Worst Edit Ideas — Page 109

Make that right now. I need to see it.

In order to fix the severe under-representation of Qui-Gon in the OT, deepfake all scenes of Obi-Wan in the OT to be Qui-Gon’s force ghost. The opening crawl of ANH will establish that Obi-Wan was brutally murdered by Tuskens just after the events of the Kenobi show.

I understood that reference

StarkillerAG said:

Mash up all the scenes of Rey training in TLJ into a “cheesy 80s action movie” style training montage, complete with an original synth-rock song about believing in yourself and becoming a champion. In order to fit the montage with the rest of the movie, rescore the entire soundtrack with more cheesy synth-rock.

Insert Randy Marsh from South Park fighting a bunch of people into this montage. At the end of the montage, Randy yells out, “I thought this was America!” while the cops take him away.

Give Jar Jar agency, like this:

“Naboo has no Queen, Naboo needs no Queen”, the line of the Queen is broken, instead elected monarchs rule the planet. The last of the royal bloodline roams the swamplands of Naboo. To the local residents he is known as Strider, but to the people of Minas Theed his name is Jar Jar, son of Jam Jar. He is found by Qui-Gon the Grey, after the invasion of the ring-ships. They seek help from the Gungan, who retreated to Gunga Deep, intending to persevere the attack of Dooku the white, ringmaker (yes, he would replace the Viceroy). After they made their way to Minas Theed the parody falls flat, so they destroy the ring (-ship), Jar Jar is crowned and Qui-Gon the Grey returns to Coruscant.

That’s unironically better than the original movie. The prequels really needed to take more inspiration from epic fantasy.

Peter Pan said:

Give Jar Jar agency, like this:

“Naboo has no Queen, Naboo needs no Queen”, the line of the Queen is broken, instead elected monarchs rule the planet. The last of the royal bloodline roams the swamplands of Naboo. To the local residents he is known as Strider, but to the people of Minas Theed his name is Jar Jar, son of Jam Jar. He is found by Qui-Gon the Grey, after the invasion of the ring-ships. They seek help from the Gungan, who retreated to Gunga Deep, intending to persevere the attack of Dooku the white, ringmaker (yes, he would replace the Viceroy). After they made their way to Minas Theed the parody falls flat, so they destroy the ring (-ship), Jar Jar is crowned and Qui-Gon the Grey returns to Coruscant.

Don’t forget Anakin Baggins. Without him, Jar Jar would not have gone very far.

Eyepainter said:

Peter Pan said:

Give Jar Jar agency, like this:

“Naboo has no Queen, Naboo needs no Queen”, the line of the Queen is broken, instead elected monarchs rule the planet. The last of the royal bloodline roams the swamplands of Naboo. To the local residents he is known as Strider, but to the people of Minas Theed his name is Jar Jar, son of Jam Jar. He is found by Qui-Gon the Grey, after the invasion of the ring-ships. They seek help from the Gungan, who retreated to Gunga Deep, intending to persevere the attack of Dooku the white, ringmaker (yes, he would replace the Viceroy). After they made their way to Minas Theed the parody falls flat, so they destroy the ring (-ship), Jar Jar is crowned and Qui-Gon the Grey returns to Coruscant.

Don’t forget Anakin Baggins. Without him, Jar Jar would not have gone very far.

Now that you mention it, Sting glows blue… And loses his finger (amongst a number of other body parts) and he throws something evil down a deep chasm.

Add questions to the opening crawl to make them more engaging to the audience.

Will the Princess deliver the plans to Tatooine in time? Will the Empire win? Who are these mysterious droids? Who build them, where were they manufactured? What is, a Star War? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z

Speaking of Dragon Ball Z, recut the entire saga into 20-minute anime-style episodes, with the opening crawls replaced by a Tom Kane impersonator narrating over the DBZ recap theme. Insert enough deleted material (whether actual deleted scenes or recreated bits from the novelizations) to make the movies twice their original length, in order to properly capture the DBZ “10 minutes of filler per episode” storytelling method.

Replace the opening crawls with narration by Philomena Cunk.
“The Death Star was destroyed just 4 years before the release of unrelated Ortolan jizz anthem, Lapti Nek.”

losthead said:

Will the Princess deliver the plans to Tatooine in time? Will the Empire win? Who are these mysterious droids? Who build them, where were they manufactured? What is, a Star War? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z

Same bat time! Same bat-channel!

Ed Slushie said:

Replace the opening crawls with narration by Philomena Cunk.
“The Death Star was destroyed just 4 years before the release of unrelated Ortolan jizz anthem, Lapti Nek.”

Now that’s something I would watch.

“The Trade Federation is about to invade Naboo, so it’s like if Amazon decided to invade New Zealand. Which it probably could; it has enough robots.”

“The Rebellion’s been going through a bit of an emo phase. But because they are Rebels, instead of wearing black they’ve started wearing white and playing in the snow.”

“The Resistance has left the salt planet and have recruited what looks like a giant slug. It’s probably a good thing he wasn’t around for that episode, honestly.”

Edit a snippet from TLJ into ESB, touching it up with VFX to fit into the Hoth environment.

A rebel solider preparing for the battle dips his finger into the ground, tastes it, spits it out and derisively says, “Snow.”

Make this the official ending to Episode IV:

https://youtu.be/bfVcqRH5Swk

Literal lol.

Replace Grievous’ coughs with belches and burps. And his lightsabers with beer bottles.

When Yoda surveys the fallen Jedi in the Temple after Order 66, he has a mild break from reality when he notices brain matter from a young apprentice and chuckles before saying, “Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.”

Hal 9000 said:

When Yoda surveys the fallen Jedi in the Temple after Order 66, he has a mild break from reality when he notices brain matter from a young apprentice and chuckles before saying, “Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.”

Oh God, that’s so dark. I love it.

My stool is dark!

Remove Han and Lando’s pre-existing friendship in ESB. Use an AI voice in just a few spots to recharacterize Lando as angry that Han, a known rebel figure, has shown up at his city.

Oh, and change his name to Rando.

Every lightsaber duel in the saga is accompanied by a crappy recorder rendition of Duel of the Fates, thus removing any impact the theme would have had.

Replace Vader “I am your father” reveal with Vader saying, “Luke, we need to cook”.