CP3S

It wasn't, I just resurrected it from a two years of oblivion.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2012)

3 out of 5 creepy fairy folk.

Despite the somewhat silly fairies, I actually enjoyed it through and through up the last five minutes, which I was unimpressed with.

There were no yellow lightsabers in any of the prequels. Only blue, green, red, and Mace's purple.

Over the years in the EU a massive variety of colors have been mentioned from black to rust colored and everything in between.

Warbler said:

wow,  CP3S, how much were you drinking last night? 

The perfect amount, apparently.

My "date" was texting, or chatting on Facebook, or something, and telling me about stupid things I wasn't drunk enough to care about, so I got bored and started posting. It was horrible, and kind of weird. Worse than a guy rolling over and falling asleep right after (I am assuming). Who does that? This is why I try to have nothing to do with women under the age of 25.

Wow, I have no idea where all of that came from.

First instinct is to pull a GL and edit... but, maybe I'll leave them, unless they offend anyone too much. I should probably go back and read them before I make that decision.

Gaffer Tape said:

I blame you and your boob jokes.

Seriously as bigger than you're head? That is crazy! Can't even hold them./!  Disproportioned and really, not that hot, but kind of a fun thing sometimes. You know? It is fun. I like it sometimes.

Why is the rum always gone?

Yoda Is Your Father said:

I HATE THIS FUCKING STATE I HATE THIS FUCKING TOWN I HATE THIS FUCKING HOUSE I HATE THAT I HAVE BEEN HERE SO FUCKING LONG AND WILL STILL BE HERE IN 3 WEEKS I HATE THAT MY LIFE IS ON HOLD AND I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF MY OWN FUCKING LIFE I FUCKING HATE IT.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO AND KILL MYSELF.

Amerka tends to have that effect on people, LOLZ!

I imahgine things are better for you now though, right? All these years later, back home. That is good. I feel so very stuck in this country at times, it is disheartening. Imagine being stuck married to a whore, and knowing that whore is all you can ever have while those that surround you get to enjoy all the pleasures of your whore, but also get to return home to their own wives who are solely theirs. So it is to be an American. Where at LEAST we know we're free! (to drive a meager 75 miles an hour on the motorway) and will never forget the men who died and gave that right to us! (like protecting us from the vicious threat of the Vietnamese and the bloody Brits!) We will gladly STAND UP! and defend ourselves to day! Ain't no doubt (Well, Webster thinks it is a real word, stop cringing like a prick C3PX, just go with it) we love this land! GAWD BLESS THE YOU ESS AYYYY!!!!

Yeah, so this si totally the kind of post you delete in the moring if you remember ppsting it. A wise man once said recentlu (regarding drunk posts) "we haben't had one of those in a while\end quote marks] so I am accommodating.

Anyway, I looked up the things we had thread because I have an inportnt impertanent important meaasge message to shar. share. I think my backspace key is gone, carp. But I could only find the hate and love thread, not the same thing, but easierly found. So

I think we need to make a federal law that toilet water should only be so deep. Am I seriously the only guy who gets tired of having to grip his cock everytime he sits on the commode for a crap? Women get to sit on the thing worry free and shit and or piss at their leisure. Why should guys have to stand to piss and keep a grip of their dick when they crap out of fear of it falling into dirty toilet water? It is gross and nasty! I demand a new design! I am sick forgetting to set my penis on the wasteband of my underwear and feeling it drop into the cold water below. Ewww. THis is a horrible . horrible, horrible design and it deserves no place in the modern world! It is 2012 for fuck's sake! Surely we can improve on the current design of our defecation appliances! I totally get why the Turks went with squatting wholes with traction footholds, but that is seriously hard on the knees! There has to be a way to poop while protecting the knees while keeping the penis dry. Come on peop;e! We are living in an age where men have climbed on the moon! Our ingenuity can surely create a better toilet.  One that creates comfort and sanitation at once. Gaaah!!! I fucking hate dropping my cock in cold toilet water!!!I always feel paranoid I am going to get some horrible disease from it when it is not my toilet. I am usualy careful to hold on for dear life, but as you all know, sometimes you just accidently drop it and SPLASH.

You all feel me on this? Lower water levels for the win!!!

I love PKD! So many great ideas and concepts. Though, sadly, as I have gotten older, I find him unreadable. Not sure why this is. I certainly don't think him a bad writer, and I still find his ideas intriguing, but every time I pick something of his up, I feel like I could be better utilizing my time reading something else.

I used to have a decent collection of popular films, and I think just about everyone of the had Engrish titles. I had Episode II and III (my copy of episode three had Russian subs though, I remember because it was the only one of these movies I had on DVD), Terminator 3, the second Matrix film, Fellowship of the Ring, and The Two Towers, X-Men 3, and the first two Spider-Man movies to name a few.

Unfortunately they were all on VHS and I never bothered bringing any of them back to the states with me. Fellowship of the Rings is the only one I have any nostalgia for the screwed up subtitles on, and would love to have a copy of those subs. Sure, I guess they can be kind of funny, but that only goes so far. Especially when every movie you watch has these, the novelty wears off.

To get back on topic, I very much agree with Katharsys, this dub is great fun and a copy of the audio file in the best quality possible would be great. Whoever made it, and I think we know at least one person involved, you guys did a great job. If you release an audio track of the whole film, we have plenty of people talented enough to do all the syncing. I'd love to have a DVD copy of this thing, and plenty of us have the skills to make that possible.

Tobar said:

Chewie is closely related to the Skywalkers!?! =O

No, but he and Yoda go way back. I think Yoda was the Bacca family doctor and actually delivered Chewbacca. Who knows, Chewie probably has some Yoda DNA in him. There are 700 years of Yoda back story prior to Chewie's birth, anything could have happened. Then again, there are two hundred years of Yoda and Chewie backstory after Chewie's birth, maybe they Brokeback'ed it up and Yoda gave birth to Han somewhere in there (you never know how these alien reproductive systems work). Han could totally be an inbred, deformed, wookie/little green elf hybrid (which incidentally looks kind of human). That be totally wizard! Then Yoda would be Luke and Leia's great grandfather, as well as Leia's mother-in-law. It feels very appropriate and in line with established SW lore.

The thing you have to understand about the Star Wars universe is that red lightsaber means Sith, blue and green mean Jedi, and that everyone is closely related, it is just a matter of figuring out how.

I still think it would be great if this were real. Han needs to be Anakin's father! He is still the only character that isn't closely related to all the other characters. It doesn't feel right, he deserves better. Besides, there are a lot of out of work short short people, casting all those dwarfs would be a good boost to our economy.

Daniel tells us that one of the series' first episodes will involve a group of  bandits acquiring the capability of time travel, and using it to travel back in time to stop Darth Vader from ever existing. 

Bastards! They stole my idea! ;)

A few years ago I wrote a short screen play telling the tale of a young Han Solo who has been sent back in time to protect a young Shmi Skywalker from an assassin droid sent back to kill her to prevent the reign of Darth Vader. 

In this story I am proud of the fact that I manage to shrink the SW universe even more by giving Han an important role in the Skywalker family lineage.

You're right, I screwed that one up.

Eh hem!

Wow, it derails on topic discussion too! Like a yellow Swiss Army knife of derailment.

Yeah, at the end of it. But for most of the nineties SW was probably in the best place it has ever been. All three movies in the best quality home video formats available (none of us ever suspecting that someday would not be the case). Lots of EU popping up, some of it enjoyable, and tons of nifty SW related merchandise flooding the market place.

And the special editions being released to theaters in 97 was actually really exciting. It was great to see them on the big screen and I found the changes to a movie I had seen countless times before to be a fun bonus (never expecting that we would one day not be allowed to go back). I'd argue that we had it good through the nineties. Sure, The Phantom Menace hit us in 1999 and we weren't sure what to think, but in retrospect, it is the absolute best of the prequels and the only one I can stand watching.

doubleofive said:

CP3S said:

I was posting in these parts long before you came along, little yellow turd. ;)

Not according to your profile, P3S. ;-)

Dah, stupid lost password!

Wow, it derails off topic discussion too!

I was posting in these parts long before you came along, little yellow turd. ;)

DuracellEnergizer said:

I wish I could go back to the '90s; at least that decade had decent music and made some lick of sense.

Glad I am not the only one who feels nostalgia for that decade. Sometimes I wish I was the age I am now living in the nineties.

Of course, while we may not have had Katy Perry playing on every other fricken radio station at once, and people may not have been checking their cellphones every ten seconds, we did have Brittany Spears playing constantly on the radio (not to mention Nsync and the Back Street Boys *shudder*), and I seem to remember pagers being really annoying too...

And we still had politicians being smarmy and saying things like, "That depends on what your definition of "is" is."

Baronlando said:

One of my favorite things he's done, we know he gave bonus points to the SW cast that he didn't have to

Bonus points? I'm not even sure what that means.

What about the crummy treatment of David Prowse? I agree George provides money for a lot of great causes, and this Marin County low income housing thing, if it pans out and is more than just a threat, is pretty cool, but I don't think we can really say he has always treated his actors and employees awesome.

TheThirdGathers said:

I was just saying that the one with the subtitles is equally baffling, for example at the beggining the words are right there but Stars Wars becomes Star War and so on. The one with the subtitles was brought over by this guy Wintersson and he said they made it before it came out in theatres, so I don't know if it's such a stretch for people with those kind of recources. I mean, how do people still a huge Hollywood movie in the first place?  

Actually, the subtitles are not baffling at all. It is very common. I spent a good deal of time in various countries where bootlegs are the only way you could buy movies, just about all of them had engrish subs. I first saw Fellowship of the Ring in the form of a bootleg with engrish subs. At the end of the film where Gimli says, "Let's go hunt some orcs!" the subs read, "Let's go hunt some ox!" Most the rest of the films subtitles were as incoherent and ridiculous as Backstroke of the Wests.

As for stealing big Hollywood films, that is not a hard thing at all. The copy of Fellowship of the Ring I had featured a scroll that would periodically go across the bottom of the screen stating that it was issued as a screening copy for the MPAA ratings board and to call this 1800 number if you purchased it. Screeners used to leak all the time, sometimes several weeks before the film is released to theaters. In the event a screener wasn't leaked, the movies were usually cams (someone in a theater filming the movie while they watch it).

Since neither screeners nor cams come equipped with subtitles and are being sold in non-English speaking countries, a translator will watch the movie and translate it. Other pirates that want to sell them in other countries will reverse translate those subs into English to market to a wider audience (English is widely known, and it is usually a lot easier to read a foreign language than it is to understand it spoken). I suspect some of the subtitles I've seen have been the original translators subtitles simply thrown into a translation algorithm like google translate to create the English sub. Alternatively, some of the Engrish subs I've seen have had close enough approximations to the English words that I got the impression someone who didn't know English very well simply watched the film and transcribed it (like having the word "ox" for "orcs", that doesn't seem likely to be a translation problem, but rather an interpretation issue).

Very few resources are needed for any of this. Once the pirated video is acquired, the person who acquired it can simply spend a few hours translating it, slap some subs on it, and run a bunch of tapes through a VCR and WHAM, he is selling the latest new release on a street corner in Hong Kong (or wherever). The fact that the English in Backstroke of the West is so incomprehensible is actually is very telling of how few resources the person/people involved actually have. For example, they clearly don't have anyone that speaks or reads English at their disposal.

However, voice actors (with suspiciously impressive American accents) reading those subtitles out would take a lot of resources. And it is a practice entirely unheard of. It doesn't happen. There wouldn't be any point. The film is already in English. There is nobody out there that only speaks and understands Engrish. The only reason Engrish subs get made is because official sub tracks don't exist for these films at the time they are being bootlegged.

This thing didn't come off a DVD from China, it is clearly fan made, and I am pretty sure most people who have read this thread have managed to put two and two together by now. Damaged DVD indeed. ;)

Anyway, to whoever did it, brilliant work! I can't believe I am just now seeing this thread.

xhonzi said:

Gaffer, Akwat, (and 005)- Are you all saying you don't have the print version of the book?  Does this mean that you just have the .pdf that Zombie was sending out pre-release?  If so, Shame on you!

Yeah, way to support possibly the best thing to come out of this community, guys. Lame! It isn't like you have any awesome Star Wars DVDs or Blu-rays to burn your money on.

IGNORED!

;)

Mine too!

So many people seem to hate it, which is a shame because it is brilliant.

Bingowings said:

The Last 3 Smurf Mohicans in FernGully Dances with Pocahontas.

Fixed.

PSYCHO_DAYV said:

Moth3r said:

PSYCHO_DAYV said:

I NOMINATE MYSELF AS THE VILLAGE EXECUTIONER. 

Nice try, but you already have a job in your previous village.

They called, BTW - they want their idiot back.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALLED YOU, IDIOT.

Meh, comeback wasn't nearly as smooth or amusing as Moth3r's original joke.

Anyone know the issue number for this? I'd like to read the whole thing myself, just for kicks. Shouldn't be too hard to get a hold of.

Just based on reading the one panel alone, I assumed "muffin hair" was one of the same kind of aliens as the winged woman at the bottom. They have the same kind of hairline, so that makes sense. Though she has very pointy ears, and his aren't really pointy at all. On top of that, the story tells about three Jedi coming to visit, and the panel depicts three men. Of course, Vader is in his costume, and Obi-Wan looks about as old as he is in SW... So, it is hard to tell what to make of that anyway. Maybe Obi-Wan is meant to look younger and the illustrator assumed Vader always wore that getup?

Star Wars Purist said:

Still, though, at the end of this comic, the creature states that Luke is wearing the lightsaber of the Jedi who was chiefly responsible for saving them and Luke says that his father was someone he could be proud of

If this is really in the story (memory can be a tricky thing), then I'd say it is non-debatable, the other pupil was definitely meant to be Luke's father. The wookipedia entry about the third pupil is clearly ret-con, so I wouldn't even consider it in this discussion. 

I'd say if "muffin man" isn't one of the winged aliens, then there is a good chance he was intended to be Luke's father. It seems pretty clear the story was implying Luke's father to be one of the three Jedi, given the comment on his lightasber and calling Luke "the chosen one".  

EDIT:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/S%27kytri

Wookipedia claims the S'kytri alien males have blue skin, while the females have green skin, which, if not just an interpretation of that page by some LFL employee, supports it just being a random S'kytri male. I imagine the actual comic has to have more images of the Skytri in it, right? If they look at all like muffin head, then this discussion is kind of pointless.

Ah, I see. That is unfortunate. I suppose the MI HD games were because of him too? That is sad, I was hoping MI:3 and Grim Fandango might make it to Xbox Live.