GLogus

Hi, Smudger. I watched your Ahsoka edit again and on this viewing made extensive notes while doing so. Having finished it for a third time, it is my conviction that there is still a lot that can be cut or modified in order to:

a) remove the remaining farcical elements,
b) improve pacing,
c) heighten tension,
d) enhance gravitas, and
d) provide a shorter runtime.

I believe these are the major issues still present in your edit, and below are sixteen suggestions for improvements you might consider. I apologize if they are long, but I wanted to make sure you understood my rationale for each one.

1. To begin, does the scene with Sabine watching the old hologram recording of Ezra really add much at all? Furthermore, for Ezra to suggest he sees Sabine more as a sister is actually a retcon of Rebels, because Ezra clearly had a crush on Sabine in that series. Also, the shot of her dreaming about Ezra doesn’t appear to add much either. Yes, these shots each establish that Sabine still thinks of him and misses him, but either the viewer has some familiarity with Rebels or they don’t. If they do, they can infer that Ezra was a dear friend that they all still miss. If they don’t, they’re going to be lost anyway because this show doesn’t actually explain much. Simply knowing that the map might lead them to Ezra sets the ball rolling well enough, because we already know Ezra’s significance. We don’t need to be reminded that Sabine loves, nay, sorta likes him.

2. I’d argue the shot where Ahsoka is whining that Sabine can’t be trusted because she took the map is unnecessary. Aside from it being poorly acted, we simply don’t need a whole subplot dedicated to how Ahsoka and Sabine persevered and grew their friendship and overcame their differences. Why? Because there’s nothing actually meaningful, satisfying, nor even logical about the arc of their relationship, nor does it add much if anything to the main story. In fact, if Ahsoka had any doubts about Sabine, they are only reconfirmed by Sabine’s idiotic and irresponsible actions throughout. That Ahsoka learned to pop a Xanax, fold her arms, and giggle whenever Sabine does something stupid is not a satisfying resolution to their rift. In short, I would retain enough to establish that their relationship is strained, but I would scrap the nonsensical relationship arc that the series creators tried to extract from it.

3. Here’s a possible fix to the insultingly ridiculous scene where Ahsoka is fighting off enemy spacecraft with her lightsabers: After their ship is damaged and rendered inoperable, it seems that Shin et al have for whatever reason lost track of them. Instead of having Ahsoka go out to distract them, suggest that she is simply going outside to make repairs (the ship was clearly significantly damaged from the outside). While Sabine tries to make repairs from the inside, Ahsoka works from the outside. Suggest that they are both racing to fix the ship before Shin finds them again. (Obviously you would need to find a way to delay Shin actually finding them using fanediting wizardry.) You could still show Ahsoka stepping out of the ship a her spacesuit thereby explaining the costume change, but you would need to cut away before she ignited her lightsabers. Or I don’t know, maybe you could edit her carrying tools instead of lightsabers (more fanediting wizardry, for sure). Ahsoka succeeds and we show her rushing back inside just as Shin is coming up on them and maybe even fires a couple shots.

4. Most of these are suggested cuts to shave precious seconds off of the final runtime, but I would actually like to suggest you re-integrate Jacen’s initial introduction. Sure, we never get an explanation as to why Hera is recklessly bringing her young child into a dangerous situation (is it take your child to work day?), but at least it won’t be doubly jarring because it’s also the first time we see him. I also think that since he plays a pivotal role in saving Ahsoka’s life, and in doing so reveals that he is force sensitive, we can spend a little more time introducing him. I also have a feeling Jacen will be important to the franchise going forward, and I wouldn’t even be surprised if Ahsoka or Luke trains him. However, please remove his, “Mom, I’ve got a bad feeling…” line. What?! It’s ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about THIS’. Geezus, Disney, can’t you get anything right?

5. Perhaps you could cut Sabine’s line to Thrawn: “I’d rather not waste anymore time, what kind of ride do you have around here.” I mean, he is making a valid point about Sabine gambling the fate of the galaxy on her belief that Ezra is still alive. I just think it gives his line more weight if we linger on it instead of ending with Sabine’s smug (and somewhat annoying) response. He’s right, after all, yet Sabine is never seriously confronted about it by anyone else, nor held to account. At least by leaving her dumbstruck, we can imply that she was deeply shaken by his words, which might even serve to suggest why her later reunion with Ezra is so awkward, or why she was reluctant to be honest with him about how she got there. In other words, I think Sabine should increasingly feel the gravity of her reckless choices as the film progresses.

6. The line where Huyang and Ahsoka are entering the Purgil and Ahsoka reveals that she has no idea where they’re going just comes off as incredibly irresponsible. I suppose we’re supposed to believe Ahsoka is simply trusting in the Force. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t come off as intended. “Well, it’s better than going nowhere.”—Ahsoka’s increasingly zenlike attitude doesn’t just cut through the tension of the third act, it blows it to smithereens. It’s annoying and only ramps up as we near the film’s conclusion. I mean, if Ahsoka’s half-asleep for the second half of the movie, why shouldn’t the viewer be, too? It’s also pretty obvious already where the Purgil are going, making the exchange between the two pointless. Ahsoka needs to lay off the Ambien.

7. Remove the Anakin hologram training session. It doesn’t add anything valuable to the story and is just so mundane. Also, her vision of Anakin in the World between Worlds was pretty special, and I think the hologram recording of Anakin only serves to diminish that moment. One appearance by Hayden Christensen is enough, especially given how great his performance was.

8. Ezra and Sabine’s reunion is so muted and dispassionate that I suggest you cut away at the moment they embrace, intercut some other scene, and then cut back the moment they end their hug. At least then the viewer can IMAGINE a more heartfelt reunion. Disney may be doubling down on the brother/sister dynamic, but even siblings wouldn’t be this lacking in genuine affection given the circumstances. I don’t know how this works in practical terms, but it’s an idea to play around with at least. I also think their banter before the hug heavily detracts from the moment, but removing that might prove too challenging.

9. The scene where Sabine and Ezra are just leisurely riding along also breaks the tension that should be steadily building at this point. -For crying out loud, Sabine even has her feet up!- I’d at least trim the first part where Ezra is recapping everything he missed, and Sabine is needlessly foreshadowing Palpatine’s return in TRoS. This bit of dialogue slows down the pace and doesn’t give the viewer any new or relevant information. Again, either the viewer’s familiar with basic SW lore, or they aren’t. This brief exchange isn’t going to bring them up to speed. Instead, I’d start the scene with Sabine’s line, “I was beginning to think I’d never find you,” because at least that’s relevant to the plot.

10. I’ve already asked for this, but please take out Ahsoka’s giggle when she reunites with Ezra. These moments where Ahsoka is seemingly high out of her mind don’t make for an immersive, engaging viewing experience. I get that Ahsoka is now “Ahsoka the White” since her transformation, but her carefree attitude completely undercuts the tension of the rest of the film, and I would argue it is one of the series’ most significant problems. She should still be stoic like a Jedi on the outside, even if she’s feeling more optimistic on the inside. Nuance is your friend.

11. Trim Morgan’s drawn out initiation scene. Who cares? She’s dead five minutes later anyway. It’s overlong and self-indulgent.

12. Tighten up significantly Ezra rebuilding his lightsaber. It’s only important to establish that Ezra is assembling a new lightsaber to maintain continuity with later scenes. The excessive reminiscing once again cuts through the tension and isn’t appropriate this near to the film’s climax. The scene is also meant as a segue into the following scene, i.e., the resolution between Sabine and Ahsoka. However, I would like to propose something radically different here…

13. Here me out. Have Huyang explain to Ezra Ahsoka’s reservations about Sabine, but just leave it at that (and maybe cut Sabine out of the scene altogether if possible). Then shave a couple of minutes off your edit by removing altogether the following scene where Sabine and Ahsoka make amends. Please, give this one some thought. For one thing, it is yet to be demonstrated that Sabine’s gamble paid off, so Ahsoka has no reason to say that it has. (The show wants to tell us that Sabine did the right thing, or at least NOT the wrong thing, but none of it rings true, because actions have consequences, good or bad, and Sabine is being treated with kid gloves by the show and protected from those consequences.) Furthermore, Ahsoka’s master/apprentice relationship to Anakin is not at all comparable to her relationship with Sabine. In fact, Anakin’s fall to the dark side is a stark reminder of why Ahsoka should indeed have deep reservations about training Sabine. Again, nothing about this resolution rings true. Sabine is never confronted or held accountable, and given the situation they’re in, ‘sorry’ doesn’t quite cut it. Again, I suggest you cut the entire scene and leave matters between them unresolved. I believe it’s far more interesting if that subtle distrust between them persists by the end of the film, especially since they are marooned together on a strange planet for an indefinite amount of time. A less hopeful and harmonious ending for this film would actually be a welcome improvement.

14. I was bugging you earlier about the sounds the zombie troopers make when they reanimate. However, I later realized that the zombie troopers scene isn’t even necessary and can be cut entirely. The revelation that they can reanimate has no significant bearing on the rest of the film as they don’t pose a significant threat in the first place. It’s also beyond preposterous and blatantly derivative of zombie horror flicks, which simply isn’t appropriate for Star Wars, imo.

15. I had argued earlier that you should reintegrate Sabine’s Force push, but now I believe cutting it was the right thing to do. Your alternative is the best of all possible scenarios. It may need more finessing, but I think you have the right idea. I can accept that, earlier, Sabine was able to pull the lightsaber towards herself, because I like the idea of her being a Mandalorian who can sort of wield the Force…but a Jedi she ain’t. (That’s what the series had implied earlier anyway.) I.e., anyone can tap into the Force to some extent, but still, not everyone is fit to be a Jedi. That said, the Force push really strained credulity and felt completely unearned. I’d only add that maybe you could make it less comedic and more badass by removing Ezra’s initial yelp when Sabine propels him forward.

16. Lastly, I would cut Anakin’s Force Ghost appearance at the end of the film. It may be foreshadowing his role in Ahsoka Season 2, but does it really matter? It smacks of pure fan service anyway, and like the training hologram, including it only makes his World between Worlds appearance feel less special. Furthermore, his presence in that moment is reassuring and hopeful, but the conclusion of this film should be hit harder if it was more somber and uncertain. Anakin’s presence only detracts from the reality of their hopeless situation.

Instead of Ahsoka telling Sabine not to worry and that everything will be okay, she should be silent, and her silence should be deafening. After all, everything is NOT actually okay, and even Ahsoka the White is apprehensive about the implications of being stranded on an unfamiliar planet while Thrawn executes his master plan. I’d also remove the part where Ahsoka says she knows Ezra is okay. Faith and hope are only inspiring to the viewer in the face of uncertainty and despair, but Ahsoka is so unfazed by everything that she isn’t even being challenged, making her inaccessible to the viewer. It’s nice that she’s having such a sublime, transcendent experience, but please, bring her back down to earth!

In conclusion, I think this edit needs a greater sense of rising action and heightened stakes. At the same time, the mood needs to descend lower, sinking ever deeper into despair. The good guys lost, after all. They should feel the sting of that loss. The film needs to be shorter, but it also needs to deliver a greater sense of urgency. Ashoka needs to not be so disconnected from the events taking place around her, and Sabine needs to feel the weight of her recklessness—and be afraid. These are strange, uncertain circumstances, after all.

Thanks again for all your wonderful edits, Smudger. I think, given enough tlc, your Ashoka edit will someday shine as brightly as your Mando edits!

Hal 9000 said:

My introduction to Star Wars came around the time of TPM, and before I had my own copy of the OT we would rent them from Blockbuster. On the shelf there was the ‘Faces’ trilogy as well as one labeled ‘Special Edition.’ So I’d rented both versions a time or two before ultimately (my parents) buying a copy of the SE on VHS (the box set with Vader on the box which farts if you close it just right). A while later, I got into this forum and appreciated the preservation of the original versions which turned out to be discarded by the LFL.

So when I play the movies in my head I get a mix of the OOT and SE.

By the time I get to this project a few years ago there are many sources for both versions as well as other fan projects that do all sorts of things visually to the movies. For example, Adywan’s Revisited project which radically overhauls the visuals are very impressive and enjoyable. However, the feel of watching the movie is rather different as well. My personal preference is to retain the overall character of the original filmmaking even if select things the SE updated remain. (If the SE never existed I don’t think I’d feel a need to do this at all, but since I grew up on it, it seems natural to want to make a hybrid personal version.)

So, I wanted to mostly stick with just hybridizing the OOT and SE versions, and that was my guideline. Filmmaking things like small continuity errors or misaligned effects don’t usually bother me. So I tried to thread the needle between the various official versions, guided by my sense of taste. For ANH, I wanted to retain the SE’s improved visuals of certain locations and ships but avoid ugly CGI creatures in the foreground. However, the latter can’t be done fully without sacrificing a sense of cohesion (wondering why so many establishing shots were redone but not the speeder approaching Mos Eisley, for instance). So I tried to strike a balance in that regard. For ESB, I don’t mind most of the SE changes but I removed those that threw off the pacing. I don’t have a lot of love for the SE of ROTJ, so this one leans toward the original version while keeping some of the SE touches. And of course I present both endings because people tend to have strong preferences for them.

I did decide to include a few changes made by fans as well, but only when I felt they were ‘demanded’ by the movies themselves in a way. The hyperspace tunnel in ANH after they escape the Death Star solves a problem since dialogue and the sound design places the scene in hyperspace despite no visual evidence of this.

Then there are fan changes to SE changes. To me if the SE tried something but fell short of what it seems to be trying to do, it makes sense to use fan changes that help it. For instance, Adywan fixing a continuity error about Cloud City’s interior windows which was caused by the SE forgetting to add a window later in a scene where it should still be visible. Or the SE Emperor in ESB being made to look a lot better. (Or me trying to make the Temeura Morrison redub of Boba Fett sound a little more menacing than his '04 DVD recording that sounded literally phoned in with one take.)

Ultimately I’d like the original trilogy to thread the needle between the original filmmaking, noble aspects of the SE, sensible tweaks for continuity with the ever-spreading body of other SW works, and feel ‘right’ to my younger self who was equally familiar with both official versions. Inevitably this cannot be perfect, but that’s why it’s simply my ‘custom special edition’ take which I’d want to have on a shelf alongside the best available presentation of the original versions.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I wanted to know the intent behind this project, and you answered my questions perfectly.

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I feel like there’s a little bit of passive aggressiveness in your response? Did I say something wrong? I mean, sure, maybe I was mistaken that some of that isn’t too ambitious, but that’s because you never made it clear how exactly you’d go about these changes until now. Your initial post didn’t have specifics. Because I genuinely think we are in agreement here, not disagreement. We just have different chosen methods to achieve the same results.

Absolutely not. It was written sincerely for the sake of honest discussion. No offense was intended, nor taken. My last remark was a little self-deprecating, but still written sincerely. That is, you have a fascinating vision for TRoS, but it is not one we share. Thus, I either need to make my own fanedit or find someone who does share my vision. Apologies if I came off as passive aggressive.

Hi, Hal. Would you be willing to share your overarching philosophy as it pertains to this project? What governs your decisions to use the theatrical over the SE, and what guides your choice to introduce your own personal changes?

Jar Jar Bricks said:

Most of those points are simply too ambitious for what resources we have at our disposal. I will say though, for #3, that TLJ is guilty of giving you a certain impression and then doing a 180 on it, as well. Luke is gonna take his lightsaber! Nope, he just threw it away as a joke. Leia just died, oh no! Nope, she can use the Force in space. They found the master code breaker! Nope, they just got tazed. Snoke is such an incredibly powerful big bad! Nope, he got duped and he’s dead. Luke just saved the Resistance in a way where everyone lives! Nope, he’s dead. There’s just as much whiplash; granted, it doesn’t rotate back and forth like it does for Kylo. But there’s nothing we can do about that.

The only one that can be fixed really is Kylo’s independence as a villain, and I think we’ve got that somewhat nailed down at the moment. Palpatine encourages him to take the Sith throne and kill Rey. In original TROS, he, for some reason, wants the Sith throne WITH Rey. This is a complete 180 of his character motivations that we left off with from TLJ.

By having him simply give the same proposal that he gives Rey in TLJ (destroy the Sith and Palps, make something new) it goes a long way for his character. He is actively refusing both of Palpatine’s commands to him. It’s clear that, even if Rey refuses to accompany him to Exegol, he’s still intent on destroying the Sith and commandering their fleet for the First Order. He probably only raises his lightsaber to strike her down on the Death Star wreckage because he’s given her so many opportunities to quit being a Jedi and join him. It’s clear to him that she’s a Jedi at heart and he doesn’t like the Jedi just as much as Palpatine.

EDIT: Also, I’m not sure if you realized this, but your first two points contradict each other. Palpatine cannot be one step ahead of Kylo while Kylo is also outsmarting him as an outstanding villain in his own right. We have to pick one or the other. I prefer that Kylo outsmarted him.

Thank you for your reply. However, I must respectfully disagree. Suggesting that Kylo could credibly match wits with Palpatine strengthens his character rather than weakens it. He was under Snoke’s thumb in TFA and TLJ. It’s a disappointing progression of his character to also see him under Palpatine’s thumb, too (especially after he defeated Smoke). I’d simply remove Palpatine’s lines that suggest he was never an autonomous actor and was essentially being mind-controlled the whole time.

I’m surprised you think my ideas are too ambitious given that, with fanediting, it’s almost always easier to subtract from, rather than add to, any given film. Regarding Palpatine, I simply want to streamline his motivations and provide him with a more intelligible agenda, i.e., he’s luring Kylo and Rey by exploiting Kylo’s fragile ego and Rey’s need for belonging, but what Palpatine really intends all along is to sap the power of their Dyad. That’s a subtractive, not additive, process, because I would argue that all the pieces are already there. As it is Palpatine is presented as being woefully uninformed and not really knowing what he wants, and that is VERY out of character for him.

You seem to have a very clear vision, however, of what you’d like to see. I wish you the best of luck. I will either spam my ideas on another thread or maybe one day I’ll even take up fanediting again. Cheers.

I don’t have much to say other than I’m keeping an eye on this and look forward to watching when it’s done. Your prequel edits are my go-to versions.

I confess I haven’t been following this thread, but I have strong feelings about a TRoS edit.

I think Hal9000’s “Rey Nobody” edit is great and should be the foundation upon which future edits are built. However, there’s still a lot that’s broken about TRoS, so below are ways I would attempt to fix it:

1. First, Hal’s Act 1 & 2 are really strong, but Act 3 is still where it falls apart. Palpatine is a genius and a master manipulator, yet his motivations are completely confusing and nonsensical in TRoS. Act 3 should be streamlined in order to be consistent with this keen intellect as demonstrated in previous films. Quite simply, he should be aware of the Dyad and is merely trying to lure both Rey and Kylo there so he can absorb their powers. He lures Rey through her need for belonging. As it stands, it’s Palpatine who is surprised and caught with his pants down. It should be the opposite so that Palpatine always has the upper hand (until the very end, of course).

2. Second, Kylo needs to be a stronger villain. Kylo’s threat should be maximized because TLJ set him up as the main bad guy of TRoS. The idea from the outset that he was being manipulated all along makes him look weak and pathetic. That Kylo and Palpatine are trying to outplay each other should be obvious, but it shouldn’t be so obvious that Palpatine is winning. Ideally, it would even be best if Kylo and the Knights of Ren played a hand in cloning Palpatine, but that would probably be too ambitious of a change.

3. Lastly, the “whiplash” moments of the film should be diminished or removed, i.e., Chewie’s dead then not, C3PO has his memory wiped then restored, Kylo’s dead…then not…then dead…then not…then finally dead for good. I mean, seriously? Not only does this nonsense make the film feel janky and unsatisfying, it also makes it feel as if there are no real stakes.

Just chiming in to say, please don’t remove the Luke rescue from the end. No good can come of it. The edit is really good as is, so I don’t think anything more than minor tweaks are needed.

Regarding your Mandoverse edits, the only gripe I have is with your BoBF edit. It’s perfect except that the appended Luke training Grogu stuff is too drawn out. It should end with Din delivering the armor but not being allowed to see Grogu. The training montage et al plus Grogu’s choice should be at the beginning of your next episode.

I know you have your reasons for doing it your way, but imho, the flow and structure of a film is paramount, and having that bloated addendum just doesn’t flow.

smudger9 said:

GLogus said:

I just finished watching this edit. I evaluate Star Wars fanedits less in terms of preserving canon and more in terms of simply telling a good story, so I submit my comments with that in mind.

I will start by saying that I was not a huge fan of this series. I thought the first three episodes were mediocre, the next three were pretty strong overall, and that the last two were frankly pretty bad. Through no fault of the faneditor, whose efforts are certainly impressive, this same pattern has translated into the structure of this fanedit.

As per the speeder scene that has already been discussed, I think some of the dialogue between the two pilots and Sabine is a bit too “made for TV”, but otherwise I think the speeder scene is necessary because it’s a good re-introduction to Sabine as a character.

As alluded to earlier, most of my issues come in the third act, largely covering episodes 7 and 8. I have two problems broadly, and then a handful of more specific problems.

First, I think the flow of the third act is just too slow and relaxed. We’re at the part of the movie where we should be building up to the climax, and that sense of tension just isn’t there. This is not helped by the fact that Ahsoka acts as if she’s consumed a bunch of edibles and is so zen now that nothing could possibly faze her. I feel that cutting at least some of the more egregious “I’m too high to care” moments might help retain some of the tension. Ahsoka’s only the worst offender. Sabine and Ezra come across as pretty lackadaisical themselves.

Second, I think the other problem is simply that too much dumb nonsense ends up in the third act. Any sense of tension is again obliterated when the viewer is rolling their eyes at the utter stupidity of what they’re witnessing. The zombie horror element of the undead Night Troopers reanimating, making silly noises, and then being effortlessly defeated again is the worst example, imo, but not the only one.

Despite all the trims, the length of this fanedit is still strongly felt. It loses all of its steam in the third act, and while this is the fault of the series itself and not of the faneditor, I still felt obliged to say something. Smudger is something of a miracle worker in my view, so perhaps something can still be done even though I don’t have much in the way of proposed solutions, having not played around with the source material myself.

As for specific problems, I’ve always hated when Shin force pushes Ezra during their confrontation. She pushes him so hard that it looks like it should’ve killed him, yet he’s completely fine only a moment later. It also makes him like a bit of a doofus.

Lastly, I’ll echo what someone else has said about Sabine’s force push of Ezra. It pains me to say it, because I absolutely think Sabine’s force powers are unearned, but something definitely feels like it’s missing with the way its cut, to the extent that someone unfamiliar with the series is going to be confused. With a heavy heart, I say that Sabine’s force push should probably be reinserted.

On the positive side, I would say the first two thirds are nearly perfect (or as good as they can be given the source material), and I especially like the even-handed approach to trimming the Hera subplot.

Thanks Glogus, your thoughts are always appreciated. There isn’t really anything I can add to your points. As you say, the series was set up for an epic finale which it failed to deliver. I had exactly the same feelings as you when I was editing… how can I speed up the pace of this final act. I cut a lot out of episode seven, removed Thrawn’s tactical withdrawals, got rid of the TIE fighter attack. However, there just isn’t anything compelling left… you can’t polish a turd! A shame really because, in this edited form, 1 love acts 1 and 2. Someone with special effects ability and the willingness to physically shoot scenes, like PixelJoker, may be able to come up with something better!

I agree the length is slightly too long. Annoyingly if it wasn’t for the costume change I could have chopped 5 mins off the Seatos approach by getting rid of the space walk and maybe save a few minutes in the finale.

Re-inserting Sabine’s force push is 2/2, so I’ll pop that back in and run a version 2 along with the other changes discussed above.

Thanks again for the feedback.

I wonder what Skeleton Crew will give us!

Specifically, I do think some of Ahsoka’s overly zen-like reactions can be removed—Like when she reunites with Ezra and giggles like a schoolgirl (I don’t know why, but that just grates on me, lol). Again, she’s acting like she just OD’d on Ambien for the latter half of the series, and it detracts from what what should be rising tension leading to the climax.

I also believe something can be done with the over-the-top zombie troopers, even if it’s just to tone down the ridiculous sound effects.

You are right, however, that you succeeded in elevating the material significantly, and you have a killer Act 1 and 2. Your BoBF edit was nothing short of magic. You elevated that material to legit one of my favorite Star Wars films. I was, frankly speaking, astonished by the potential you brought out in it. But perhaps that potential just isn’t here with Ahsoka.

I just finished watching this edit. I evaluate Star Wars fanedits less in terms of preserving canon and more in terms of simply telling a good story, so I submit my comments with that in mind.

I will start by saying that I was not a huge fan of this series. I thought the first three episodes were mediocre, the next three were pretty strong overall, and that the last two were frankly pretty bad. Through no fault of the faneditor, whose efforts are certainly impressive, this same pattern has translated into the structure of this fanedit.

As per the speeder scene that has already been discussed, I think some of the dialogue between the two pilots and Sabine is a bit too “made for TV”, but otherwise I think the speeder scene is necessary because it’s a good re-introduction to Sabine as a character.

As alluded to earlier, most of my issues come in the third act, largely covering episodes 7 and 8. I have two problems broadly, and then a handful of more specific problems.

First, I think the flow of the third act is just too slow and relaxed. We’re at the part of the movie where we should be building up to the climax, and that sense of tension just isn’t there. This is not helped by the fact that Ahsoka acts as if she’s consumed a bunch of edibles and is so zen now that nothing could possibly faze her. I feel that cutting at least some of the more egregious “I’m too high to care” moments might help retain some of the tension. Ahsoka’s only the worst offender. Sabine and Ezra come across as pretty lackadaisical themselves.

Second, I think the other problem is simply that too much dumb nonsense ends up in the third act. Any sense of tension is again obliterated when the viewer is rolling their eyes at the utter stupidity of what they’re witnessing. The zombie horror element of the undead Night Troopers reanimating, making silly noises, and then being effortlessly defeated again is the worst example, imo, but not the only one.

Despite all the trims, the length of this fanedit is still strongly felt. It loses all of its steam in the third act, and while this is the fault of the series itself and not of the faneditor, I still felt obliged to say something. Smudger is something of a miracle worker in my view, so perhaps something can still be done even though I don’t have much in the way of proposed solutions, having not played around with the source material myself.

As for specific problems, I’ve always hated when Shin force pushes Ezra during their confrontation. She pushes him so hard that it looks like it should’ve killed him, yet he’s completely fine only a moment later. It also makes him like a bit of a doofus.

Lastly, I’ll echo what someone else has said about Sabine’s force push of Ezra. It pains me to say it, because I absolutely think Sabine’s force powers are unearned, but something definitely feels like it’s missing with the way its cut, to the extent that someone unfamiliar with the series is going to be confused. With a heavy heart, I say that Sabine’s force push should probably be reinserted.

On the positive side, I would say the first two thirds are nearly perfect (or as good as they can be given the source material), and I especially like the even-handed approach to trimming the Hera subplot.

I’m only halfway through, but this is fantastic so far! You’ve really got a knack for this.

I’d love a link to the current cut please.

smudger9 said:

kineticsolace said:

would love to check this out!

This is very much a work in progress. I’m 3/4 done with the second cut.

Are you finding that the last two episodes are at all salvageable (gotta admit, I thought they were a let down after a strong middle), or are you strictly working on them in order?

szopman said:

I think “Master and Apprentice” (as it could refer to Anakin and Ahsoka, Ahsoka and Sabine, Baylan and Shin) could be a nice title as well, but probably it doesn’t sound very Star Wars either 😉

So many cool updates on this project, can’t wait to see the final outcome 😉

Take your time and may the force be with you!

It’s a bit generic, but it certainly fits the theme of the show.

smudger9 said:

Half way there with the second cut!

Here is the episode 4 segment. A lot of big and little cuts here… got the episode down to 19mins. Half was point clocking in at 1h 27 so I’m on target!

Let me know your thoughts.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EK1EjzPk0ZkD9x16xAGz4AsQmzrHNnzi

I hate to see so much of Episode 4 go as I think it was the most cinematic of all eight episodes. Episode 5 may have had the member berries, but 4 was the only one that was as good as the franchise deserves.

Besides, all you had to do was remove the shots where Ahsoka is folding her arms and smirking. That would easily get your cut down below 3 hrs.

vranir said:

Have you considered removing all instances of Merrik (the ghost inquisitor)? I wonder if everything might be tighter and the reveal with the reanimated stormtroopers better if he wasn’t in the story.

What if Balaan Skall’s line about the legacy of violence from Anakin and Ahsoka was said right after she throws Shinn? Like he sees the violence and Vader-like action, says that, then a moment later knocks her off the cliff and says that it was always that way with her.

I do also miss the craziness of that hyperscape jump and the X-Wings. I’m not sure if that could be worked back in without getting back into the mediocre New Republic stuff.

Disney is following their own trope of introducing a cool-looking and mysterious character only to have him or her prove completely useless and inconsequential. Having said that, I kinda agree with George Lucas when he says Star Wars is, foremost, a show for 12 year old boys. Marrok is pretty cool looking—like I said, and very Star Wars, and probably something a 12 year old would like (if any 12 year old boys had bothered to watch this). Sure, I wish they would have done more with him, but I’d still hate to see him go.

Although I’m mainly indifferent, I guess I like the idea of cutting the magic exiting his body as he dies because, even though it foreshadows a later part in the story, I think the revelation of the dark magic being used on Storm Troopers hits harder when it hasn’t been alluded to beforehand and comes as a total surprise. Probably not that important of detail either way though.

I tried to view this but couldn’t get into it. This will be a great way to watch, lol.

idir_hh said:

What do you think of leaving out the scenes that have ashoka fighting her way back to paridea, that way you keep the suspense and anticipation of her return, maybe only keeping the shot of her calling to Sabine with the force as confirmation that she has arrived. So you would cut from her jumping to light speed until she comes to save the day pretty much. Which shaves a good bit for faster pacing.

I actually like this. Sadly, it cuts more of Ahsoka out of her own show, but it’s already kinda Sabine’s show anyway.

Fantastic work as usual, Smudger. Episode 3 was one of the weaker episodes, imo, and I found this cut to be far more engaging.

Seamless.

zacharr said:

Just found this edit - sounds like an awesome project!

I don’t know if you’re done with Episode 8 yet / still working on it, but if there’s still a chance, I’d like to throw one thing into consideration that I felt was weak about the finale: Sabine’s force push.

Hear me out: Sabine had been struggling with the force all series, and Huyang even commented that she had the weakest force potential of any jedi student he’s ever seen (and, in 4 seasons of Rebels, we didn’t get any inkling that Sabine could use the force). So it feels like it comes way out of left-field, and really kills the suspension of disbelief. In my opinion, a better pay-off for Sabine’s force is the lightsaber force pull. It’s comparatively more minor, but it has a few really nice thematic tie-ins: (1) her struggle was trying to pull the cup to her, so it’s neat to see that by the end of the show, she finally manages to pull something to her; (2) Luke’s first big force feat (beginning of Episode 5) was pulling a lightsaber, so it’s good symmetry, and the force push just kind of overshadows it; (3) eliminating Sabine’s push gives Ezra the chance to shine, really conveying how good he got in ~8 years on Peridea, with him making a fantastic, near-impossible jump.

I haven’t seen any other fan edit that has removed the force push yet, so I’d be excited to see it.

I agree that pulling the lightsaber was “just right” and that the jump should have been Ezra’s moment completely. I don’t know how feasible it is in terms of a fanedit, but I do agree with you. I suspect there’s an earlier draft of the script somewhere where it’s Ezra giving Sabine the boost and not vice versa, but the powers that be had Filoni change it last minute. For me the key word is discipline. Fans who are more knowledgeable than I will argue "anyone can use the Force,’ but it doesn’t change the fact that Sabine never cultivated the necessary discipline, be it as a Jedi or not, to use the Force that adeptly.

smudger9 said:

So last night I was working on removing Hera and the New Republic from Seatos. Here is a proof of concept for the sequence from Ahsoka being pulled from the water to her departing in the space whale. There will need to be alteration of Huyang’s dialogue and removing the Ghost from a couple of shots. Thoughts?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xTHdvaVItybDqsEHn8_BUZT3ahRPGEqG

In terms of the entire 17 min clip, I think in general there is a lot of lingering shots and extraneous dialogue that can still be trimmed to give it a tighter, more engaging pace.

losthead said:

GLogus said:

losthead said:

The idea that anyone can use the force is introduced in A New Hope

That’s still not how the Force works. You don’t go from level one to one hundred in a matter of minutes, especially if you’re Sabine and didn’t really learn anything.

Luke went from struggling with a training droid to guiding a proton torpedo into an exhaust port within one day. Sabine went from sensing Ahsoka’s presence to pushing a guy a few feet within a few days.

Luke is naturally strong with the Force. Sabine isn’t. Nor does she seem to resonate strongly with the ways of the Jedi.

You don’t see a problem, from a narrative point of view, with the idea that anybody can become a powerful Force user, despite having no aptitude for it, and putting in minimal effort?

…I suppose that’s an opinion one could hold.

Hey, Smudger. How’s the project going? Any new insights on how to move forward?

Double post