EddieDean

The Malevolence Destruction Tour (lovely description!) is the main element that I’m uncertain about. I’d certainly be happy to drop it entirely - it mainly came together as a way to use a few nice shots and lines that I had put aside to use if I could find a place for them, rather than out of need.

What it achieved was having Plo convey the information to the fleet that the Malevolence has an ion cannon, which they depend on as they plan their attack. Though there are simpler ways to do that. It also showed a bit more of Grievous’ singlemindedness and a bit more brutality.

CMMAP, what did you think of the ending? I wasn’t certain about going from the medical station back to the hangar so quickly, but I think the hangar scene is the right emotional conclusion for the episode, of the options available. Did everything else work for you? This was massively restructured. I’m also interested to know if it’s considered an improvement on the original three episodes, of course!

This episode helped cement in my mind the concept of a ‘Review cut’. As I plan and edit, I’m naturally going to tend towards making the most radical changes that I think might improve the quality, because they really need to be seen to be tested, and you can always dial back from them. Going as hard towards the potential value add as possible, but then dialling back as necessary, lets us ‘settle’ on a point that’s closest to the goal of maximising quality. But that requires community feedback, which necessitates a review cut as opposed to a release cut.

Rtiller said:

Sorry if my Rian comment offended some of you. I figured that since this thread’s goal was to edit the sequels, that most of you didn’t like TLJ, which is the main reason the sequels need to be edited, from a story standpoint.

I’d just like to address a couple of things here.

Firstly, I don’t think it’s right to assume that (in general) people produce or watch fanedits because they dislike a given movie. Rather, I’d say that they acknowledge that the content is broadly worthy and good, but that that content has an alternative potential edit which people could find more enjoyable. But by and large we’re here because we love these franchises and want to see them at their best, rather than being here out of frustration with their failings.

Obviously there are less popular and more popular movies, and therefore more and less common movies to be targeted for edits. Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Last Jedi seem to be the most controversial. But having been a member of this community since the peak of Prequel era fanedit production, to my memory there’s only one movie which has generated nearly universal frustration and dislike on these forums, and that’s Rise of Skywalker.

Secondly, I don’t think it’s correct to say that any one film is the main reason the sequels need to be edited. There’s definitely a broad sense of discontinuity between the films in terms of overall plot, character arcs, and storytelling style, which has resulted in the community looking for ways to smooth the experience out and make the Sequel trilogy feel more coherent, but it feels like that issue is much more of a “team effort” than the fault of any one film.

Hmm, I could add voiceover of Anakin saying “we make a good team” over the shot of Ashoka’s face, though I think it’s a bit soon for him to be saying that about her, and it’s yet another disparate source. I’m getting the feeling that less is more.

I could remove their reactions, that’s definitely an option. Those are pulled from very disparate sources, and don’t particularly act as a response to Bail so much as a slight buffer for the moment.

That would leave it as:

• “Skywalker!”
• [they turn]
• “Thanks for saving lives!”
• They walk immediately to Yoda and Obi-Wan, not acknowledging Bail

Would that be preferable?

Ah, weird, must be a bad link. It should be fixed now.

Is that last Bail scene passable, or do you think it takes away from the experience? In my mind he’s in the shadow of the wing. But as I say, I’m open to community input on this one. If a majority feel like it just doesn’t work, I’d take it out.

s01e04 - MALEVOLENCE - Review cut available

My review cut (v1.0) of the Malevolence arc is available. Check the tracker spreadsheet or PM me for access.

Note that the credits music is not quite finalised so excuse the slightly rougher transitions into and out of the episode.

This is quite a radical restructure of the Malevolence arc. Fundamentally it’s the Plo Koon escape pod content and Ahsoka’s rescue from Rising, then the bomber segment from Shadow. The only parts I use from Destroy are scenes of the fleet destroying the Malevolence - there’s no Padmé in this story, and nobody boards the ship. I also cut out the space whales in the nebula - bombers go into shortcut, bombers come out of shortcut. To enhance the emotional stakes and the threat, I’ve pulled the medical station scenes throughout the whole episode, as well as the parts where Grievous is travelling through hyperspace, so the entire episode is much more of a race.

I’ve rearranged absolutely masses of scenes here, to achieve a lot of things. The Malevolence feels more ominous and dangerous, Anakin and Ahsoka act more against the council’s orders (without fully jeopardising the wider mission, but definitely a bit too far along the path of fear of losing someone), the pod killing is more tense as their salvation keeps getting subverted.

The opening crawl establishes that this is not so much a secret weapon, as an extremely deadly one, and that Grievous has been targeting multiple medical stations. Knight of Kalee (and anyone who wishes Grievous were more badass) will be pleased to hear that Grievous is acting far more autonomously and brutally here, and has Dooku’s support rather than being constantly in doubt.

There are a couple of things that I could do with feedback on, but I won’t spoil them - I’d rather see what you guys think without being directed to those elements.

Kumonin, you’re right that the Ventress stuff doesn’t really drive the plot forward. Right now I’m favouring its inclusion for two reasons:

(1) Because we do lean on Ventress quite a lot this season and it’s a better introduction for her than the later ones. Especially with the implication that she’s behind the trickery here and might be a strategic threat. She essentially becomes the main villain of the first “season” of the restructured show.

(2) Because it’s a decent bit of bro time for Obi-Wan and Anakin, and coming out of Attack of the Clones it re-establishes them as quite a brotherly duo.

The Bail stuff is included not because of the value of him saving lives we don’t care about, but because the scenes put him (who we do care about) in more jeopardy and so we get to see our existing characters act on his behalf, thus building their relationships.

Or I suppose, both are included because I think they’ll both pay off well later, and I’m trying to refocus the series as a whole, rather than just treat this as a series of episode edits.

sade1212 said:

I watched Christophsis.

Thanks as always for really detailed feedback. This is so useful. I’ll roll in as much as I can on my next pass - probably waiting until McFibb and I hone in on the final music options.

“What are you?” sounds strange because of how you’ve had to work around the music replacement. I don’t think it adds anything, necessarily, anyway - if you’ve seen The Phantom Menace, you know that’s Maul, and if you’ve seen Mando you’d recognise Bo-Katan and the Darksaber. I think the scene is more effective with just the music.

I’m suprised by this; I thought it just hammered it home a little more. I feel like it punctuates the scene - without it, I feel like the scene would kind of just fade out. Interested to gather thoughts on this one.

I’d be tempted to adjust the ellipsis on “Months earlier …” to a Star Wars-style four periods, even though it’s not technically correct. This applies to the intro text as well, on the last line about Ventress being cunning. I don’t know why Star Wars has used incorrect ellipses forever, but it has - except for the ROTJ crawl. It might be a Flash Gordon thing.

Hm. Totally see what you’re saying here, but I think I’d rather keep the three ellipsis almost deliberately to break the relationship with the traditional opening crawl. That links into broader thoughts I’ve been having about when to follow convention and when to break it. I have to find a balance between saying “This is the Star Wars franchise” and “This is The Clone Wars: Refocused, a TV show you should treat as something as unique and standalone as any other of the slate of Star Wars TV shows.” I’m always interested in feedback here.

When Bail says “Separatist forces have overrun our position!” at 6:38, it doesn’t have the radio filter that the rest of what he says does, even though he’s not any more on screen than he is the rest of the time.
Have you considered using Topaz Gigapixel AI, ESRGAN, or Waifu2x to make the background art for the credits higher res?

There’s definitely a future state where I look into additional software like this, but I don’t think I’ll touch anything new until I’m well into the series, if not after.

Bail really does just appear from absolutely nowhere at the end and Anakin and Ahsoka’s non-verbal responses (and the framerate interpolation of the shot of Anakin) are quite odd and remind me of the awkwardly silent extras in Star Trek: TNG. I’d cut that entirely if possible. I think Bail adds a little bit of weight to the rest of the episode, but if keeping that side plot necessitates keeping this scene at the end I’d vote to cut him entirely.

I’m not sure what’s best here. We have:

1. As it currently is - Bail gets bombed, Bail calls Obi-Wan, Bail thanks Anakin (and he and Ahsoka share a look)
2. As it was - Bail gets bombed, Bail calls Obi-Wan, Bail thanks Anakin (single shot, then straight into a different scene)
3. Implied conclusion only - Bail gets bombed, Bail calls Obi-Wan, the battle wraps up without revisiting Bail
4. None of those scenes

My temptation is that (1) is best, as even though it has that slightly janky ending, I think the rest makes up for it. But I’m not a great judge of this. I think I’d prefer to have people think “oh, that was slightly wobbly editing” as the cost of getting to use the Bail scenes earlier. That’s also an important decision - do I need to hit perfection? I think I need to get this polished as much as possible, but I think a little imperfection is acceptable sometimes - mainly permitted since the show itself has production errors and a little jankiness. I won’t aim for it, or intend to tolerate it obviously, but I think sometimes I might have to make a judgment call like this. This’ll always be subjective though, and open to community discussion.

Christophsis the planet as seen from space looks hilariously bad in the movie, compared to how it is in Cat and Mouse. The cities are drawn on so vaguely it looks like a placeholder.
There’s some really low-res environmental textures. Surely it wouldn’t have cost that much more to not use videogame-tier textures for the world; it’s not like the series had to be rendered in real-time.

I’m really not a fan of Christophsis at all. It looks ugly all over, and I wish our first episode were set somewhere else. So wait, these are supposed to be natural crystals that the people have built their infrastructure around and into? That’s an OK idea - though very different to the typical Star Wars aesthetic at the time - but it was executed like ass. It’s just not a good introduction to the series. This whole episode is pretty weak, even without the Huttlet stuff. Obviously I wanted my edit to give it the most love possible and still try to bring out its best, but I was always going to be satisfied with “anything is better than the movie”.

“I’m the one with enthusiasm!” feels like an ATLA line to me.

It’s a line I thought about trimming because it is a little goofy, but I opted to keep it (for flow and) because it can kind of be read as her being self-effacing or criticising others’ opinions of her. She knows she’s peppy but I think it shows self-awareness, and that she understands that she’s seen that way - she’s kind of begrudgingly saying “people see me as a kid even though I’m a fully trained and competent Jedi”.

Those droids are just soda cans.

These look like ass too, and I don’t like them bursting out of the ground, but again, it was important for Ahsoka’s plot for her to make a mistake here.

“…but you might make it as mine.” and the first use of Ahsoka’s theme is a really great moment that just gets better and better as Ahsoka’s story continues in other media. I give it < 3 years before she meets Luke in canon, and that’ll make it hit even harder next rewatch.

Yes, this hits a lot better now.

sade1212 said:

• Loathsome isn’t missed, even if I did enjoy Obi-Wan winding him up with war crimes.

Haha, yeah, I did enjoy Obi-Wan being a war criminal just a little. For a treat.

Thanks for checking through it again CMMAP. Those transitions to credits are tricky! McFibb and I are working on some more mockups for how to get them to work naturally. We’ll get there!

THIRD EPISODE RELEASED

Well, the first episode in watch order, but the third episode in release order.

That means we have our full first three episodes available.

Please check the last post though - there is a caveat!

The link’s in the tracker spreadsheet - PM if you don’t yet have access.

Next up, I’ll polish up s01e02 and s01e03 to the same standard, then it’s on to s01e04 Malevolence, which I promise you is going to be nothing like the original, but really works!

OK, I believe I’ve got my s01e01 end-to-end complete. I’m rendering the new version 1.1 now, which will become the new master version. This is a complete set of cuts incorporating all of your feedback to date (I think), it’s got complete start and end credits, and it’s got the opening minute from Eminence to stand as the cold open/teaser moment for our entire show.

That’s rendering and I’ll have it uploaded as soon as possible. If I’ve missed any fixes or tweaks in response to anyone’s feedback, please remind me!

The major caveat is that, with the parts which come from the movie, there are framerate issues. Sade1212 has kindly offered to fix these for me, but obviously he’s under no obligation to rush this back to us. To minimise his work and avoid duplication, I’m uploading the episode in its current form, so that the community can review it once more in case I need to make any final final (final) tweaks before he rebuilds the video.

It is still watchable, however. Just expect a little scratchiness.

And for those who’d like to review the new/updated stuff but don’t want to watch the whole episode again, here’s:

The episode intro (and cold open)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BjDfaYmNfwy7fjQVfAfGjIdEShAtLzEP/view?usp=sharing
Which represents my s01e01 episode’s introduction, plus the full credits and theme music I’ll use for all episodes, plus the cold open to this episode/the series.

and

The episode outro

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vPfpTxeMJmTQiHv1szh9XShAb9FePoLJ/view?usp=sharing
Which represents my s01e01 episode’s conclusion (including a modified ‘Bail thanks’ scene and a slightly tweaked ‘Anakin accepts Ahsoka’ scene), end credits and theme music, and the correctly formatted community credits.

Please, I urge anyone who’s up for it, give any feedback you have on these clips or the v1.1 when it’s released. The quality of this project has already materially improved due to the great attention and consideration you’ve given this work - its potential is highest thanks to you all. And this one particular is going to be new viewer’s introduction to the show, the replacement for the horrendous movie, and as I’ve said, hard work for Sade1212!

Don’t worry - I’ll include it in a much fuller form as part of the complete cut. Since you’re our resident Grievous fan, what changes would you like to see made to Lair, if any?

Just how fast is a ship going when it is traveling in hyperspace? It turns out, the Lucasfilm Story Group doesn’t worry too much about those details, as Rogue One: A Star Wars Story co-writer Gary Whitta recently revealed that the Star Wars brain trust told him, hyperspace moves exactly as fast as the story requires. According to Whitta…

“The way I heard it was hyperspace moves at the speed of plot, which is, whatever is the most dramatically interesting time it takes to get from somewhere to somewhere else, that’s how long it takes.”

-CinemaBlend interview

However, if you must have in-universe explanations:

Despite being a mature technology and ships having travelled relatively stable hyperspace-routes that were updated constantly, moving through hyperspace was still a dangerous proposition. While generally determined by the distance between two planets, hyperspace travel times between two locations seemingly close to one another could be drastically extended by the need to navigate around stellar hazards, such as asteroid fields and nebulae.

An example of this is the journey from Coruscant to Alderaan. In terms of distance, Alderaan was situated close to Coruscant—the former at approximately 5,000 light years from the Core, the latter at approximately 10,000. However, during the Imperial era, such a journey required roughly sixteen hours of travel due to a section of the route passing through a part of the largely-uncharted Deep Core, where navigation was difficult as a result of the gravity wells produced by the congregation of stars. Ironically, then, it was actually faster to get from Tatooine to Alderaan on the other side of the galaxy. In some cases, intragalactic travels could take days, depending on the distance between two planets and the obstacles between.

-The Wookieepedia article on Hyperspace

So, here’s the update on Christophsis for everyone:

Because of the movie being a different format to the TV shows, I’ve struggled to find a good source for the video that has the right framerate. (Or rather, my editing software is misbehaving when this should be relatively easy.) Extremely generously, Sade1212 has offered to take my final episode and re-apply the full video track, to fix everything. So I need to finish this off completely then send it over for final render.

I’m making a few more bits of polish first - not having Obi-Wan surrender at all, a little more trimming to dialogue and flow in the Movie part, and better flow for the first five minutes. The imperfect Bail part at the very end will have to stay as it is. If anyone has any more feedback on the episode please share it now, because I don’t want to give Sade double the work!

Either way, this episode should be final relatively soon, so we’re back in proper order. Apologies for starting to release the series in a wobbly way.

In other news, Malevolence is being really good fun, It feels like the restructure I have for it works nicely.

Agreed. I’m definitely in the camp that feel like Star Wars has a great deal of forward momentum now, and we should roll with it rather than trying to anchor the ongoing saga to its original source. I’ve always believed that tweaking the OT to suit what the canon is now is the best approach.

Take Leia’s mother, for example. The OT and PT versions (“I remember my mother”/she died in childbirth) has always been a legitimate retcon which has required smoothing. Back when we just had PT and OT, and the PT was arguably worse, it made sense to allow the OT to be ‘master’. But now, there’s more content adding to the volume of canon supporting Padmé dying in childbirth, that it makes more sense to me to tweak the dialogue in the OT.

Yay! More Christophsis feedback! I needed some, so this is appreciated.

mikereese971 said:

I love the atmosphere of the music starting, and then the video coming in a little later.

Yeah, I thought that worked quite nicely. Obviously it’ll open after the credits, but I’ll let the music play first, a lot like it is now.

At 2:05 the sound transition is a tad noticeable. Maybe you could erase a bit of the sweeping shot of the room, then cut to after Obi-Wan’s initial strike, and do an L-cut on the audio. There’s a moment here where Obi-Wan sort of gears up to do a large swing, which might make for a good “joining the battle” kind of move.
Alternatively, you could just cut directly from the initial break to the close-up shots with the three of them. That might help to hide the fact that Anakin and Ventress are on the steps, snap to the ground level, and then are back on the steps.
The music starts to drown out Ventress as she says “We’re about to take control of this world.” (Although, the editing here is pretty much seamless with the transition, so I’m genuinely not sure if it was like that in the original episode.)

Agreed, I think I need to polish the Ventress section a little. Right now it’s “all of it” but I think it needs a bit of flow touch.

Maybe the Bail Bombing should be right after Anakin and Obi-Wan escape Ventress and she says “Prepare to march.”? That way it gives a little extra time for the two of them to get back to base, and it directly connects Bail’s “Get me General Kenobi” with his message to the Jedi.

I think this is OK - it interrupts the most obvious break in the Ventress sequence, which I think is useful. But I think it maybe needs an establishing shot of the planet first, just to smooth it into place.

I love how you connected the Bail segments to the ground assault segments. It took me a few minutes to realize those were even from separate episodes.

I’m REALLY glad to hear this. I was really hoping I could thread this through successfully.

I’m getting some slight stuttering at 4:38, and one frame at 5:08…annnd a little at 5:17. Just every so often throughout, actually. Is it just me?

Yep, the video is from a bad source - I’m going to replace the whole thing.

The transition back to the battle at 5:24 feels just a hair rushed. Is there any extra time in the shot of the Admiral, that it could linger on him a smidge longer?

Regrettably no, though I might give the Admiral a slower fade, then into the audio of the fight, then fade in the video, to give it a bit more time to breathe in.

Overall, fantastic job toning down Ahsoka in the episode. One thing though, you could probably cut out the bit about “Do we still need this thing? I can’t take it anymore. I have to stand up.” by cutting directly from Anakin’s line to them lifting off the crate. That line makes her go from peppy to whiny, imo. Maybe even swapping Anakin’s “We have a ways to go.” so that it comes before Ahsoka’s “I think we made it past them!” That also tracks better with Anakin letting her stand up, and then hitting the droideka.

Thanks! I agree on standing up in the crate, I was still uncomfortable with that. That’s a good idea though, I’ll play with what you’ve suggested.

It feels weird to me that Obi-Wan surrenders without a plan. Maybe it could work if you cut from him standing in attack formation, to the close up of him, to the shot of the droids? That might imply that he’s overpowered by them, and thus being held by them in the next shot.

I’ve trimmed this in my working version. Now, he doesn’t surrender at all. He tells Cody(?) that he’ll slow the droids down, goes off to fight more, and we don’t see him again until after the shield is down and they’re back to base.

Great job timing Bail thanking Anakin with Anakin turning his head!

Thank you! I really wanted to know if this worked, because I’ve tried so many alternatives to this but not found any, and as it is I think this is imperfect. The turn works nicely, and then we can assume Bail is in the shadow of the wing, but I wish it had a little longer to land, or Anakin to acknowledge it without going straight over to Yoda and Obi-Wan. But I think I’m going to have to leave this imperfect, so long as nobody thinks it’s actively broken.

When Anakin talks to Yoda about Ahsoka, maybe it could be structured like this: Yoda says “Trouble with your new Padawan” > Obi-Wan says “I was explaining to Yoda about the situation.” > Anakin: “Really?” > Ahsoka glances at Anakin, Anakin looks at her (shots moved from before Obi-Wan’s line) > Yoda: “Perhaps we can…” and the scene continues. I feel like it will have more emotional weight if Ahsoka and Anakin share a glance as he’s deciding whether to accept her, rather than “Oh no, even Yoda’s talking about us.”

That’s a good thought! I’ll check this. I actually had introduced a different shot (from the end of Cat and Mouse actually) which could be interpreted at him looking at Ahsoka with a little humour and affection, but this seems cleaner.

EDIT: I’ve just tried this and you’re right - it really works!

Overall, really great job blending the three episodes together, and especially with making Ahsoka less annoying! I didn’t even notice the lack of "Sky Guy"s. Other than the nitpicky stuff above, my only “large change” suggestion might be to cut the opening with Ventress altogether, and just open with the bombing on Bail. Her stuff doesn’t really matter to the rest of the plot, and she talks about “her loyal informant” as if that person matters in your edit.

I almost agree. I think for this episode, the Ventress stuff achieves a couple of things - (1) It gives us a little lightsaber fight up front, and a nice scene of Obi-Wan and Anakin as a team, which flows nicely from AOTC. (2) It introduces us to Ventress, and we need her introduction here since she gets a lot less in our third episode when she reappears. And (3) It implies some kind of trickery and that the Separatists at this stage in the war are one or more steps ahead - making Ahsoka’s later help all the more valuable. I think they’re all minor bonuses rather than major ones but they add up to worthwhile.

As for the informant who now isn’t the traitor clone, wait until my S01E03 😉

McFibb said:

End Credits

WOW. I am absolutely floored by this. It’s sweeping, it’s epic, it’s meditative, it’s exciting, it’s familiar, it’s new. Absolutely incredible, McFibb. I love the hints at the Star Wars theme (which ties us back to the OT), and Duel of the Fates (which always says “Maul”.) This song feels like the fabric of The Clone Wars. Both the show, and the period within Star Wars. Really, really, really impressive.

I need to check it in context but I’m sure it hits the notes we need.

What a gorgeous piece of work. You’ve got an extreme talent, McFibb - especially since you haven’t seen most of TCW.

Extremely exciting!

sade1212 said:

The five minute edit of Lair of Grievous is neat, and coherent enough (aside from Grievous having no legs in that one shot haha), but I wouldn’t put it on the end of Cloak of Darkness. It doesn’t add much besides, well, getting to see the Lair of Grievous - and him actually succeeding in killing a Jedi for once - so I don’t think it’s worth the hassle to shoehorn it in. I’d vote to save it for the Complete Cut.

Plus, the Jedi he kills is a fresh knight who seems really naive, it’s hardly a really competent threat that emphasises his skill. I know that the show needed recurring villains, which means them losing a fair amount, but I think Grievous especially came off pretty poorly, he seems to only lose. I’ll do all I can to make him as badass as possible in this show.

Deal!

So, since I’m still working on my source for S01E01, I’ve started on S01E04, the Malevolence arc. This was always one of my least favourites, but I’m really glad you guys encouraged me to keep it because I’m really pleased with the rough cut so far.

Essentially I’m intercutting the first and second episodes.

Grievous has the Malevolence, and has destroyed many clone medical stations, and is currently doing that in the Abregado/Rendellia/Naboo area. Obi-Wan is coordinating evacuations, while Anakin and Ahsoka are involved in the hunt. Plo has been sent to Abregado whose medical station has sent out a distress signal.

We begin in media res, Plo evidently having arrived to find a debris field, with our first shots being the destruction of Plo’s powerless ship by Grievous. The Malevolence launches pod killers then immediately jumps to hyperspace, towards the next station. As the pod killers try to kill Plo, and Anakin and Ahsoka search for Plo, we intercut with scenes of the medical stations slowly trying to evacuate, Obi-Wan showing concern in a few conversations, and Grievous travelling - first to a convoy route where he destroys a medical transport (but not before it gets a signal out which tips the Republic off), and then going the slow way around the nebula towards the Rendellia medical base - but with a huge head start.

After Ahsoka and Anakin save Plo, Yularen tells them that he’s learned of the convoy route attack and they realise he’s heading to Rendellia. Anakin formulates the bomber plan and they jump through the ‘short cut’ - though showing none of the nebula (we assume size of the ship matters for this hyperspace jump or whatever). They arrive, and I’ve cut it so that Grievous’ bloodlust in trying to destroy the medical station before turning his attention to the incoming bombers is what allows them to get close enough.

I’m not going to show the ion cannon firing at all during this episode, though its effects will be seen - I don’t like the visual effect, and this way it retains some mystery - though I have a lot of opportunities to show how savage the Malevolence is. Ultimately, the bombers target the ion cannon, Grievous attempts to fire it, the Malevolence starts to explode, Grievous evacuates, and one “fire everything” from Obi-Wan later (from the third, mostly unused episode) and it’s job done.

In my rough cut it feels far stronger, and with far higher stakes. It also feels right coming after Cloak of Darkness, because this is the start of Anakin and Ahsoka becoming friends, and I liked him pawning her off on Luminara at first.

Noted, thanks guys. Knight, I agree on the music. I definitely want there to be ONE closing theme tune, ideally Clones (Sad). My hope is that so long as it starts on the right note it’ll merge with whatever tracks used to lead into the original ending theme, and that McFibb can wizard it up. I’ve got a lot of faith in him, so let’s see how it goes!

Hmmm. You could MAYBE split the ending phone call of Cloak of Darkness into three parts to wrap around Lair of Grievous:

• Run through Cloak of Darkness in full, up to Ventress and Gunray escaping on their ship
• Wipe to Kit Fisto in space, being called by Luminara and Ahsoka. (Though that’d mean he kind of comes out of nowhere.)
• Early in the Lair of Darkness part, use the middle of Cloak’s ending phone call, beginning with Luminara saying “all is not lost”, Anakin suggesting they track the ship, Yoda saying “move fast”, and Luminara saying “I’ve already talked to Kit Fisto”. This would keep us mentally back with Luminara and Ahsoka even while we’re watching Grievous, and show that they’re essentially (indirectly) monitoring the situation throughout.
• Remainder of the Grievous episode, ending with Dooku chiding Grievous for letting Kit Fisto escape.
• We then have to IMPLY (but not see) a call back from Kit Fisto to Luminara saying he failed, and we won’t be able to see them react to the news of Nadar’s death.
• Back to Cloak for the first part of the ending, “Gunray got away”/“It’s OK Ahsoka”, and Yoda saying “Shame about the treachery.” But they wouldn’t be able to comment on Grievous’ lair.
• Straight into the third part of the ending, Anakin saying “See you soon”, and Luminara telling Ahsoka she’s a good kid as our final emotional beat before flying the ship off to a new adventure.

But that’s only if we thought the Grievous part worked.

Ohhh, I see! That scene, where it flashes back to Gandalf recruiting Thorin, does two things. (1) It recaps the mission, but importantly, (2) It gives us more context on Thrain. In the original Desolation of Smaug, it makes sense because it serves both of those purposes. But actually in AdamDens’ 2FS (which I love, obviously!) it kind of doesn’t work for the second purpose, because Thrain has already been discovered at the end of the first half. So when making this a TV series, I reasoned that if the show had been made this way, the flashback would mainly be used to reintroduce the viewers to Thrain, in the episode where Thrain is rediscovered.

So, for those who are interested in the process, here’s my UNFINISHED attempt to turn Lair of Grievous into the end of my Cloak of Darkness episode - I got it down to a tight 5:45.

Goals:

• Cut down as much as possible while showing that Gunray’s tracking was some kind of contingency/bonus trap
• Make Grievous seem as badass as possible

There’s dialogue and sound effects, but no music in this yet, because I didn’t get that far.

Essentially I worked through it, first restructuring the whole, then sequences, then scenes, then I added back in anything that I felt was necessary to make it flow right or fix new continuity errors I’d introduced.

This is the point I got it to where I decided that it ultimately wasn’t going to work.

The part where I realised it wouldn’t work was when I noticed that I couldn’t have Kit Fisto leave when there were clones alive. So I had to kill them off, without using the scenes where they die (because that would have drawn this out massively). So I tried to do an implied Grievous slaughter, using a quick shot of him (legless, but hoping you wouldn’t notice) diving at the clones then some sound effects of them dying, which I embedded in another scene of the clones calling for reinforcement but their ship getting blown up. It almost worked, but I think ultimately it’s just too rough, and moves too fast. At that point, the whole episode kind of collapsed as a possibility.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1oN0Cc292i4f_oaPneWiA0ZqwahYkn9De/view?usp=sharing

Edit: Whoops, I cut this a little too short. Dooku says “So there is room for improvement.” and then it ends.