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- Empire Strikes Back 10/10 Masterpiece
- The Force Awakens 9/10
Amazing- Star Wars 1977 8.5/10
Great
Refer to the image in my signature.
But I wanna discuss Star Wars comics, games, movies, soundtracks, and other creative mediums which don’t revolve around Star Wars!
In my world of Star Wars there is also no such person called Qui-Gon because he wasn’t in any of the original films nor ever mentioned, and so all this talk about force ghosts is a lost point. Every Jedi that ever died in the OT appeared as a force ghost.
+1
In my world of Star Wars, there was such a person as Qui-Gon. It’s just that he was never Obi-Wan’s master. And he was a lot younger than Obi-Wan. And he had no beard …
Ah, shucks – same rules apply as the above, I guess.
The science guy?
What an absolutely shitty bump.
Not a shitty bump. Only shitty in your mind.
…
Ah, who am I trying to kid? It’s a shitty bump.
Then, around the Special Editions, people started pushing the “A New Hope” name hard, and also episode numbers.
I thought the use of episode numbers only really started catching on when TPM was released, becoming firmly entrenched once AOTC arrived.
Peter Mayhew - Chewy
Really? I found him rather crunchy myself.
So far, the closest thing I’ve found to a pre-PT Wookieepedia has been this page:
http://deckplans.00sf.com/Main/Research.html
I’ve found it to be an invaluable resource in separating the proverbial wheat from the chaff.
If only this interview was from the early-to-mid '90s. That way we could have been spared the SEs and gotten a PT & ST which were faithful to the EU (which was still pretty decent at the time, KJA aside).
I’m pretty sure that the Brian Daley novels were still considered canon in the 90’s. I have a PDF copy of a WEG book called “Han Solo and the Corporate Sector Sourcebook” from 1993. The Corporate Sector was almost exclusively in the Han Solo Adventures.
Also according to Wookieepedia most of the Marvel comics still counts as canon, although with a few tweaks here and there. Which suits me fine, as some of the early Marvel content is surprisingly good.
I’m not saying that the Daley, Neil, Marvel, etc. books weren’t considered canon in the EU, just that they didn’t rely on the WEG books for info.
As an aside, though, I’ll just say I hate that the Marvel comics were later considered part of the EU; seeing those great stories forced into the EU’s unworthy joke of a continuity was extremely distasteful to me.
I really wish Wookieepedia had a pre-PT “Legends” section. It’s hard to keep track of all the old WEG Sourcebooks, and the Galaxy Guide books are mostly just over-glorified SW dictionaries.
Agreed. It’s annoying trying to find info on a particular person, place, or thing from the early EU only to find post-PT revisions mixed in with the old info.
EXT. DRIED-UP RIVERBED – EVENING
Night has fallen. Cody remains tied up, seated upon the ground, his back against a large boulder. For the others, all but Vaness and Kathe have fallen asleep, dead-tired from all the activity of the last couple days.
Vaness sits there in the space between Cody and Naad, legs crossed, hands in her lap, eyes on the Journeyman Protector and cryptographer both. Vaness is only Human, however, and she, too, is exhausted; it is only a matter of time before her resolve fails her and she joins her companions in slumber.
Her eyelids heavy, Vaness slowly blinks, then closes them for good. Kathe waits, and once she is certain the commander is asleep, she slowly rises to her feet. Straightening her neck, she tilts her head back and opens her mouth; gagging silently, she slowly regurgitates a solid metal cylinder – Anakin’s lightsaber. Taking the Jedi apprentice’s weapon into her hand, she walks toward the restrained Journeyman Protector. Cody, eyes hard on her, doesn’t say a word.
MSC. NAAD: Aren’t you going to call out to the others?
CMDR. CODY: (looks over Naad’s shoulder) No need.
Following his gaze, Naad turns around; standing behind her, wide awake and none too happy, is Anakin. Bringing the hilt up, the woman swings it down to bash the Jedi’s head in, but he catches her wrist and pulls the saber out of her grasp. Lunging forward, she sinks her teeth into his wrist.
ANAKIN: ARGH!
Acting on reflex, Anakin loses his hold on her wrist. Turning on her heel, Naad dashes off into the night. Scowling, he takes off after her.
CUT TO
Naad running madly through the darkness, desperate to escape the Jedi Knight. Initially running high on a rush of adrenaline, she soon begins to exhaust her stamina; her speed drops and she comes to an abrupt halt. Breathing heavily, she rests her hands upon her knees for support.
Catching up to Naad, Anakin comes to a stop; there’s no sign of weariness in his stance whatsoever.
ANAKIN: No more games, Kathe. It’s over.
Still out of breath, Kathe doesn’t answer. Taking her silence for surrender, the apprentice takes hold of her arm. Before he can leave with Naad in tow, he halts, eyes widening with sudden alarm.
In the featureless darkness before them, like burning embers suspended in the ether, are six pairs of glowing yellow eyes.
Releasing his hold on Naad, Anakin engages his lightsaber. Blazing bright, the cyan light illuminates their surroundings. Standing there away from the two Humans are SIX RAKGHOULS; hulking yellow humanoids, they have two vertically arranged slits for nostrils high up on their faces, black spines growing out of their backs and heads, twelve sharp claws each growing out of their hands and feet, and large, wide maws filled with sharp, jagged teeth.
ANAKIN: Kathe – behind me!
Kathe isn’t fast enough. Lunging forward, one of the rakghouls takes hold of her. Pulling the woman close to its body, it yanks out her arm and then bites down, shearing through the cloth, skin, muscle, and tendon above her elbow.
KATHE: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!
Grinding its teeth back and forth, the rakghoul saws through her arm. As the bone gives way, Kathe collapses, SCREAMING as blood jets from the ragged stump.
CUT TO
The others at the camp. Already wide awake, they hear Kathe’s shrieks in the distance. Taking up their weapons, Obi-Wan and Bail break off into a run. Vaness, freeing Cmdr. Cody of his bonds, takes up her own spear and runs off to join them.
CUT TO
Anakin as he attacks the rakghoul who took Naad’s arm. Striking with his lightsaber, he bisects the monster through the shoulder, killing it with the gnawed arm still in its jaws.
Two other rakghouls quickly make their move; one slams its balled fists down on the Jedi’s back, knocking him flat to the ground, while the other goes for Kathe, grabbing her legs.
Arriving on the scene, Bail and Obi leap to the Jedi and cryptographer’s defense; hefting up his spear, Bail hurtles it at Kathe’s rakghoul, taking it right through the skull, while the knight leaps up and over Anakin’s rakghoul, carving a fatal gash through its spine as he completes his arc.
ROARING, one of the remaining three rakghouls makes a dash for Bail. Pulling out his blaster, Bail opens fire; unfortunately the blaster pack – already low on power – releases a few dim shots which only lightly sear the beast’s yellow flesh. Unscathed, it tackles Bail to the ground. Holding the captain to the ground fast, it opens its jaws wide and prepares to rip his throat out.
CMDR. VANESS: EEEEYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Screaming like a banshee, Vaness charges the rakghoul holding her commanding officer down, spear held out before her. Colliding with the abomination, she runs the spear right through the beast’s sternum, knocking it off and away from Bail.
Gritting her teeth, Vaness pins the rakghoul to the ground, applying as much pressure to the end of the spear as she can. HISSING, the rakghoul throws out its arms and runs its claws down her back, cutting her flesh open. Bearing with the pain, she pulls out a vibroblade; stabbing down, she pierces the monster’s throat, putting a final end to its misbegotten existence.
As Obi-Wan and Anakin quickly finish off the last of the rakghouls, Cmdr. Cody finally arrives. Moving up to Kathe, he takes her into his arms and immediately applies pressure to her injury.
CMDR. CODY: She’s bleeding out fast. (to the Jedi) You’re going to have to cauterize it.
Swallowing, Obi-Wan steps forward to do the job. Bringing out his azure blade, he cuts through the ragged end of the stump.
KATHE: AAAAHHHH!!!
With the deed done, the Jedi Knight takes a step back. Breathing rapidly, Naad finally passes out, the shock too much to bear.
Approaching Vaness, Bail lightly lays his fingers down on her wounded back.
BAIL: These look bad.
CMDR. VANESS: (winces) Just flesh wounds. I’ll survive.
No one has said to me it’s okay to love ROTJ and not be seen as a terrible person.
It’s okay to love ROTJ; it doesn’t make you a terrible person.
Happy now?
Can you tell me the doctor that prescribes your recreational drugs? 😄
No, he was God. I can see how you’d mistake the two, though.
Yes, SW is a mediocre franchise. Thankfully, I can take that which I like and ignore the rest, as I do with all franchises I enjoy but have issues with.
I suggest you finally do the same and stop crying over a falling sky.
I SEE NOTHING!
*sobs*
Only bit of “EU” that didn’t rely on the WEG game that I can think of is probably splinter of the mind’s eye.
You’re forgetting The Han Solo Adventures by Brian Daley, The Lando Calrissian Adventures by L. Neil Smith, and the Star Wars/Droids/Ewoks comics published by Marvel. 😛
“Stir, whip, stir, whip. Whip, whip, stir.”
“WWWWAAAAAHHHH!”
There’s a reason why I accept The Holiday Special as semi-canon. 😉
I’ll be so happy once emoticons become visible.
ALLOL!
EXT. DRIED-UP RIVERBED – SUNSET
As another day draws to a close, Kathe Nadd stands crouched down on one knee over the dead waterfall, looking out to the ziggurat far in the distance; she can see the four travellers returning from the Sith edifice with chest in tow. Face unreadable, her eyes tell a different tale: one of uncertainty and perhaps even distaste.
Away from her, Zosime Moulin sits on the ground beside the reclining Jango Cody. Immersed in her own thoughts, she doesn’t notice Cody regain consciousness until she turns on a whim, finding him already sitting up.
DR. MOULIN: (Startled) WHA! (beat) Commander! I … I’m …
CMDR. CODY: (hoarse) Water.
Still unnerved, the doctor scrambles about until she finds herself a canteen. Taking the canteen from her, the Journeyman Protector gulps down what little water’s left at the bottom. Unsatisfied, he frowns deeply.
DR. MOULIN: I’m sorry, Commander, but we’re short on water. That was the last of our supply, to be honest; we finished off our other canteen earlier this afternoon.
CMDR. CODY: (looks about) Where are we? Where’re the others?
DR. MOULIN: I wish I could answer that first question, Commander, but I’m afraid I don’t know where we are; something went wrong with the Son’s hyperdrive – an explosion – catapulting us here, wherever here is. (beat) As for your other question, we spotted what looks like a ziggurat over in that direction the other day (points toward the ziggurat). The captain, Vaness, and the Jedi went off to see if there’s anything of value to be found there. They’ve been gone since then.
CMDR. CODY: Mal’Akhi?
DR. MOULIN: (looks down) Dead along with Antilles in the accident.
CMDR. CODY: (leans in close to the Gungan) Doctor, that accident was no accident.
DR. MOULIN: (frowns) No accident?
CMDR. CODY: No. It was a deliberate act of sabotage. I know because I saw the saboteur – I saw her in the engineering bay before we jumped back to lhyt-speed; I found what she left of Antilles in the hyperdrive access tunnel; I found the hyperdrive wired to explode. I tried to warn you – stop you – but you’d already made the jump.
DR. MOULIN: (horrified) One of us did this? Who!? Who was it?!
MSC. NAAD: (O.C.) It was me.
Hearing Naad’s voice so near to them, the Journeyman Protector and Gungan turn their heads, finding the young Human woman standing right there over them. In her left hand, inactive but held at the ready, is Obi-Wan’s lightsaber.
DR. MOULIN: (incredulous) Kathe!?
MSC. NAAD: I hoped to spare you this. I’m sorry.
As Kathe triggers the azure blade, Cody is already moving, rolling clear of the saber’s range, but for Zosime, it is too late; with a single broad sweep of the Jedi weapon, Naad clears the Gungan’s head from her body.
The Gungan dispatched, Naad turns her attention on Cody. Even unarmed, however, the Journeyman Protector’s military background gives him an edge over the untrained woman; seizing both of her wrists and pushing the glowing blue blade away from him, he knees her in the side, forcing her hands open.
The inactive hilt falls and hits the hard-packed ground, the commander makes a dive for it. Furious, the woman dives after him. Their hands both locking around the lightsaber, they begin struggling over it.
EXT. DRIED-UP WATERFALL – SUNSET
Coming to the length of line dangling overhead, the four stop, crouching down to lower their chest of foodstuffs to the ground.
ANAKIN: (rubs his hands together) What do we do with our booty? We can’t haul the chest up – do we call the others down and camp here tonight?
BAIL: We’ll unthaw what we can carry and take that up with us. The rest we’ll leave ‘til tomorrow to deal with.
CUT TO
Cody and Naad, still wrestling about the ground for Obi-Wan’s saber.
CUT TO
The four travellers as they shimmy up the line.
CUT TO
Naad as she goes to bite Cody’s throat.
CUT TO
The four travellers as they continue shimmying up the line.
CUT TO
Cody as he headbutts Naad, forcing her off him, winning him the Jedi weapon.
Rolling over away from Naad, he springs to his feet; with a SNAP-HISS, he engages the azure plasma blade.
EXT. DRIED-UP RIVERBED – SUNSET
Coming up over the edge, the four find Cody and Naad standing there before them, staring each other down, Obi’s lit lightsaber in the Journeyman Protector’s hands.
BAIL: (nonplussed) What the hell is this?!
Hearing the captain’s voice, both combatants swivel their heads in his direction.
MSC. NAAD: (points at Cody) He’s had your lightsaber, Obi; he stole it from your quarters and he’s had it on him this whole time. He was faking unconsciousness, and when he was ready, he attacked us. (points at Moulin’s remains) He killed Zosime – chopped her head off!
CMDR. CODY: She’s lying! Don’t listen to her!
MSC NAAD: And the explosion, the crash? It was him! He did it! He sabotaged the Son’s hyperdrive! He stranded us on this forsaken rock! He’s a spy for the Clonemasters! He did it all for them!
CMDR. CODY: (outraged) Never! I’d never side with the whitefaces!
BAIL: (unholsters his blaster) Commander, stand down.
CMDR. CODY: (angry) Captain, you know me – you know what happened on Concord Dawn, what happened to my family, my wife – you know!
BAIL: (levels his blaster at Cody) Yes, I know what happened to Jango Cody on Concord Dawn.
CMDR. CODY: (incredulous) What happened to Jang --! (beat) I am Jango!
BAIL: I don’t know that.
CMDR. CODY: I’m not a clone!
BAIL: Hand me the saber and we’ll talk about it.
Speechless, Cmdr. Cody is left with no alternatives; disengaging the lightsaber, he hands it to Bail. Bail – never taking his eyes off the Journeyman Protector for a moment – hands the hilt back to Obi-Wan.
BAIL: Raia, secure him.
Taking a length of line, Cmdr. Vaness moves in behind Cody, pulling his hands behind him and tying them fast together.
CMDR. CODY: (nods to Naad) What of her? Search her, search the bags; she may have taken the boy’s weapon as well. If you find it, you’ll know I’m telling the truth.
As Anakin moves in behind Naad and begins patting her down for hidden weapons, Obi-Wan begins looking through the knapsacks.
ANAKIN: (finishes frisking) She’s clean.
OBI-WAN: (finishes searching the knapsacks) Anakin’s lightsaber isn’t here.
BAIL: (sighs; to Cody) Well, Commander, that avenue’s out.
Cmdr. Cody responds with a harsh Concordian curse.
In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck.
He looks like a member of the Who
I don’t know why, but I ALLOLed.
From said book:
“Once regarded as mad human wreckage, with the increasing favor of the Emperor Vader has risen in power and influence to become a much-feared military commander. Grand Moff Tarkin was one of the few who recognized Vader’s capabilities in spite of his bizarre appearance and eccentric conduct, and as Tarkin’s right-hand man Vader attained a new level of respect among the upper echelons of the Imperial military.”
Why the hell has no one treated that!?
Neat. I don’t think I ever read that, but it’s completely in line with my own personal canon.
Oh, yes, and while I’m here, I just want to say that I’ve read Shattered Empire.
Short review: It sucked.
Long review: It was a series of disjointed vignettes that sucked.
That is all.