Vultural

Anaconda - 1997 - 6/10

Yes, of course that humongous snake is smart! Smarter than everyone on that leaky Micaela-I.
The documentary film crew heads up treacherous waters, lead by a guide who they don’t realize is bonkers.
He wants revenge, they want footage, and the anaconda wants feet, as in feet first, gulp.
Early twists boost this creature feature shocker.
Nevertheless, one watches this for Jon Voight who pushes his character to the max.
Hollywood being what it is, I knew who would die, who would survive.
Plot holes, logic? Please, a giant snake.

Murder In Amiens - 2021 - 6/10
AKA - Meurtres à Amiens

Female corpse Is found inside an amusement park ride of the Nautilus.
Police arrive at the Jules Verne park, question wary farmers and property developers.
There are a tangle of backstories and motives, not to mention suspects.
The victim was trusted by many, but with potential profits to be made everyone is unsure.
Plotting is tighter and better than typical French TV thrillers, and lead Grégoire Bonnet denotes a top caliber of acting.
No romance between he and his younger colleague, thank God.

Concussion - 2015 - 7/10

Pittsburgh coroner realizes connection between gridiron head injuries and cognitive impairment.
Whereas the average soul will ponder ten seconds, “Bang your skull, brain damage - duh," the NFL (National Football League), is not exactly thrilled.
They react much as Big Tobacco did when confronted with evidence equating smoking with cancer.
Will Smith disappears into a multilayered role of embattled, idealistic soul, dealing with frightening, rabid football fans.
“What!! You wanna take away our football!!”
Trifle overlong, yet never dull or boring. Not preachy, either.
A tone of elegy tints the film throughout.

Apartment Zero - 1988 - 7/10

Adrian rents out a room to help pay mounting debts.
He owns and operates an arthouse movie theatre in Buenos Ares, ticket sales are minimal.
New tenant Jack is handsome, carries himself with dash, and is a social mixer.
Adrian is drawn to Jack, though it is uncertain whether this is loneliness or homosexual in nature.
What else? Adrian’s mother was insane and the condition may be hereditary.
Oh, and a string of serial murders are plaguing the city!
Early on, I tried to connect Adrian’s political activist employee and the killings, but that was slippery.
Equal parts disturbing character study and psychological thriller.
Intense performance by a young Colin Firth.

Wise Blood - 1979 - 6/10

“… where the blind can’t see, the lame don’t walk, and what’s dead stays that way …”
Hazel Motes (a riveting Brad Dourif), recently discharged from the Army, starts his own street church.
Actually, his Church Without Christ is more of an anti-church.
Quietly poses the disquieting notion (in the 60’s and 70‘s) of whether Jesus, should he return today, would he be a Christian or would he form his own denomination? How far astray has Christianity wandered?
The canvas is over-weighted with Southern oddballs, weirdos, eccentrics, all of whom scream stereotypes.
Yes, small towns boast one or two, but this town must be where a pack of them overwinter.
Harry Dean Stanton memorable as religious competition, the blind faith healer.

Beautiful Lies - 2010 - 4/10
AKA - De Vrais Mensonges

Forced, unfunny comedy. Cold, gauche.
Male employee writes an anonymous mash letter to his female boss.
She round-files it, only to retrieve it later, copy it word for word, and post to her lovesick mother.
Complications ensue, along with lies, false assumptions, and emotional outbursts.
French misfire that stumbles on many levels.
For a comedy of errors, the pace plods like a drunken penguin.
Main characters are unpleasant and immature.
I could never decide if the director had no respect for women, or none for his audience.
Advertising equates this with Amélie - don’t believe that.

Flesh Gordon - 1974 - 6/10

Earth is under attack from deadly sex-rays, turning the populace into rutting (meaning non-working) sybarites.
Bankers, factory owners, corporate bosses want laborers outta bed and back to the grind.
Football star Flesh, Professor Jerkoff, and Dale Ardor journey into deep space, heading for planet Porno.
Campy spoof of 1930’s Flash Gordon seems to lift scenes and sets in toto.
Well, not totally, as there is a tremendous amount of nudity and bouncing in this.
Gems include Jerkoff’s ship and power pasties, Prince Precious and the monster (voiced by Craig Nelson).
Special effects are good for their time. Star Wars was still three years away, yet a lot of SW techs cut their teeth on this one.
Avoid the sequel, avoid the censored version. If you have qualms, don’t watch, the tone will upset you.
Literally a XXX film, this was a popular date film.
Informative audio commentary by producer Howard Ziehm is dryer than an infirmed lecturing professor.

Dragon Inn - 1992 - 7/10
AKA - San Lung Moon hak Chan // 新龍門客棧

Superlative remake of Dragon Gate Inn 1967, (itself a classic),
A powerful eunuch, advisor to the emperor, assassinates an outpost commander.
Next, in full pursuit, his Black Arrow assassins chase after the commander’s surviving children.
Events converge at the Dragon Inn, where murderers meet rival murderers, along with determined protectors and treacherous denizens of the establishment.
The inn serves a nearby garrison, and is part brothel, charnel house (meat specialties come from somewhere), with slippery sleeping accommodations.
If such sounds confusing, it is. Just hold tight.
Funny, sexy, with astounding swordplay and expertly choreographed fights.
One of the greatest films from Hong Kong’s heyday.
Brigitte Lin, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung, Donnie Yen.

Dough - 2015 - 6/10

Contrived British comedy of Jewish bakery losing clients to relocation and the Reaper.
The Conservative baker has just lost his assistant to an expanding chain.
In desperation, he hires a young Muslim from Darfur as his apprentice.

Dynamics of old - young, Jewish - Muslim, small shop - big chain. mixed with calculated design.
The apprentice is also a low-level weed dealer who starts adding leaf to the dough.
The sleepy shop revives, though the old guy never notices green flecks in his bagels?!!
Pleasant, feel-good film, lacks believability. Shot - not in London - but Budapest.
(Includes an intriguing trailer for a doc of Streit’s Matzos which went on my find-list.)

Moore, James - Homestead

Kathy takes up sketching again. Something creative, as her life seems in a rut.
Pick up the children after school, make dinner, clean house, be a loving wife.
Also sympathize with her friend Tina, whose husband is cheating.
Sketching, however, she starts incorporating faces of disappeared children.
Years ago, when she was a child, there had been a string of missing children.
The community was small, isolated, police never found clues.
Yet as Kathy sketches, dreams begin to intrude, then memories bubble up.
A brief novella of secrets buried under daily banalities.
The ending leaves a lot to be desired. It feels like Mr. Moore hit his word count and quit.
“Homestead” is a slow burner that finally vents, but leaves a major question unanswered.
Despite my left handed review, this Cemetery Dance book is readily available and is profusely illustrated.

Phase IV - 1974 - 6/10

In the Arizona desert, a colony of ants is rapidly evolving.
They have built large towers, similar to termite structures in Africa.
Moreover, they are breeding themselves immunity to pesticides.
The local human population has fled, leaving a trio of researchers.
For those who predict the meek shall inherit the earth, this is a good one.
For those prefer picnics and backyards ant free, this will be a nightmare.
Numerous closeups of invading insects, for those who suffer ant-phobia.

The Middleman - 2020 - 6/10
AKA - L’agent Immobilier

Olivier, incompetent Parisian real estate agent, cannot present, cannot close, cannot retain properties.
Even his own flat, and he takes to squatting inside recently sold addresses.
Fortune smiles after his mother dies, bequeathing him a battered apartment building.
Olivier plans to resell the valuable location to a developer.
Except, there is a viager, an elderly woman tenant with rights to occupy.
Yes, Fate gives and Fate takes away.
He is saddled with the property, creditors hound him, relations with his family are dismal.
Then again, there is a talking goldfish. And, Olivier can seemingly slipstream into the 1970’s.
Say what? Yes, peculiar mix of comedy and fantasy, though not enough and of poor quality.
Four part series. For Francophiles who will watch anything.

To The Ends Of The Earth - 1948 - 6/10

Dick Powell stars as Federal narcotics agent trailing human traffickers and opium smugglers.
From San Francisco to Shanghai to Cairo to Havana, coordinating with local authorities.
Stock footage for exotic exteriors are OK if you can suspend disbelief.
There is no main villain here, only shifting hydra heads per location.
Dry, exposition driven narrative, similar to T-Men, FBI Story, and The House On 92nd Street.
Better for those who appreciate starchy doc-dramas.

Twixt - 2011 - 5/10

Has-been horror writer has seen better days.
He no longer has a publisher, nor a distributor.
Instead, Hall is printing books himself, then driving from town to town, peddling to small bookstores.
Yeah, King never did this.
He involves himself with an unsolved murder, and seems to be investigating.

Impossible to tell, however, as the ordinary world bleeds into dreams.
Part experimental film, part Gothic, with weird humor tossed in.
Coppola made this one, apparently with multiple endings (that ought to have been on the DVD).

Devil In A Blue Dress - 1995 - 6/10

Easy Rawlins, private eye, accepts the case of finding a white woman, wife of a powerful political.
She has a “taste for jazz and dark meat,” and is believed to be hiding in black Los Angeles.
We know, before he does, the case won’t be simple, and the obstacles soon mount.
Denzil Washington very good in this, as the veteran just trying to make living.
Don Cheadle, however, sets the screen on fire as the lethal Mouse.
Film has a laid back LA vibe, with strong attention to late 40’s details.
Solid Neo-Noir, under-seen and under-acclaimed.

Sitcom - 1998 - 5/10

Stately home exterior, Happy Birthday sung within, punctuated with gunfire and screaming.
Then the phrase, “Earlier …” and the flashback.
Deliberately strange François Ozon comedy / satire of family mores.
During dinner, the son stands up, announces he is homosexual, goes to his room.
Also at the table is the maid’s husband who offers to speak with the boy.
He goes to his room, removes his own clothes, and verifies the homosexual claim.
After dinner, the suicidal daughter reveals a propensity for S&M.
The distraught mother decides to test her son’s sexual inclination her own way.
Oh, I almost forgot the family white rat who is encouraged to crawl in and out of all sorts of places one would not normally think of.
And no, I’m not giving much away since this is simply the opening twenty minutes of a bizarre ride.
Somewhere, Robert Crumb smiles.

Deep Crimson - 1996 - 7/10
AKA - Profundo Carmesí

Mexican retelling of the “Lonely Hearts Killers.” +
Low level con man romances widows and spinsters. Steals money, jewels, silver, then slips away.
Most are too embarrassed to report him, so he operates for years.
Until he encounters the large, needy woman. They link up, cruise Sonora, turn murderous.
Film really captures the abandoned wastelands of the Mexican scrub.
The pair share a sexual passion, exclusive and claustrophobic.
Faithful retelling, though the ending is off.

• Lonely Hearts Killers: Martha Beck and Raymond Fernandez
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Fernandez_and_Martha_Beck

Sexual Misconduct Of The Middle Classes - 2021 - 7/10

Middle aged professor, successful writer (if cult), three times married.
Working on a new novel abut lumberjacks.
Alone at home, troubled dreams about some girl in a red overcoat.
Then she shows up in class, front row, disconcerting.
Explanation, she had moved in next door, and he must have seen her with peripheral vision.
Then she starts calling. 19 years old, freer sexually than his era had been.
Temptation in red. And he knows all the taboos and consequences.
Subs (MTC) = https://subscene.com/subtitles/sexual-misconduct-of-the-middle-classes/english/2855346

What’s The Matter With Helen? - 1971 - 6/10

“What? On, no, she’s fine, poor thing. Just having another one of her spells.”
Their two sons convicted of a gruesome killing, the mothers decide to head to California.
Open a dance school and train future movie stars. Left-footed children and bossy mothers.
In classic 1930’s fantasy, Adelle (Debbie Reynolds) has snagged herself a rich Texan.
Quiet, reserved Helen, however, she’s going wacko and praying for the Almighty to lend a helping hand.
Low key satire of stage moms and theatrical hams.
Good period atmosphere. Sets, costumes, music.
Foxtrots with camp throughout before bounding into Grand Guignol.
I imagine the leads had a blast making this one.

Finger Of Guilt - 1956 - 6/10
AKA - The Intimate Stranger

Film producer Reggie is being, well, not blackmailed. More like stalked.
He keeps getting mash notes from dewy-eyed Evelyn, wanting to resume their relationship.
“What relationship? I don’t know you! Or perhaps I’m going mad.”
And perhaps Reggie is going off track. Marriage on the rocks, career in a tailspin.
So he decides to meet his so-called ex-amour.

British potboiler, melodrama, has weak mystery angles, along with occasional Noir lighting.
Much of the film occurs in and around the studio; fun to observe but also a budget cheat.
The narrative feels tired, and a reveal is given prematurely, letting sharp eyes perceive who, if not why.

The Chinese Boxer - 1970 - 7/10
AKA - Long hu Dou // The Hammer Of God // 龙虎斗

A disgraced ex-pupil returns to his master’s school, defeats most students, then is pummeled by the master.
Later, he returns with three karate experts from Japan, and the tables turn.
Students and teachers are slain, the school obliterated. And the village begins to bleed.
Wait. There was one survivor. Who begins to train.
Astounding hard-fisted actioner, a precursor to John Woo’s heroic bloodshed,
Violent, gory, brutal fights, over the top villains, and in its fearless attitude, a whale of fun.
Memorable scenes include painful training, and a stealthy battle in the snowy reeds.

47 Meters Down - 2016 - 6/10
AKA - In The Deep

Loca turista story.
Two sisters get talked into shark dive.
Get lowered into infested waters while safely protected inside a steel cage.
Sounds like fun! What could go wrong?
The trip is cash only, the boat is a rust bucket, the winching mechanism is aged.
The crewmen illegally chum the waters and down our girls go.
Docked a point because one sister is an irritating whine and their reasons for doing this are wrong.
Given a point because the photography is imaginative and the plot plays out in real time.

What language is this in?

Snow White: A Tale Of Terror - 1997 - 6/10

Dark rendering of the classic tale is more Grimm, less Disney.
After the queen dies in an accident, the king remarries one who is the fairest of them all.

Nor does he suspect she was responsible for the death or his wife.
Or that she is a witch, whose looking glass acts as a counselor.
Quite a few twists in this. Snow White is spoiled arrogance.
Lady Claudia, she’s not so bad. At first.
Atmospheric Gothic film is definitely the evil twin to Disney.
Less known, I suspect, because this never got a widespread release.

The Switch, Or How To Alter Your Ego - 1974 - 5/10

Mousy Professor Shirley Jekyll works as chemist in a pharmaceutical lab.
Socially awkward, shy, repressed, but her latest concoction – which she tests on herself – unleashes the predatory vixen within.
Immediately, albeit temporarily, her needs are rampant. Orgies, threesomes, eggplant.
Soft core comedy romp of Jekyll & Hyde offers more skin than laughs.
The plot is trite, look for a young Sonny Landreth.