coming together is throughout this entire trilogy, it seems fitting. So it would be as follows:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
an underground militia has
sent daring pilots in search
of the last Jedi, sworn to
rekindle the light of hope
to the darkening stars. . . .

EDIT: It may also be lucrative to replace “fragile” with “pacifistic” when describing the New Republic. This way it’s more or a surprise when Hux says that the Republic secretly supports them.

Yeah, I came to realize your point a few hours ago after giving it more thought.

It’s probably the solution that portrays the New Republic in the best light. They don’t have enough resources to go to the Outer Rim, so they secretly authorize a militia to keep a tragedy from happening out there.

That being said, it does seem like Filoni and Disney are really pushing for the angle that there are people in the New Republic who want to deny any escalation of Imperial power. Kinda like how the Ministry of Magic constantly denies that Voldemort has returned in Harry Potter. Many people would prefer to live in a comfortable delusion rather than accept a harsh reality. Granted, they may just be pushing this for Thrawn in particular. Perhaps after the Senators were proven wrong with Thrawn it makes more sense for them to take the threat of the FO more seriously.

TL;DR - I retract my previous comment as the second paragraph of the crawl effectively establishes the need for the Resistance.

losthead said:

Out of curiosity, would it be possible to edit the Hera trial scene to be referring to the Corellia incident? That could allow us to cut Hera and Jacen out of Seatos, but still provide a conclusion for the New Republic arc in the show.

C-3PO could easily be dubbed over with AI.

Honestly, the perfect crawl for me would be as follows:

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn to
rekindle the light of the
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

With the Galactic Senate
in ongoing debate, a brave
RESISTANCE stands firm
against this oppression by
sending pilots in search of
the last Jedi, whose mastery
of the Force could restore
peace and justice to the
darkening stars. . . .

The crawl is the only place to directly explain why the creation of the Resistance was necessary. That’s why I opted to put that in there.

Replace “knowledge” with “mastery” and that’s perfect.

DZ has a good point that it isn’t necessarily warriors that are doing the rising up. The stormtroopers (except Phasma) just do whatever their bosses in the office tell them to do.

EDIT: Perhaps just make it clearer that this is referring to stormtroopers and not some special type of new Sith Warrior. Try: “legions”.

Plus, if you are deadset on using “force” in the crawl I’m fairly certain that it should be capitalized.

Other than those two points I’d say it’s pretty good!

I like your first paragraph a lot, DZ. That first line has actually become pretty iconic for a lot of people because it all fits on one line and is quite shocking and intriguing.

The word “government” is a bit repetitive in the second paragraph. Also unsure of what changes would need to be made to have it all fit neatly.

“distant worlds beyond the reach of the New Republic”- this seems repetitive. You’re saying the same thing twice because they both relate to how far away the worlds are. I’d replace the word “distant” with something else. I recommend “remote” to emphasize these worlds are isolated from other ones, too.

“hero of the legendary force” - I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to say here. Are you talking about the Force? Idk the wording here just seems kinda clunky. I’d focus more on how they perceive Luke since that’s integral to the entire trilogy: “in search of the last Jedi, certain that only his faith can restore peace and justice to the darkening stars.” This is a play on words - they want his hope and optimism but also the faith itself of the Jedi.

Star Wars has always treated space more like a physical medium than what it is in real life.

I like it! Obviously needs the AI lines from Huyang that he was the one who found her. Maybe also consider shortening up her auditory flashback so that the camera doesn’t have to pan over Hera and the ghost.

It seems I need access. But I think removing Hera and all New Republic scenes and keeping them all just a cameo at the beginning and end of the movie is the way to go.

G&G-Fan said:

of_Kaiburr_and_Whills said:

‘Star Wars: De-Incest Edition’

Leia is not Luke’s brother- snip out all the pieces of dialogue that say so.

At the top of my head only includes: Some of the stuff Ghost Obi-Wan tells Luke on Dagobah, some of what Luke says to Leia on Endor, and the baby Leia in Episode III (which I know isn’t OT, but still).

None of this would diminish Leia’s role in any of the films and would remove the incest-y details.

alternatively just remove Luke and Leia kissing (both times).

The first time is understandable because she is clearly just mad at Han and wants him to be jealous.

But the second time comes right after she’s fallen in love with Han PLUS there is literally no reason for her to be doing it. Super weird.

Crazy to think that by the middle of next year I’ll have the (arguably) perfect edits for each of the Skywalker Saga films except Episode 6. Exciting stuff!

After the finale it’s very clear to me that cutting anything related to Anakin would be a mistake. Those scenes are the thematic through line of the entire show.

RogueLeader said:

EDIT: Honestly it does sound better on my phone vs my desktop. I have been listening to the same lines for hours so maybe I’m just a little over-sensitive right now.

That’s the case with most of these AI lines. They sound flawless on a TV speaker from your couch, or the speaker on your phone. But as soon as you put on a nice pair of headphones you can spot a little bit of something if you try hard enough. Not a whole lot to do about that.

Here’s three options for the second Poe line:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/16MvMi0p8ugTPrU2Q_PWrio-ATAJ8jpZ8/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_yQddDcmxYFgzgaTVnqVwWeMvN4Nk3Hd/view?usp=sharing
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TLEaWuH3WnG0aURulMWiKOKTfnmTabic/view?usp=sharing

I prefer the second one there.

DZ brings up a good point. Are we even certain that the Sith wayfinder illustration is from the Jedi texts and not just Luke’s own notes he happened to keep with them?

That would make the most sense seeing as how they are the ancient Jedi texts and should predate the Sith Order by a great deal. And it lines up with Rey’s dialogue in the scene with Leia: “Luke searched for it for a long time. He nearly found it. There are ciphers here I can’t read, but he said to get there you need one of these. A Sith wayfinder.”

Notice how she doesn’t say, “the Jedi said to get there you need one of these.” This was all initiated by Luke. He wrote the ciphers, and ancient Jedi had nothing to do with Sith wayfinders.

What I’m trying to say here is that if we want the ancient Jedi texts themselves to actually be seen and do something for the plot, we need the new illustration. Otherwise, we get a reference to the texts but no visual of them. And, as DZ pointed out, it makes the most sense for Rey to search for answers about her inner darkness in the ancient texts rather than Luke’s private journal.

I removed “has been” at the request of Hal I believe. Or maybe it was somebody else. I can take a look at it tomorrow morning.

If you ask me, I think the main reason for the loss of deleted scenes in most projects is due to the shift toward streaming. Deleted scenes used to be a way to market DVD sales and make more money on the project.

Nowadays, if they were to put those deleted scenes on the extras tab of a streaming service, it would only serve to fuel controversy on what could have been. They have nothing to gain from providing them to us, they only lose. I think the only way we should expect to see them in the future is if a director personally pushes for it.

Which is a shame. Would have loved to see all the deleted scenes for TROS.

Yes, as far as I can tell, the only AI lines from v3 that will be unchanged in v4 are 3PO’s and the masked Kylo Ren ones. The rest have been upgraded in terms of quality by being based on character audio from the film itself and in some cases completely re-written (example: “You are family” instead of “A Jedi needs her weapon.”)

Ah that makes more sense. It’s like the scene of Ant-Man trying to slip through the key hole. But Poe messes it up.

But then couldn’t you make the argument that failing the maneuver results in a lightspeed clip? 😉

So, either way, I think it works.

Yeah, RL should have all of those already. And it would be a shame not to use that wonderful illustration.

All of that being said, I prefer lightspeed “clipping” out of the options!

WitchDR said:

Also after seeing what feels like a conclusion to Hera’s B-plot, I feel most of it can just go. It felt like it accomplished absolutely nothing.

Hera’s plot definitely needs to go. Leia sending Threepio instead of just going there herself reeks of obvious real world complications.

I’m surprised they just didn’t say that she was tied up with some business on some random planet. Instead, it comes across like she doesn’t care enough about Hera to come in person.

We’re changing all of the ones that stick out for v4. Nothing to worry about.

It’s not necessarily the worst idea. I’d recommend trying to play into the whole victimization of Kylo Ren angle:

“They’ve all given up on you. But not me. Find me.”