Vultural

Dough - 2015 - 6/10

Contrived British comedy of Jewish bakery losing clients to relocation and the Reaper.
The Conservative baker has just lost his assistant to an expanding chain.
In desperation, he hires a young Muslim from Darfur as his apprentice.

Dynamics of old - young, Jewish - Muslim, small shop - big chain. mixed with calculated design.
The apprentice is also a low-level weed dealer who starts adding leaf to the dough.
The sleepy shop revives, though the old guy never notices green flecks in his bagels?!!
Pleasant, feel-good film, lacks believability. Shot - not in London - but Budapest.
(Includes an intriguing trailer for a doc of Streit’s Matzos which went on my find-list.)

Moore, James - Homestead

Kathy takes up sketching again. Something creative, as her life seems in a rut.
Pick up the children after school, make dinner, clean house, be a loving wife.
Also sympathize with her friend Tina, whose husband is cheating.
Sketching, however, she starts incorporating faces of disappeared children.
Years ago, when she was a child, there had been a string of missing children.
The community was small, isolated, police never found clues.
Yet as Kathy sketches, dreams begin to intrude, then memories bubble up.
A brief novella of secrets buried under daily banalities.
The ending leaves a lot to be desired. It feels like Mr. Moore hit his word count and quit.
“Homestead” is a slow burner that finally vents, but leaves a major question unanswered.
Despite my left handed review, this Cemetery Dance book is readily available and is profusely illustrated.

Phase IV - 1974 - 6/10

In the Arizona desert, a colony of ants is rapidly evolving.
They have built large towers, similar to termite structures in Africa.
Moreover, they are breeding themselves immunity to pesticides.
The local human population has fled, leaving a trio of researchers.
For those who predict the meek shall inherit the earth, this is a good one.
For those prefer picnics and backyards ant free, this will be a nightmare.
Numerous closeups of invading insects, for those who suffer ant-phobia.

The Middleman - 2020 - 6/10
AKA - L’agent Immobilier

Olivier, incompetent Parisian real estate agent, cannot present, cannot close, cannot retain properties.
Even his own flat, and he takes to squatting inside recently sold addresses.
Fortune smiles after his mother dies, bequeathing him a battered apartment building.
Olivier plans to resell the valuable location to a developer.
Except, there is a viager, an elderly woman tenant with rights to occupy.
Yes, Fate gives and Fate takes away.
He is saddled with the property, creditors hound him, relations with his family are dismal.
Then again, there is a talking goldfish. And, Olivier can seemingly slipstream into the 1970’s.
Say what? Yes, peculiar mix of comedy and fantasy, though not enough and of poor quality.
Four part series. For Francophiles who will watch anything.

To The Ends Of The Earth - 1948 - 6/10

Dick Powell stars as Federal narcotics agent trailing human traffickers and opium smugglers.
From San Francisco to Shanghai to Cairo to Havana, coordinating with local authorities.
Stock footage for exotic exteriors are OK if you can suspend disbelief.
There is no main villain here, only shifting hydra heads per location.
Dry, exposition driven narrative, similar to T-Men, FBI Story, and The House On 92nd Street.
Better for those who appreciate starchy doc-dramas.

Twixt - 2011 - 5/10

Has-been horror writer has seen better days.
He no longer has a publisher, nor a distributor.
Instead, Hall is printing books himself, then driving from town to town, peddling to small bookstores.
Yeah, King never did this.
He involves himself with an unsolved murder, and seems to be investigating.

Impossible to tell, however, as the ordinary world bleeds into dreams.
Part experimental film, part Gothic, with weird humor tossed in.
Coppola made this one, apparently with multiple endings (that ought to have been on the DVD).

Devil In A Blue Dress - 1995 - 6/10

Easy Rawlins, private eye, accepts the case of finding a white woman, wife of a powerful political.
She has a “taste for jazz and dark meat,” and is believed to be hiding in black Los Angeles.
We know, before he does, the case won’t be simple, and the obstacles soon mount.
Denzil Washington very good in this, as the veteran just trying to make living.
Don Cheadle, however, sets the screen on fire as the lethal Mouse.
Film has a laid back LA vibe, with strong attention to late 40’s details.
Solid Neo-Noir, under-seen and under-acclaimed.

Sitcom - 1998 - 5/10

Stately home exterior, Happy Birthday sung within, punctuated with gunfire and screaming.
Then the phrase, “Earlier …” and the flashback.
Deliberately strange François Ozon comedy / satire of family mores.
During dinner, the son stands up, announces he is homosexual, goes to his room.
Also at the table is the maid’s husband who offers to speak with the boy.
He goes to his room, removes his own clothes, and verifies the homosexual claim.
After dinner, the suicidal daughter reveals a propensity for S&M.
The distraught mother decides to test her son’s sexual inclination her own way.
Oh, I almost forgot the family white rat who is encouraged to crawl in and out of all sorts of places one would not normally think of.
And no, I’m not giving much away since this is simply the opening twenty minutes of a bizarre ride.
Somewhere, Robert Crumb smiles.

Deep Crimson - 1996 - 7/10
AKA - Profundo Carmesí

Mexican retelling of the “Lonely Hearts Killers.” +
Low level con man romances widows and spinsters. Steals money, jewels, silver, then slips away.
Most are too embarrassed to report him, so he operates for years.
Until he encounters the large, needy woman. They link up, cruise Sonora, turn murderous.
Film really captures the abandoned wastelands of the Mexican scrub.
The pair share a sexual passion, exclusive and claustrophobic.
Faithful retelling, though the ending is off.

• Lonely Hearts Killers: Martha Beck and Raymond Fernandez
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Fernandez_and_Martha_Beck

Sexual Misconduct Of The Middle Classes - 2021 - 7/10

Middle aged professor, successful writer (if cult), three times married.
Working on a new novel abut lumberjacks.
Alone at home, troubled dreams about some girl in a red overcoat.
Then she shows up in class, front row, disconcerting.
Explanation, she had moved in next door, and he must have seen her with peripheral vision.
Then she starts calling. 19 years old, freer sexually than his era had been.
Temptation in red. And he knows all the taboos and consequences.
Subs (MTC) = https://subscene.com/subtitles/sexual-misconduct-of-the-middle-classes/english/2855346

What’s The Matter With Helen? - 1971 - 6/10

“What? On, no, she’s fine, poor thing. Just having another one of her spells.”
Their two sons convicted of a gruesome killing, the mothers decide to head to California.
Open a dance school and train future movie stars. Left-footed children and bossy mothers.
In classic 1930’s fantasy, Adelle (Debbie Reynolds) has snagged herself a rich Texan.
Quiet, reserved Helen, however, she’s going wacko and praying for the Almighty to lend a helping hand.
Low key satire of stage moms and theatrical hams.
Good period atmosphere. Sets, costumes, music.
Foxtrots with camp throughout before bounding into Grand Guignol.
I imagine the leads had a blast making this one.

Finger Of Guilt - 1956 - 6/10
AKA - The Intimate Stranger

Film producer Reggie is being, well, not blackmailed. More like stalked.
He keeps getting mash notes from dewy-eyed Evelyn, wanting to resume their relationship.
“What relationship? I don’t know you! Or perhaps I’m going mad.”
And perhaps Reggie is going off track. Marriage on the rocks, career in a tailspin.
So he decides to meet his so-called ex-amour.

British potboiler, melodrama, has weak mystery angles, along with occasional Noir lighting.
Much of the film occurs in and around the studio; fun to observe but also a budget cheat.
The narrative feels tired, and a reveal is given prematurely, letting sharp eyes perceive who, if not why.

The Chinese Boxer - 1970 - 7/10
AKA - Long hu Dou // The Hammer Of God // 龙虎斗

A disgraced ex-pupil returns to his master’s school, defeats most students, then is pummeled by the master.
Later, he returns with three karate experts from Japan, and the tables turn.
Students and teachers are slain, the school obliterated. And the village begins to bleed.
Wait. There was one survivor. Who begins to train.
Astounding hard-fisted actioner, a precursor to John Woo’s heroic bloodshed,
Violent, gory, brutal fights, over the top villains, and in its fearless attitude, a whale of fun.
Memorable scenes include painful training, and a stealthy battle in the snowy reeds.

47 Meters Down - 2016 - 6/10
AKA - In The Deep

Loca turista story.
Two sisters get talked into shark dive.
Get lowered into infested waters while safely protected inside a steel cage.
Sounds like fun! What could go wrong?
The trip is cash only, the boat is a rust bucket, the winching mechanism is aged.
The crewmen illegally chum the waters and down our girls go.
Docked a point because one sister is an irritating whine and their reasons for doing this are wrong.
Given a point because the photography is imaginative and the plot plays out in real time.

What language is this in?

Snow White: A Tale Of Terror - 1997 - 6/10

Dark rendering of the classic tale is more Grimm, less Disney.
After the queen dies in an accident, the king remarries one who is the fairest of them all.

Nor does he suspect she was responsible for the death or his wife.
Or that she is a witch, whose looking glass acts as a counselor.
Quite a few twists in this. Snow White is spoiled arrogance.
Lady Claudia, she’s not so bad. At first.
Atmospheric Gothic film is definitely the evil twin to Disney.
Less known, I suspect, because this never got a widespread release.

The Switch, Or How To Alter Your Ego - 1974 - 5/10

Mousy Professor Shirley Jekyll works as chemist in a pharmaceutical lab.
Socially awkward, shy, repressed, but her latest concoction – which she tests on herself – unleashes the predatory vixen within.
Immediately, albeit temporarily, her needs are rampant. Orgies, threesomes, eggplant.
Soft core comedy romp of Jekyll & Hyde offers more skin than laughs.
The plot is trite, look for a young Sonny Landreth.

Kill Command - 2016 - 6/10

Not bad actioner, if cobbled together and derived from familiar templates.
Soldiers are dropped on remote island for another training session against robotic targets.
An engineered human accompanies them, as observer for the defense contractor.
As on previous missions, the robots make mindless sitting targets.
(The combat droids resemble something dad assembled from a Popular Mechanics kit.)
Except this time, the units start to learn from mistakes.
Imagine the Colonial Marines from Aliens assaulting a Skynet secret facility.
No kids - no juvenile comedy - no romance. Yay!
Hardly original, but a no-nonsense “hunter-hunted” genre flick.
Gamers might score this higher.

Barker, David & Pugmire, Wilum - The Revenant Of Rebecca Pascal

An adventurous romp through veiled Arkham.
Richard Pascal inherits the home of his famous Aunt Rebecca, as well as a couple million dollars. (Always keep in touch with those relatives, kids.) He also inherits a persistent coterie of her old admirers. Well, Aunt Rebecca had been a movie star.
Only thing, these devoted fans keep hinting there was more to the grand dame, a darker, possibly sinister side.
Richard, unlike most Horror rubes, is not the curious looky-loo. More power to him, I say. Mind your own business and avoid rumors and gossips. Nevertheless, Richard is troubled by unsettling dreams, charged, highly erotic fantasies involving … sorry, these are too distasteful to write here.
Tidying up, cleaning house and the mental cobwebs, he finds – well – a secret door.
Throughout, a light, tongue in cheek humor pervades. This is not Lovecraft, this is an amusing tall tale.

Flack - 2019 - 7/10

This boasts one of the best misdirection openings I have ever seen.
Robyn, American transplant in London, works as a PR fixer.
Meaning, when clients screw up, she swings into full damage control.
Media manipulation, falsifying, inventing alternate scenarios, my God, you name it.
Because, yes, the clients, celebrities, footballers, artists are privileged, entitled who have a right to trash everyone.
Stories are bitterly funny, dripping with contempt.
When you clean pig swill all day, you get pretty filthy yourself.

Sugarbaby - 1985 - 6/10
AKA - Zuckerbaby

A German fräulein, large sized, socially invisible, works as a mortician.
No matter what a “great personality” she has, she is an outcast. And lonely.
Then, riding the subway, Marianne spies Huber, the driver.
Boom, boom, boom! He’s good looking, he’s rock candy, and she knows she wants him.
Offbeat love story of obsession and fool’s hope.
The late night, neon color scheme enhances the haunted landscape.
Marianne Sägebrecht is wonderful in this bittersweet prayer of desire.

Student Services - 2010 - 6/10
AKA - Mes Chères études

19 year old university student (Déborah François) starts turning tricks to pay rent, buy food, shop for nice clothes.
Narrative charts her progression from desperate Internet search to experienced free lancer.
Fair range of johns, though most are unpleasant.
Couple of warnings -
While this aired on French television, the screen is filled with full frontal nudity.
Not male nudity, though a large male substitute is featured prominently in one sequence.
For viewers who prefer waxed Barbie dolls or prepubescent 10 year olds, Ms François resembles neither.

Melody - 1971 - 6/10

While set in 1970, this could be a decade earlier, or in Victorian times.
Boy meets girl. They hit it off, really hit it off, so much they contemplate marriage.
Not in the future, either. As soon as possible.
Slight roadblock, Melody and Daniel are 11 years old.
This story of innocent romance has an undeniable sweetness to it.
A lesser director would have laced this with sniggering innuendo or sarcasm.
Indeed, this still retains some lingering 60’s optimism.
Lovely soundtrack by the Bee Gees (and one by CSNY).

Eleventh Hour (US) - 2008 - 6/10

Rufus Sewell stars as Jacob Hood, scientist who works for FBI to solve crimes, outbreaks, disasters.
Assigned to protect him is no nonsense female agent. Hey … wait a minute …
Sound familiar? After the UK series was dropped, creator Stephen Gallagher sold it to CBS. In fact, three of the episodes are near word for word remakes.
One might assume this would be a no-brainer. The BBC version was fresher, Stewart the superior actor.
Hold on, though, UK only had four episodes, while the US aired 18.
Despite being a Bruckheimer production, slick visuals do not predominate.
This series remains very much in the mystery thriller genre.
Stories about cloning, genetically modified food, human growth hormone, baby farming, manmade viruses.
Producers either learned from UK failings or the US market wanted a tougher female. Cute notwithstanding, Hood’s protector has no qualms about shooting her gun or kicking the hell out of suspects.
Overall, the UK series is darker, with uncertain resolutions. US episodes end more positively.

Eleventh Hour (UK) - 2006 - 6/10

Four part series stars Patrick Stewart as Ian Hood, celebrated scientist working with Home Office, to solve crimes, outbreaks and other disasters. Assigned to protect his is a female agent from Special Branch.
Stories involve cloning, Plague germs, contamination.
The female agent is shamefully written as a liability, more of a Doctor Who companion, asking questions, barely capable of protecting her charge.
Studios often cast one character as an imbecile to make another appear superior. Feeble writing.
Worth catching for Stewart, who is not too over the top, but if you desire more …