The Force Awakens: Starlight (V1.1 Released!) — Page 80

I’ll check it out!

Relatedly: the prior lines you provided of Leia for the other scenes have a different timbre, which sounds a lot more like the TFA Lego game lines and have that higher, more lighthearted pitch. This line however was pretty perfect, so I wonder if there’s a way to get the other Leia lines sounding like this one. I’m especially hoping that the ‘fleet’ lines can be massaged to work with the deleted scene, because right now they’re much too high to fit with her current tone.

Will do!

Now that’s really fucking cool.

I’d like an alternate, if you’ll pardon interrupting with something outside this edit, of her saying that they do not know the target.

“The First Order, they’re charging the weapon now. Target unknown.”

Heya Nev, just checking back in here, and I’m really glad to see that you’re still working on Starlight v2!

NeverarGreat said:

Okay, here’s version 2:

https://mega.nz/file/bd9ABBzC#rMW8Q-gGe_kyRSr8cDKbx8suklsmjvJkKiB04Yoduec

This sounds really, really good. And well done timing “This is a catastrophe” to 3PO’s little head bobble - it’s tiny details like that that really help to sell the line replacement.

Hal 9000 said:

Now that’s really fucking cool.

I’d like an alternate, if you’ll pardon interrupting with something outside this edit, of her saying that they do not know the target.

“The First Order, they’re charging the weapon now. Target unknown.”

If Jar Jar’s up for that, sure, but remember that the mouth movements may need to be changed for that.

sherlockpotter said:

Heya Nev, just checking back in here, and I’m really glad to see that you’re still working on Starlight v2!

NeverarGreat said:

Okay, here’s version 2:

https://mega.nz/file/bd9ABBzC#rMW8Q-gGe_kyRSr8cDKbx8suklsmjvJkKiB04Yoduec

This sounds really, really good. And well done timing “This is a catastrophe” to 3PO’s little head bobble - it’s tiny details like that that really help to sell the line replacement.

Thanks, and it’s nice to see my efforts acknowledged 😉

Also, since I’m planning to include quite a few more deleted scenes and such for V2, it may take quite some time. Would there be interest in a stopgap version which is essentially that extra coat of polish to V1, audio adjustments, tweaks, crawl replacement and addressing the small quibbles from V1, and call it something like V1.1? I could have that out pretty quickly.

Here’s the crawl that I would put on this version:
(JEDIT: Updated link with new version)
https://mega.nz/file/TYNF1IaJ#Yeo_OtKzCNOXXN8Na4E0A8bIwoutNn1EXox041BwX4M

For V2:

• Incorporate the shot of Luke’s saber into Rey’s vision to explain where it came from
• New dialogue for TR-8R in his fight with Finn
• Revert the reveal of R2 to the original version except that R2 is more dilapidated
• A scene where Leia is informed that the Senate is mobilizing the fleet
• Reincorporated scenes of Kylo searching for Rey on Starkiller Base
• An extended series of scenes where Rey repairs R2 at the Resistance Base
• Hopefully craft a new scene of the Falcon traveling across the galaxy in the journey to Luke

…and more.

A lot of the work on these scenes is already done, but there remains quite a bit to do.

I’d be very interested in a V1.1 personally.

I’d be down for a v1.1, so long as it’s not going to be too much extra effort on your part. The v2 changelist sounds incredible as well!

NeverarGreat said:

Here’s the crawl that I would put on this version:
(JEDIT: Updated link with new version)
https://mega.nz/file/TYNF1IaJ#Yeo_OtKzCNOXXN8Na4E0A8bIwoutNn1EXox041BwX4M

I remember how much you were agonizing over the crawl! It’s really good - I love the inclusion of the phrase “Last Jedi,” and how the Resistance has the backing of the Republic - but would you absolutely despise me if I poked at one or two little niggles?

The Republic is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore its legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Weren’t the Jedi technically a separate organization that existed in tandem with the Republic? Could be getting my nerd wires crossed; but simply calling it “the legendary Jedi Order” flows better in my mind.

Rejoicing in the Jedi’s
downfall, sinister agents
under the command of
the evil FIRST ORDER
have emerged from a
hidden Imperial base to
declare that all who seek
Luke Skywalker’s return
shall be destroyed.

This sentence feels a smidge too long in the context of the crawl (where the text literally moves at a crawl, so it’s already hard to read). It also makes it sound like the First Order really only cares about being anti-Jedi, rather than wanting to overthrow the government, re-establish Imperial rule, etc. Plus, Kylo is the only one hell-bent on finding Luke; Hux and Snoke are totally fine with destroying BB-8.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a daring band of rebels
armed by the Republic
has sent their best pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
vanquish the shadow now
rising across the stars…

Again, just feels a touch verbose. Also, it might just be me, but it’s a little odd to hear the expression “across the stars” to describe the spread of evil, when it’s also the title of one of John Williams’s finest love themes lol. That expression just has a very romantic, poetic connotation to it.

How about:

The Republic is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In the Jedi’s absence,
sinister agents of
the evil FIRST ORDER
have emerged from a
hidden Imperial base,
demanding that the
Republic be dissolved
And the galaxy returned
to Imperial rule.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
the Republic has sent
a daring band of rebels,
led by their best pilot,
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
vanquish the shadow now
rising over the galaxy…

I sincerely apologize for re-opening old wounds, Nev.

Oh very well, I’ll poke around in this can of worms again 😉

You have good points, and I agree with almost everything. I was trying to be clever by stating that the goal of the First Order was to destroy any attempt to find Luke, since as you say nobody but Kylo wants to actually find him again. But it is a bit wordy. I don’t want to have the First Order declare specifically that they wish for regime change, since that would probably require action on the part of the Republic, but I would like to keep it more subtle.

The ‘vanquish’ is also fairly difficult coming at the end of the crawl and fair point on the ‘across the stars’ being hopeful.

So perhaps I should just revert things to be a bit shorter and more simple:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The galaxy is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Rejoicing in the Jedi’s
downfall, sinister agents
under the command of
the evil FIRST ORDER
have emerged from a
hidden Imperial base to
spread chaos and fear
throughout the grieving
New Republic.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a daring band of rebels
armed by the Republic
has sent their best pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars…

Of course, this has the unfortunate effect of removing that specific First Order declaration, which means that the First Order is just causing mischief and the idea of Resistance to this general mischief doesn’t seem particularly warranted. Perhaps if I placed the declaration right at the top of the second paragraph, it would avoid the problem of burdening the reader with more complication at the end of the long paragraph:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The galaxy is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Declaring that the time
of the Jedi has ended,
sinister agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to sow chaos and fear
throughout the grieving
New Republic.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a daring band of rebels
armed by the Republic
has sent their best pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

This has been my favorite TFA edit since its inception but recently I’ve been going through scene by scene to see why it works so well, and I’m incredibly impressed at the level of detail and passion that’s gone into this project. That final Starkiller scene gives the movie so much gravitas in comparison to the original.

…and the little details that aren’t listed in the change list, i.e. the subtle lipsync shots and the removal of a few background characters is amazing.

I can’t see how you can improve this edit but I can’t wait for this new version to drop…

I like The Force Awakens for what it is, but you guys have managed to create something truly special. As someone who keeps putting off watching this labour of love, I can tell the level of passion and care put into this project is nothing short of astronomical! Then again, as are most other Star Wars fan edits. 😄

NeverarGreat said:

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a daring band of rebels
armed by the Republic
has sent their best pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Might I suggest:

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels armed
by the New Republic has
sent their best pilot to
Jakku, desperate to find
the last Jedi and restore
peace and justice to
the darkening stars…

Wow, thanks y’all! I’ll see if I can’t have that 1.1 version out soon, then it’s on to 2.0.

For the final paragraph, is it better to describe the band of rebels as ‘daring’ or should I refer to the Republic as ‘new’? That’s the question. Perhaps 'tis better to remove ‘daring’ because it’s just one more bit of wordiness while ‘New Republic’ doesn’t read as any more wordy.

Very well, how about this:

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels armed
by the New Republic has
sent their greatest pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

This might be a dumb question, but will V1.1 include fixed sound mixing? I love pretty much all of the edits here in theory, but all the added music and effects being in mono is super distracting.

That will be included.

NeverarGreat said:

For the final paragraph, is it better to describe the band of rebels as ‘daring’ or should I refer to the Republic as ‘new’? That’s the question. Perhaps 'tis better to remove ‘daring’ because it’s just one more bit of wordiness while ‘New Republic’ doesn’t read as any more wordy.

Very well, how about this:

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels armed
by the New Republic has
sent their greatest pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

I like it, the post-ROTJ government is always referred to as the “New Republic” in all of the new canon material. I wouldn’t like to see that be lost.

NeverarGreat said:

Wow, thanks y’all! I’ll see if I can’t have that 1.1 version out soon, then it’s on to 2.0.

For the final paragraph, is it better to describe the band of rebels as ‘daring’ or should I refer to the Republic as ‘new’? That’s the question. Perhaps 'tis better to remove ‘daring’ because it’s just one more bit of wordiness while ‘New Republic’ doesn’t read as any more wordy.

Very well, how about this:

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels armed
by the New Republic has
sent their greatest pilot
to Jakku, desperate to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Ooh, yeah, that’s great! Only thing I can think of is perhaps changing “greatest pilot” to “best pilot,” to match up with Kylo’s taunts during the interrogation.

NeverarGreat said:

Oh very well, I’ll poke around in this can of worms again 😉

You have good points, and I agree with almost everything. I was trying to be clever by stating that the goal of the First Order was to destroy any attempt to find Luke, since as you say nobody but Kylo wants to actually find him again. But it is a bit wordy. I don’t want to have the First Order declare specifically that they wish for regime change, since that would probably require action on the part of the Republic, but I would like to keep it more subtle.

That’s a darn good point about specifically calling for the fall of the Republic - more people other than Leia would have probably taken them seriously. Although…in that case, maybe it should be more clear that the Resistance does not have the full backing of the Republic (yet)? That way you can also set up that deleted scene of Leia: “Tell the Senate to get off their fat, lazy asses and help us out!”

(Darn it, the setup for this film is so convoluted lol.)

And I see what you’re going for about Kylo, but I wonder if that’s going to make things more confusing for general audiences. Why is he working with the FO (and why are they going along with it) if his goals directly oppose the FO’s only mission statement?

I also wanted to experiment with the whole “Imperial Remnant” terminology, to tie back into the world-building for this era that’s being added via the Mandoverse. What do you think?

The galaxy is in crisis.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to restore the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi gone,
Imperial Remnants have
begun to return. Emerging
from a hidden base, evil
agents of the FIRST ORDER
have been sowing disorder
and fear throughout the
New Republic.

In an act of RESISTANCE,
a band of rebels, operating
without the support of the
Senate, has sent their best
pilot to Jakku, desperate
to find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

NeverarGreat said:

That will be included.

I’m patiently excited for whenever it gets released. MR is right on about the level of detail and thought put into Starlight.

The Senate is both supporting and not supporting the Resistance, at least in canon. I interpret Leia’s statement ‘Not all of the Senators think I’m crazy…or maybe they do, I don’t care’ as her having some support but she turns this into a joke that everyone, even her supporters, thinks she’s crazy. So I’m fine with saying that the Republic is supporting the Resistance, and Hux sees it that way as well. It puts the Republic and the Resistance on the same side in any case, which is helpful.

…

Okay, with that I’m putting out a new Workprint. Here’s the changelist for everything I can remember changing from the previous version:

-Tweaked the timing of opening logos
-Replaced the crawl and adjusted its timing to move more quickly
-Fixed video quality loss during first scene of V1
-Partially removed stray power window present in original film when Finn wakes up from the crash
-Adjusted color grade of Jakku during the dusk scene, Finn crash landing and wandering the desert, and the Falcon chase
-Adjusted dialogue of Kylo’s Prayer to focus solely on his weakness, avoiding talk of family and Supreme Leader
-Adjusted Vader’s mask so that the cut looks more like a mouth opening
-Adjusted audio level for TR-8R’s new dialogue, added distortion
-Adjusted audio level for Han and Leia discussing Ben, finessed audio transition to next scene
-Added AI line to Resistance Battle Plan Meeting, and added shot of 3PO for the inclusion of a future line
-Adjusted audio of Starkiller charging, removed stray audio that bled into Rey’s escape scene
-Finessed audio transition when combining shots of Poe’s first Oscillator attack
-Removed errant footsteps while Rey is on the wall
-Added the line ‘forgive me’ to Kylo’s Falcon scene, adjusted music to fit
-Added C-3PO shot and dialogue ‘And their weapon will fire in ten minutes! Without the Republic fleet we’re doomed!’
-Removed voiceovers from Han and Kylo’s reunion, added a shot of Finn, added Force interrogation rumble
-Brightened Rey’s Sith eyes
-Applied color grade to dark forest shot left ungraded
-Re-foleyed the Falcon escape from Starkiller Base, added extra shot of the ships going to Hyperspace, changed musical cue to end on that shot, and removed music from the arrival at D-Qar

-Adjusted numerous audio glitches throughout the edit, moved stereo music to proper stereo tracks
-Other changes that I’m just forgetting 😉

I hope that this version solves the problem of mono music tracks, but there are just so many audio tracks on my timeline that I expect that this has been only partially solved. If you notice a spot where there there is a problem, do let me know.

This workprint is available via PM, and uses the same folder that contains the ‘Final V1’ 5 GB file, so if you have a link to that or to a prior workprint, you should have access to this already. If not let me know! I’m hoping to have a quick turnaround on this so I’ll probably be rendering a final version within the next few days.

Thanks!

Makes total sense with tying the Resistance and Republic together like that. I like it!

Can’t wait to watch the 1.1 version, it sounds amazing!

“Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull of the light. Show me again, the power of the darkness…and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me…and I will finish what you started.”

The reason I removed the ‘Supreme Leader’ line in particular was due to some feedback that said it was confusing to introduce the Supreme Leader while Kylo is ostensibly praying to Vader, and I agreed.

The user also mentioned that this scene of weakness is more appropriate for later in the film, but I humbly disagree. We see Kylo saddled with complexity and familial connections in the first scene:
‘I will show you the Dark Side.’
‘You will try… buy you cannot escape the truth…that is your family.’
So it only makes sense to explore that implied weakness, and since it’s already established it doesn’t matter too much where that goes in the film.

Also, when watching the whole edit the other night for the first time in a while, I found that I appreciated the slow scenes. Deleting lines from this one to slow the pace made it feel more like a moment of religious devotion.