logo Sign In

Darth_Evil

User Group
Members
Join date
18-May-2006
Last activity
8-Mar-2008
Posts
658

Post History

Post
#249622
Topic
Creating covers for thinpaks... How?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249622/action/topic#249622
Time
Originally posted by: Boomstick
Due to the fact that I have no more space for DVDs I have decided to replace all my DVD cases and covers with thinpaks. I've searched online in the hope that I could just download Hi-Res custom covers for the thinpak cases, but the sites I found required payment before you can download anything. So, I was wondering would it be at all possible to:
1). Scan in the covers that I already have and edit the size of the spine? Or
2). Run the scanned covers through a program like CoverXP and resize the regular cover to fit the thinpak, again only shrinking the spine and leaving the back & front detail intact?

Are either of these possible? I hope I'm making sense with all this.

Thanks in advance (I just hope someone knows what I'm on about and can help me).



Um....wouldn't it be easier AND cheaper to just buy a new shelf? That's a shitload of stuff to do right there. You could also sell some of the DVD's you don't watch on eBay, and get some quick cash, or better yet, take a big CD case, and put all your DVD's in there, then putting the cases in large boxes and those boxes in a storage area, such as your basement. Those CD cases cost little compared to a new shelf or the shear amount of ink you'd need to print all these new covers and purchase all the slim packs.
Post
#249621
Topic
your buying the PT all over again in Blue ray !!!!!!!!
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249621/action/topic#249621
Time
Yup, I'm going with Nintendo. I've been a Nintendo fan my whole life. Still sitting, in perfect condition, on my gaming shelf along with my PS2 and Gamecube is my good ol' Nintendo 64. It's still a great system. I'm really a handheld fan, so I still have my Game Boy Color, and I now have a GBA SP, along with a NDS Lite for all my handheld needs. And the Wii looks positively perfect. PS3 and Xbox 360 may be offering better graphics, but no innovation. The Wii is completely innovative, and brings you into the games in a way never before seen. Plus, it will play all the Gamecube games ever made, along with a huge library of NES, SNES and N64 titles through Virtual Console, as well as Sega Genesis. I don't think we could be asking for more from this system, except for it to play Hi-Def media formats, but I really don't care about that. Plus, the Wii is cheap at 250 dollars, and the first party games will only be 50. XBOX 360 and PS3 will have 60 and 70 dollar first party titles, respectively. So with Nintendo, you get a LOT more for your money.

Go Nintendo! And keep making great handhelds as well!
Post
#249610
Topic
Do u still have VHS ??
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249610/action/topic#249610
Time
I still have a VCR, in fact I have two, but I don't watch tapes very much. Only time I do is when I watch old Disney films, but the ever growing Platinum Edition lineup I'm faithfully collecting should remedy that. I also watch old tapes of TV shows, but VHS is no DVD, after all. I'm just glad that with the new video formats we won't have to upgrade our whole DVD library like we did with VHS.
Post
#249608
Topic
What do you think of the <strong>Prequel Trilogy</strong>? a general discussion thread
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249608/action/topic#249608
Time
There are only four good things about the prequel trilogy in my mind. They are:

--Liam Neeson. He saved the Phantom Menance. The rest of the acting was crap, but he balanced it out and brought some much needed dignity to the film. He also embodied what a jedi should be. Right up until the moment he died and his body DIDN'T disappear.

--Darth Maul. C'mon, admit it, he was a cool vilain. I'm not usually one for flashy visuals, but his dual sided lightsaber was pretty darn cool too. They ruined it with his brief speaking part though.

--The duel at the end of TPM. (Duel of the fates.) That was a cool lightsaber fight. Very well coreograpahed, and genuinally exciting. Unlike the other battles in the PT, it wasn't all just flashy visuals and spinning lightsabers. They were actually trying to fight, and it was cool. The music was great in this scene as well.

--John Williams's score, by far the best thing about the PT. It was the only thing that felt remotely like the OT. Was it as good as the OT score? Not even close. That's nothing against John Williams, but think of the source material he had to inspire his music on the OT compared to the PT. You can easily see why there is a differance in the music quality. Also, Williams had evolved as a composer as this point, and stopped using levimotifs for charecters. He now used them more for emotions and places, which, while still good, doesn't have the brilliance of the OT music. I mean, without seeing the OT, you can tell a definate story from just the music, with the resounding themes and brilliant one use pieces.


Other than that, the PT was awful. It was nothing like a Star Wars film, and fucks up the OT whenever you watch it. I choose to ignore it when I watch SW, ESB, or ROTJ. My dad can't ignore it, and as such points out all the innacuracies in the two films. Part of that is he's still under the delusion that Lucas had a master plan from the beginning. I've tried to explain to him the truth, but he doesn't exactly get it, which makes it kind of annoying to watch the Star Wars trilogy with him.

One thing that REALLY pissed me off about the PT was how much it dicked with the concept of the force. In TPM, they try to make us believe it is a blood type, and in AOTC and ROTS it's a weapon of mass destruction. Yoda is constantly getting in to fights using the force, and it was silly. The force is, simply, the whole universe, and everything grows from it. How you can use it does ont depend on the type of blood you have, but what kind of person you are. The Jedi do not "manipulate" the force. They become in tune with it, and it helps them, and they help it. They tap into in thier darkest hour, and it rewards them.

When a Jedi dies, they are so in tune with the force, they simply become one with it. Dying and becoming a force ghost is NOT A TECHNIQUE. This little bit in the PT pissed me off, and completely tarnishes what the force is. The force is everything, so naturally, everyone becomes one with it when they die, but some moreso than others. The Jedi, because of how they used it in thier lives, are able to truly become a living, breathing part of the force, which is why they are able to return to the world through it. If the force is everything, then when your physical body disappears into it, you are part of it and can once again become part of "everything" when you are dead. Why would that be a technique? Why? If your body never dissolved in to it, then how can you later become part of it?

Plus, when watching the OT, it's just a given that when Jedi die they diappear. You don't have to get in to all the metaphorical stuff.

There are other reasons I hate the PT, like the acting, the writing, the plot, the CGI, and other things like that, but how they messed with the force in it is unacceptable. Completely inexcusiable, and I will always hate it for that.
Post
#249317
Topic
your buying the PT all over again in Blue ray !!!!!!!!
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249317/action/topic#249317
Time
Originally posted by: Zion
Regardless of whether it's reliable or not, my only point was that anyone who posts something like this needs to cite where they get their information if they want to be taken seriously.

As far as Wikipedia is concerned, just because something is on there and hasn't been edited doesn't mean it's true. That article may be nothing more than the accepted opinion of those who frequent the Star Wars pages of Wikipedia. Hardly something to be taken as gospel...



I don't think I said anything about it being taken as gospel. But just go read the page. I wouldn't doubt the accuracy of most of it. What SW posted sounds perfectly plausible, and we all know it to be true anyway.
Post
#249288
Topic
your buying the PT all over again in Blue ray !!!!!!!!
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249288/action/topic#249288
Time
Originally posted by: Spock
Originally posted by: Zion
What is the source of this information?


It's from Wookieepedia or Wikipedia. They're not very reliable.


Actually, Wikipedia is always very reliable. You can't just go there and post whatever the hell you want. You have to cite information, and it does go through a screening process. I couldn't go onto the Star Wars page and post something saying "George Lucas has decided to remake the entire saga," or something like that. It's completely untrue. (I hope.) As such, it wouldn't be posted.

And for the record....it's spelled Blu-Ray, not Blue-Ray, and this news is very old.
Post
#249123
Topic
HOW DO I DO A FAN EDIT???
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249123/action/topic#249123
Time
I've been on this site for months, but never been involved in any fan edits or anything like that. I have no idea how to do it, or how you guys do it. I've made my own movies and edited them, and I'm pretty good at it, but I have no idea how to make a new edit of a film. What kind of programs do I use? Software? Kind of computer? PRICE? Basic stuff like that.

Any help would be greatly appriciated.
Post
#249121
Topic
For Those who bought the Sept. 12th Release, Thoughts so far?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/249121/action/topic#249121
Time
Other people have commented on the fact that Star Wars is great as its own standalone film. This is so true. When I sat down to watch it, without the episode 4 crawl, I saw for the first time that it was a great film on its own, and if you thought of it outside of the trilogy, it feels like a very different movie. It's good vs. evil, the lines clearly drawn, and the action never lets up. I couldn't say which of the 2 (SW or ESB) I like more, because I love them both to death, but ESB can't be viewed as a standalone film. It has to be viewed as a sequel, no matter how good a sequel it is. ROTJ is also excellent, but not on par with the first two, but my love for watching the films as a trilogy really makes that a moot point.


Now, I already wrote a long post on this, but I'll answer the given questions this time.

-Is the non-anamorphic quality bothering more than you thought?

Not at all. I have a 4x3 TV, but it bothered me when choosing weather or not to buy. I know I'll get a 16:9 TV someday, and I want these to be good on that too. But my main reason for wanting anamorphic is that it simply looks better overall. But this release looks fine, and non anamorphic doesn't bother me one little bit.

Is the quality actually better than you expected?

Absolutely. Maybe I'm going to far, but I think the picture looks great (in most parts) and is more than acceptable. Much more. The movies look much better than my low quality bootlegs, and the sound is great. It sound like it should. Not 5.1 2006 standard, but in the theater, 1977, somewhat old sounding sound. And John Williams score, which is more than half of what makes these films masterpieces, sounds great in any venue, and blares through once again as one of the, if not the, strongest piece of the film.

-Are you just putting aside any quality issues and just enjoying the movies again pre-97?

Yes. I had been getting fed up with Star Wars, so much so that I didn't even want to watch them any more. But then I dimmed the lights, started the film, and was lost in the experiance. I was transported to a galaxy far far away, and I know that with these DVD's I can visit that galaxy any time I want. In that nice tin sitting on my shelf is everything Star Wars to me, (2004 editions aren't in it) and it represents a vision of perfection of Star Wars, and I can get lost in them once more. No more worries. Just the films, without distractions.

-Have you put your hands up, and just become disgusted with Lucas and SW in general now?

Not at all. Now, I don't care what the hell Lucas does, or why he does it, or anything like that. I have my movies, the way I want them, and that's all I need . I'm not disgusted with them, because now they've given me what I want and they can go on with thier warped ways. I never really was disgusted with Lucas. I respect him a lot for making 3 great films back in the 70's and 80's, (or being involved in them) and I really just pity the man now. He tried his vision of the PT and the saga, and it was pretty much rejected, so he just keeps trying to make it work, and he always will be. I truly pity him.

-Has it made you want to watch the PT movies and become a saga fan PT + O-OT, or are now a true O-OT fan and the story ends with ROTJ, and begins with SW.

I am now an absolute true OOT fan, and that's all Star Wars is to me. Three films. Three brilliant scores that I can listen to frequently, and some fun LEGO video games. The PT "is dead to me."

-Have you pushed others to buy it who were on the fence?

I honestly don't know. I hope so though.

If a remastered OOT never comes out again, will you be content with this set?

Yes. Absolutely. As long as we're talking short term. If I'm 70 and this is still the best out there, then no. Because in 65 years, we should have super-uber high def, higher than HD-DVD or Blu-Ray, and Star Wars should be there. But I'm set for the rest of the lifespan of DVD. And I know these will be the discs I show to my children. High-def may have taken over by then, but I can skip the HD-DVD/Blu-Ray release.


Post
#248991
Topic
Star Wars prequel film noir (* unfinished project *)
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248991/action/topic#248991
Time
I haven't read through this whole board, so I'm sorry if someone else has posted this.

I think it would be very dramatic if the fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin was there, with lots of narration over it, showing exactly what was going on in his head as he fought with Obi-Wan. During this fight, we would have numerous flashbacks, some to times with Padme, some of times with the emporer, and some with Obi-Wan, showing thier friendship. As we look at Anakin burning on the ground at the end of the fight, and him screaming in agony, we hear more narration from Anakin, and this leads in to one more, final flashback that defines the whole movie and his overall motive, making us ultimately sympathyze with him. Then we would see Obi-Wan, standing there as he delivers his last lines, and walks off. Anakin sits there burning, in agony, and delivers one or two last lines of narration, and then there are a few silent seconds of him writhing in agony before it fades to the credits. I think this would be a very powerful way to end the film. One thing that would be important in this scene is to never show Anakin being rescued by the emperor, so we don't really know what happens to him, but we see that he thinks he was doing the right thing all along. His last lines of narration would be creepy and disturbing, showing he was truly crazy, but his final flashback makes us sympathyze with him.
Post
#248990
Topic
Nintendo DS Online
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248990/action/topic#248990
Time
Originally posted by: ricarleite
That was a great game Chaltab, the third round was very challenging.

Send me your friendcode as well, Darth Evil. If we get someone else with Mario Kart, we can have 4 people in a game, maybe do ourselves a little OT.com tournament...


Just PM'd you with my codes.

So, what time can will you guys be on?
Post
#248907
Topic
For Those who bought the Sept. 12th Release, Thoughts so far?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248907/action/topic#248907
Time
I love the releases. I have a standard, 4x3 TV so non-anamorphic wasn't really a problem. It was a HUGE step up from my bootlegs. The black bars on my bootlegs were a very light black or dark grey and horribly fuzzy, and very distracting. On the 9/12 releases, they are as black as night and let me watch the films without being distracted by them in the least. The picture is also better, with colors and details coming out more vibrantly. I love the disc and cover art (except for the fact that it says episode 4 and A New Hope all over it...grumble) and I think the menus are too cool. I have absolutely no regrets about buying these. I was very skeptical about getting them, to the point where I had almost decided to forget about it, but then I saw the reviews here on OT.com, and when I read Mielr's reviews, I was sold. Thanks again Mielr!

I got the Best Buy tin on Thursday the 14th, and was enthralled by the release and lost in it before I'd even watched the movies. The tin was so beautiful, with poster art all over it and just the overall feel to it. Then I opened the tin, and I saw the cover and disc art close up for the first time, and saw that I finally had a real release of the OOT, and I was happier than I'd been in a long time. I instanly put the "bonus discs" in the disc one slot and the 2004 in the back, and shortly thereafter sat down to watch Star Wars, and was completely lost in the experiance, unlike I was with my bootlegs. I forgot I was watching a film and was transported to a glazy far, far away for the first time in a long time. Two weeks before this, I'd tried watching my bootleg, but with angry thoughts towards Lucas, the fuzzy picture, and other things I turned it off. But now, I have a release where I can just get lost in the experiance, and I don't need anything else. The next day, I watched both Empire and Jedi, and they were great too.

I have the only release I will ever need, unless they get released on hi-def (though I won't be getting an HDTV for quite a while I'm betting.) Could the films have been treated better? Yes. But do I really care? No. I've got all I need, and I thanked George because although he did begrudgingly and out of malice, he made this kid happy, like he made lots of kids happy in 1977, and I hope he realizes that.
Post
#248857
Topic
I Want to Buy The Star Wars Soundtracks....Please Help
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248857/action/topic#248857
Time
But I don't know what edition to get. The 1997 (out of print) or 2004 versions. I know they are the same content wise, but should I shell out the extra cash for the remastered ssound on the 2004 versions? I've been dying to buy these for so long; I mean the trilogy wouldn't have been half as good without the music. For me, that was half the movie, and it's the best score for a film ever done.
Post
#248823
Topic
Nintendo DS Online
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248823/action/topic#248823
Time
I got a DS when it first came out, and upgraded to the DS lite day it came out. It's a much better system than the original DS. I love Mario Kart DS and play Wi-Fi frequently. If you want to trade freind codes Chaltab, I'll do it. Sounds like fun. If you have Metroid Prime Hunters, that's a great game for Wi-Fi as well.
Post
#248740
Topic
The Changes for the Archival Editions
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248740/action/topic#248740
Time
What awaits in the 2007 archival editions? I have seen the future, and I bring to you now words from the future so that you all may gag and write angry letters to Lucas.

STAR WARS

---Han doesn't shoot first. Neither does Greedo. In fact, neither of them shoot at all. In the 07 versions, they get in to a thumb war. Han wins, and Greedo starts sobbing while Han walks away. Creepily, Han still says "sorry about the mess."
GEORGE'S REASONING: It was how I originally invisioned it, but I just didn't have the technology.

---New footage of Luke and Biggs on tatooine. But it is now extended to have Luke and Biggs start making out at the end of the scene.
GEORGE'S REASONING: I think controversy is what everyone wants in a movie, so I'm giving it to them. But is also a much more artistic scene with this addition, and it is also closer to my original vision.

---When Vader is on the ship Leia and the droids are on in the very beginning and he kills one of the rebels with his force strangle, it is for a new reason. Someone posted a sticky note saying "Kick Me" onto his back. He blames this man for it.
GEORGE'S REASONING: I always thought this scene needed a little humor, to lighten the tone in a very heavy scene. Having Darth Vader being kicked around is the perfect way to break the ice.

---Mos Eisley is now a huge, bustling space port, with officials everywhere, giant grand scyscrapers, and cruisers flying around all over the place. There are 20 minutes added of a Gungan council meeting being held in Mos Eisley.
GEORGE'S REASONING: Mos Eisly was never meant to be a small little town, but the budget contsrants caused me to have to change the story to make it so. Now, with the miracles of technology, I can finally bring my original vision to the screen.

---Jar-Jar now joins the group in Mos Eisley, and yaps a bunch during space fights, getting into trouble with the droids while the ship rolls around. No one ever acknowledges him accept when they acknowledge the whole group.
GEORGE'S REASONING: Jar-Jar Binks was always a key-charecter in the Star Wars universe. I came up with him before coming up with anything else, and I feel it is important he is restored in the role I originally intended him to be in.

---At the end of the film, the only person to recieve a medal is Jar-Jar, because Luke and Han were both injured in an accident (inserted scene done completely in CGI) and Jar-Jar flew Luke's star fighter in the Battle of Yavin. All they did was digitally replace Luke with Jar-Jar and redub the dialogue. ("WHOOSA!! That's wasssa big one!" Farts.)
GEORGE'S REASONING: This is a very heavy scene, and it is too intense for children. By adding the antics of the lovable JJ Binks into the mix, I think its something kids will love, and parents will too because Jar Jar is an all around lovable charecter, for the young and old.

---Leia and Jar-Jar make out during the end credits.
GEORGE'S REASONING: I've always been sexually attracted to Jar-Jar, and I felt it was important I live out the fantasy I have every night through one of my charecters.

---In one of the first scenes of the film, where the stormtroopers are searching for the droids, even more stormtroopers are added. There is a virtual army of them, thousands, all searching for the droids. A bunch of them are standing by an interrgalactic water cooler talking about last night's episode of Lost.
GEORGE'S REASONING: Back when I made the movie in 1977, I wanted to have a whole army searching for the droids, because I needed to show that the Empire had unlimited reserves, and that I had cool costumes. And even 30 years ago, I just knew that charecters needed to be talking about the TV show LOST.

---All the puppets and creatures are replaced with CGI. All the star battles are replaced with new, CGI battles. All the sets are re-created in CGI. All the lightsabers are now multicolored and change color every few seconds. Vader's saber is always a hot pink.
GEORGE'S REASONING: I always wanted the movie to be mostly done on computers, which I did with the prequels, and now I can bring my original vision to the screen AND make it match the prequels for ultimate continuity.

---Replacing Mark Hammil with Frankie Muniz, Harrison Ford with Ashton Kutcher, Carrie Fisher with Hilary Duff and Alec Geuniss with Ewan McGregor.
GEORGE'S REASONING: Let's face it. The original version of this film was complete shit, and I think it was all the actors fault. And the technology's. But bringing the best actors and actresses of today into the roles is a great way to go.


THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

---The battle on Hoth is now completely removed, and replaced with a scene where Luke negotiates with the empire's probe droid. The empire lets them leave the planet as long as they do it quickly.
GEORGE'S REASONING: The film was lacking a moral, and I think teaching the viewers about compromises is a better way to go. It was how I originally wanted it.

---Jar-Jar is killed in the first scene by farting his innards out. The next thre hours is a huge funeral service with songs sung by gungans.
GEORGE'S REASONING: The film needed to start with a bang, with a much loved charecter dying, so that we fear for the rest of the charecter's lives.

---Yoda is now CGI.
GEORGE'S REASONING: Well, it's the twenty-first century, so we might as well get with the program and use lifeless CGI instead of a puppet with lots of life. And I always thought Yoda would look better with CGI, but we couldn't afford it in 1980.

---When Darth Vader tells Luke he's his father, Luke says "PAPA!!!" and hugs him. Vader frees Han from carbonite, and gets the emporer to come to dinner at applebees with the skywalkers, Leia, and Han. The film ends right after the emporer orders some ribs. Thus, there is peace, and no Return of the Jedi.
GEORGE'S REASONING: This version of the ending now has a lesson about family, which I alway wanted, and it also has that huge climax: what restaraunt should we go to. Bigger yet, what should we order? Bacon Burger? Bleu Cheese Burger? It's all very dramatic, and ends the series with a bang like I always wanted.

RETURN OF THE JEDI

Non existant. See above.


Feel free to add to the list if you have also forseen the future. Be warned though, it is a sad and terrible future. Do not go to far.

Post
#248720
Topic
FOR FANS OF THE TV SHOW 24----500 Ways to Ruin Day 6
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248720/action/topic#248720
Time
Over on the IMDb, there is a great community for 24 fans. While we don't know each other as well as we do here at original trilogy, there are about 30 or 40 some regular posters (including myself) who all know each other well, and even the irregular posters are nice and have great opinions. It's a really fun place to post on, and of the things we do on that board is countdown games. 500 ways to ruin something, or improve something, or something to that extent. First poster starts with the number 500, and the next does whatever number the previous poster left off on (say 495) down to another number, depending on how many ways they come up with.

This is the compiled version of the 500 Ways to Ruin Season Six of 24. It is the best countdown thread we've ever done. It's hilarious, and I was on the floor laughing reading it sometimes. I contributed probably 40 or 50 ways to the thread. I loved this thread so much I compiled it all in to one spot---Microsoft Word. I took all the posts, fixed grammar, spelling, added punctuation and revised a few of them for clarity. I also fixed miscounts (we get a lot of those) and got rid of "repeats." For example, about twelve people said a way to ruin season six of 24 would be to bring Kim back. In my compiled version, there's only one of these. I left in some of the variations on it. If anyone posts over there, you'll recognize this. If you haven't and you love 24, I guarantee you'll love this. I would reccomend you copy it into Microsoft Word and print it out or just save it if you are enjoying reading it. Keep in mind that many or most of these pertain to the fifth season, so many of the jokes will be lost on people who are just picking the show up. There are also spoilers. Some might not make sense, because many are "in-jokes." You have to be familiar with a TV show or movie to get them.

Here goes...the longest post ever on originaltrilogy.com.

500 WAYS TO RUIN SEASON SIX OF 24

500. We find out who those weird mysterious people controlling Logan are. The Illuminati! JC Denton guest stars.

499. Jack gets shot up in the first episode a la Peter Weller. Later he returns as, "The future of law enforcement".

498. To defeat the Chinese President, Bauer must throw vegetables in his mouth. After doing so, Jack wakes up and realizes it's all a dream and we're still back in 2001.

497. Six Million Dollar Bauer.

496. Ryan Chappelle returns to start the zombie apocalypse. With him is Tony Almeida, Michelle Dessler and Sherry Palmer.

495. Logan and the First Lady reconcile. More old people sex-scenes follow.
494. The writers think Chinese and Japanese mean the same thing.

493. It's 20 years later, but everyone looks the same.

492. President Kim Bauer

491. Somebody utters the line "Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your Coke."

490. Chloe sees dead people.

489: Kill Jack and make Kim the main hero.

488: Jack is safely back in L.A. from the second Season 6 begins.

487: After doing 487, they then gloss over the cliffhanger ending with one line in the first Episode, and it's never mentioned again.

486: They go through with both 488 and 489, so as to cop-out of the cliffhanger; thus making the same GIANT mistake as they did with Season 3.

485. Jack dances.

484. Instead of an action packed season finale Jack just says he is sorry and the Chinese forgive and they all go bowling.

483. Logan just says he is sorry and is allowed to remain in office.

482. Logan resigns and must make ends meet by doing All State commercials.

481. 24 The Musical starring Jack Bauer...(gulp)

480. They write in more secondary characters of questionable ethnic origin to meet network quotas.

479. The main plot device is a time machine.

478. And then it was all a dream and Nina Myers is calling Jack in...something about a plot to take out a Presidential candidate called David Palmer...

476. The return of Behrooz Araz.

475. Logan is reinstated.

474. The opening episode is only twelve minutes long.

473. Edgar comes back from the dead and does the macarana, and 1 billion Chinese people die from it. Kinda like the end of Mars Attacks.

472. Miles returns as the director of CTU

471. They spend 12 hours of the season with Jack on a plane back to LA. Jack resorts to kung fu and neck snappin' when his ipod battery goes dead.

470. Season opens with the Wedding of Charles Logan and Kate Warner.

469. Curtis reveals he is a distant cousin of Victor Drazen and has been behind everything.

468. Dennis Haysbert reprises his role as David Palmer

467. Howard Bern is the master Chinese conspirator.

466. Mandy is part of the Blue Tooth Group.

465. Behrooz Araz becomes a CTU operative.

464. Cubby falls to the ground and shatters.

463. Jack is the Running Man.

462. Not involve Jack in the first 10 episodes.

461. Audrey as a Knock-off Sidney Bristow attempting to save her man.

460. Allow Taylor Hicks to do wardrobe.

459. A bizarre experiment fuses Audrey's head to Jack's body...cue much complaining

458. Replace Jack with Kim

457. Replace Jack with a Teletubbie

456. Replace Jack with Carrot Top

455. Replace Jack with an orc

454. The threat to the country is a talking tree

453. Give Jack the power of Bullet Time

452. Jack responds to the treat with the one liner: F uck it; let's go bowling.

451. All weapons are replaced with bunny rabbits.

450. Bunny rabbits are behind the threat.

449. Paris Hilton guest stars as herself.

448. Kim Bauer-Papazian.

447. Chloe reverts to using her maiden name... Bauer.

446. More Flatliners.

445. Air Season 5 in reverse.

444. A chimpanzee.

443. A ghost.

442. <o>

441. All dialogue between characters are rhyming lines.

440. Flashbacks.

439. Scenes of characters relieving themselves in a washroom.

438. Presidential pre-emptions.

437. Godzilla.

436. No Chloe.

435. A terrorist attack on Hollywood.

434. We find that the Chinese have subjected Jack to agricultural experimentation, referred to as "body crops", and Jack now has an apple tree growing out of his head. Apple Jacks, anyone?

433. David Palmer is alive. The season takes place during the election. He is running for president against Hal Gardner.

432- continuing the theme of awful background music as adopted in 5, the soundtrack is performed in pan-pipe

431- Jack doesn't wear the nifty handbag he was seen sporting in 5

430 - Mike 'mole-man' Novic becomes president

429 - Kim gets kidnapped.....AGAIN...

428 - jack is not "in possession" of anything

427 - the adoption of the catchphrase "it's time for bower-power”

426 - Jack turns into a robot beaver

425 - The make a special "Musical" episode.

424. Without CTU resources, Jack and Chloe must communicate via myspace accounts.

423. New catchphrase for Jack: SHAZAM!

422. Jack, Curtis, Bill Buchanan and Audrey hold a 'contest' to see who can remain 'master of their domain.'

421. Jack's new vehicle: KITT

420. Jack Bauer tackles a Christmas tree to everyone's delight.

419. Kim shows up.

418. Jack changes "Damnit!" to "Darn!"

417. Jack starts using a cross bow.

416. Tony returns in a flashback about how he owed Jack five bucks.

415. Jack feels bad about killing someone.

414. Kim shows up and doesn't die a gruesome death.

413. They make up on the spot that Curtis is as tough as Jack, making him the season's main character (shut up, Curtis fans, you know the truth).

412. They make Jack miss at least one episode, ruining his track record as the only character to appear in all episodes of the series.

411. They kill Aaron Pierce (which, believe it or not, was planned to happen on Day 5. Luckily Morshower paid a call to the producers and begged for his life).

410. They kill Mike Novic in the season premiere - hey, save him for Hour 10 at least, huh?

409: Jack takes on cororate greed in the shape of KFC (and his final line can be :now THAT's figer lickin' good!)

408. Fly Jack back from China (which would take over 17 episodes not to forget baggage claim, passport control, travelling back to CTU and jetlag!)

407: Jack's new catchphrase: you won't like me when I'm angry...

406: Jack infiltrates a gay club in San Francisco.

405: The bad guy doesn't have a ridiculous accent.

404: The person behind it all is coutry music legend The Colonel

403: Reintroduce some more British characters as fodder and evil (we do have some redeeming qualities you know!)

402: Finish the season at episode 13.

401. Give Jack the power of flight.

400. Give Chloe the power of tact.

399. Replace Curtis with Walter Sobchek

398. Team Bauer up with the Dude.

397. Bring back Nina as the $6bn Woman (we rebuilt her we had the technology!)

396. Turns out Kim was behind it all...who'd ever have suspected the blonde one! MUAHAHAHAHA!

395. Eddie Izzard is the guy behind Season 6.

394. Have the opening of Season 6 with Jack looking blankly at something and Chloe asking him what's wrong:
Jack: Just thinking about...
Chole: China? Yeah that was a weird week....

393: Jack hits LA rush hour traffic for the first time ever

392. Jack stops in at a dirve-thru only to be stuck with some teenage idiot on his first day

391. All the dead characters are resurrected as zombies!

390: It was aliens.

389. Have Jack end every episode with: the truth is out there; and I'm gonna find it!

388. Jacks ends each episode with his new product placement catchphrase: DAMMIT! I could really go for a chalupa.

387. Jack Bauer vs. Satan

386. Jack Bauer vs. The Wicked Witch of the West

385. Jack Bauer vs. The Munchkins

384. Jack Bauer vs. Dr Strangelove

383. Jack Bauer vs. Death

382. Jack Bauer ends up on the island in "Lost".

381. Jack gets a wisened dog for a sidekick.

380. Emilio Estevez turns up as "Billy the Kid".

379. Jack Bauer gets a twin brother, who is evil and has a goatee.

378. The season's threat is resolved in 16 hours, and the last 8 episodes are nothing but Jack getting a good night's sleep.

377. In a promotional cross-over, Jack is assigned to protect the gang from "The O.C." from a terrorist strike.

376. TONY, MICHELLE, and PALMER: "Hi, Jack! We all faked our deaths just like you, and now we're here to help you escape from the Chinese."

375. CHAPELLE AND MASON: "Us too!"

374. EDGAR (sitting at home): "I wanted to come too, but the airline was going to charge me for 2 seats."

373. There IS no terrorist threat. In a change-of-pace move, the writers decide it will be interesting to show a "normal" day at CTU. Dramatic highlights include a typo on a new employee's resume, a bitter argument over where to order lunch, and a broken vending machine in the break room.

372. Jack eats Consulate Hon's face.

371. 24 - The Musical .... staring Hugh Jackman as Jack Bauer.

370. Kate Warner rescues Jack from the Chinese ... and then b!tchslaps him when she sees Audrey.

369. Jack wakes up to find himself in the town of Punxatawney, waiting to see the groundhog.
"I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and today is the most repetitive day of my life."
Episode 1 - The following takes place between 6am and 6am on Groundhog Day.
Episode 2 - The following takes place between 6am and 6am on Groundhog Day. etc....

368. Andie MacDowell is in it.

367. Richard Heller is in it.

366. Jack is trapped in a phone booth by a psychotic sniper.
Jack - "Wait a minute, I know you!"

365. Jack goes into space and fights terrorists with laser guns.

364. Jack gets a job at a cafe and has to fight rude customers.
363. Jack Bauer teams up with Jackie Chan.

362. Jack Bauer teams up with Rowan Atkinson/Bean.

361. Jack Bauer goes to spend Christmas Eve with his daughter in the Nakatomi Building.

360. Jack escapes the Chinese and the rest of Season 6 is about Jack hitchhiking back to CTU.

359. In Season 6 Jack is transferred to work on IMDB.
[Jack breaks down a door]
"TELL ME WHERE THE TROLL IS!!!!!!!!"
[Shoots kid in kneecap]

358. Jack forgets his cellphone.

357. Kim turns out to be a mole.

356. Jack wins the lottery with the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 (Pardon my reference to "Lost"... That would ruin the show, though.)

355. Everyone at CTU quits their jobs to pursue their dreams of winning "American Idol"

354. Jack isn't running out of time

353. Chloe smiles at everyone and is cooperative.

352. The main villain grows a conscience and turns himself in.

351. Jack takes a trip to the Interzone after snorting bug powder. Chase returns as Jack's sidekick except his now part man, part insect & part typewriter.

350. Marwan faked his death and is back with 10 more terrorists attack plots, all in one day, and again, increasingly anticlimactic.

349: Kim doesn't die.

348: Dumbledore is made head of CTU. LA is once again saved by CTU operatives flying around on broomsticks and pulling rabbits out of hats.

347: Every character is killed within the first 3 seconds of season six, except for jack. Oooh, shock value.

346: The world is blown up by terrorists and Jack has to trace them via the newly formed CTU Mars.

345: As the big bad guys mask is pulled off, his parting words are :" And I would have gotten away with it if it wernt for them pesky agents..."

344: Replace Kiefer Sutherland with Donald Sutherland and never explain it...

343: Jack gets to wear more pink fluffy jumpers...

342: Cast Chris Tucker as Jack's "comedy sidekick"...

341. Everyone falls asleep by the 21st episode.

340: The Improv Episode.

339: The LIVE Episode!
Kiefer: Dammit! They gave me a different gun then the one I wrote my lines on!

338: Jack is rushing a wounded criminal into a hospital where he meets Dr. Gregory House, who diagnoses the patient in two hours. The whole time is spent with House giving Jack rude and sarcastic comments. Finally, Jack kills House with his own cane.

337: Jack logs onto the IMDb in the climactic season finale to make some final posts before bed. Jack turns off the lights in his bedroom (he has a clapper) and we go to the silent clock, so as to not wake Jack up.

336: Jack realises Kim isnt his daughter and starts a relationship with her

338. Jack discovers that Dan Brown is behind the events of day 6 and the whole plot is plagiarised from a book written in 1980 by a former Doctor Who scriptwriter.

337. Jack is Dan Brown.

336. While in China, Jack discovers an evil plot (TM) by one David Lo Pan to marry Audrey and then sacrifice her to his demon god.

335. Basically a reworking of Day 5 but without Jack (who has gone home to watch several Kurt Russell films). Michael Moore takes his place and discovers that Logan is behind the day's events.

334. The whole episode takes place in Jack's apartment where he's watching several Kurt Russell films.

333. Kurt Russell infiltrates CTU, helped by an army of chinese magicians, where he blows the building up.

332. Someone (possibly a bored producer) keeps messing with the onscreen clock, sometimes stopping it for a few minutes and other times moving it forward or backwards by an hour or two. Jack gets confused.

331. None of the cast appear. Instead, all we get is the clock display (and associated sounds) on the screen for the entire 24 hours.

330. Jack gets married to Audrey. No terrorists appear at all. Curtis is Jack's best man. Bill Buchanan gets very drunk and falls over.

329: Cubby, with remnants of Tony's DNA on the cup, and in an accident with a power socket, becomes Tony MkII and takes Tony's office for good.

328. Jack doesn't break anyone's neck with his legs (I think it's called the CQC neck break or something...?)

327. Kim doesn't do something really stupid, maybe she could turn lesbian and date her therapist's even older, even uglier, even more annoying aunt?

326. Chase is re-employed by CTU as an analyst but he now has a hook for hand. Any time the clock appears, he goes mad and talks about a crocodile.

325. Jack doesn't shoot anybody for an hour.

324. Curtis is ordered by Bill Buchanan to lay off the donuts, or he'll get too fat for fieldwork.

323. No largely pointless and expensive terrorist attacks, which are really just diversions for another diversion, which disguise the ultimate goal. Which never gets explained properly.

322. Jack discovers the organization running things behind the scenes is led by a cancer-eating genetic anomaly who has the bizarre ability to regrow parts of his body very quickly. This leads to the realization that Audrey has cancer.

321. The villan is Ryan Seacrest.

320. The entire CTU staff gets high from inhaling sentox (sic) nerve gas and decide to stage a performance of Rogers & Hammerstein's The King And I with Jack as Anna and Karen Hayes as the King of Siam.

319. Jack marries Nina.

318. Jack becomes a minister by completing an internet course and officially marries Karen Hayes and Nina.

317. The entire cast get stoned after licking the mould inside the CTU walls,and start singing "RO,RO,RO,YOUR JOINT,TWIST IT AT THE END,SPARK IT UP AND TAKE A PUFF AND PASS IT TO YOUR FRIEND!"

316: The prequel of Day 6 shows Jack and Audrey, married, and now in mariage counseling. The counselor says that the best thing to do is a 24 hour counseling session. So the final words of the prequel would be...

---Jack finally married the woman of his dreams.

---But it wasn't working out.

---Jack Bauer never thought he'd be in a counselor’s office for 24 hours straight.

---Then Day 6 began....

315: The climactic finale of the scenario above is that Jack and Audrey start having sex in the counselor’s office, for the last nine hours of the season. However, to keep the TV-14 rating, it is all very, very dimly lit, cleverly hidden, and only a few suggestive sounds occur here and there. (Kind of like in PG-13 movies that don't want to step over the line.)

314: Have the whole season take place in Nova Scotia and have Marwan come back with and army of evil muntant- dinosaur-aliens.

313: The terrorists release SUPER AIDS into the population.

312: CTU tries to stop terrorists from blowing up Dodger Stadium, but realizes that it's pointless because no one would die since the bomb isn't going to explode until the eigth inning, when everyone would have left the game already.

311: Mrs. Mandy Bauer.

310: Jack's old Game Boy Pocket finally breaks down after years of loyal service. Jack is grief stricken and sets out to make Nintendo re-release the Gamy Boy Pocket line, along wit the Game Boy color line, and conmtinue making games for these systems.

309: In the above scenario, Jack visits the Nintendo museum, and realizes how much he misses his old SNES. So Jack adds the SNES to his list.

308: Jack finds a glowing green crystal in his man-purse, and follows it to the north pole, where a great crystal fortress appears and Jack sees his real father talking to him about where he came from. A far-distant planet called "Killalot."

307: Chloe's computer explodes while she is sleeping, with her head on the desk inches from her computer. Thus, she dies.

306: The above happens at the end of episode twelve, purly for shock value. It turned out ot be a computer malfunction. After one quick line, it is never mentioned again.

305: CTU blows up. Everyone but Jack dies. It is never mentioned again.

304. The explosion in the gasworks causes a doorway to a parallel universe to open. Jack accidentally gets pulled into this alternate reality, where he discovers CTU is actually run by Chechnian seperatists and Teri and Nina are both still alive. Jack decided to stay there and have fun ... Yeah Baby!!!!

303. Superman takes care of everything.

302. Jack Bauer doesn't kill anyone.

301. Jack Bauer is inserted with a chip that gives him a shock everytime he says "dammit"

300. Jack Bauer changes his name to Frankenstein.

299. Jack Bauer is actually the son of god, who ends the world in an apocalyptic rage after having his left eyebrow plucked by a chinesse interrogator.

298. Jack Bauer is actually the son of god, who converts half the western world into Bauism, thus plunging the US into another Civil War.

297. Curtis decides to punish everyone in LA for their predecessors parts in slavery.

296. CTU become a wrestling foundation, with Mike Novic as lead commentator.

295. Morpheus becomes head of CTU, in a brilliant weak plot hiding move, as every decision he has to make is met with a 20 minute psudo-philisophical speech to / debate with frank the CTU mouse.

294. Frank the CTU mouse is actually a mole.

293. Bill dies his hair darker to look younger.

292. Jacks bag is pink.

291. DAMMIT..!! turns into DARN IT..!!

290. Remember that season of Dallas when Patrick Duffy's character died at the end of one season...they couldn't bring him back to life like in 24 so at the end of the next season they said that it was all a dream.

289. The unexplained disappearance of a small town up the coast is investigated by Jack & Co. and they meet up with a strange man claiming to be more than 200 years old who lives in an abandoned hotel. They join forces to combat an odd terrorist plot which is orchestrated by a powerful LA based law firm.

288. It's a bank holiday and Audrey has a violent case of the flu so she asks Jack to find her some medicine. Not an easy task since all the chemists and doctor's surgeries are closed.

287. Jar-Jar Binks takes over as new director of CTU.

286: Qui-Gon Jin takes over as technology supervisor. He quickly gets fed up and kills his director, Jar-Jar.

285: Jack becomes a Harry Potter fan and spends his terrorist killing money on fan merchandise

284: The evil guy is Voldemort; and Chloe ends up killing him with a AK (interpret it as you like)

283: Jack turns in Jack Sparrow and grows dreadlocks.

282: Bill goes into CTU to practice his wedding vows to Karen Hayes; then resurrects Teri Bauer.

282: Mike Novic joins the KKK.

281: The Soviets rise up again and the terrorist threat is Yuri from Red Alert 2.

280. Pamela Anderson guest stars and the entire season is shot in slow motion.

279. The new terrorist finally realizes the err of his ways, apologizes to Jack and co. and takes them all out for a night of bowling and wings.

278. Kirk Cameron guest stars to tell everyone about how the terrorists are God's wrathful vengeance on Earth for eating too many Twinkies.

277. Rev. Jim Phelps guest stars for much the same reason, except substitute "Twinkies" with "gays".

276. Half way through the new season, Jack start to talk Chinese with a perfect accent and the sub-titles are badly translated, thus adding to the confusion of why the hell Jack is even speaking Chinese to begin with.

275. Jack is forced to join an elite camp of specially trained Chinese soldiers. Their mandate? To play dodgeball!

274. A weak terrorist plot is thwarted early by Jack & Co. so they spend the remaining 19 hours playing 80s board games. Jack loses all his clothes to a sexy TV producer in a game of Strip Mouse Trap.

273. Jack does a William Shatner 'Rocketman' tribute...

272. Ben Affleck appears...

271. Brokeback 24, starring Kiefer Sutherland and Charlie Sheen...

270. Howard Stern becomes an analyst at CTU and asks all the women to work topless.

269. Erin Driscoll returns.

268. Secretary of Defense Heller reveals that he is actually Aquaman.

267. Zoidberg becomes the new CTU clinic doctor (wait, are we sure that's a bad thing?)

266. The new threat is an alien invasion and they blame it on the Middle East.

265. Jack gets tortured to death only to be resurrected to be tortured some more(like in season 2)

264. Chloe discovers the secret to world peace.

263. Chloe's new assistant is Drew Carey.

262. Season 6 takes place on "Dress like a Superhero Day" at the office.

261. Jack commanderes a Carnival Cruise ship, demands it to be turned around, only to find that it came from China like everything else in the U.S.

260. Curtis makes a debut rap album.

259. The new President is black.

258. Audrey is on board the Chinese freighter.
257. Season 6 is a spin-off called CTU : Belgium.

256. The show is renamed Law & Order: CTU and focuses on the trial of Logan

255. Still mourning Edgar's death, Chloe does nothing but cry and taser herself.

254. Jack Bauer has a sex change and is now being played by Stockard Channing

253. It's a Freaky Friday and Kiefer plays Kim in Jack's body and Elisha Cuthbert plays Jack in Kim's body.

252. The day's threat is Jack rescuing the characters from "Lost"

251. The season is filmed in black and white.

250. The season is a prequel that takes place 120 years ago in the Old West. It focuses on the adventures of Chuck Bauer and Jose Almeida.

249. The season's villian is played by tennis commentator Mary Carillo. When they talk to her on the phone, they can't tell if she's a man or a woman.

248. Jack wakes up in a Chinese prison and finds out that his cell mate is MacGyver.

247. MacGyver constructs an airplane in the prison cell that will get their asses back to the states.

246. Chuck Norris takes Jacks place as the hero of the day.

244. Jack records an acoustic version of David Hasselhoffs "Lookin for freedom" in a Chinese prison.

243. The Chinese let Bauer go in the first episode, but only if he is "really really sorry" and promises to "never do it again".

242. They give Jack an extended monologue like he used to have at the start of the first season episodes. The rub? The monologues are 13 minutes long and have to do with the decline in carrot sales in the Eastern United States.

241. Mr. T replaces Kiefer Sutherland and no one is any the wiser.

240. Mr. T escapes from the Chinese prison by pitying the guards to death.

239. They decide to get rid of the commercials altogether and show what people are doing during them. As it turns out, everyone at CTU goes to the can and eats meals like clockwork. Who knew?

238. Sam Fisher saves Jack from prison and it is revealed that old men really can still be action heroes.

237. Same deal, except it's Pierce Brosnon doing the rescuing.

236. Same deal again except this time it's Ethan Hunt/Tom Cruise who is doing the rescuing. He then takes fifteen minutes to explain how he is not crazy, how Scientology is actually kind of rad and how taking any medication at all will send you to hell where Satan will rape you into eternity. Also, he says he is not gay several times.

235. Same deal except its Solid Snake doing the rescuing, and suddenly the plot becomes riddled with random philosophical ramblings about war and conspiracy.

234. Jodie Sweetin shows up to give a lecture about how great crystal meth is and how she has gotten to her high standing in society because of it.

233: Jack has been crippled for life by his Chinese captors and spends the whole season in a wheelchair, neckbrace, plastercast and eye patch.

232: Chloe is already dead, got hit by a bus 4 months before the start of the season. SHOCKING!

231: A stash of video recorded messages by David Palmer are found, allowing him to appear in all 24 episodes.

230: Jack has an appalling long haircut, similar to the Day 5 prequel.

229: Jack gets a tooth broken in episode 3 and whistles while he speaks for the rest of the day. Like Jack Lemon in the out of towners.

228: The whole thing is set in China, but is quite obviously still filmed in LA.

227: Jack's never before hinted at 28 year old (I know that makes it impossible, but what do I care?) son appears. Problem is solved by the exchange:

Chloe: I never knew Jack had a son.

Curtis: Well he does, deal with it.

OR

Curtis: I didn't know Jack has a son

Chloe: Duh!

226: Jack gets killed, shot gun to the head. Doctors confirm he is dead. He is brought to a mortuary where a post mortem is conducted, cause of death, shotgun to the head. His body is put into one of those freezers where he wakes up, bashes his way out, kills all the doctors by stabing things in their neck and continues with the day. It is never mentioned ever again.

225. Jack escapes from China only to be captured by the Germans for ripping off Theo Stoller. He is interrogated by an 80 year old man with white hair (whom everybody thought was dead) who proceeds to ask the question "Is it safe?" while playing with Jack's teeth.

224. Theo Stoller reappears and chases Jack for a few episodes before getting bored. He instead decides to buy a boat and starts sailing around the world. Unfortunately, he crashes on a mysterious island in the South Pacific where he spends his time repeatedly entering a sequence of numbers into an antiquated 1970's computer.

223. Jack returns to CTU and is again partnered with his old assistant Tom Baker. Unfortunately, a blow to the cranium has caused Baker to forget how to speak English, and can now only comunicate in Korean. Nobody knows what he's saying most of the time... yeah I should probably stop there.

222. We find out that Eddie Bauer is Jack's long lost brother.

221. There are 25 1-hour episodes...

220. Jack joins Scientology...

219. Jack is revealed to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard...

218. Jack's mission is to stop Ben Affleck from releasing yet another crappy movie...

217. Jack's mission is to get Tom Cruise out of the closet within 24 hours otherwise L. Ron Hubbard will return...

216. All Jack's scenes take place on the ship, with him sneaking around trying to escape. The twist at the end being he is caught again in a virtual repeat of the end of season 5.

215. The main villain is the Cigarette Smoking Man.

214. The new threat is Uwe Boll directing another video game-based movie.

213. The british guy from season 3 (or any other deceased villian for that matter) turns out to still be alive.

212. The Millennium group was behind everything.

211. (in honor of the number) Jack is given 5 minutes to extract info from an ED 209 machine.

210. Jack's new catchphrase "I'll buy that for a dollar"

209. The secret agent who is also in LOST returns to kick Jacks ass for giving him fake goods.

208. Gael Ortega turns out to still be alive and is now hooked on the white powder.

207. The entire day will follow Jacks attempt to escape, and will also cover a typical CTU plot. The two stories will merge perfectly in the dying seconds of the last episode.

206. Chloe and Audrey are caught conspiring in the women's bathroom. Both endure hours of torture before Audrey finally cracks. She ordered Chloe to hack the staff lunchroom menu so the staff got Lasagne on Thursdays. In return she would rig the Secret Santa, so Chloe didn't get Bill again. He's impossible to buy for.

205. In an attempt to bend genres, the writers have vampires take over L.A. In the middle of the disaster, President Wayne Palmer reveals to Jack that he is really not Wayne Palmer, just a Wayne lookalike named Robin Wood, former principal of Sunnydale High, 10 minutes from CTU. He then tells Jack he has known about vampires for years and procedes to introduce Jack to a mysteriously kickass blonde named Buffy. Crossover madness ensues.

204. Jack vs The Devil.

203. Jack falls in love with Palmer and vice versa, Jack becomes first lady.

202. Jack tries to cancel his AOL account and ends up blowing up the building.

201. Audrey dumps Jack for Lance Bass who tells her that he's gay...Angry, Jack kills every member (former member) of N' Sync

200. The Earth finally explodes and Season 6 takes place on the moon.

199. After said Earth explosions happen, Jack has to stop terrorists from blowing up the first Lunar Lander. One small step for man, one giant bullet for the terrorists.

198. The next terrorist plot takes place at a university and Jack has to go undercover at a keg party. By the end of the season, everyone is blitzed and Jack tells Bill Buchanan that he "really is a great guy, man".

197. The new story revolves around the new 24 game and Jack et al have to make sure the game ships on time.

196. They set the plot in Canada. The big terrorist threat? To blow up beer factories and ice rinks.

195. The entire season is animated in 3-D. Unfortunately they use the same computers used to animate the Dire Straits music video Money For Nothing.

194. After animating Season 6, they use Owen Wilson as the confused sounding voice of Jack instead of Kiefer Sutherland. Tom Hanks guest stars.

193. Carrot Top guest stars as the most annoying CTU analyst ever, more so then both Chloe and Crazy Sexual Harassment Girl.

192. The main villian is Vince McMahon...

191. CTU gets blown up AGAIN...

190. Homer Simpson is the new director of CTU...

189. Season 6 is actually Season 7, as Season 7 takes place a year before the events of Season 6...

188. Captain Underpants becomes the main hero after Jack hypnotizes the bald director of CTU into becoming the world’s greatest hero.

187. The whole Season 6 is about Jack getting tortured in China.

186. No comes to his rescue, he tells the Chinese everything he knows and is killed.

185. Because the have enough information, the Chineses destroy the U.S.A.

184. Season 6 is about Jack's childhood.

183. No one dies in Season 6!

182. CTU plays the Wizard of Oz soundtrack on a loop for 24 hours straight.

181. The season is based on William Shakespeare’s MacBeth.

180. The whole season is filmed extremely out of focus.

179. Jack shouting: "Yippekayey, *beep*

178. Bin Laden releases a tape claiming he's retiring

177. Jack chats with friends while on a coffee break

176. CTU, now a subsiduary Homeland Security, is absorbed by Comedy Central

175. Jack Bauer joins Brigardier General Jack O'Neill's SG-1 team and uses the StarGate to stop an Ori terrorist attack on the Jafaa homeworld Chulak

174. CTU is renamed CTC (Counter Terrorist Club).

173. Jack saying to a captured terrorist "You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an attorney..."

172. A NON-urgent phone call for someone at CTU.

171. Jack yelling "EFF THIS $HIT" when on assignment.

170. Jack becomes Jigsaw.

169: Jack and the rest of CTU is put onto a desert island where they are fitted with exploding neckbands and must kill each other. Only one may leave the island.

168: Audrey dumps Jack the night before christmas, and Jack goes to a bar and gets wasted. In his drunk depression, Jack decides to steal Chirstmas.

167: In above scenario, Jack and the Grinch team up. Cindy Loo-Who comes out of her room with a machine gun and shoots them both. Jack is wearing a bullet proof vest, and as he holds the dying Grinch in his arms, he says "By Grand-Thar's hammer...you shall be avenged!" Jack opens one of the presents to find a machine gun, and as the clock draws nearer to the end of an hour, jumps up from behind the tree and opens fire.

166: In this scenario, Jack is caught and charged with two accounts; stealing christmas and pouring kool-aid all over the floor. (unbeknowst to the rest, the kool aid is actually the remains of Cindy Loo-Who.)

165: The entire season is acted out with legos.

164: Jack and Audrey have sex in the CTU boardroom for 12 hours straight while Chloe throws out rude comments at everyone and Curtis goes around trying to find his neighbor's lost kitten.

163: "24" becomes "42."

162: The day is spent with everyone trying to come up with a currencey for dogs and cats.

161: In this scenario, the currency plans are stolen by Jack's jealous high-school rugby rival Jimbo. Jack pries Jimbo's eyes out before Jimbo tells him where the currency plans are.

160: Jack and the rest of CTU take the day off to go see "Snakes on A Plane." When Sam Jackson says "I've had it with these mother****ing snakes on this mother****ing plane, everyone cheers and Jacks fires his gun into the air several times.

159: Because of this, they miss the next lines of dialouge. Jack kills the man in the projection booth and replays the scene over again. It take twenty tries before they can hear the line without cheering or discharging firearms.

158: Jack comes back to the US with a newfound love of foreign films, and makes CTU have a Chinese Film Festival every Tuesday.

157: Jack becomes a gigolo.

156: Jack meets Larry the Cable Guy and fart jokes are made for the next twelve hours straight before Jack shoots himself. Larry farts for the next six hours, and all the clocks including the season finale clock are done in Larry farts.

155. Jack forgets to set his alarm clock for work.

154: Jack wakes up next to a chess board and realises that it was all just a dream.

153: Jack logs onto IMDb and tracks down and kills all the trolls. Jack then resets the system so we can swear to our hearts content...

152: The opening scene show Jack trying to shut off a nuclear bomb, but it explodes killing him and everyone else in Los Angles.

151: Jack teams up with Fox Mulder and they get abducted by aliens.

150: Machines take over the world and Jack has to take orders from John Connor.

149: Jack is taken hostage by Hans Gruber and John McClain has to save him.

148: The season is cancelled 2 minutes into the show because they show Miles masturbating while watching a porno.

147: 24 in space! The adventures of the CTU space division!

146: George Lucas is the villain. Lucas is returning to the states to once again screw with the Star Wars trilogy AND set of a bomb destorying all laserdiscs and VHS in the world, and bootleg DVD's, so that the Original star wars trilogy will be destroyed forever! Jack has 24 hours to stop him or Star Wars as we know it will be gone forever!

145: Hilary Duff guest stars.

144: Linday Lohan guest stars.

143: Amanda Bynes guest stars.

142: Frankie Munz guest stars.

141: Worst of all, Chad-Michael Murray guest stars...It's attack to the teenyboppers!

140: 24 gets a hip rap theme song with a bunch of weird color alterations on favorite scenes. Jack gets so fed up thirty seconds in, he kills everyone responsible for it.

139: Jack Bauer is on the hunt for Lincoln Burrows and Michael Scofield after there escape from prison.

138. Cast John Cho from Harold and Kumar as the new Chinese Consul.

137. Mention the word nuclear during the course of the season.

136. Jack runs out of gas when driving to the terrorist's hideout.

135. Jack returns but it is never mentioned until the season finale
Audrey "O yeah about China..."
[Season ends]

134. 24 gets a laugh track.
[Jack jumps through window]
Jack "Mind if I DROP IN!!!!!!"
[recorded laughter ensues]

133. A terrorist is surrounded in building and CTU has put up a net around the area. The terrorist makes a run for it and in minutes is arrested by LAPD!!!!!!!

132: Jack Bauer gets a goofy black sidekick who uses a swear word twice in each sentance ala Rush Hour.

131: The season starts with Jack on a camping trip, when a terrorist starts a forest fire. When Jack finally catches the culprit in the season finale, he kills him and turns to the camera. Then he says "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." Cue silent clock.

130: It turns out there was a miscount and we're not actually on number 130!!!

129: IMDb shuts down the night before the season premiere, so we can't chat about the episodes.

128: Mr. Anderson doesn't do his parodies, 24 in 2.4 Minutes!

127. The entire season is aired in reverse order.

126. While talking to Chloe on his cell phone, Jack says, "Can you hear me now? Good!"

125. the guys from Dude Where's My Car? show up and Jack spends 10 episodes looking for it.

124. Bill Buchanan's mentally ill daughter is brought into CTU medical where she
eventually commits suicide. Distraught over hiss loss, he leaves CTU and is replaced by Erin Driscoll.

123. Chloe has the stomach flu and runs to the bathroom to vomit once per episode.

122. Chloe doesn't say anything blunt or sarcastic and never makes the Chloe scowl.

121. Barry Landes is hired as CTU's clinical psychologist.

120. They kill off a major character that we've come to love over the course of four or five seasons, and then fail to silence the clock at the end.

119. Kumar takes Jack and Curtis to (where else?)White Castle. Several White Castle employees are tortured when Jack's burger is overcooked. "I asked for medium rare dammit!! This is well done!" Kumar then feeds Jack a few "special" brownies, and Jack spends the next few hours constantly asking Curtis, "Dude, Where's my CTU vehicle?"

118. The whole season is Jack looking for his lost kitten, Bubbles.

117: Jack doesn't bomb the offices of 4Kids entertainment and kill all its employees.

116: Jack watches Titanic (taking four episodes) and cries for the next ten episodes.

115. Jack Bauer lost his gun and must wait out a 72 hour background check for the replacement

114. Audrey's slacker brother returns as the main villan and threatens to have sex with every man in LA unless marijuana is legalized.

113. CTU installs a mole detector which flags every CTU employee.

112. Jack Bauer gets amnesia, but retains his amazing torturing skills.

111. Jack Bauer versus the Amazing X-Men. Halle Barry is brought in as an ill fated love interest.

110. Jack Bauer does not return for Season 6 and is never mentioned again.

109. Jack Bauer find himself captaining an interplanetary mercenary ship where the crew swears in Chinese. He finds himself strangely attracted to the handsome young ship's doctor. They make a stop in planet Deadwood in hour 3 and meets a ruthless saloon/whorehouse owner with a Shakespearean command of swear words.

108. Jack Bauer is recruited as the 13th member of a billion dollar Las Vegas heist. He shoots the heist's leader's wife for ditching him at the alter.

107. Jack is cryogenically frozen for a thousand years and must now work as a 31st century delivery boy.

106. HBO picks up "24" and demand 60 minute long "real time" episodes. Everybody is killed by their exploding bladder.

105. Kim is accidentally married to both her cousin and a cougar. Fox News pundit decries the marriages as the natural result of legalizing gay marriage.

104. Jack converts to fundamental Mormonism and convinces Kate Warner, Audrey Raines, and Chloe O'Brien to join him as sister wives.

103. Jack kills Kim in the first 10 minutes and then spends the rest of day not feeling guilty about it.

102. 10 of the episodes will feature only real time feeds from C-SPAN and C-SPAN 2.

101. In hour 2 Audrey is revealed as the secret identity of an incredibly neurotic super heroine. In hour 5 we discover Jack's universe is on the brink of destruction as the Monitor and the Anti-Monitor battles it out.

100. The Chinese make a pirated copy of Jack Bauer.

99. John Woo is hired to direct season 6 and casts Chow Yun-Fat as Jack's sidekick. CTU runs out of bullets.

98. Bryan Singer is brought on as an executive producer/writer. The "24" board gets crowded with trolls decrying the "gaying up" of Jack Bauer.

97: Jack burns the flag.

96: Jack is the new head of CTU, and will kill anyone who eats anything but chinese food.

95. Chloe can't update anything on Jack's PDA because he network DROPPED THE CALL.

94. Audrey Reines isnt mauled to death by a tiger

93. It wasnt nerve gas, it was sleeping gas! Edgar survives coffin burial by consuming his own fat.

92. Jack's mission is to kill Kiefer Sutherland.

91. CTU gets hard intel from a giant and a dancing dwarf who speaks backwards.

90: Chloe still fails to learn the art of voice-projection and we once again have to strain our ears to extract a coherent word from her every sentence... *BREATHS IN*

89. After escaping from prison Jack decides to take the day off and have a 24 marathon.

88. Jack is infected with a posion that will kill him if he doesn't keep his adrenaline up...so on and so forth.

87. Jack crashes the emmys right as Kiefer Sutherland is giving his acceptance speech.

86. Bill Buchanan develops feelings for Chloe and they get together by the end of the season.

85. Jack's hair continues to get shorter.

84. When Jack's eating a sandwich, he accidentally bites his tongue, and from that point onwards he speaks with a lisp (thereby filling the void left by Edgar).

83. Bizarro "24" with Bizarro Jack, Bizarro Kim, Bizarro Chloe, and so on.

82. The Chinese tanker ship is hijacked by pirates. Chloe tracks the ship off to a small chain of islands off of the South China Sea. Can Curtis rescue Jack before Jack rescues himself?

81. Jack goes to Edna Mode and gets fitted for a superhero costume (no capes!).

80. Jack and Curtis are encumbered with a baby, hilarity ensues.

79. Jack runs out of canned spinach.

78. Kim falls into a tangle of poison ivy in hour 2 and spends the rest of the 24 hours looking like hell.

77. CTU orders pizza for their staff but all the pizzas arrive topped in anchovies.

76. CTU attracts new employees by adding breast implants and botox injections to their healthcare plan.

75. Jack finds himself trapped on an island inhabited by beautiful warrior women, whose leader demand he snu-snu the entire population within the next 24 hours.

74: Jack is shot and wakes up to find a lot of stuff not making sense, and then finds out it was a hallucination on his way to the ER.

73. The next president of the USA elected is a Female... If that was the case there will be no need for a season 6 because it seems that all the stuff ups are made by Ego filled men.

72. CTU personnel are replaced by the cast of Jackass, with unrestricted access to the interrogation facilities.

71. Secretary Heller returns with his annoying presence once again.

69. The Chinese freeze jack in carbonite for 1000 years. He awakens to find the galaxy in the hands of dictator. Pretty much 24...IN SPACE.

68. Jack Bauer Gets elected president of the USA, and if so there will be no need for a season 6 because everyone would be scared sh*tless him.

67. What's behind the days threat? Crab People!

66. Jacks mission is to kill spongebob.

65. Jack teams up with Cubby to fight the invading hippos. In an exciting plot twist, Jack finds out the hippos were sent by the Chinese.

64. Jack starts using reverse psychology on the terrorists.

Jack: Tell me who you’re working for!
Terrorist: No!
Jack: Fine then, don’t tell me who your working for. I didn’t want to know anyway.
Terrorist: You didn’t? Well then I guess I can tell you.

63. Jack loses his voice by hour three due to all his yelling. He spends the rest of the day miming everything, much to the amusement of everyone at CTU.

62. chase returns and has 1 billion babies and gets so caught up in nursering them, he isn't in the season at all

61. in the climax, they have to drive as fast as they can to the bad guy base and get caught in rush hour.

60. Kim gets chased by another cougar

59. Kim gets kidnapped by a bear who’s working for president palmer.

58. Jack Bauer gives up to play a game of hop-scotch

57. Jack Bauer goes on American idol.

56. Jack goes on 'who wants to be a super hero' and loses to fat mama

55. Jack and the main bad guy are in a climactic dule and then jack falls asleep

54. The show takes place on daylight savings time and is called '25'

53. Jack Bauer Becomes a Pimp.

52. John Waters writes every episode for the whole season. (shudder)

50. 24 is a Christmas Special. And involves helping Santa. Aw hell, and torturing elves too.

48. Jack meets Steve Irwin in lalaland

47. Jack grows an uncontrollable hunger for dead women in China, and decides to temporarily kill himself so that he could join Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe and Katherine Hepburn, Elizabeth I and Cleopatra amongst others.

46. Bullet Time.

45. Super Powers.

44: The writers send in the clowns

43: Chloe goes Rambo... oh wait, that already happened... hmmm: Chloe goes Rambo II

42: Jack goes Superman and flies back to LA

41: The writers change the title into '12' and only write 12 eps.

40. The show is cancelled halfway through the season.

39. Jack kills the cameraman and everything goes dark for half an hour while they find a new cameraman.

38. Jack meets Yogurt and learns the way of the Shwartz.

37. Jack is shot and wakes to meet a British man named Devon. Devon then Jack that at the behest of someone named Wilson Knight he has had Jack's face reconstructed so that he can have a new identity, sexy loner Michael Knight (who surprisingly looks like David Hasselhoff). "Michael" then goes to work for a new government agency, FLAG (the foundation for law and government ) His partner? A talking car named KITT (knight idustries two thousand) Micheal and KITT use KITT's turbo boost every episode to battle terrorism and keep the world the safe...

36. Jack returns from China to find Audrey has married someone else. He spends the next 23 and 1/2 hours standing under her window holding a boom box blasting Peter Gabriel music.

35. Jack gets a new face, Nicholas Cage's face.

34. Linkin Park feature on the soundtrack.

33. The whole soundtrack is done with the Mario bros. theme.

32. Special guest stars Britney Spears and Kevin Federline as Jack Bauer's white-trash cousins.

31. Chinese makes Jack star in an Asian porno flick.

30. "Kiefer, this isn't working out. We're going to kill Jack and focus on Kim instead."

29: They focus on one of the CTU desks for 24 hours. And then the phone rings and the last three seconds of the season tick away. That would be the major cliffhanger.

28: Superman saves the day, and 14 hours are spent on an extended version of "Can you read my mind?"

27: Terrance and Phillip from South Park are the villains.

26: The entire seasons is spoken in lymmerick.

25: All lines of dialogue are Haiku.

24: The entire seasons is done in bullet time. Even Chloe answering the phone or typing on her computer.

23: The show becomes a sitcom, with each hour being its own self contained plot where various relationships play out and they all visit a coffee shop.

22: They don't tie Graham into the story.

21: Jack Bauer is in a car crash and becomes Inspector Gadget.

20. CTU Lost Boys style. Jack Bauer grows a mullet, gets an earing, wears two oversized jackets, and rides a small motorbike around while trying to get random people to join CTU. Some chinese food, "wine", and trippy acid shots of the CTU office ensue. Jack says "be one of us," a lot.

19. Kiefer Sutherland doesn't dress strangely metrosexually on the bonus disc (did anyone else notice the strange amount of knit turtlenecks and tight cotton/spandex blend shirts he wears?)

18. Jack doesn't have a new girlfriend during the entire season (Teri, Nina, Kate, Audrey, Dianna Huxely, Claudia, ... am I forgetting someone?)

17. Anyone attempting an inter-office relationship. It never works out well.

16. Due to budgetary restraints, the show is 15 minutes long with 45 minutes of commercials.

15. The whole season is preformed with Muppets. There's a new guest star each episode!

14. We lose count again by the end of the countdown.

13. Jack has a new tattoo of a My Little Pony

12. President Palmer, Michelle, and Tony are really alive, it was their clones that got killed.

11. Kim is seen teaching nuclear physics to a class of professors

10. Find out that Jack was thrown overboard on the way to China and send in new crack CTU operative David Hasselhoff (complete with leather jacket and mullet) to deal with a new terrorist threat.

9. Bauer and Bourne Scrap for real.

8. Kim DOESN'T get topless in at least one scene.

7. Jack has an arguemtent with Bill about how many episodes were in the original Star Trek series.

THERE WERE 72!!!

NO, 73 GODDAMMIT!!!!

Jack then shoots Bill.

6. Jack teams up with John McClane to kick some terrorist AS-S!

5. Edgar comes back and his explanation for dying is "it was my Siamese twin brother, Eddy, you saw die.”

4. Edgar then marries Chloe.

3. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson guest star in a 24/X-files crossover.

2. Donald Sutherland guest stars as someone who is NOT related to Jack. ("NO WE ARE NOT RELATED, WE JUST LOOK ALIKE!")

1. Bill Buchanon & Karen Hayes have sex, ON CAMERA!!!



Post
#248699
Topic
Where does your screen name come from?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248699/action/topic#248699
Time
Originally posted by: Darth Enzo
Hey, Darth_Evil, your name is also an Austin Powers reference. In the scene where Dr. Evil describes his plan to put a Frickin' Laser™ on the frickin' moon (henceforth to be known as the "Death Star"), Scott mockingly calls him Darth.


Huh. Never thought of that, but know I can go around and gloat that my screenname has more than one joke in it! Anyone else have a name like that?


I didn't think so.
Post
#248612
Topic
Where does your screen name come from?
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/248612/action/topic#248612
Time
Originally posted by: Yoda Is Your Father
Mine is basically a bad and unfunny joke based on the line 'Obi-Wan was your Father' which was originally delivered by Dave Prowse as Darth Vader on the set of ESB to keep the plot twist a secret (The line was later dubbed with 'I am your Father' by James Earl Jones). When I was signing up I had no idea I would end up being such an active member of the OT.com community so I didn't give much thought to my name - if I had it would be something cooler and/or easier to type (maybe just 'Yoda')


I think your screen name is great. It's funny and creative.

As for me...well, take a wild guess. I took Darth, like many people here, but put Evil on the end. The joke is that if a sith was named Darth Evil, it would be extremely obvious and silly.