DuracellEnergizer

Dang. I was hoping you’d say you restrain them, pin their eyes open, and force them to watch it ala Alex in A Clockwork Orange.

I, for one, will endeavour to do just that starting now.

I kinda want this shirt:

Homer eating sixty-four slices of American cheese has been branded upon my brain ever since I watched that episode, along with every other item of pop cultural significance which has occurred in the first nine seasons of The Simpsons.

The yellowjackets are reawakening.

April Fools Day indeed.

He’s the arbiter of what is and what is not True Star Wars™, don’tcha know?

Jeebus said:

nutsen pranks hair.

That’s disgusting.

*yawn*

NFBisms said:

It really rubs me the wrong way that someone could think they have a patent on what Star Wars is and should mean to the millions of people who are fans of it. The beauty of it is that it does span so many generations and can - depending on who you talk to - be a sci-fi, or a fantasy, or a western, or crime and gangster flick, samurai or war film, or whatever the hell else.

Some people see fun/quirky kids films, others see philosophical samurai/western films, or a tribute to Flash Gordon, or just a franchise summer blockbuster, war movies, or a generation-spanning space opera/epic. Whatever it is to you, it doesn’t matter. And you can be on and off board with the franchise at whatever points you want, because you like a specific aspect of its universe more than the rest - but don’t try to assert that your perspective is the only one that matters because in your mind it’s “objective”; that you’re the smart fan. It implies you think everyone else are stupid sheep, but there’s no way to justify that with something so diverse. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to do Star Wars.

It’s not like everyone doesn’t understand what Alderaan is saying. They’ve clearly demonstrated an understanding of his opinion, (having heard it so many times), and all anyone can really do from there is disagree, if they do. We’re discussing on a forum. It really doesn’t matter if someone thinks differently than you do about Star Wars. Especially about Star Wars.

+googolplex

The following is quite possibly the strangest dream I’ve ever had. If not, it’s certainly the strangest dream I’ve had within living memory.

My mother’s side of the family was throwing a family reunion at my Uncle Dave and Aunt Sharon’s place, so my mother and father and me went there to take part in the proceedings (my sister was strangely absent). There, we found ourselves packed in amongst dozens upon dozens of relatives, many of whom we had met only briefly once before or not at all.

Fast forward to dinnertime, where Aunt Sharon served me a platter of buffalo wings and coffee cake as an appetizer before the main course, which was either steak or turkey (the diner got to decide which they wanted). There was going to be a large gap of time between the appetizer and the main course, so after eating my wings and nibbling on my cake, I spent the interim chatting with one of my cousins, Andrea.

Andrea was a pretty girl, about fifteen years old though she looked like she was at least five years older, and rather friendly. She told me that we had met once before years ago, in the last family reunion, when we were both little kids, where we had participated in a game where we pretended to be man and wife (Yeah, in spite of the fact that she was fifteen and I was still twenty-nine in the dream, making it impossible for us to have both been little kids at the same time, we somehow had still been.). In spite of playing the marriage game, though, we had come away disliking each other in real life. At first I couldn’t remember any of this ever happening, which frustrated her deeply, but gradually I came to recall this chain of events.

To get away from all the hustle and bustle going around us, Andrea and I had stepped into an alcove between two walls or shelves or something so we could talk alone and in peace. One of our relatives found us there, and he had immediately jumped to the conclusion that I had brought her there so I could seduce her without being caught, which wasn’t what I had been doing at all. This relative spread this unfounded claim to everyone else, and soon most everyone was regarding me as a statutory rapist, threatening to call the police. Even though Andrea backed me up, angrily shouting to everyone that nothing sexual had gone on between us, no one listened; even her mother, Aunt Middleton, treated me like a bug to squash. (My parents had mysteriously disappeared during all of this.)

Pretty soon tempers escalated, and those who had been crying for my arrest began howling for my blood; they literally wanted me dead. One of the relatives there – dressed in a suit of steampunk armour – soon began stalking me. He wore mechanical gauntlets on his wrists which launched long metal bolts, bolts launched at great enough velocity to kill me. I took one of these bolts, and through trickery, I managed to kill Mr. Steampunk with it.

Shit then really got real. In fear of my life, I began using a machete and a garden claw as weapons to defend myself, hacking and slashing through droves of murderous relatives to stay alive. In the midst of all this, someone had ordered a pizza. When the pizza man entered the building, in the heat of battle I failed to keep myself from burying my machete blade in his carotid artery. Eyes widening in horror, I pulled the blade out of his neck and pressed my hand down on the gushing wound. One of my uncles, a doctor, took my place stanching the pizza man’s blood flow while I told someone to call for an ambulance; someone mentioned that they had already notified the authorities, that paramedics and policemen were already on their way. The dream kind of trailed off there.

I think the strangest aspect of this dream is that aside from my own mother and father, none of the people in this dream are real-life relatives of mine. “Uncle” Dave and “Aunt” Sharon are old friends of my parents who are now divorced; “Aunt” Middleton was a counselor/aide who worked at my high school; the doctor uncle I mentioned looked exactly like Kevin’s Uncle Frank from the first two Home Alone movies; and my cousin Andrea was actually Andrea Nemeth, a retired Canadian actress.

The best April fools are the accidental ones.

Thoughts of a Sentient Lightsabre

Jeebus said:

What yousa spake? Mesa doen nutten!

EDIT: This joke is gonna overstay it’s welcome real soon, but mesa keeping it up until April 1st is done.

If only the entire world shared one time zone. . . .

IIRC, Alderaan has an irrational hatred of the EU, too, so that’s not going to sway him any.

Bart’s Nightmare trumps all.

Alderaan said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Yeah, it is a bullshit answer. Going by your logic, nobody brushes their teeth, trims one’s nails, takes showers, does the dishes, walks the family pet, reads a book, has sex, or takes a dump in the SW Universe either because the OT never shows that happening. Every soul’s just a black-toothed, claw-bearing, filthy, petless, illiterate, asexual, constipated individual with tons of dirty dishes pilled up in their sink.

I think you got lost in the forest somewhere, Duracell.

Translation:

“Do you read Sutter Cane?”

Send that abomination to the dog food factory.

suspiciouscoffee said:

VHS is better until you want to watch Tron with your brother and a mutual friend late on a Friday night but the player in the bottom of the TV violently shoots the tape back out at you, making you too scared to use that player for a while.

Just kidding, VHS isn’t better, but the rest of the story is true, and perhaps my favorite story of my early-double-digit-years.

That’s what my last VCR* tended to do before it gave up the ghost.

*True VCR, that is, not my DVD/VCR combo, which still functions swell (the VCR half, anyway).

SwissArmyTin said:

I’ve been arguing with a dude on YouTube who genuinely believes VHS is better than DVDs and Blurays (says they look unnatural, over detailed and VHS is grainier and much more atmospheric, how films from the 80s were supposed to look).

I genuinely thoroughly want to die.

Have the YouTube comment sections ever brought forth anything other than abomination?

Alderaan said:

It was definitely not a bullshit answer. Style is one of the most important aspects of films. Your mileage may vary.

Yeah, it is a bullshit answer. Going by your logic, nobody brushes their teeth, trims one’s nails, takes showers, does the dishes, walks the family pet, reads a book, has sex, or takes a dump in the SW Universe either because the OT never shows that happening. Every soul’s just a black-toothed, claw-bearing, filthy, petless, illiterate, asexual, constipated individual with tons of dirty dishes pilled up in their sink.

That’s a bullshit answer and you know it.

Could it be that two of OT.com’s resident blind men are going to throwdown?

Jeebus said:

lovelikewinter said:

Darth Id said:

ray_afraid said:

^ Those comments… I think I’m gonna be sick…

Don’t worry, they’re all from LFL bots.

No, there is a section of fandom I like to call idiot Hayden fangirls. The ones who obsess over his “tragic” romance with Padme and write slash about him and Obi-Wan. This is why I hate humanity.

There’s a certain type of fangirl that is drawn to horrible people. There are fangirls for the Columbine shooters, the Boston Bombers, and even Ted Bundy.

But not Donald Trump, thank God.

Alderaan said:

New stuff that is Star Wars is good.

New stuff that is not Star Wars is bad.

Magic crystal bull**** is not Star Wars.

Therefore, magic crystal bull**** is bad.

So where in Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, or Return of the Jedi is it stated that “magic crystals” don’t exist?