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EddieDean

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27-Jan-2017
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27-Jun-2025
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Post
#1571372
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Well that’s fair enough, though I don’t mind it myself. But maybe we should split this exercise out into logical steps then- first establish our goals, then establish her backstory, then rework the dialogue? Because right now it feels like there’s a lot of good ideas here but a few crossed purposes! (That’s not a criticism of any individual, you’re all awesome.)

Post
#1571370
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

I feel like we want to be using as simple concepts and language as possible. We really don’t want to be adding anything more for the audience to be thinking about than the bare minimum to make this work.

Parents joined the cult? Then let’s just say that directly in simplest terms. We don’t need to delve deep into her parents’ motivations beyond carrying this bit of plot.

In simplest terms, to carry us from “nobody parents” through “Rey Palpatine” to the events depicted in TROS:

  • Rey is one of many experiments
  • Her nobody ‘parents’ joined the Sith cult
  • They became her parents more truly (implicit adoption through love-inspired kidnapping)
  • They left her on Jakku (+link to Luke via implicitly Lor San Tekka)
  • Palpatine wanted to kill her as a powerful potential rival
  • One of Palpatine’s assassins (with implicit connections to Exegol) failed to kill her, but did kill her parents
  • Her parents died as nobodies once more
  • Palpatine still wants her dead until realising just how powerful she is- perhaps a better vessel than his current one
  • Ultimately, it’s the power of the Dyad which reveals itself as an unexpected way to heal his current body, rendering her killable once more
Post
#1571363
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Well then, perhaps simply-

“Rey… wherever you are… you are hard to find.”

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. I know the darkness that lives in you, Rey…”

“You’re lying.”

“You were right… your parents were once nobodies. Junkers, seduced by the Sith to join the cult on Exegol.”

“Don’t!”

“They were trusted to raise you, alongside other dark… experiments.”

“I don’t want this!”

But they betrayed that trust… out of love."

“No!”

They stole you away from him. From Palpatine.

(Rey sees the vision of her parents and her abandonment.)
“Rey, my love… be brave.”
“You’ll be safe here… I promise.”
“Come back! Nooo!”

“They paid for your freedom… in more than one way.”

“Stop talking.”

“Rey… I learned what happened to them.”

(Cutaway to heroes capture)

“Your parents sought Luke’s protection, searching the Jakku desert for his allies… but Palpatine’s assassins tracked them down. They wouldn’t give you up, and so they died, forgotten by the galaxy once more.

(Rey sees her parents get killed.)

“So that’s where you are.”

“You know why the Emperor’s always wanted you dead. I’ll come tell you.”

…etc

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

“The Sith cult made many attempts to create a stable host vessel for his fading spirit. Rey, you’re a clone of the Emperor. You… are a Palpatine.”

“But his essence chose another body, making the rest of you… rivals. But what Palpatine could not foresee is that we’d become a Dyad in the Force, Rey… two, linked by pure power. With that power we can end him and the Sith, and create something better, together…”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know?”

“I do.”

Post
#1571353
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

Yeah, this is definitely ‘Rey Palpatine, but better - with Nobody parents’.

In fact, I think this can be simplified further, with her parents not needing to be Sith cultists:

“Rey… wherever you are… you are hard to find.”

“You are hard to get rid of.”

“I pushed you in the desert because I needed to see it… I needed you to see it… who you are. I know the darkness that lives in you, Rey…”

“You’re lying.”

“You were right… your parents were no one. Junkers, kidnapped by the Sith to serve the cult on Exegol.

“Don’t!”

They were forced to raise you, alongside other dark… experiments.

“I don’t want this!”

“But they grew to love you nonetheless.

“No!”

They stole you away from him. From Palpatine.

…etc

“Why did the Emperor come for me? Why did he want to kill a child? Tell me.”

The Sith cult made many attempts to create a stable host for his fading spirit. Rey, you’re a clone of the Emperor. You… are a Palpatine.

But his essence chose another body, making the rest of you… rivals. But what Palpatine doesn’t know is that we’ve become a Dyad in the Force, Rey… two, linked by pure power. With that power we can end him and the Sith, and create something better, together…”

(Removes his helmet)

“You know what you need to do. You know?”

“I do.”

Post
#1571062
Topic
The Starlight Project Addendum: The Rise of Skywalker (Freeform Brainstorming Session)
Time

Thing is though, there’s a Rey movie coming soon, and other future content, so I don’t think we can avoid it forever. While I’m frustrated with the Palpatine angle, the reveal in TLJ was that her parents were nobodies, with her by association, but this deals with the biggest issue, that of Palpatine directly siring a nobody. Having Rey be a Palpatine clone should future proof us against references to her being of his blood or his “granddaughter”.

Post
#1570868
Topic
The Starlight Project Addendum: The Rise of Skywalker (Freeform Brainstorming Session)
Time

NeverarGreat said:

It seems I can’t help but think about this mess of a movie, so instead of cluttering other threads I’ll just put the ideas here for now. 😃

The Final Order:

The Ascendant edit has Poe explain that Emperor has a stockpile of old Star Destroyers leftover from the war, and further says that they have been updated with dreadnought cannons.

I would alter this dialogue to convey that directly after the Emperor’s death, his most loyal captains from across the galaxy charted a course into the unknown regions and eventually regrouped over Exegol, and this is where they have remained all these years. This contingency plan was known to his loyalists as ‘The Final Order’, to be executed in the event of his death. This explains why the Rebels were victorious even when the Imperial Starfleet was undefeated in ROTJ; much of it disappeared into Hyperspace after the Death Star was destroyed. This further explains Finn’s statement that the Death Star was where the last war ended. Even if the battle of Jakku was the official end of hostilities, the war was decided when the Emperor died and much of his starfleet vanished.

The dreadnought cannons addition can be conveyed in the Kijimi destruction scene, which can be altered to indicate that only the primary city was destroyed in the attack.

This is a good idea to convey, but I think it’s best placed in one of the earlier movies as setup for this one. There must be an opportunity to have someone say something like “after Palpatine’s most loyal admirals fled with their fleets after the battle of Endor/Jakku/etc” in TFA or TLJ.

Post
#1570685
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

EddieDean said:

So, an interesting thing is happening tomorrow.

I’ve got a friend who’s 40 years old, who’s loved Star Wars forever. Big Original Trilogy purist, no love for the Prequels, likes a good few of the Disney shows which successfully capture the magic. Watched a midnight showing of TFA and liked it a lot, watched a midnight showing of TLJ and loved it. But then, the day of TROS, he saw the early reviews saying it was awful and just… didn’t watch it. Still never has.

He knows I’m into fanedits, and has heard the gist (but not the detail) of what TROS:Ascendent is about. He still knows nothing of the plot of TROS other than “Somehow, Palpatine returned”.

So, tomorrow, he’s going to have his very first experience of TROS, as TROS:Ascendent v4.

I’m really interested to see what he thinks of it. Maybe he’ll love it for what it is now. Maybe he’ll find it at least an acceptable end to the saga. Maybe he’ll hate it for all the failings of the original film. Either way, he’ll be going into it having only seen the first two Sequels, so he’ll have an interesting take. I’ll be sure to share it here!

OK, lots to share!

Overall, he found the movie basically passable. He said that if he’d seen it in the cinema, he’d have considered it a pretty much acceptable mixed bag, with some good and some bad. Having discussed many of the edits after watching, he’s certain he would have absolutely hated the original - and he was extremely impressed with all of the changes this edit made, both from a technical standpoint and in how carefully and deliberately we formed those ideas to fix the original’s problems.

He was broadly disappointed that the movie focused so much on ‘closing down’ the universe around the Skywalker films instead of ‘opening up’ the story to lay the foundation for a healthy franchise free of Skywalker moving forward, as he felt TLJ did. He felt very strongly that the movie felt like it was ‘made by committee’, and that it had far too many ideas to give any of them any real time to land or be explored. He felt Carrie Fisher’s absence quite strongly. But there’s nothing that can be done about these points.

His major ‘workable’ objection was that the dialogue is extremely clumsy. (To be clear here, I mean all of the original dialogue - every example of our changed dialogue he really liked.) The way characters speak is so unnatural, and like a junior writer’s first script out of script writing 101. Technically adequate, but hammy, tropey, and without nuance. I actually wonder if we should collectively put some thought to fixing some of this - not the dialogue that fixes major issues, which we’ve put a lot of effort into, but just the basic dialogue that’s there to carry the plot forward or to set up later scenes. He highligted a lot during the first third of the movie, including clumsy foreshadowing (“I don’t have a family name”), and then during the middle third he really disliked a lot of the more Disney-style humour (especially how often the characters are disparaging about droids, and other instances where characters reflect the audience’s out-of-universe opinions rather than more realistic in-universe ones). The last third had a lot of not-really jeopardy, like Finn and Jannah being about to fall off the Star Destroyer before Poe flies the Falcon oh-so-dangerously close enough. It reads like every other modern blockbuster movie script and it has very little depth.

His second major objection was the pacing. It’s a very relentless film, really quite overwhelmingly fast throughout. He really liked how we’d given moments more time to breathe, especially Chewie’s ‘death’, C-3PO’s ‘irreversible’ memory wipe, and Hux’s betrayal. He liked the Mustafar minute. He had nothing negative to say about the mention of ‘lightspeed skipping’ - it didn’t really register as a noteworthy thing to him, which I think is a good sign. (Note: You could maybe drop the dialogue here, or go with something even softer than ‘ramming’ - though didn’t you intend to cut the word ‘ramming’ in for v4? It’s still ‘skipping’ in this version.) But he did dislike how fast that early scene with the Rebels getting the transmission went - “like being on a Star Wars rollercoaster”. There were many other quick cuts and quick scenes too. I wonder if we could improve the pacing any further - my immediate feeling is that more re-establishing shots would go a long way.

He also disliked Rey’s training sequence just being a mashup of all the other Jedi training that we’ve seen before (especially when compared to the TLJ training, which gave us something new with Luke’s deeper explanation of the force as balance). He really disliked the fleet of Star Destroyers being the writer thinking “how can I go bigger than a Death Star?” when they should have been going with a larger mystical threat or more personal stakes (though he liked our changes to where the Star Destroyers came from, and their reduced armaments). He thought Maz Kanata was wasted (though acknowledged that she’s the ‘surrogate’ for a lot of Leia context). He didn’t find Lando talking to Jannah creepy but he did find it a bit baffling (I wonder if the fact he might become surrogate to the orphaned stormtroopers could be made more explicit). He also quite disliked how many references to earlier movies there were. The most acceptable for him was the cute lifting of Luke’s X-wing out of the swamp, but most other examples, like the medal, really pulled him out of it.

He was alright with most of the new force powers, and most of the spiritual elements of the force, including Han as a ‘memory’ rather than a true force ghost. But he didn’t like how Rey panicked like the other main characters during the action sequences (especially the speeder chase) when she’s clearly competent and composed often (like in the following facedown against Kylo’s oncoming TIE fighter). He said her inner turmoil and temptation is character depth enough - she should be more outwardly composed in areas where her skill outranks the threat.

He thought it was OK to bring back Palpatine, and especially that our edits made that much more palatable, but he wishes that the prior films had set that up (which many of our edits now thankfully do).

He wasn’t entirely happy with “yeah, your parents were nobodies, but you’re a Palpatine”, because it really is a last-minute retcon of a retcon. He still thinks that, given that this movie went hard on Palpatine, the most appropriate option is Rey Palpatine over Rey Nobody, but while the execution came close, it still didn’t quite land for him. I talked him through the changes being discussed over on the radical sequel ideas thread right now and he thought they’d be a far stronger middle ground that’d patch this issue up much better. He thinks that Rey’s dad being Palpatine’s son is the biggest problam with the logic here.

On to some more positive stuff.

He absolutely loved a load of our changes: (All of these he was suprised were edited in.) The puppet show. The force ghosts at the end. The cracked lightsaber. Leia’s saber being purple. The “ghost in a rotting clone” line. The scene reordering to mitigate pacing issues. The replacement of the dagger’s mechanism with whispers (though he wishes that macguffin quest has fewer steps). The civilian fleet voices.

He liked a lot more that we modified: That Snoke was explained. That Palpatine mostly made sense, and that the motivations of all the main characters seemed sound. Dreadnought cannons instead of Death Star lasers. The inclusion of the Fortnite intel. That Rey and Kylo “became” a Dyad in the force. The Death Star wreckage being on the Endor forest moon (though he was worried this would “become an Ewok movie” for a moment!) Jannah being inspired by Finn. Leia quitting her Jedi training to focus on diplomacy. The removal of the mention of the Holdo maneuver. Moving the holochess scene to later for the family ending (though he wished we didn’t see holochess again). The lines setting up Rey “Skywalker” (though her declaration at the end still felt quite left field for him). He was completely happy with force healing (“yeah, she learned it from the Jedi texts, they had that picture”).

He really liked a good amount of the original content: Having the core three together (though Rose should’ve joined them). The Rey/Kylo stuff (even the kiss!), and the concept of the Dyad. Rey’s temptation. Palpatine being suprised at and consuming the Dyad for its power. C-3PO’s humour post memory wipe, in most instances.

He didn’t have any issue with Poe being a spice runner, and he actually thought Finn’s role was fairly decent - something I felt too while watching. Finn doesn’t drive the plot but he’s involved in a lot of key moments in a meaningful way, and the Jannah sideline lands well. He didn’t scoff at horses on a Star Destroyer. He didn’t know we cut the Kijimi destruction, which I think proves that it wasn’t necessary to sell the threat.

Right, that’s all I can remember! But feel free to ask me about any other elements and I’ll see if he mentioned it. Like I say, he’s an OT/TLJ lover, but also studied film, and loves critically analysing media, so I always consider his opinions worthwhile. I hope you all enjoyed this! Highlights I think we might be able to make more progress in include the regular ‘film school’ dialogue, the pacing and having no breathers, the macguffin fetch quest’s many steps, the jokey humour, and the number of references to other movies or the audience’s point of view.

Random personal thought: What about changing the strength of the First Order going into this movie? What if Luke’s gambit in TLJ worked, the people rose up between movies, and the First Order got beaten down to practically nothing - not a threat to or a presence on the core worlds? That way you’d have them more desperate at the beginning and thus more accepting of Kylo’s pursuit of arcane knowledge and then the deal he makes with Palpatine. Palpatine’s fleet would be that much more attractive to them. You could still imply the Republic has no military left (or perhaps they’re finishing up clearing First Order forces off the core worlds, or are sitting sentinel on those worlds, making them unavailable), meaning the civilian fleet at the end is still necessary. But this way you’d also get to skip the quite weak few scenes at the end where it’s a case of “oh neat, this victory immediately inspired everyone else to throw off the First Order too, by the way”, and focus more on the victory at Exegol and with the main characters, without having to do even more revisiting familiar saga locations.

One other thought from myself: I wonder if the arrival of the civilian fleet could come a little closer to Rey rising up. Ideally, all the highs should come as closely as possible. I know that the fleet needs to arrive, then come under threat, before Rey saves the day, but there’s a bit of whiplash here. I wonder if Palpatine’s lightning destruction can be mainly of the Resistance ships (and her friends), with the civilians arriving to help take down the First Order fleets and turn the military tide as Rey rises?

Post
#1570684
Topic
Unusual <strong>Sequel Trilogy</strong> Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

A couple of other thoughts:

"Because his spirit chose another vessel, out of the hundreds his followers had created. Rey…you’re his clone.”

“You were created to sit upon the throne of the Sith, a vessel for the Emperor’s lingering essence. But what he couldn’t foresee was our connection in the Force. We can kill him, Rey, destroy the Sith…and bring a new order to the galaxy."

To solve the problem of why you can kill his spirit this time if not last time, perhaps instead of ‘lingering’ there you could use a synonym for ‘fading’, perhaps ‘dwindling’.

I’d still like to see it made explicit that the rejected hosts were considered threats (and thus killed) though.

Post
#1570657
Topic
Unusual <strong>Sequel Trilogy</strong> Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

I’d just modify slightly the lines:

“But a creation that they loved nonetheless.”

And “They sought sanctuary on Jakku, chasing rumours toward allies of Luke Skywalker."
(This one ties a bit more closely to Lor San Tekka, and implies they were maybe trying to get her all the way into Luke’s protection)

Also perhaps “Because out of hundreds of his followers’ experiments, only one clone body became viable. Rey, you’re an unwanted clone… and that makes you a threat."

Post
#1570516
Topic
Unusual <strong>Sequel Trilogy</strong> Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

What about realising that he couldn’t inhabit these clones, and so was only making opponents? He could only inhabit the shitty “true” one he’s in?

“Only one Clone body was viable, but rotten/weak. A failed clone (Snoke) he took as apprentice/puppet. The rest were potential opponents to his rule.”

Post
#1570455
Topic
The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant (Released)
Time

So, an interesting thing is happening tomorrow.

I’ve got a friend who’s 40 years old, who’s loved Star Wars forever. Big Original Trilogy purist, no love for the Prequels, likes a good few of the Disney shows which successfully capture the magic. Watched a midnight showing of TFA and liked it a lot, watched a midnight showing of TLJ and loved it. But then, the day of TROS, he saw the early reviews saying it was awful and just… didn’t watch it. Still never has.

He knows I’m into fanedits, and has heard the gist (but not the detail) of what TROS:Ascendent is about. He still knows nothing of the plot of TROS other than “Somehow, Palpatine returned”.

So, tomorrow, he’s going to have his very first experience of TROS, as TROS:Ascendent v4.

I’m really interested to see what he thinks of it. Maybe he’ll love it for what it is now. Maybe he’ll find it at least an acceptable end to the saga. Maybe he’ll hate it for all the failings of the original film. Either way, he’ll be going into it having only seen the first two Sequels, so he’ll have an interesting take. I’ll be sure to share it here!

Post
#1569707
Topic
Unusual <strong>Sequel Trilogy</strong> Radical Redux Ideas Thread
Time

I think these are really good points and ideas. RotJ really works at the end because Luke faces so much temptation. Rey has a tending towards the dark but that temptation could really be emphasised.

Speaking of the dagger, now that it operates by whisper rather than the absolutely contrived pointing, it’s remaining flaw as a plot device is that the good guys stumble upon it in an absolute quirk of chance. Perhaps it could be implied that it’s somehow drawn Rey to it- either through Palpatine’s machinations or its own.

Post
#1569577
Topic
Andor: The Movie Omnibus (Nothing Cut!) [Season Two in progress with NFBisms]
Time

Wonderful feedback, Daiyus, thanks.

Good spot on the Mon meeting reference. Realistically there’s very little chance I can reorder the scenes there (the ordering does a lot of heavy lifting for the transitions and flow), but I’ll see how explicit that reference is and might make a light trim if I need to.

Speaking of the pacing of Andor getting off Ferrix and to Niamos, you’re right in that those events happen fairly quickly onscreen and do cover a lot of time. That’s how it was in the original (episode 7 covered a lot of in-world time), and I think I’ve improved it further since we have more of Syril moping at his window (among other things!) in this section to imply days passing, but do you reckon it lands OK this way?

I’m really glad you’re enjoying it, and look forward to releasing the final versions!

Post
#1569053
Topic
Andor: The Movie Omnibus (Nothing Cut!) [Season Two in progress with NFBisms]
Time

NFBisms and I are now directly collaborating on this and he has the latest raw file. I can’t promise timings but it’s looking positive. I’m so excited to have NFB onboard, he’s been an absolute gent, and has exactly the skills I was missing.

One question for you all: As I’ve said just earlier, I’m now really happy with the flow of scenes through this version. It feels very balanced to me. (And it took absolutely AGES to get this way - this episode has 50 scene transitions and only about two of them are the original ones!) The one thing I can see people taking slight issue to is the question of who learns about the Aldhani heist in what order. As I currently have it, the ISB find out first, Mon Mothma becomes aware (without the rest of Coruscant knowing), then it hits the news on Ferrix, then a few days later it comes out on the Coruscant news.

I don’t personally have a problem with that - I figure it can be reasonably explained as (1) obviously the ISB would know nearly immediately, (2) Coruscant politicians would likely know before the rest of the planet, (3) Ferrix has a far less tight grip on its media than Coruscant (and an imperial presence potentially talking about the new laws), then (4) Coruscant news could well have been deliberately delayed until the Empire got on top of the messaging. I can see it as a potential point of concern for you guys, but it underpins a lot of my current ordering enough that I think the above justification should be enough to allow story flow to be the priority.

Anyone got a major issue with that?