Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. . . . 😉
This is a topic I’ve been pondering for several months now, and I’ve some ideas for an OT rewrite firmly developed in my mind.
- My OT would be semi-hard science fiction, with a few fantastical elements, rather than outright science fantasy. Things like 3D space travel would be featured, but people walking around inside giant space slugs without spacesuits in Earth-normal gravity would be out of the question.
- My OT would take place in the Milky Way Galaxy, in “the 33rd century A.E.”, hundreds of thousands of years into the future. Humans and near-humans would be the only sapient life inhabiting the galaxy; there’d be no genuine aliens.
- Projectile weapons such as coilguns and smart missiles would be featured, with energy weapons taking lesser precedence.
- The lightsaber would be somewhat different. It’d be a weapon only trained Force-users can activate and wield. It’d possess a monomolecular blade of “energized particles” which can cut through most anything but doesn’t generate any actual heat. Jedi lightsabers would be red while Sith lightsabers blue.
- No manned fighters. All fighters would either be outfitted with AIs (Empire) or remote controlled (Rebel).
- There’d be no light/dark dichotomy to the Force.
- No Force ghosts.
- Luke would be changed into a female character named “Leia Skywalker”.
- Leia would become Princess Zara Antilles.
- The Death Star would not make a physical appearance. Zara would be imprisoned on Vader’s Star Destroyer and all scenes pertaining to her rescue would take place there.
- Ben would survive his duel with Vader.
- The film would end with our heroes escaping for Hoth.
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
- My version of TESB would open a couple weeks after the events of SW. The damages to the Falcon would’ve been those sustained during our heroes’ escape from Vader’s ship; Leia would be furthering her training under Ben; etc.
- Dodonna would take Rieekan’s place.
- The Leia/Han/Zara love triangle would be a bisexual one.
- The walkers would be replaced with tanks.
- Ben would be slain by Vader while helping our heroes escape Hoth.
- In contrast to Ben, Yoda would be quite the PT-era Jedi. He would teach Leia that Jedi are forbidden from forming attachments, including romantic ones.
- Bespin wouldn’t have a breathable atmosphere.
- Six months would explicitly pass between the Battle of Hoth and the duel on Cloud City.
- I’m on the fence as to whether Vader would be Leia’s father or not.
- Leia would join Vader.
RETURN REVENGE OF THE JEDI
- Three years would’ve passed since TESB. Leia would’ve spent that time receiving Sith training from Vader.
- The one and only Death Star would finally make its debut.
- Motti would take Jerjerrod’s place.
- Emperor Palpatine would be reimagined as Espaa Valorum, the beautiful, androgynous, ageless Dark Lord of the Sith.
- Under his helmet, Vader would be revealed as a handsome, middle-aged man without any injuries or disfigurements.
- No Ewoks, no Endor. The Rebel fleet would attack the Death Star above Had Abbadon, and we’d get a trench run much like the one from A New Hope. No muss, no fuss.
- Valorum would zap Leia with his lightning; Vader would skewer him on his lightsaber; then Leia and Vader would have their climactic duel.
- Leia would slay Vader a la Dooku. Vader would die in his sins, unredeemed.
- The film would end on a bittersweet note, with the Death Star destroyed, Han and Zara together, and Leia assuming command of the Executor and going off on her own, intent on building a First Order free of Jedi/Sith dogma.