DuracellEnergizer

Perhaps I should wait until I see TFA before commenting, but I highly doubt it.

EXT. ZIGGURAT – DAWN

Having emerged from the burial chamber, the four work their way up the staircase to the second level of the ziggurat; there they find another entrance leading into yet another chamber.

INT. ZIGGURAT/TREASURE CHAMBER – DAWN

Entering this second chamber, the ersatz explorers are greeted with a magnificent sight; countless dozens of chests and urns – all containing precious gems, metals, and other valuable items - line the walls in several columns, all surrounding a beautiful Sith yacht; onyx-black and inlaid with red jasper trim, the sensual organic contours of the ship look less the product of an automated assembly line and more the exquisite masterpiece of a peerless artisan.

ANAKIN: (whistles) That is one gorgeous ship!

Slowly, almost as if in supplication, they walk up to the Sith yacht.

BAIL: (runs his hand along the side of the ship) Amazing – it feels almost liquid!

OBI-WAN: Dark though the Sith were, it is hard not to be held in awe by them; they were master craftsmen – art was a religion to them, and they applied it to all walks of life.

CMDR. VANESS: It is a magnificent ship – too magnificent. (beat) There’s treasure in the top floor, a jade sarcophagus in the bottom – between the two, there’s a fair bit to steal; why isn’t this entire complex locked up tight?

OBI-WAN: Perhaps the builders were aware of their world’s fate and concluded that thievery wasn’t going to be a problem that would have to be dealt with.

Wandering over to one of the chests, Nik flings the lid open.

ANAKIN: (grins) Guys, you’re not going to believe what’s here.

The other three join him. Peering inside, they see just what it is that the apprentice has found.

BAIL: Food.

ANAKIN: Carbon-frozen food, as fresh as the day it was sealed.

CMDR. VANESS: (ecstatic) When the Sith pack a lunch for the afterlife, they sure pack it tight, don’t they?

Moving to another chest, Anakin flings it open, then moves over to yet another chest and flings it open; in both is more carbon-frozen food and water.

ANAKIN: There’s a month’s worth of food in these crates alone!

BAIL: We’ll take one back with us when we leave.

CMDR. VANESS: We should try getting aboard the ship. We can’t fly it out of here, but there may still be enough juice in its on-board systems to broadcast an SOS.

BAIL: (nods) Let’s do it.

INT. SITH YACHT/COCKPIT – DAWN

Having figured out how to open the entry hatch, they climb inside the cozy ship. As with the exterior, the interior is crafted along organic lines, making it look more like the inside of a living creature’s belly than a ship’s cockpit. Crossing over to the controls, they don’t find the usual switches or buttons but an array of control crystals, all embedded into the panel.

CMDR. VANESS: (frowns; to Obi-Wan) Do you know how to operate these controls? I certainly don’t and I doubt Bail knows, either.

OBI-WAN: (scrutinizes the control crystals) I’m not familiar with them, no, but most Sith technology was reputed to be Force-based; if these crystals are at all attuned to the Force, I may be able to intuit their function.

Positioning his hands over the crystals, Obi-Wan closes his eyes. Several moments pass, then he begins – with much concentration and consideration – to lay his hands down on the crystals, touching a select few of them in a non-random order. Once he has completed the sequence, those crystals which have been touched begin to resonate with a throbbing glow.

OBI-WAN: There – it’s done.

Grinning, Vaness takes Obi by the shoulders, spins him around, and plants a firm kiss on his lips.

CMDR. VANESS: If I wasn’t spoken for, I’d award you more than a kiss.

Try as he might, the knight can’t keep himself from blushing.

EXT. ZIGGURAT – DAY

With one of the chests of food and drink held between the four of them. Obi, Nik, Vaness, and Bail descend the ramp, en-route back to their three companions waiting by the drop.

INT. ZIGGURAT/BURIAL CHAMBER – DAY

Back inside the burial chamber, all is still and quiet. Suddenly, the twelve muraled panels on the walls begin to retract into the ceiling, revealing hidden compartments behind them.

As a heavy mist begins to billow out from the dark openings, a LARGE YELLOW HAND BEARING THREE LARGE BLACK CLAWS reaches out from one.

Nice to see you back posting, Praetorian. It’s been a long time, no see.

DavidClarke said:

If you are a students

I am no longer a students, but I was a students once. I was very good at the grammars.

suspiciouscoffee said:

SilverWook said:

No Jedi had figured out how to do the ghost thing yet. (Funeral pyres are apparently a Naboo custom.) Qui Gon was the first to come back, although that point was slightly lost by the scene where he communicates with Yoda being cut in ROTS.

Lucas has said Anakin’s body does vanish, and Luke burned the empty Vader suit. Take that with a pinch of salt though.

Speaking of Qui Gon’s funeral, why was it on Naboo? Was he from Naboo originally or did nobody love him on his homeworld so they just got rid of the body on Naboo?

The Jedi were too cheap to embalm him for the trip back home.

I’m just curious as to what the whole “body fading out of existence” thing is supposed to accomplish beyond sparing the next-of-kin funeral expenses. It’s not a necessary function to achieve life after death, as Vader and Jinn’s post-mortum existences proved.

Handman said:

The line I hate the most in ROTJ was “Somehow, I think I’ve always known”.

Are you crazy? That line was seriously hot.

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

But Santa wasn’t born

I’ve finished been classified a Ric. To quote Harvey Fierstein’s character from Mrs. Doubtfire: “I’m so happy!”

In the future, I suggest you keep your pets away from the transporter.

[JEDIT]

On that note, I’ll also say this: The Fly (1986) is one of the few remakes which is superior to the original.

But Santa wasn’t born; like the Frankenstein’s monster, he’s a composite character crafted from various body parts gathered from different figures.

*plays sad trumpet*

I never played any of the games, but I have skimmed through a number of the books; pretty interesting stuff all around.

Great – now I’m blind in my two other eyes.

Verboten said:

Gee, can smoke lizard and duracell make about another few dozen spaz post about this movie? I’m still not sure if they like it or not.

Tell me about the lightsaber colors, George.

The number of “spaz posts” I’ve made directly pertaining to this movie can literally be continued on two hands – all but one of which were posted last week, when I was in a particularily crappy mood – so take your goddamn strawman arguments about lightsaber colours elsewhere.

generalfrevious said:

But I don’t hate Jedi. I have never really hated or even disliked it, and don’t want to.

For a movie you don’t hate or dislike, you sure piss and moan over it a lot.

GlastoEls said:

generalfrevious said:

It’s a sad fucking day when you realize that the franchise that you love is an utter mediocrity that has been sucking nonstop for over four decades. Even the OT is no longer the untainted holy trinity we all thought when we were younger, and that’s before the Special Editions arrived. All we have is ONE good sequel, two okay films that just rips off elements from the first two films, and a really horrendous prequel trilogy that chains it all down.

Relax.

FTFY

Prospero N. Leeuwenhoek, Esq.

Aren’t you a day early? 😉

Alderaan said:

I don’t think the OOT will be released until the next decade, sometime after May 2020. Disney will wait until all of Fox’s distribution rights expire on the other movies, and they will simultaneously wait until the ST is over and dies down.

I wouldn’t expect anything more from a company whose mascot is plague-ridden vermin.

Out of loyalty to the OOT and rebellion against Lucas and his “original vision”, I usually choose SW, but on occasion I’ll resort to using ANH (especially if I’m on TFN and don’t feel like getting into a tiff with the resident PT/SE fanboys).

generalfrevious said:

This speculation is pointless; in the end the film is crippled beyond hope.

Then stop talking about the goddamn movie and MOVE ON!

The Force abandoned me years ago, but I appreciate the sentiment regardless.

generalfrevious said:

Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars prequel.

Yes … ah … um … what?

TavorX said:

The Force Awakens does what we fans have always wanted. We wanted STAR WARS!

I had Star Wars before the ST was ever announced. It consisted of two great movies, one passable movie, and several comics and novels (most of which were published before the release of TPM).

I didn’t want anything more; I still don’t.