Delpheas

That’s what I thought. Gonna look at Sidious’s Exogol stuff and see what works.

I appreciate all the wonderful ideas in this thread, and folks helping each other out. (Especially those who’ve helped me with ideas in the past.)

One idea I’m exploring at the moment is altering Anakin’s motivation around joining Sidious on the darkside from saving Padme, to saving Padme, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka. Some of the ways I’m doing that will stay secret at the moment.

But I wanted to ask if anyone knows where I might source audio (or suggestions for audio manipulation) to change some Anakin and Sidious dialogue, namely
Sidous saying “…save your wife from certain death” I’d like to change it to “…save your family from certain death” if possible.
&
Anakin saying “Just help me save Padme’s life” to “Just help me save their lives”

And any suggestions for changing the Vader/Sidious exchange at the very end would be accepted as well.

Version 3 is now officially in the works! More details will come in June.

Hey folks, this is a little bit of thread hijacking, but I’m working on a new version of my Fall of the Republic TCW/RotS edit to bring it more inline with TCW:R, and had a TCW question.

I was considering taking the dialogue from RotS where Padme tells Anakin she’s pregnant and inserting it at the end of their holo convo in Bad Batch, and cutting it from RotS just to help make it clear that Padme’s several months pregnant by the start of RotS. Since that film takes place over 3+ days.

I was just curious if others thought it would work?

I would also appreciate a link for this (as well as the TFA and TLJ edits)

So, for a number of reasons, I have lost interest in this project.

The first and main one being, I’m no longer against the idea of Palpatine returning. I always appreciated it in the EU, and now that it is clear Filoni & Co are essentially recreating the EU, and laying groundwork for the ST via Mandalorian, I don’t want to contradict that material.

So, I may work on this to finish the Anakin stuff, but my heart’s not in it.

Cheers!

Imhotep said:

I’m keen to see this idea! Your ideal script looks achievable given the original scene.

From The Phantom Menace, at 19:00 Sidious says ‘naïve’, which could substitute for ‘weak’ in your ideal script. Also, in Attack of the Clones Sidious calls Dooku by ‘Lord Tyrannus’ at 2:12:35, which may be useful if it matches the tone of the spliced dialogue better, though it may be a little confusing to call Dooku by his lesser used title. There’s music in both scenes, but it doesn’t sound too prominent.

Maybe the line in TPM at 40:00 - ‘you will then have no difficulty in taking the Queen’ - could be useful for Sidious commanding Grievous to capture the chancellor? But you’d have to add sfx to match him speaking through the hologram. He also says ‘chancellor’ in a sinister manner at 1:32:10 in TPM, which could be spliced with the above line.

There’s probably dialogue useful for Grievous somewhere in the Clone Wars show, but I’m less familiar with that. Even thought the actor is the same, the sfx there sounds a little different to me than in the films. I’m not sure how well they’d hold up side by side in this scene.

Thanks, that’s helfpul!

I like that. I’m personally up for trying out those changes ED, while you’re on break, and I can send you it to share and we can see how the two versions go over with people?

I’m working on an idea for TCW+RoTS(NCC) edit. Which is trying to see if the scene of Grievous arriving on Utapau and speaking to Sidious can be edited to be used as a Planet arrival scene like the other movies use. (My movie doesn’t have one because we currently start with TCW footage.)

My idea is to use the scene as it exists, but edit some of the Sidious and Grievous dialogue, based on what I’m thinking I wanna try and have this

Grievous arrives, activates the holoprojector, and bows to Sidous.

Grievous: “Yes, Lord Sidious.”

Sidious: “General Grievous, the end of the war is near.”

Sidious: “I suggest you make your move.”

Grievous: “It will be done my lord.

Grievous: “The Chancellor will be ours. And Count Dooku …”

Sidious: “Dooku is weak.”

Sidious: “Soon I will have a new apprentice. One far younger and more powerful.”

This is based on the existing scene, as well what I imagine I’d be able to piece together from Sidious and Grievous lines.

Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions on the lines or places to look to source them from?

I’m interested!

I’m considering making an alternate extended version that includes the '03 Clone Wars Attack on Coruscant as a cold open, and incorporates some material from Bad Batch Episode 1.

For Bad Batch, that would probably be the Order 66 sequence, their viewing of Palpatine’s Empire Day speech, and a sequence that could be incorporated into the epilogue. Any suggestions on that front would be accepted.

EDIT:
After toying around with some stuff, I have decided that I’m gonna move the Grevious arrives on Utapau scene to the beginning of the film. The dialog will be altered a bit, and it will give the film an opening scene on the planet, get the ball rolling on Sidious’ plotting right away, and it will still serve the same purpose of showing where Grevious is, while also making it clearer that Palps was just waiting for the right moment to give him up.

That sounds great. Hondo is a delightful character, but less than necessary in this particular arc. Looking forward to giving these eps a shot!

I personally love the opening text and music. It’s really haunting, sets the tone of this being a war show, and is reminiscent of the opening music in RotS. And as you said, it’s a necessary replacement for the narrator and give you a LOT of control over recontexualisation.

Lol, glad you appreciate my notes and my suggestions. As I said, I really love Clone Wars, and this project of making it shine is really just phenomenal.

I was looking briefly at the aired S7, and it’s relationship to your S5, and while I don’t know what plans you have for messing with the “Ahsoka’s Walkabout” arc, I was thinking a few things.

Based on some visuals, story beats, and official website info, the Walkabout takes place before Bad Batch, for a few reasons:

1. The opening doesn’t show anything happening to Ahsoka between the S5 finale and this ep. It can be assumed she went, bought a jumper and a speeder and headed to 1313. (The only visual in this episode that requires there be a lot of time between this and herbladt episode, is her and Anakin’s character designs. She looks older.)
2. Anakin is on Coruscant in “Gone With a Trace”, which according to the SW website places it before Bad Batch, because once Anakin is out on that mission he doesn’t return until RotS

There’s a few ways TCW:R will help with this:

By not having the opening narration, you lose the visual implication of the original that she left the temple and then “Gone with a Trace” started. You can make this what it needs to be.

Second, by having control over what goes into an episode and how long they are, you can add passing time.
Particularly, I think “Gone with a Trace” should remain it’s own episode. And it could happen right in the middle of S5, right before Son of Dathomir.

Then you can do a few episodes on something else, and then come back to an aggregated version of the last 3 episodes of the arc. I always felt like there needed to be time between episodes 1 and the rest, and we can fix that now. Otherwise all of Ahsoka’s stuff is just crammed in at the end and it sucks.

This would help Ahsoka feel more present in the season, imo. Which, even if she’s not with the Jedi, is necessary for the viewer. Let Anakin miss her, let me see what she’s realizing while she’s away from the Jedi and don’t cram it in, literally right before the end.

This project is at a mostly complete stage, except for some tweaks I’ll make, based on feedback.

1. So the dialogue between the characters never felt like a Tartakovsky-thing. They talk like that to each other in AotC, the writing is meant to evoke that, but if it’s building towards Anakin getting knighted and being deemed ready for a Padawan, I just don’t like it. I’ll put together a sample.

2. The issue with Ventress in the movie and early TCW episodes is silly, cus there is a deleted scene in the movie where she acknowledges her and Anakin’s Yavin encounter, but then the Hidden Enemy episode (which was produced after) put in the Christophsis fight which happens before the huttlet stuff… and it was just dumb.

In the Hidden Enemy Ventress does just leave, but that’s because she has scenes in the movie that this episode acted as setup for.

3. Curious to see what the suggested episode order was!

4. So I don’t have a problem with the Ep1 stinger not getting fully developed immediately. After all, the opening stinger has the Darksaber, Death Watch, and Maul - the only one of those we don’t get in s1 is Maul, which is fine, imo. Atm it doesn’t bother me. It feels like we’re getting pay off on bits, which I like.

5. Regarding Bail, I like his inclusion and I think it does add to the episode. My only issue is a lack of response. Just a verbal response from Anakin as he “walks past” Bail would go a long way to making him feel like he’s actually there.

6. Regarding SoM and RotS. Only the first SoM episode could happen before RotS, the second one has Obi-Wan in it and watching it before hand would just be confusing. We can talk more about it when we get there, but I have some ideas.

EDIT:

Here’s my sample of four edited Obi-Ani scenes in Dark Force Rising:
https://vimeo.com/560526924
(pass: restuctured)

In the first I cut almost all of Obi-wan’s objection to appointing Anakin to oversee the space forces.
In the second I cut Obi-wan saying anything other than “May the force be with you.”
In the third I cut Obi-wan repeatedly ordering Anakin not to follow Ventress and Anakin cutting him off.
In the fourth I cut what I felt was the most egregious of of Obi-wan’s Lecture.

My reasoning:
In the first and second scene, by cutting Obi-wan’s interjection and his explanation to Anakin that it was about his “maturity”, it reads much more (thanks to hearing his thoughts as he watches the army board the ships) that he is concerned more generally about the whole idea of Jedi fighting in the war. In the fourth scene Obi-wan says his concern regarding Anakin is that the Sith seem interested in him. If his concern was about Anakin’s maturity as he says in the current version, then when he later tells Anakin that he’s not a little boy any more, one wonders why he says it. Was it because he complained about not being trusted? Was it because he flagrantly disobeyed orders? Was it because he defeated an assassin? By trimming Obi-wan’s doubts, and his outright dismissals, what we get to see is Obi-wan voicing some concerns to a young man who he trusts and sees great potential in. Then at the end when Obi-wan recomends him for promotion it feels genuine, like Anakin has really proven himself, not in spite of Obi-wan’s trust in him, but because of it.

Edit edit:

Here’s a my rough take on an alternate opening for DFR. I think keeping Yoda’s intro is great, this is afterall kinda a TV movie/first prequel episode. It is okay if it has some pieces we won’t see again. But I like it better with the TCW:R logo.

https://vimeo.com/560596675 (pass: restructured)

Edit again:

Here’s more episode thoughts!

S1E4 - The 501st Legion

I think the test they fail, where the squad’s names get mentioned and Shaak-ti lays out their issues, is a stronger opening than the scene with the Bounty Hunter dressing them down. Consider this adjustment to the scene order:
Failing the test through the two hunters talking about caring or not caring.
Then your current opening scene.
Then Hevy & 99.
Then the two clones speaking to Shaak-ti

This order has a stronger narrative flow imo, and helps make it clearer that that what they might consider a lesser assignment, Shaak-ti considers a way to help them.

At 29:19, after 99 is sad about Hevy’s loss, the camera is briefly on Echo and his mouth moves, yet he doesn’t say anything. Drew me out of it.

Again, nice aggregation. You kept the best parts of the three episodes, maintained a good pace. It was a nice watch.

S1E5 - Cloak of Deception

The opening text her confirms my thoughts regarding changing the order of eps 2 & 3. If the next two times we see Anakin after Malevolence he doesn’t have Ahsoka, cus he’s pursuing Grevious, then this opening text fully explains that, and there’s no weirdness.

When Ahsoka draws her saber on Ventress, we do see her mouth move, and I think maybe adding a VO of her saying “Assassin!” or something would be nice. It was just odd, imo. Then Ventress says “Skywalker isn’t here to save you now” which feels out of place, because we have not seen Ventress interact with Ahsoka prior to this episode, and here Luminara is in charge. It seems most likely that she would assume Luminara was Ahsoka’s master. If you could splice audio to have her say “There’s no one here to save you, child” or something like that, I think it would help.

Consider modifying Ahsoka’s rant about Ventress at 12:01-08. Ahsoka doesn’t have any idea what the “bog witch” is capable of either, she’s met her once. If you combine her lines here with what she’s saying at 12:21-25 (so combine these two sequences) you could produce something like “I know Luminara is a Jedi Master, but I can’t let her face that low-life alone.” It would fit better with the story we’re presenting here.

I do think Ventress’ arc works as is, by this episode she’s had a few failures that were very close to being successes, with only the second counting against her, it feels like a decent progression. So I’m curious what the suggested reordering would do for her.

S1E6 - Children of Night

Opening Text Suggestion:
Change “his master Obi-wan Kenobi, to Master Obi-wan Kenobi” at this point Ben isn’t Anakin’s master specifically, he is a Jedi Master and the wording here might confuse the issue a bit.

Change “But his master, Lord Sidious” to “Yet, his Master,”

Your aggregation and trimming of these episodes was fantastic.

The single trial with the Savage/Feral focus was great, kept things moving forward, while still showing Savage’s motivations.

Two things:

So I kinda want to see Ventress’ disgrace happen later in the season, or at least have space between her appearance in Cloak of Darkness and this episode. I guess lair of Grevious will go here once edited right?

I don’t know that this needed to be a single episode? Two episodes, with the first ending with Dooku congratulating Savage on his attack on the temple, and the second episode starting with the Delta squad cameo. That way the arc can be a bit more spread throughout the season and not just shoved into a single episode. The second episode could go right before the finale, that way the thread is more present in the viewers mind when it comes up again in S2.

Also, imo, too many arcs just aggregated into a single episode runs the risk of recreating the anthology feel.

Thanks for watching, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

I did put a lot of thought into the sequencing of the story, so I’m glad that it paid off.

Regarding your suggestions.

I like the idea of moving the first “seeds of rebellion” scene to later, I’ll toy with it and see if it works.

As for trimming some of the Sewer stuff, it’s possible, I’m just loath to do so since I think the Clone Wars finale was essentially a masterpiece and enjoy pretty much every moment. I may try around though, see if it helps pacing.

Their isn’t really a contradiction regarding Anakin’s position on the council. Amongst the Prequel Jedi, there are four 4 rankings any Jedi can achieve: Youngling, Padawan, Knight, and Master.
After graduating from Padawan, one is a Knight, many Jedi probably stay at this rank, but those who successfully train a padawan all the way to knighthood are granted the rank of Master. And only Masters can sit on the council. Since Ahsoka left before she was Knighted, Anakin technically didn’t finish her training. Which only adds to his bitterness about being given a council seat, but not a new title. Cus it was the council’s own BS that caused Ahsoka to leave.

Regarding the 03 Clone Wars footage and the convo from crystal crisis, neither are going to make an appearance in this edit. Both are going to be used in EddieDean’s The Clone Wars: Restructured in some fashion however, so check that out if you’re interested. I’m kinda considering this the movie version of the TCW:R finale.

It is long, and I may consider an intermission card.

On the tracker it looks like he is. That arc is vital to Ahsoka’s growth and informs where she goes next afterall. Plus the sisters are now making additional appearances in other canon media, it’d be weird to cut them.

Anyway, I was considering waiting until I had watched all of S1 before offering my thoughts, but I figure I’ll give 'em as I go.

So:

0100 Dark Force Rising - I know you already stated your reasons for not formatting this episode as part of the series proper, but I would love an alternative version with at least the TCW:R logo for the opening. This episode just feels so necessary to me. Though in a single episode like this the long sequences without dialogue and just fighting really drag and could use a trim.

I would consider trimming down and/or cutting the instances of Obi-wan berating Anakin and verbally doubting his readiness for assignments. By the end of the episode he’s giving Anakin a supportive speech about how much he’s grown and matured as his padawan and it doesn’t feel like something Anakin earned over the arc of the episode, it just feels abrupt. And it’s a retread of their dynamic from AotC. It feels especially weird when in the next episode he’s suggesting Anakin is ready to submit for a padawan of his own.

0101 - The New Padawan

Love the opening stinger. It immediately caught my attention and made me curious about what’s going on.

Admiral Yularen says he’s gonna drop off the “message” at 07:45. The transition was weird. Noticed this in a few other places in other episodes too. Where ibwaa expecting a wipe, there was fast fade to Black and then the next scene.

When Ventress makes her entrance, is there any instance of Anakin saying “Ventress” that could be used here, instead of Obi-wan saying it? Any Anakin line that could be used to express disbelief that she’s alive?

Obi-wan flirting with her at all feels out of place, not because he’s never met her, but because last he knew, Anakin had killed her and it was that victory that proved he was ready to he knighted.

I know we’re going to see her again in later episodes, but I missed having any kind of scene where she reported to Dooku or something. Her just vanishing felt odd.

At 19:24-25, there is an abrupt audio cut and click as it goes from Kenobi to Anakin and Ahsoka

At 23:30 we here Yularan say “reinforcements should be landing in a moment”, but there is no one in frame when he says it and it is unclear who it is directed to. Would be less odd to me if the sound of the shuttle we hear as he’s speaking didn’t cut out abruptly and faded into the shot of Rex. This would help it feel like a connected audio moment.

Regarding Bail thanking Anakin for his help, a verbal “Your Welcome Senator” or “Of course Senator” or a “Just doing my job Senator” from Anakin would help it feel less out of place. As it is, the only problem I have with this bit is it feels like Bail’s being ignored, so he feels like he was just added in.

I think you should keep Rex introducing Ahsoka to the boys in “The New Padawan” it’s a fun moment which is also important for the all her interactions with the clones and it sets up the finale. In Malevolence, if the viewer hasn’t seen Ahsoka meet the clones, it is odd when one just recognizes her. Sure the viewer can assume they’ve been introduced, but why leave that to an assumption when it can be shown?
Plus ending with Ahsoka gently ribbing Anakin in front of the clones is great setup for their dynamic.

01E2 - The Death Watch

This episode was strong, well paced, and enjoyable. Good job. Not much else to say here. You removed the most egregious parts of the episodes seamlessly.

S1E3 - Malevolence

At 2:14-15, as the clone watches the ship crash into him through the window, there’s a rogue frame.

At 7:44-45 the audio transition could be smoother. The whole cut felt a bit abrupt from the clone talking to the ship in hyperspace.

At 22:9-10, another rogue frame.

Season 1 Thoughts, So Far:

This is a marked improvement over the original first season, notably the first episodes, with much of the gunk removed and the good stuff uplifted with tighter editing and excellent rearranging.

I do miss seeing Anakin go out of his way to rescue Padme in the Malevolence arc, but I do also like seeing them together less as it helps sell the issues they experience later on. And not seeing her until the “season finale” works well.

One thing:

The intro text for “The Death Watch” sets up that Anakin is off somewhere WITH Ahsoka, so I was really thrown when he showed up in this episode without her. It doesn’t feel narratively satisfying to have the next time we see him after he gets his padawan, for her to be missing. Especially since we haven’t really had an opportunity to watch them grow into their new roles at this point. He literally just decided that he isn’t gonna pawn her off on Obi-wan.

I think Malevolence would make a better episode 2 than “The Death Watch” as it has Anakin with Ahsoka, gives us more time to absorb her as a character, and ends in such a way that it doesn’t feel odd to not see her in the next ep. “The New Padawan” ended with them going off to check on the fleet, and the Malevolence stuff is entirely focused on that. And so it kinda felt like it was continuing on from where New Padawan ended.

And a quick glance at the opening crawl for “501st Legion” shows that it would work just fine with Ep 2 & 3 swapped.
Though I would still want TDW’s crawl wording to be less confusing regarding Ahsoka if possible.

P.s. I love the titles you came up with for the 03 sections of Tales from the Clone Wars. So much fun! Which is what this ep is gonna feel like, a fun bridge between 2 & 3.

Edit: so just musing about how to present the series finale, cus having watched RotS-NCC on its own, Siege of Mandalore on its own, and then my combination edit, I have a hard time imagining getting to the end of the series and not watching the full ending. If it’s just Siege of Mandalore then about 20 min in you lose two of your main characters and only see one of them 1 more time, and there’s no context for Vader’s appearance. Whereas RotS-NCC on its own just feels incomplete. You wonder the whole time, where is Ahsoka, Rex and Maul?

But 3 1/2 hrs is a lot, and I’m wondering if splitting into two or episodes might not be a bad idea?

No need to respond to these musing atm, I know S5 is a ways off. 😃

So as I work my way through restructured, my partner and I (having just finished their first TCW watchthrough) are watching Rebels, and I remember people complaining about it when it aired. “The artsyle is too bright”, or “it’s to kiddie”.

But compared to Clone Wars? It doesn’t have the same childish humor TCW struggled with, there’s no Jar Jar saves the day through sheer accident, and most relevantly for TCW:R, every episode builds off something in the last one, there are real through lines. Characters grow in a clear arc, the actions they take effect what they’re able to do next, and you never have to wonder if the reason a character is being sidelined is because they had near-death experience in the previously aired ep, or if it’s coincidence (see Ahsoka going from Mortis into Citadel)

All because they did what you’re doing to make a coherent story, from the very beginning. It makes for a more enjoyable experience, imo.

That might work!

Edit: Also, your version of “Lightsaber Lost” has a crawl that references having just faced off with Hondo, yet where your episode order places it, they haven’t met him yet. Did I miss an update about that episode that you haven’t gotten around to yet?

Narratively not having it though, almost gives the proposed episode a nice flow, that that episode would interrupt. Part of me wants to say maybe leave it out, despite what it might add. Idk.

EddieDean said:

Ohhhhh that line is a real value add then if it DOES get that payoff. Good spot. You’ve got a great memory for all of this detail.

Lol, TCW (and more specifically Ahsoka) is my favorite. So these things stick.

In “The Jedi Who Knew Too Much” when Ahsoka is leaving and Anakin says “I know what it’s like to want to leave the order.” Ahsoka responds “I know you do.” Which I always understood as her hinting that she knows why he would want to leave, hence “Unexpected Company” showing her working it out.

As for where to place it in the proposed S03E0, I like the order you’ve listed, and I honestly don’t know where it would fit. 😕

So I’m still working my way through what you’ve put out so far and typing up my thoughts, but I did have a few thoughts I wanted to share.

Regarding your “Tales from the Clone Wars” microseries episode, I would suggest giving it an episode number that places it somewhere in/after your production season 3, since it includes Barriss and Luminara, which a) helps re-establish Barriss before we see her again at the end of your season 4, and b) has Luminara congratulating her on finishing her training as a padawan, which helps explain the lack of Luminara’s presence in the Ahsoka’s Fall arc.

Additionally, there are five episodes of the Forces of Destiny webseries that feature Clone Wars characters, mostly Anakin/Ahsoka/Padme. Specifically they show Ahsoka training to use her shoto and and her being given her longer Padawan beads. I was considering editing them into a “Tales of the Padawan/Jedi” anthology episode that I could contribute to this project and could be a suggested episode right before “The Politics of War”

Excited to watch these last few episodes!

I haven’t watched your Umbara episode yet, but I do like the idea that Imhotep floated about trying to make Krell a “hard-line proto-Inquisitor” rather than “another mustache twirling separatist conspirator”, allowing Rex arresting him to act as a “kind of rehearsal for Order 66”. Like they said, don’t know exactly how well it would work, but I’d be interested in seeing it tried.

I talked about what you’re doing with this edit with my wife, and she is a little mad at me for making her watch the regular TCW, because it is so incredibly unfocused and the quality really dips at times. She said that she would have loved for this to be her intro to the series.

On the note of the micro-series stuff and it not feeling like it fits, I wanted to bring this to your attention if it isn’t already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXQwBtvenos

Essentially, there are folks editing the old show in terms of colors/voices/pacing to match canon. Once it is released you could use it as the base for your episodes.