Man, that was some recycled bullshit, peppered with WTF moments…
Excuse me while I milk my sea cow’s teats; gone fishin’!! Leia unconsciously force wills herself through space and even though there is absolutely no airlock when Poe opens the door, no one gets sucked out. Creatures, creatures everywhere!! Yeah…what’s that you say, another pod race? Sure, but let’s use some of those cute Pandora-like animals. Another Cantina scene? Sweet, but this time let’s make it a casino that exists in the movie and plot for absolutely no reason, except for, I don’t know, pod races? Why the effing eff doesn’t Laura Dern turn that effing ship around the moment she saw that first effing transport ship get oblieterated?? How about we just wait until there is only three or four left, cause reasons. Hoth? Nah, that’s not snow, it’s salt, but trench warfare and walkers, we can reuse those and nobody will notice. And while we’re at it, let’s throw some ROTJ in this thing for good measure “Oh, you are here by my design, I have foreseen everything and now you must watch my fleet finally kill your rebel friends right before I convince you to turn to the dark side, but I am not going to notice this effing light saber right fricking next to me because I have mad concentration skills; oops, I’m dead thanks to my apprentice. Dammit.” Battering ram? Hell yeah, that’s some old Death Star tech we had laying around…What the actual f@#$?
I wanted to like this, I really did. There were some great moments and, at times, some truly stunning visuals, but I left the theatre with a sour taste in my mouth from being spoon fed regurgitated ideas and concepts from the previous films. I understood that some of this was needed in TFA, but personally I felt that this was to be the film to finally get the story going somewhere fresh or new, but I guess not. Disney is way too smart…recycle, repackage and make bank. “Just think of all of those awesome new toys we can sell.”
For those who loved the film, more power to you and I am truly glad that you enjoyed it and, truthfully, a bit sad that I could not. On the plus side, hopefully this will make a great edit some day.
