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How would you handle a hard reboot of all nine episodes of Star Wars?

Some more generalities I neglected to list last time:

  • My reboot would be R-rated. There’d be heavier gore; lightsabers wouldn’t cauterize wounds, and blasterfire would have a literally explosive effect on unshielded flesh. There’d also be nudity and sex.
  • Stormtroopers would be formidable cyborg clone soldiers outfitted with advanced reactive armour.
How would you handle a hard reboot of all nine episodes of Star Wars?

Some generalities:

  • The setting would be our own Milky Way, in “the 33rd century A.E.”, some 25,000 years into the future.
  • The Galactic Republic/Empire would span a million worlds, with the entire known galaxy in toto spanning 25% of the Milky Way.
  • Though not particularly speciesist, the Galactic Republic would be an almost entirely human/near-human domain. There’d be very few member worlds with significant non-human populations, and human/non-human admixture would be almost unheard of outside the Outer Rim territories.
  • Strong AI wouldn’t exist. Droids such as Artoo & Threepio would be cyborgs — robot bodies controlled by cultured organic brains.
  • There wouldn’t be manned fightercraft, but remote-controlled/robot fighters. Remote-controlled fighters would have some advantage over robots, as organic pilots can outwit the weak AI of robot fighters. However, in the event of remote-controlled fighters receiving heavy damage, feedback through the neural interface would kill/brain-damage organic controllers.
  • Lightsabers would be entirely mystical, non-technological weapons which could only be constructed/ignited by trained Force adepts. At the heart of every lightsaber would be a kyber crystal, its colour shaped by the psyche/preferences of the adept who meditated over it. The lightsaber blade would be paper-thin with monomolecular edges, capable of cutting through almost any material by severing covalent bonds.
  • Force-sensitivity wouldn’t be genetic; it wouldn’t be inherited patrilineally, and clones of Force-sensitives wouldn’t inherit their template’s Force-sensitivity. However, Force-sensitivity would often pass on matrilineally, and if one child in a set of twins is Force-sensitive, their sibling(s) would invariably be Force-sensitive as well.
  • All space flight/space combat would be three-dimensional.
  • Single-biome worlds capable of supporting complex life would be rare/marginally habitable. Life on Hoth would be limited to the equator, life on Tatooine to the poles, etc.
  • Hyperspace travel would be relatively slow. Travel between Tatooine and Alderaan (both Outer Rim planets) would take five days along a good hyperlane.

I’ll go into more plot/character-specific details later.

Alternate 1997 Special Editions (What if...?)

JadedSkywalker said:

Lucas original intention was just to fix the Landspeeder shot, remove matte lines. Restore the picture and prepare a multi track audio mix for modern digital 5.1 systems.

If he had done only those things along with recomped effects and redone wipes and dissolves would fans still have been bothered?

Beyond an infinitesimal niche of hardcore cinephiles, doubtful.

[fill in the blank] Just Died!

ScottZill said:

John Saxon passed away at 83. R.I.P.

First time hearing about this. He’s one of my favourite actors, and one of the few masculine men I’ve been attracted to. I hope his passing was a peaceful one.