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DuracellEnergizer

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Join date
30-May-2010
Last activity
21-Aug-2019
Posts
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Post History

Post
#1292927
Topic
Last web series/tv show seen
Time

Night Gallery (Season 1)

Watched the pilot movie some years back, but only got around to checking out the series proper in the last couple weeks. I certainly loved the pilot — it’s right up there with The Twilight Zone in quality — but Season 1 itself is a mixed bag. Maybe I’ll check Seasons 2 & 3 out sometime. Maybe not.

SEGMENT RATINGS

  • “The Dead Man” – 8/10
  • “The Housekeeper” – 5/10
  • “Room with a View” – 7/10
  • “The Little Black Bag” – 7/10
  • “The Nature of the Enemy” – 4/10
  • “The House” – 7/10
  • “Certain Shadows on the Wall” – 8/10
  • “Make Me Laugh” – 6/10
  • “Clean Kills and Other Trophies” – 6/10
  • “Pamela’s Voice” – 5/10
  • “Lone Survivor” – 6/10
  • “The Doll” – 7/10
  • “They’re Tearing Down Tim Riley’s Bar” – 8/10
  • “The Last Laurel” – 5/10

SEASON’S RATING

★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Post
#1291535
Topic
Necropolis (An Original Story)
Time

FADE IN

On a panoramic shot of a desert ghost town.

SUPERIMPOSE: SUNSIDE GHOST TOWN, ARIZONA — 1998

SUNSIDE — MONTAGE

We pass through Sunside. The roads are paved, but deep cracks crisscross the asphalt, obscuring it beneath a webwork of brown grass. The town buildings — the houses, the shops, the school, the courthouse, and the town hall — stand deserted, their coats of paint bleached shades of off-white by the harsh sun or stripped nearly completely away by erosion, their windows and doors damaged/destroyed by vandals, lifeless.

EXT. SHERIDAN’S COTTAGE — DAY

On the outskirts of Sunside stands a cottage. The cottage is of the same vintage as the abandoned town and bears similar weathering. Unlike those dwellings, however, this small home has escaped abandonment. A well and flower garden are located in the front yard, a tool shed and chicken coop to the side, and a vegetable garden and outhouse in the back. Under the porch, past a mahogany rocking chair, in the threshold of the open door, stands SHERIDAN.

Sheridan is a woman of medium height, attired in an old-fashioned brown dress and hooded black cloak, her blond hair worn in a long braid down her chest. That is all that can be said with certainty about her. In the gloom of hood and home, age, facial features, etc. cannot be made out. What we can see of her skin is dark, and her eyes seem to glow red with reflected light much like a cat’s.

From her vantage point, Sheridan can view almost the whole of Sunside, sprawled out, tiny, almost the size of a toy playset from this distance. Vision keen, she can make out the caravan of vehicles heading into the derelict town like so many black ants.

EXT. ROAD — DAY

The caravan consists of a large array of different vehicles — trailers, flatbed trucks, water trucks, dump trucks, bulldozers, loaders, and a crane.

SUNSIDE — MONTAGE

The crew and equipment unloaded, it isn’t long before demolition begins. The bulldozers make short, easy work of the small houses, but for larger, sturdier buildings such as the school and town hall, explosives are used. Inside a day, Sunside — which had preserved against the elements without a human hand to maintain it since 1931 — is reduced to a debris field of splintered wood and crumbled brick.

EXT. SUNSIDE CEMETERY — DAY

Just beyond Sunside proper, on a low hill which overlooks the town, identifed by the iron gate in front, is Sunside Cemetery. A large unfenced cemetery — nearly a third the size of the town itself — headstones and crosses rise from the arid soil, encrusted with lichen and grime, tilted, fallen over, many of the plots they stand over sunken after the long years. From the dates still visible, we can discern not a single person buried here was interred later than 1897, though with all the available space remaining, it isn’t at all clear why Sunside Cemetery was abandoned so long before Sunside itself.

EXT. SUNSIDE CHURCH — DAY

Past the graves, towards the front of the cemetary, stand two buildings: a rather modest mortuary, and adjacent to the mortuary, rather anomalous in this part of the country, a prodigious Gothic-style church. Atop the tall spire is a combined Celtic/Patriarchal cross of green copper.

INT. SUNSIDE CHURCH/CHANCEL — DAY

Passing through the nave, we come to the chancel, the central section of the church. The walls and floor are of greenish-black, gold-flecked soapstone, unfestooned, but bearing intricate engraved designs of religious and occultic significance. There are no pews or altar present in the space, but in the apse stands a titanic statue.

Cut from immaculate white marble, the statue has been shaped to represent the Christian God, but it’s a most unorthodox representation. The statue has three faces, one for each Person of the Trinity. The dextral face is masculine, bearded — the Father; the sinistral face is feminine, beautiful — the Holy Spirit; the central face is androgynous, youthful — the Son. Their hands frame Their belly, which is pregnant with creation. Creation is represented by a painted bas-relief divided into four distinct spheres. The first sphere: the spiritual world, domain of angels; the second sphere: the material world, domain of animals; the third sphere: the infernal world, domain of demons; the lowest sphere, as represented by an inset disk of featureless black onyx: oblivion.

INT. SUNSIDE CEMETERY — DAY

The wrecking crew has arrived. Several trucks pass through the gate while the heavy crane rolls in around it.

INT. SUNSIDE CHURCH/CHANCEL — DAY

The church shudders at the crane’s approach.

EXT. SUNSIDE CEMETERY — DAY

With the wrecking ball attached, the crane is erected. Swiveling the cab right, then left, the operator casts the ball smack-dab into the spire. The spire disintegrates, sending the tarnished cross to the ground with a harsh clang.

INT. SUNSIDE CHURCH/CHANCEL — DAY

Spread out through the nave and chancel, the blasters get to work fitting dynamite into boreholes drilled into the load-bearing pillars earlier. One of them stops momentarily to gaze upon the statue of God. The man isn’t a churchgoer, not even a believer, but he is still held in awe by the magnificence of the statue and the chamber it’s in. He shakes his head, unable to grasp the motivations underlying this artless demolition, but a job’s a job; he resumes the task at hand without complaint.

EXT. SUNSIDE CHURCH — DAY

Explosives in place, interior vacated, perimeter cleared, the signal is given. With a burst of light and sound, Sunside Church implodes, joining its namesake in nothingness.

EXT. SUNSIDE — SUNSET

The vehicles and wrecking crew have vacated, and with them the refuse of Sunside. Where the ghost town had stood are now vacant lots; not even the foundations of the buildings or the cracked roads which connected them remain. Beside the road which disappears into the vanished town has been erected a billboard. The billboard sports a picturesque rendering of a modern town situated beneath a starry night sky, emblazoned in large white letters at the bottom: “COMING SOON - - STARSIDE”.

CROSSFADE TO

The same shot after nightfall.

A pickup truck comes speeding along the road. It barrels past the Starside billboard, en route for the cemetery.

EXT. SUNSIDE CEMETERY — NIGHT

The truck pulls through the gate, entering the graveyard. Though the rubbish of the church/mortuary has been cleared out, the headstones remain in place, undisturbed for now.

Climbing out of the truck, the TWEEDLE BROTHERS go around back. Opening the tailgate, they fish out their tools — a pair of shovels, pair of mattocks, pair of sledgehammers, a metal detector, an electric lantern, and a flashlight.

CUT TO

The grave robbers wandering deep into the graveyard, the brilliant stars and moon in the sky overhead their only companions.

TWEEDLE BRO. #1: Quiet out. I mean, it’s too quiet.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: (noncommittal) Too quiet.

TWEEDLE BRO. #1: I mean, where’re the crickets and that, yeah? It’s the desert; there’re always crickets.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: Always.

They continue. The first brother turns his lantern this way and that, examining graves.

TWEEDLE BRO. #1: Lotta these graves sunk into the ground.

His brother says nothing.

TWEEDLE BRO. #1: (cont’d) I don’t wanna fall into one. You know what I mean?

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: Then don’t walk into one. (sarcastic) You know what I mean?

The grave robbers find themselves in the oldest section of the cemetery. The second brother stops before a large, prodigious tombstone, possibly the grandest in the cemetery. Chiselled from granite, an angel kneels atop the base, hands clasped in solemn prayer. The inscription on the face reads:

"LÁZARO MUÑOZ

VILLAGE FOUNDER

BORN

MAY 1, 1813

‘THAT IS NOT DEAD WHICH CAN ETERNAL LIE’"

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: He was loaded, for sure.

Setting their equipment down, they start to work. They begin with shovels, but once the stoniness of the soil proves a bother, they switch to the mattocks, using them to cleave into the dark earth.

Minutes pass. As the brothers clear the last of the dirt away, the lid of an old brick burial vault is exposed.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: (raps on lid; grins) Still loaded, heh?

Tossing the mattocks aside, they take up their sledgehammer. The following work is sweaty and exhausting, the brick is thick, but the brothers’ tenacity wins them through. The lid cracks, releasing a blast of fetid air from inside. The first brother leaps out of the hole, the second recoiling, both from disgust.

Once the stench has cleared, the second brother retrieves his mattock and sets about knocking and prying loose the broken brick; a fist-sized hole is opened into the vault.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: (holds out hand) Flashlight. Gimme.

The first brother hands the second the flashlight. Switching it on, the grave Robber casts the beam into the hole.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: Somethin’ in here. (beat) Glittery red.

That’s when glossy black spiders — the shape and size of black widows, with glowing red eyes, numbering in the thousands — emerge from the violated burial vault. It is already too late for the second brother; the spiders engulf him before he can climb out of the grave.

TWEEDLE BRO. #2: AAAAHHH!!!

The grave robber disappears beneath a torrent of tiny, living black bodies as the arachnids scamper up the walls of the six-foot pit for his brother.

TWEEDLE BRO. #1: Holy fuck!

The vicious spiders race up the remaining brother’s legs, over and across his torso, onto his arms and face, biting, drawing his blood, visibly swelling as they absorb it into themselves. He frenetically brushes and slaps at the critters, popping them like great black blisters, drenching himself in a mixture of their black ichor and his own red blood. He turns, tries to sprint away, staggers, weak from exertion and blood loss, and collapses onto his knees then his chest, spiders still clinging to him, more emerging from the grave to join in the feast.

As the lone Tweedle lies there, tick-like spiders latched onto him, growing in size as they drain him dry, he gazes up. Standing before him, eyes aglow with baleful red light most certainly not reflected, is the cloaked Sheridan, in her tight gray fist a razor-edged tomahawk.

TITLE: NECROPOLIS

Post
#1290225
Topic
Last movie seen
Time

MST3K version

★★★★★★★☆☆☆

non-MST3K version

★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★★☆☆


★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆


★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★★☆☆


★★★★★★★☆☆☆


★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★★★☆


★★★★★★★★☆☆


★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Post
#1289057
Topic
Last comic read
Time

The writing is … odd, but at least it’s not full of whores, ethnic/feminist/religious caricatures, and the other offensive junk Miller’s become infamous for in recent decades, which is nice. Hopefully the following issues will follow suit and keep out of the cesspool.

I really don’t know why JRjr has drawn half the characters as bobbleheads, though. I know his art’s always been an acquired taste, but I like most of his '90s output; the stuff in this issue looks really sloppy by comparison.

Post
#1288358
Topic
The Last Son of Krypton (Season One)
Time

I’ve come to realize that I have too much story to fit comfortably inside a trilogy of feature-length screenplays, so I’ve decided to retool my Superman trilogy into a three-season series instead. Everything from the destruction of Krypton to the development of Clark’s powers is Episode 1, everything from Labor Day weekend to Jonathan’s phone conversation with Helen is Episode 2, and I imagine a minimum of five further episodes to follow, bringing Season 1 to a close.

Post
#1288357
Topic
The Last Son of Krypton (Season One)
Time

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

Seated in a spacious armchair, Helen reaches for the candlestick telephone on the stand beside her. Lifting the receiver from the switch hook, she dials a number.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

After long seconds of ringing, Jonathan enters the kitchen and strides up to the wood-panelled wall telephone.

JONATHAN: (answers phone) Jonathan here.

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: (smiles) Dearest Jonathan.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

JONATHAN: (frowns) Who’s this?

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: (wry) I’m surprised at you. Granted, it’s been a spell. But so long as to forget the voice of your oldest, closest friend?

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

JONATHAN: (stern) Helen.

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: You remember!

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

JONATHAN: If you’re calling after Clark, he isn’t available.

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: Oh, you’ll do. Quite nicely.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

JONATHAN: How may I help you today, Hel?

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: Clark and I’ve spent quite the amount of time together. So much time, I wake some mornings thinking I’m Mrs. Helen Kent. (chuckles) Thanksgiving’s fast approaching. I’ll be hosting a dinner. I’ve invited my sister and her family. While I know Clark isn’t family, it simply wouldn’t do to exclude him and his from the festivities.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

JONATHAN: I don’t think so, Helen.

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: (sighs) I suppose I can call back later; perhaps Martha’ll be available to pick up the line. Or perhaps I’ll drive out to your quaint, picturesque property and pay your wife a personal visit. (beat) We have much to discuss, she and I, and I can be quite the chatterbox. (malicious) Quite the chatterbox.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

Jonathan doesn’t speak a word.

INT. HELEN’S HOME/PARLOUR — SUNSET

HELEN: And don’t forget to include your niece. Clark has told me all about her; I’m simply perishing to meet the perfect dear.

INT. KENT HOME/KITCHEN — SUNSET

The line goes dead.

FADE OUT

END CREDITS

Post
#1287817
Topic
The <em>Stranger Things</em> Thread
Time

Oh, those Russians.

Suffice to say, I loved Stranger Things 3. It was far more cohesive than Stranger Things 2, and I even quasi-liked Nancy & Jonathan again. If I have any complaint, it’s that nothing from last season’s “The Lost Sister” was ever touched upon. That being the show’s worst episode, though, perhaps it’s for the best that it’s never referenced again.

Post
#1286494
Topic
Last movie seen
Time

★★★★★★★☆☆☆


★★★★★★☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★☆☆☆


★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★☆☆☆


★★★★★★☆☆☆☆


I know this is blasphemy, but I’m gonna say it anyway: Vertigo isn’t a masterpiece. It could’ve been a masterpiece — it had the makings of one — but the flashback broke the movie. Whether Madeleine was being possessed by the spirit of Carlotta or not; whether Judy and Madeleine were one and the same or not; whether Scottie’s deduction at the end was accurate or the delusions of a man gone off the deep end — all should’ve been left unanswered and ambiguous.

Also, Madeleine was as pretty as a rainbow, and about as charismatic as a rainbow trout. Why Scottie chose her over Midge, a zesty woman with actual personality, I’ll never understand. Guess he prefers to rob the cradle of love.

Finally, that ending — it’s so abrupt, it’s almost comical.

★★★★★★☆☆☆☆


★★★★★★★★☆☆


★★★★★★★☆☆☆


★★★★★★★★☆☆

Post
#1285869
Topic
The all-purpose ART thread!
Time

This past week, I returned to the Superman drawing I did five months ago and decided to flesh it out into a complete poster-style drawing of Supes with members of his supporting cast/rogues gallery. After fixing/inking the original Superman drawing, adding in the other figures, cleaning it up/colouring it digitally, I completed it yesterday.

Here’s a step-by-step chart of the drawing’s evolution:

This is the most detailed, labour-intensive drawing I’ve ever worked on; it took a lot out of me; I don’t know if I have it in me to draw one like it again.

Post
#1279080
Topic
Rewriting the OT-What would you do?
Time

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. . . . 😉

This is a topic I’ve been pondering for several months now, and I’ve some ideas for an OT rewrite firmly developed in my mind.

GENERAL CHANGES

  • My OT would be semi-hard science fiction, with a few fantastical elements, rather than outright science fantasy. Things like 3D space travel would be featured, but people walking around inside giant space slugs without spacesuits in Earth-normal gravity would be out of the question.
  • My OT would take place in the Milky Way Galaxy, in “the 33rd century A.E.”, hundreds of thousands of years into the future. Humans and near-humans would be the only sapient life inhabiting the galaxy; there’d be no genuine aliens.
  • Projectile weapons such as coilguns and smart missiles would be featured, with energy weapons taking lesser precedence.
  • The lightsaber would be somewhat different. It’d be a weapon only trained Force-users can activate and wield. It’d possess a monomolecular blade of “energized particles” which can cut through most anything but doesn’t generate any actual heat. Jedi lightsabers would be red while Sith lightsabers blue.
  • No manned fighters. All fighters would either be outfitted with AIs (Empire) or remote controlled (Rebel).
  • There’d be no light/dark dichotomy to the Force.
  • No Force ghosts.

STAR WARS

  • Luke would be changed into a female character named “Leia Skywalker”.
  • Leia would become Princess Zara Antilles.
  • The Death Star would not make a physical appearance. Zara would be imprisoned on Vader’s Star Destroyer and all scenes pertaining to her rescue would take place there.
  • Ben would survive his duel with Vader.
  • The film would end with our heroes escaping for Hoth.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

  • My version of TESB would open a couple weeks after the events of SW. The damages to the Falcon would’ve been those sustained during our heroes’ escape from Vader’s ship; Leia would be furthering her training under Ben; etc.
  • Dodonna would take Rieekan’s place.
  • The Leia/Han/Zara love triangle would be a bisexual one.
  • The walkers would be replaced with tanks.
  • Ben would be slain by Vader while helping our heroes escape Hoth.
  • In contrast to Ben, Yoda would be quite the PT-era Jedi. He would teach Leia that Jedi are forbidden from forming attachments, including romantic ones.
  • Bespin wouldn’t have a breathable atmosphere.
  • Six months would explicitly pass between the Battle of Hoth and the duel on Cloud City.
  • I’m on the fence as to whether Vader would be Leia’s father or not.
  • Leia would join Vader.

RETURN REVENGE OF THE JEDI

  • Three years would’ve passed since TESB. Leia would’ve spent that time receiving Sith training from Vader.
  • The one and only Death Star would finally make its debut.
  • Motti would take Jerjerrod’s place.
  • Emperor Palpatine would be reimagined as Espaa Valorum, the beautiful, androgynous, ageless Dark Lord of the Sith.
  • Under his helmet, Vader would be revealed as a handsome, middle-aged man without any injuries or disfigurements.
  • No Ewoks, no Endor. The Rebel fleet would attack the Death Star above Had Abbadon, and we’d get a trench run much like the one from A New Hope. No muss, no fuss.
  • Valorum would zap Leia with his lightning; Vader would skewer him on his lightsaber; then Leia and Vader would have their climactic duel.
  • Leia would slay Vader a la Dooku. Vader would die in his sins, unredeemed.
  • The film would end on a bittersweet note, with the Death Star destroyed, Han and Zara together, and Leia assuming command of the Executor and going off on her own, intent on building a First Order free of Jedi/Sith dogma.
Post
#1277038
Topic
Going away? Post so here!
Time

I believe I’ll be taking my third and final departure from this forum. I tried toughing it out, hoping things would turn around, but the plain, painful truth is that I don’t like Star Wars anymore, there’re no more interesting discussions to be had in Off-Topic/The Subforums Formerly Known as Off-Topic, so there’s nothing to keep me here anymore.

To echo the closing words of long departed yhwx, I log out and close the browser tab, crossing my heart, hoping to die, sticking a needle in my eye.