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The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!) — Page 92

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EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of sorrow.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With the Senate falling
into chaos and despair,
its leaders have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

You probably don’t recognize me because of the red arm.
Episode 9 Rewrite, The Starlight Project (Released!) and ANH Technicolor Project (Released!)

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I think this reads well…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With the Senate falling
into chaos, its daring
leaders have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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I definitely think ‘despair’ is stronger than ‘sorrow’. This is the state of the Galaxy - the loss of the Jedi would be more of an ‘oh fuck, anything bad could happen’ rather than a big ol’ boo hoo. I also think ‘facing extinction’ is stronger than ‘emboldened by absence’ (and the emboldening is implied enough either way). Those first two paragraphs I think Nev is right to have locked in.

That said, I don’t think ‘chaos’ is quite the right move (in the same way that I don’t think ‘overwhelming’ is) for the state of the Republic/Senate. Yes, the First Order have emerged, and they are ‘claiming supremacy’ over space BEYOND the NR, but I don’t think they’re an immediate threat to the NR. That’s why I think it’s valuable to emphasise that the scale of the threat is unknown (potentially huge). The NR doesn’t want to react in a panic, both because this might turn out to be manageable, and because it equally might turn out to be an existential threat - so that’s what’s causing at least a frustrating indecision and political deadlock. My feeling is that the NR would be paralysed by endless debates because (1) they don’t have enough information, and (2) a mis-step could be very costly both in terms of pissing off the FO and causing panic amongst the populace. Thus, our ‘brave’ senators decide that they have to urgently act (and without support), risking exposure and a reaction from the FO, for the sake of gaining hope, and more information.

Perhaps ‘fearing the scale’ could be worded better, but I feel like that concept is right for the third paragraph’s first couple of lines.

The Clone Wars: Refocused | Andor: Movie Omnibus

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EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Growing restless amid
endless debate, daring
Senators have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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Looks like you can now use your own voice in ElevenLabs on any of your previously cloned voices to guide the generation. Should make creating new lines pretty straightforward. I’ve done a fair bit of stage acting before so I should be able to handle this.

If I recall correctly, we wanted to fix Poe’s line about Ilum and add something about not wanting the sacrifice of the Republic to be in vain - in order words give a reason why they go in for another attack run on Starkiller.

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DZ-330 said:

The only spot/spots I could see it working would be from (1:51:47 - 1:51:52), so that gives us 4 secs for a quick Poe line.

Poe: “We need to make them pay!”

Pilot: “We just lost Red 1.”

Pilot 2: “We’re overwhelmed. What do we do it isn’t working?”

Pilot 3: “Black Leader, there’s a brand new hole in that Oscillator. Looks like our friends got in.”

Poe: “Red 4, Red 6, cover us… everybody else hit the target hard give it everything you got.”

Or, we could trim Pilot 3’s line since the camera cuts to the Oscillator midway through his line:

Pilot 3: “Black Leader, there’s a brand new hole in that Oscillator.”

Poe: “Let’s make them pay! Red 4, Red 6, cover us… everybody else hit the target hard give it everything you got.”

JarJar, had to track it down but I remember posting about that very thing before haha!

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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I don’t want to start shouting in the house for that line and have my family think I’m crazy but my preliminary tests are pretty darn good. I just need to collect Poe lines from the required scenes and have the background noise stripped using RL’s isolation software.

Ideally, there are also other people on the forum here who might sound more like the actors. It mostly just depends on your inflections, though. But my microphone quality isn’t the most fantastic out there. I’m completely reliant on NVIDIA Broadcast AI tools to make it sound good.

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DZ-330 said:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
countless worlds beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Growing restless amid
endless debate, daring
Senators have secretly
commissioned the pilots
of a brave RESISTANCE
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

That last paragraph is awfully close to The Phantom Menace’s crawl. I actually like the language in the original TFA crawl as imo that last paragraph should really hone in on specific context for the opening scene.

Not that anyone asked, but i find writing crawls endlessly fun so here’s my take:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair. Luke
Skywalker, once sworn to
rebuild the legendary Jedi
Order, has vanished.

In his absence, remnants
of the fallen Empire known
as the FIRST ORDER have
risen from the stronghold
Starkiller Base to claim
their supremacy over
regions beyond the fragile
New Republic. Funded in
secret by daring senators,
General Leia Organa leads
a RESISTANCE against the
growing power.

Desperate to find her brother
and restore a spark of hope
to the galaxy, she sends pilot
Poe Dameron to the planet
Jakku, where an old ally has
discovered a clue to the last
Jedi’s whereabouts…

Current Project = The Jedi, the Witch, and the Warlord (Ahsoka Movie Edit) [RELEASED] : https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Star-Wars-Ahsoka-Kestrels-Theatrical-Edit-WIP-/id/111777

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101 words is too many for a crawl. Ideally it should never reach 90 words as none have thus far.

I think what we have for the first two paragraphs has been locked in for a long time now. There’s really no sense in even touching those. As for the final paragraph, I actually appreciate how it mirrors The Phantom Menace’s crawl. Any additional links we can add to the prequel trilogy in this movie are very welcome because they clearly tried to distance themselves from those until IX.

Besides, as our good pal George would say: “It’s like poetry. They rhyme.”

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Damn I knew it was too long. Though I’ll stand by that I think it needs to get more specific to feel like a proper crawl.

FWIW, i was able to shorten mine to 90 words

It is a time of despair. Luke
Skywalker, sworn to rebuild
the legendary Jedi Order,
has vanished.

In his absence, remnants
of the fallen Empire known
as the FIRST ORDER have
risen from their stronghold,
Starkiller Base, to threaten
regions encroaching on
the fragile New Republic.
Funded in secret by daring
senators, General Leia
Organa leads a RESISTANCE
against the growing power.

Desperate to find her brother
and restore hope to the
galaxy, Leia sends her best
pilot Poe Dameron in search
of a clue to the last Jedi’s
whereabouts…

Current Project = The Jedi, the Witch, and the Warlord (Ahsoka Movie Edit) [RELEASED] : https://originaltrilogy.com/topic/Star-Wars-Ahsoka-Kestrels-Theatrical-Edit-WIP-/id/111777

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

Looks like you can now use your own voice in ElevenLabs on any of your previously cloned voices to guide the generation.

Wow that’s great news!

heil Palpatine!

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I’m ready to get to work on whatever Nev wants in terms of AI lines. We definitely need to replace Poe’s line about Ilum because it used the outdated method of using an audio book as a source.

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I guess that opens the question as well… are there any other spots in TFA that could be improved with the use of an AI line? Mainly, to improve the changes this edit makes, or, to allow for better cohesion between the ST films.

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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Just thinking…

  • Redo Poe’s Illum line
  • Maybe cleanup/redo Finn’s: “It’s the First Order, they’ve found us line.”
  • An angry line for Poe about making the First Order pay after the destruction of the Hosnian System (helping to explain why they are continuing the assault)
  • Potential line for Lor San Tekka (or Kylo) clarifying that it isn’t a map that Luke left to find him, but a map that leads to an ancient Jedi Temple where Luke may be, clearing up the confusion on why Luke would leave a map if he didn’t want to be found.
  • Maybe some kind of line before Rey leaves to find Luke about starting an evacuation soon because the First Order is coming to D’Qar to counterattack.
  • Any Leia exposition lines that could be on comms during the Starkiller X-Wing battle?
  • A Maz Kanata line about having to leave soon to go settle a union dispute (TLJ connection)
  • Over the loudspeaker at the Resistance base in the background “Rose Tico, please report to maintenance.”

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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I don’t think there needs to be a ton of new lines setting up characters/plot points in TLJ. This might be a better convo for the General edit ideas thread instead of here, but I personally think the Max union dispute business, for example, should be cut from TLJ, and make it so she is just fighting the First Order on a different front. She goes on and on about how they needed to fight the First Order in TFA, but then she just settling a union dispute in the next movie? I think it makes a lot more sense if she is just busy fighting the First Order somewhere else. It seems like a part of the reason no one is helping the Resistance is because their allies have either surrendered or are already busy repelling the First Order blitzkrieg on other fronts. So I think the less we set up certain things the more modular this edit can be with other edits. It just depends.

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Allright, idea for the whole sequel Trilogy, but starting with TFA:

I always thought it was very annoying that Snoke established the Dyad, but then Palpi does not know about it… Even though he should have, since Snoke was his puppet.

So what if in the scene in TFA where Kylo tries to drill into Reys mind and she fights back, their eyes suddenly get a double pupil or something and a sound plays in the background…
And then everytime they “Skypecall” in the later movies, the double pupils and the sound are brought back. Obviously, the line of Snoke admitting to forming the Dyad gets cut out…

This would not only fix that plothole, but also create a nice throughline, because we now see the forming of the Dyad onscreen in the first movie and then how it plays out in movie 2 and 3.

What do you guys think?

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I had originally omitted Snoke’s line about bridging their minds but I’ve since decided it’s best to keep it there since that’s the whole twist of the movie.

What we decided to do is change TROS’s line in Ascendant so that Kylo says they’ve become a dyad in the Force, not that they just are one. That way Snoke still bridged their minds, but he didn’t realize he was jumpstarting a latent connection between them.

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Jar Jar Bricks said:

I had originally omitted Snoke’s line about bridging their minds but I’ve since decided it’s best to keep it there since that’s the whole twist of the movie.

What we decided to do is change TROS’s line in Ascendant so that Kylo says they’ve become a dyad in the Force, not that they just are one. That way Snoke still bridged their minds, but he didn’t realize he was jumpstarting a latent connection between them.

I totally get that approach, my brain kinda filled in the old dialogue/context in TRoS so that change flew over my head.

I still like the idea of setting up the Dyad in TFA, cause it gives some much needed connective tissue for the Trilogy. Maybe i have to learn a little bit more about VFX 😃

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I wouldn’t be opposed to something that sets up the dyad in a subtle way. Arguably it’s already used by Rey because she is able to resist Kylo’s mind probe and see into his own - they share this dyad even at that point, but it’s weak. That’s how she suddenly knows how to mind control. Granted, this edit tries to reframe that as her tapping into the dark side to learn it. But why not both?

I can’t seem to think of another place where their connection could be made more clear. I’ll give it some thought.

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Maybe add the mind link sound effect when Kylo tries to read her mind, and when they are looking at each other during the lightsaber battle when Rey’s eyes change to the Sith eyes?

The Skywalker Saga:
I · II · III · IV · V · VI · VII · VIII · IX
This is the way.

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I like that first idea a ton, DZ.

One thing we definitely need to do that’s nagged me ever since Restructured is that we are clearly recycling reaction shots of the pilots from later on in the firing sequence. We really just need to mirror the two reaction shots to make them less similar as done in the following example I made - https://youtu.be/gzdKcd_XxnA?si=rcfaDCOoxcvnEc3j

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Yes agree, also would love some of those AI lines TBH

“You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view” — Obi-Wan Kenobi