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oojason

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Join date
5-May-2004
Last activity
1-Jul-2025
Posts
8,751

Post History

Post
#80726
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80726/action/topic#80726
Time
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:-


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloureds. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.

Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.




HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed leave in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom if you see wife along the way - shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.

Look at manly physique in the mirror, admire size of knob and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.

Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving four pubes stuck on the soap.

Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk. Have a piss.

Rinse off and get out of the shower. Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on the floor. Admire knob size in mirror again. Leave shower door open, leave wet mat on the floor, leave light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise. Again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

Post
#80725
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80725/action/topic#80725
Time
another oldie, but goodie...


Thought for the day .......

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by the year 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them...
Post
#80711
Topic
The Star Wars Kid...
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80711/action/topic#80711
Time
Anyone where I can find the clip where the Star Wars Kid has appears as a hologram in place of Leia in Ben's hut from Ep 4?

Saw a glimpse of it ages ago, but havn't managed to track it down yet...

My fave remains the original Matrix clip (with Morpheus voiceover), though another clip with SWKid blocking loads of blaster fire lase with his sabre was kind of impressive and made look like he knew what he was doing


SWKid at JediMaster

SWKid at StarWarsKid

anyone have any others?

Post
#80577
Topic
Lucasfilm acknowledging fan hate
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80577/action/topic#80577
Time
Given their reply to the audio probs on the 04 dvd set is anyone really surprisied by the contempt they the show the people who paid good money and put them where they are today?

I really don't want to hate Lucas, but his people have got to start treating their fans better - or maybe they think they don't t have to anymore as the £££ are drying up with the last film on the horizon?
Post
#80461
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80461/action/topic#80461
Time
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
Post
#80460
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80460/action/topic#80460
Time
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A man at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge, ignoring the outbust continues... "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The man in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the man in the back of the courtroom "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you - or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The man in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that b'stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
Post
#80459
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/80459/action/topic#80459
Time
^ lol




I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole 'Women from Venus and Men from Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do".

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. The passion starts to heat up... and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??..What was that?" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man!" She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off from work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big unnamed dept store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery dept, where she picked up a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you....she was soooo excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me, because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all I'd like, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like it". Her face just went completely blank, as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while...........You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman". And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either...