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You made a series of good cuts to remove the rock-breaking. It works well.
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There’s an abrupt transition when Poppy approaches the Stranger as he’s eating snails. I understand the cut but it’s noticeable.
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You kept slow-mo Galadriel and her horse?
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I’m not completely sold on the sequencing with Adar and Theo but you intercut those scenes very well.
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Is it important for Adar to spell out that the people are in the old watchtower? That’s a very recent development and in this compressed version, I’m not sure that he should know that yet. Could he just say that he wants Arondir to deliver a message for him? If you can make that change, you have more options for how you order these Southlands scenes.
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I miss the conversation between Elendil and the Queen about his name.
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Since we saw Elendil with Galadriel’s dagger on the ship, it’s strange to have lost the rather awkward scene where it is returned by Halbrand. Could we lose the shot where Elendil has it to start with?
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I love what you did changing the Plea to the Rocks into resonating and intercutting it with the reveal of the Mithril. It’s a very nice way to tighten that plotline.
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I miss the Harfoots’ “We wait for you” call and response.
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By cutting so many of the Harfoot scenes we again are losing some plot information. Where did the Stranger get that paper with the constellation?
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I like how you kept the Harfoot question of what to do about Nori and the Stranger but trimmed the whole thing about being deliberately put at the back of the train.
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It’s an interesting move to have Halbrand get in a fight and be jailed almost entirely offscreen. It feels rushed, but I also understand why you didn’t like that sequence.
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So why does Galadriel ride that far to the Hall of Lore in this edit? I know that she needs to discover Halbrand’s crest, but that’s incidental. It almost would make more sense to assume that the Hall of Lore is right there in the city and that Elendil stopped by there with her.
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I’m very interested to see your further revision of the Numenor plotline with the palantir revealing the danger to the Southlands. Alternatively, I’ve been running all sorts of other ideas in my head, like maybe throwing Galadriel and Halbrand straight into jail before she breaks out, runs away, and is recaptured by Elendil. The issue there, of course would be why she leaves Halbrand in jail by himself. I suppose that in this version, he would be released for the expedition.
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Alternatively, you could try never having either in jail, but that would mean automatically losing some good/important dialogue (like about the Halbrand crest) that would need to be overlaid somewhere else.
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I like what you have done to cut Galadriel’s arrest snd bridge directly to Tar Palantir, though I wonder how this might change in your new version.
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The cut from Miriel to Galadriel boarding the ship alone is good, but it might be more smooth if “I’m sorry” was heard over the start of the new scene.
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The Harfoot migration scene where the Stranger helps pull the cart is extremely short and feels disjointed; some type of transition into the migration is needed. Maybe a montage at the end of the prior Harfoot part of the start of the next?
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I like the cut of Bronwyn’s rousing speech. I don’t hate her being in charge, but like you, I don’t understand how that came to be or why people would just accept her authority at this point.
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I think the scene break between Galadriel boarding the boat and Miriel turning back with the petals hurts the pacing and emotion of the sequence. It’s weird to come back moments after we left, with the boat barely away from the dock.
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I really like the Numenor montage. It flows well and skips all the distractions. That said, I miss the conversation between Pharazon and his son about helping the Elves in order to advance their nation’s power overseas. I understand that the son isn’t part of your edit at all though.
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I do like the transition from departing Numenor to the establishing shot for the dinner in Lindon. It’s a change from one seat of power and politics to another and they pair well.
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Regarding the Mithril origin myth, it’s clear in rewatching the scene that you could easily remove the Silmaril connection. Go from “but over a tree” to “On one side…” The assumption would be that the elf simply poured his immortal essence into the tree, similar to Arwen for Frodo in the Fellowship film. The combination of events crystallized snd captured that essence so that it can be given back to the Elves as needed. This would also make their claim on the Mithril stronger, because it is essentially part of them that they want returned. Note that you’d also need to cut GilGalad’s later line after “They found it,” removing “the ore containing the light of the Silmaril.”
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I miss the scenes with Durin and his dad.
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I miss the rest of the scene where the Southlandsts pledge to Adar, but it’s not a great loss.
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A far greater loss, I miss Adar planting his seeds. That scene, and its parallel later with Arondir, was excellent world building (though I’d have preferred Bronwyn not somehow magically say the same words that Adar did).
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It’s not impossible to figure out, but I think the collapse of the tower makes less sense without the prior scene in which Arondir gets the idea of bringing it down.
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It’s strange to get no explanation of the grove’s destruction, but I understand why it wouldn’t make sense here (no volcano yet). Would it work to just have it be fruitful to begin with, and keep your suggestion that the Stranger is simply being sent on because this is the end of the road for the Harfoots?
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I miss the Wandering Day song and montage.
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I appreciate that you never mention the number of ships, troops, or horses.
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The cold interaction between Isildor and his father is less impactful and slightly odd if you don’t know that Elendil originally denied him a place on the expedition. I suppose that we are supposed to remember their dinner argument, but it’s been a while without any follow up.
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You again do a very good job trimming down the Mithril negotiations and conflict to a bare minimum that still makes sense. I do miss more Durin though, and I miss Elrond talking about his own father.
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I wasn’t sold on the appearance of the Balrog in the original, and I’m not sold on it here either. “Seal it up” is enough of a place to end the scene. If you want to go further, let the leaf catch fire, but the Balrog is building up too much action for something with no payoff, possibly for years.
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The edit still has the issue of the Southlands siege running ahead of the Numenor plotline. The villagers are preparing for the attack that night while the ships are sighting Middle Earth and we are being told that they have roughly two days’ journey still ahead of them.
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The slightly abbreviated Southlands night battle works well. If anything, I suggest maybe putting back a tiny bit more lead-in for thinking the fight is done and discovering the dead humans among the Orcs.
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The abbreviated surgery scene works well too, more matter of fact and less melodramatic than the original.
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I’m not sure that anything is helped by the dramatic cavalry charge across the field. It reminds the viewer of Rohan but falls short if that, while also showing too large a force for what we’ve seen so far, and drawing further attention to the time mismatch between their arrival and the battle.
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The blade suddenly showing up again and being important feels very sudden. Is there a way to include more lead up with hiding it without restoring too much cheesiness?
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It feels like connective tissue is missing from the arrival of the Numenoreans, like Arondir being able to get outside again with the tavern occupants safe.
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Good job cutting the stable boy stuff throughout and just letting Isildor get in there with everyone else.
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The mystics need their initial introduction and maybe at least one other appearance to build them up as a threat. Here, they come out of absolutely nowhere and it’s confusing. Also, you very suddenly go from one to three of them.
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We need more of Adar and Halbrand in the woods, just those couple more lines to build up the mystery of their connection. Otherwise Adar’s “Who are you?” In the barn falls flat.
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I appreciate the effort to make Galadriel more stable, but the full depth of her rage at Adar is paid off in his assessment of her as Sauron’s successor. Without that build up, the line and resolution of her journey comes up flat.
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Once again, too many missing pieces. Why are the Harfoots looking for the Stranger? Why is he tied up? What in the world is going on?
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Without the mystics burning the carts, their menace with the fire is significantly lessened.
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Without the wizard duel, where does the Stranger get the staff? Not a glaring plot hole, but it’s a minor continuity issue.
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Having cut the mystics paying homage to the Stranger, their dialogue about him not being Sauron makes no sense.
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Having Galadriel’s vision take place in the aftermath of the eruption is very interesting and could become one of the most unique aspects of this edit long-term. That said, I’m not sure that it will work long term changing the forging that much. More discussion of that later.
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You may want to remove Halbrand/Sauron’s line about what she told him “after the battle,” since you cut that scene. I would actually suggest maybe restoring the scene, since it helps build Halbrand’s identity and his offer to Galadriel to join him, which is part of your edit. This leads to the next point…
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You cut so much of the Halbrand content both in Numenor and Eregion that the reveal of him as Sauron comes out of nowhere and at a very random spot.
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I like the in and out use of the flaming horse etc in the vision sequence. They add to the surrealism in a greater way than they did in the original.
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How in the world did Galadriel get found by Elrond? It’s almost as if the entire end sequence has turned into 2001 A Space Odyssey. I have no idea what is real.
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What if she woke from the vision in the village, met Theo, reunited at the camp, and played out events as normal. Instead of being the culmination, the vision becomes a way to introduce her suspicions about Halbrand. Maybe split it into two visions, the one at the village and another in Eregion?
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The emotion of the Harfoot goodbyes seems barely earned based on their abbreviated appearances and lessened adventure. Sadoc’s death may have seemed arbitrary, but without it or the burning of the wagons, their adventure is entirely without cost.
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The link between Mithril and the idea of the rings has been entirely lost in this edit. As a result, we have no idea why they are making rings.
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Why does Elrond know about Halbrand?
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Because Halbrand is not in Eregion, there is no clear connection between him and the idea of or forging of the rings. Unless season 2 makes it clear that he was previously there in another form, the entire basis of the story is cut off here.
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Why is Elrond running during the forging in this edit? We are left with the impression that Halbrand (maybe Sauron but that’s not entirely clear in this edit due to the surrealism of the vision) is actually the king of the Southlands, whatever that means.
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I enjoyed the incorporation of the LOTR music, but I’m not entirely sure about the pairing of the Nazgûl theme the creation of Mordor (no Nazgûl yet) or the one ring with Sauron who so far has no connection to any rings at all.
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I know that you said you were reworking the ending, and I’m interested to see what you do. I don’t think it’s there yet. Even knowing the original, I got very confused by the mystics and the Eregion stuff. If you showed this to a new casual viewer, I think that the result really would be like 2001, lots of viewer confusion and talk of drug trips.
In summary, I think that your first act is good but jumps too much (which you’ve been working on). Your second act is the strongest with some excellent transitions and much tighter (but not rushed) pacing. Your third act has a lot of potential, especially the use of a vision at the time of eruption, but in its current form there is far too much left ambiguous or unexplained. We need to feel something about Halbrand and about the resolution of the Stranger. Right now, I don’t think we do.
Once again, I must congratulate you on the ambition of this project and for being the pioneer who first attempted an edit of this content. Even in its current form, there’s a lot to like and to inspire further work. If you continue to refine this, I think that it could indeed become a go-to edit for people wanting the story in a single-movie form.
