EddieDean

Edit: Doublepost.

Oooh, very curious about the changes coming to movie 5!

Ace! Share your ideas here my dude!

Some little tweaks, re-emphasising the Queen’s importance to the Republic as a whole (and keeping her as the “death star plans” of this movie), reducing the Trade Federation motive, reassigning the suspicion of a ‘sinister motive’ to the Jedi instead of Valorum, and clarified Qui-Gon’s mission. I’ve reordered parts so that as many phrases as possible don’t cross over onto two lines, so each line is interesting as you read it.

The Galactic Republic’s golden
age is ending. As corruption
spreads, Queen Amidala of
Naboo speaks out in defence
of democracy.

The greedy Trade Federation,
in a shocking move, has sent
a battle fleet to blockade her
planet. With the Senate in
turmoil, the Supreme Chancellor
secretly directs the Jedi Order
to help.

Sensing a darker motive behind
the crisis, the Jedi Order,
mystical guardians of peace
and justice, dispatch Master
Qui-Gon Jinn and his young
apprentice to protect the
planet and its Queen…

I’ve just been re-reading the thread, and have taken another crack at the opening crawl based on all of the popular ideas so far.

I was looking to include:

• Language which both gives clarity of understanding, and evokes emotion and dynamism
• “Golden age is ending”
• Namedropping ‘Galactic Republic’ early, and showing it’s corrupt and bureaucratic (but in an interesting way)
• Trade Federation vs Naboo as the central threat, with the TF greedy and aggressive, and Naboo humanised
• Padme Amidala as a protector and central to the conflict
• A hint of a bigger threat ‘behind the curtain’
• Valorum (by title but not by name) ‘dispatching the Jedi’ since it’s referenced often onscreen
• A little more description of the function and purpose of the Jedi Order, especially including hints at their magic, since this is the first chronological story
• A deliberate inconsistency between the Jedi as protectors of peace AND tools of the (corrupt) Republic
• A slight clarification of the Jedi Order (the institution) and the Jedi Knights (its agents)
• Qui-Gon Jinn named early, since he’s not named onscreen until deep into the movie, and identifying him as the main agent of change in the story

I wanted to not contradict anything that is seen onscreen. I also chose to retain some of the ambiguity already in the plot and the existing crawl; as much as we often try to do this (and I’ve fallen into this trap myself), the opening crawl is not the place to fix issues with the storyline.

This crawl has the right word count (82 vs 75-88), character count (500 vs 450-500) and line length (~28 max characters).

The golden age of the Galactic
Republic is ending. As corruption
grows, the greedy Trade Federation
has blockaded the peaceful planet
of Naboo.

Desperate to protect her people,
Queen Amidala has appealed for
urgent support, but the Republic
Senate is mired in endless debate.

Fearing a more sinister motive
behind the aggressive move, the
Supreme Chancellor has directed
the Jedi Order, mystical guardians
of peace and justice, to secretly
dispatch Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn
and his young apprentice to settle
the conflict…

I’ve watched 11/13 of these now, and I’ve absolutely loved this project. The material is so interesting and relatable, and you’ve cut it in a way that makes it really digestible and coherent. Totally great, thank you so much for compiling and structuring it all in this way.

Amazing news! What’s still left to do on ANH:R?

Acbagel said:

Wrapped up draft #2 yesterday and currently getting a final review of it. Will probably need one more pass for bug fixes and maybe a new scene placement or two and then it’s ready.

Can confirm I just reviewed the latest draft and this is my exact feedback 😉

Love the new poster too by the way. Great use of the N1 silhouette as Mando’s mask!

I’ve seen the draft and it’s already my favourite version of the Boba show yet. Acbagel has selected the absolute right set of scenes, and made the absolute right set of trims to those scenes. I’m REALLY excited to see the final version of this one - I think it’s going to be the best way to watch Book of Boba Fett out there.

Thanks to g00b and explay, we now have subtitles for season one! Thanks both for your help.

If anyone would like to check them out, they’re now in the spreadsheet (you can find links to them by episode or by season just above). We’d love any feedback.

Problem with Google Drive was that I had to use multiple accounts, and eventually Google started wanting me to have a unique phone number per account. I guess I could pay for one large Google Drive, but that’s even more cash. Cheapest would be splitting it across three low-cost Google Drives, but then I might hit the same issues.

TCW:R is 166GB (and growing), and my total fanedits are 250GB.

Google Drive isn’t sustainable for long-term storage, so I’ve just finally finished shifting everything to Mega, which fanedit.org recommends.

However, now I’ve got another problem - there’s a download (‘transfer’) limit.

Does anyone know of a decent solution here? I don’t want people to have to download these really slowly over a couple of weeks. But I can’t afford to pay for more than the basic hosting solution (Pro Lite) - it’s already costing me a lot to use Mega versus Google Drive.

Sure thing, fire me a PM.

Showing Dooku here would also follow nicely from his excellent appearance in Tales of the Jedi.

Yeah, that one was a tricky decision. We ended up justifying it as the Coruscant news being controlled by the Empire, but yes, it slightly stands out. It’s so necessary though in order to permit this tighter ordering.

Sure, please fire me a PM!

On the Boba voice, your other option here is to use a clean voice of Fennec saying “You still have that famous armour of yours?” or “You’ll need your armour first.” Then you only need Boba to say “Not yet” or “Agreed”, or similar.

One other thought: Depending on how good your Boba AI voice is, it might be nice to add, during the Boba-Fennec fireside chat in movie 2, something along the lines of “but first I’m going to get my armour back”, explaining the two-movie diversion where he seeks his armour before establishing a house.

Oh, and I really like how you start each movie’s audio over the opening credits. It’s become your signature and it’s very cool.

Absolutely LOVED your updated book three. This is a bridging movie with the least plot - “try to find some Mandalorians, I guess” - and knows it, but it uses its position as a middle episode to do a lot. Your ending sequence is EXCELLENT. The Shadow Council scene works much better as a stinger, spinning up the Thrawn, Palpatine, AND Mando S3 storylines deftly, and essentially saying “don’t worry, we are going somewhere fast”. It pays off the cloning stuff on Nevarro from earlier this movie very well. Then, your montage does a lot of great heavy lifting, telling the audience that the Boba, Bo Katan, and Gideon plots are also well in focus. And the darktroopers are now more explicitly the reinforcements, which works well here. You’ve made some excellent choices here. Really well done.

This really affirms your decision to use as much as possible, but in a creative way.

Edit: Oh, and having Boba snipe Mando was perfect. Extremely elegant, relevant, and competently done.

Edit edit: The only thing I sorely miss is the fuller aspect ratio for the Krayt dragon. I’d love to see that reinstated, it was such a spectacular moment.

Watching movie 3 now, and just a couple of notes:

• There’s a slightly odd couple of shots on the ice planet as Grogu is eating the spider - one of Grogu from fairly close up, followed immediately by one only slightly zoomed out from that point. In general, a shot transition from a single subject to the same subject should change angle, or switch between close and wide shots. These are just a little too close to each other. There seems to be a lot of other opportunities in this section to pad both with a bit of Mando heading out to find him.
• Both Tattooine and Nevarro seem coloured too much towards orange-teal. Boba looks like an orange with teal shade, and the later Nevarro facility looks dark teal rather than grey. If you want to bring the colours to life a bit more I’d suggest perhaps a 5% contrast enhancement and 5-10% holistic shift to warmer tones, but not so much of a specific shift to orange-teal in this way.

Loving the first quarter so far though- structurally it’s all excellent, and I love that you kept the ice planet in there.

We are live on IFDB! 😄

Maybe Palps experimented on Rey’s Dad, but it failed (or succeeded horribly)? He could even be force sensitive in this version, a threat to Palpatine who chose to become a nobody, living on the fringes of civilisation, out of fear for his origins and love for his wife and child. That’d explain why Palpatine would resent him so much.

I feel like this is an unexpectedly neat angle. But yeah, probably not for your edit, as you say.

Here’s an even more extreme angle that follows from the previous - what if Rey’s dad was captured by Ochi and taken to Palpatine, who tortured him into obedience and deep into the dark side, and raised him as a subservient Sith - giving him the name Snoke. Then, Rey REALLY has a reason to want to kill Palpatine - for vengeance for her father. I’m not suggesting you use this idea, or even that it’s good - more that it’s an angle I’ve not yet seen considered.

This might be a whole new kettle of fish, but what you’ve just said about all the onscreen material about Rey’s parents has made me realise that it might have been originally intended to set up something else - that Ochi was sent to capture Rey’s dad (Palpatine’s son), not Rey. That’s why it’s the same ship, and why they had to abandon her on Jakku - she was likely secret from him at that time. Ochi ended up on Pasaana and died after having done whatever he did with Rey’s dad.