lth

Hi, I’ve been lurking here a while and after watching both the MagFan and ADM edits of TPM, I’m still not quite satisfied that Ep1 is the best film that it could be (kudos to both of you, though, they are obviously vast improvements over the original). In this post I’d like to outline my own vision for TPM and hopefully a few of you guys will deign to poke some holes in it or generally offer advice before I get cracking. Honestly, I don’t blame you if you stop reading right now.

Cheers,

LTH

Firstly, I want to make sure that this edit is compatible with the Starkiller Ranch 2-6 eps, so if there’s anything here that conflicts with that, please let me know - I’ve read the threads, but there’s a lot to remember.

The problem with TPM is that it isn’t really <span class=“Italics”>about</span> anything - there’s no focus. First it’s Qui-Gonn and Obi-Wan, then Padme and Anakin, then Darth Maul and the Viceroy.

Let’s get one thing straight: this is the story of Anakin and how he got into the Jedi order. Sort of an ‘origin’ story. Everything around this should be wallpaper. And yet when we first meet Anakin in TPM, it is without fanfare or musical cue (iirc) - he is quickly dismissed by the camera so that Qui-Gonn can continue to argue with Watto. This is wrong. Also, it takes 30 minutes of film before we even see Anakin.

Then podracing.

Then Coruscant, where Anakin plays very little part in the events.

Then back to Naboo, where Anakin saves the day entirely by accident.

These are major problems with the film, but I believe that they can be solved. Here are my ideas:

<span class=“Bold”>1. Get to Anakin quickly:</span> all of the first 30 minutes needs to happen in ten. There are three parts to the first third of the movie: Jedi go to see the Viceroy, Jedi go to Gungan city and thence to the Naboo Palace, Jedi escape the palace and the Trade federation blockade.

What I propose is to compress the first part by clipping shots and removing the ‘waiting to see Gunray’ scene, dispense almost entirely with the second part (Jedi meet Jar Jar, go to Gungan village, Qui-Gonn mindswipes a transport, they appear in the palace lake: 2 minutes), and make minor clips and edits to the third part.

<span class=“Bold”>2. Dwell on Anakin:</span> he needs his own theme (hey, how about “Anakin’s Theme”, track 2 on the soundtrack?) that plays when he first appears, and throughout his most vital scenes. He’s actually quite a precocious kid, if a bit annoying. Some careful editing can remove the worst of his lines - his first line in English is “Are you an angel?” to Padme. Yick.

The podracing buildup and execution occupies the entire middle third of the film. Whilst the special effects are neat, we already know which way the race is going to go, and it needs to be executed in about a third of the time it actually takes - this is a minor victory but the film is edited and scored to make this the most powerful victory in the movie. This simply isn’t right.

<span class=“Bold”>3. Anakin saves the day:</span> the four-way battle at the end of the movie needs to play Anakin as the hero, rather than each battle being won on its own merits. Firstly, I want to remove the Gungan battle entirely for reasons that will become apparent, to turn it into a three-way battle. The Maul line and the Amidala line should play out to the death of Qui-Gonn and the surrender of Amidala in the throne room. Then we get Anakin dogfighting with a purpose (none of this ‘oops’ crap), and blowing the crap out of the trade federation’s ship. I plan to echo not only some of Qui-Gonn’s speech into Anakin’s head during the space fight, but when he sets off, some of his own. He tells his mother before the podrace that “people never do anything good for each other” - this is his motivation for blasting the defender droids in the hangar and joining the space fight.

Of course, the mandatory Star Wars ‘celebration’ scene should be removed, and cut instead to the downbeat ending of Qui-Gonn’s funeral.

So those are the three parts to the movie. Here are some ideas that I’d like to implement throughout the film:

<span class=“Bold”>The Viceroy is a hardass:</span> Gunray and his sidekick some across as pathetic whiners, clearly manipulated by Sidious to get what he wants. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough of Sidious to make him into a proper bad guy in this movie, so I suggest redubbing Gunray’s lines with reversed, downpitched German (nice and guttural), and subtitling him. There are a number of points where he can be made to be angrily fighting back against Sidious, and asking for his part of the bargain, and <span class=“Italics”>crucially</span>, the Trade Federation can turn into a collection of slave traders (ganked from elsewhere!). This makes them more evil.

There’s a scene in the first third when Gunray has captured Amidala and is trying to get her to sign the treaty on the way down a long flight of stairs. This can instead be used for him to tell her how he’s enjoying the killing of the symbiants (the Gungans) and how that will slowly destroy the planet, and how he’s about to go and personally kill some children. Around about here can be inserted the parts of the Gungan battle from the end of the film that show the Gungans getting thrashed.

The overall motivation is to make Gunray a decent bad guy, and one whom the audience genuinely feel threatened by. This gives us something to juxtapose the selfless, giving nature of Anakin against.

<span class=“Bold”>Jar Jar is quiet:</span> MagFan led the way on this one. I’m toying with the idea of him being exiled from the Gungan city for killing a Gungan or a Naboo.

<span class=“Bold”>Removal of R2 and 3PO:</span> I’m thinking the ‘3PO gets left behind’ scene and the ‘R2 saves the ship’ scene.

<span class=“Bold”>No friggin midichlorians.</span> It still hurts.

<span class=“Bold”>Qui-Gonn’s voice:</span> in the same way that Obi-Wan (Ben) guides Luke in the trench run, Qui-Gonn should help Anakin out both in the podrace (at a critical moment that helps save the day) and in the space battle. Because of Anakin hearing his own voice, the ‘force thought’ nature of the communication can be nicely ambiguous.

<span class=“Bold”>Naboo:</span> is described as bankrupt and a backwater on the edge of Republic space that no-one really cares about. It is Qui-Gonn’s penalty to be sent here, not his privilege.

<span class=“Bold”>Amidala / Padme:</span> the one thing I can’t work out is how to turn Amidala into Padme without meeting the Gungans in the final third. This is classic ‘migraine maker’ if you ask me. All ideas welcome - the winning one at the moment is to simply not mention it!

Rough outline, then, of how the film would flow:
Crawl:

"STAR WARS - EPISODE ONE - MASTER AND APPRENTICE

The trade federation has blockaded a bankrupt Naboo for unpaid levies. Nute Gunray and his secret master have plans more devious than merely collecting a debt.

A Jedi master and his apprentice have been sent to arbitrate the dispute by the flailing republic government.

Across the galaxy, a young Anakin Skywalker, sold into slavery at age 3, works hard in his master’s scrapyard. His strange talents are about to come of age."

1/9: The Jedi and Gunray - they land. Gunray to aide: “the jedi are here. kill them.” Jedi are ushered into the waiting room. The droids attack them. Jedi attempt to burst into the bridge. Defender droids appear. Jedi escape down to planet.
2/9: The Jedi and the Gungans - Qui-Gonn runs into Jar Jar. They go to the Gungan city. They grab a ride to the Naboo Palace.
3/9: The Jedi and Amidala - Introduction and capture of Amidala, Gunray’s threats to her inc. the killing of the Gungans. The Jedi appear and save the day. They quickly escape past the blockade. Gunray is furious.

4/9: Anakin - They land on Tatooine. Padme tags along. They meet Anakin. His subtitled speech to Watto indicates that he’s just fixed something very important. Qui-Gonn and Watto leave. We stick with Padme and Anakin and get as much of his speech as possible. The Watto-Qui-Gonn bartering can be trimmed. The money Qui-Gonn has is nowhere near enough rather than being in the wrong currency. Sandstorm and return to Anakin’s home.
5/9: The podrace - Qui-Gonn bets the pod for Anakin. No pilot intros or Jabba or Greg Proops, but the battle with Sebulba can stay. A single lap of the course, Anakin does not stall at the beginning, he overtakes a bunch of people, Sebulba tries it on, Qui-Gonn makes a handy mental suggestion, Anakin overtakes him to win. Crucially, Watto threatens terrible things to Anakin’s mother once Anakin leaves - hopefully this can dull the victory. Anakin fights with Greedo. It’s not Greedo.
6/9: Darth Maul - he appears unexpected and kicks the shit out of Qui-Gonn. Everything to indicate that Maul is the better fighter is done.

7/9: Coruscant - skim over this quickly, Anakin doesn’t understand the politics and neither should we. We’re more interested in the Jedi council. Anakin is not billed as ‘the chosen one’. There is no prophesy. I hate that crap. They return to Naboo.
8/9: Conflict! Jar Jar comes out of the water and announces the terrible slaughter that has taken place in the Gungan city. Padme plans (this scene helpfully hardly has Boss Nass in it at all). They sneak into the Palace. Hangar scene: the fellowship of the intruders is broken. Maul fights & kills Qui-Gonn, Padme is captured.
9/9: Resolution! Anakin saves the day by disabling the droid army.
10/9: Epilogue - Qui-Gonn’s funeral.