Vultural

Criminal Lovers - 1999 - 6/10
AKA - Les Amants Criminels

Another French film of young love.
Pair of high school teens commit a grisly murder, then go on the run.
Fleeing into the forest, they break into an isolated cabin.
The woodsman returns, overpowers both, and drags them into a deranged version of Hansel and Gretel.
Starvation and force feeding commences, since the man prefers girls rail thin and boys plump and soft.
Flashbacks of school days alternate with soapy water, bondage and escalating violations.
Frightening film by François Ozon never flinches from the brutality the teens dispense, yet includes scenes that remind viewers that the pair are, in many ways, barely out of childhood.
Absolutely not for the squeamish.

Cinderella: A Comic Relief Pantomime - 2020 - 5/10

Someday, this will be a time capsule on how Covid made for odd decisions.
Such as, the panto show must go on. Pandemic? What pandemic?
A bevy of actors, comedians, influencers, act a Cinderella story from their homes.
They react to each other, and forced merriment abounds.
Recall the party you attended which someone recorded. Drunk, stoned silliness, curdled by dawn.
If you MUST have Cinderella for Christmas, track down BBC’s “Charles Paris: Cinderella Killer” with Bill Nighy.

Cover Girl Models - 1975 - 5/10

Three girls and a photographer head off to exotic Hong Kong and regions thereabouts.
Once there, they are unwittingly involved with smugglers and espionage.
Not that they know, they are mostly hapless eye candy.
They bring their own wardrobes (please, designers would supply fashions they wanted showcased) that appear to have been grabbed out of a fabric shop.
On the sly, the photographer keeps pushing for nude spreads for girlie mags.
The girls refuse, they are fashion models after all, but there is nudity throughout.
Poodle fur, pointless drive-in goop.

Comfort And Joy - 1984 - 5/10

Scottish radio announcer gets entangled in ice cream truck feud.
Mister Bunny (no more Mister Softy!) trucks vandalize McCool trucks and vice versa.
In other hands, this might have been a holiday turf war.
Instead, this is weird for the sake of weirdness.
No character development - indeed, even the main character, one Dickie Bird, is barely a sketch.
A “wintery" film, the story is fairly depressing and meanders a lifeless path.
Of course that may well be the point, that the Life path is a dreary myth.
I screened this theatrically when it first came out. I had no memory of it because it is not memorable.
Quirky, not comedy, and not as charming as I had recalled.

Jodorowsky’s Dune - 2013 - 7/10

Documentary about the failed attempt to film Herbert’s “Dune” by outsider filmmaker, Alejandro Jodorowsky, in 1975 - years before the 1984 Lynch version.
The pitch, which was a telephone sized book, was fully story-boarded by French artist Mœbius.
Other members of the creative team included the little known Giger, Chris Foss and Dan O’Bannon.
The tentative cast included David Carradine, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, Salvador Dali, Gloria Swanson.
Missing anyone? Oh yeah, music by Magma and Pink Floyd.
Numerous interviewees discuss conception, building the foundation, then the collapse of the project.
Jodorowsky, while not bitter, does blame corporate Hollywood and lack of artistic vision.
Problem is, the 70’s was one of the most experimental and free-wheeling decades in film.
What they balked at was a 15 hour film by an unknown director whose three films were well beyond the outer fringe of the arthouse sphere.
Arguments about how great Jodorowsky’s Dune would have been fail to fully factor the director’s past track record.
Simply put, this would not have been Star Wars.
The creative team went on to acclaim with Alien and beyond.
One might assume I did not like this.
No. This is constantly interesting.
I simply found too many of the presumptions flawed.

Flaming Brothers - 1987 - 6/10
AKA - Gong woo lung foo dau // 江湖龍虎鬥

The boys bond on the streets, steal food from the Catholic church, run errands for coins, fight for each other.
Fast forward, two men now. They have a small casino, run gambling, have a brothel. No drugs.
Profits attract a powerful boss, who demands respect. How much respect? 80% of profits.
Brace for impact.
There are three or four major gun battles in this, along with a fun chase in tuk-tuks through Thailand.
Along with insipid comic relief, romances that kill the pace.
Alan Tang and Chow Yun-Fat make a great team! Even resemble brothers.

The Cutting Edge - 1992 - 6/10

Winter perennial, although less here after my bride tired of figure-skating melodramatics.
Ex hockey enforcer, following injury, grudgingly agrees to pair with female prima donna.
Bickering, training, training, training, romantic entanglements.
Solid romantic comedy, and the premise, while Hollywood, is not as far-fetched as one might assume.
There was Rocky and Calla, the truck driver and the waitress.
Madison Hubbell and Zach Donohue, still skating though divorced, who dislike each other.
Don’t even get me started about Nancy and Tonya.

Strangled - 2016 - 7/10
AKA - A Martfüi Rém

Réti stalks his girlfriend as she leaves the shoe factory, attempting to reconcile.
Not interested. So he threatens her, smacks her, and the next morning her body is found.
After a few days of police interrogation he confesses and is sent to prison. Case closed.
Except a few years later, a similar murder occurs. Followed by another, then another.
Local police come under extreme pressure.
Communistic Hungary does not make mistakes! There is no serial killer in Communistic Hungary.
In other words, investigators cannot let on there is a sex murderer loose.
Or that the State could possibly have made a mistake.
Political interference and restrictions enhance based-on-actual-murders series.

Still Crazy - 1998 - 6/10

70’s British rockers Strange Fruit attempt a reunion after a 20 year hiatus.
They are older. Most have found day jobs. The road, instability, rejection, no longer tempt.
A key member is long gone, however. Probably dead.
This is British, not American. While this flirts with feel-good territory, it is not a given.
My take is this is a cozy noisy film, little seen, and very entertaining.
Terrific casting! Lead singer Ray would be reborn as Billy Mack a few years later.

Strippers - 2015 - 6/10

Thinking about a Highland excursion? Here’s a deal sweetener!
Three part documentary of the stripper industry in Scotland, focusing on dancers in three cities: Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen.
“Decent” clubs are shown, where management seems to care about their girls.
No mention of crime, traffickers or drugs.
Girls fret about money - parents - boyfriends - stigma.
Not surprisingly, younger girls suffer more than seasoned professionals.
Mix of Scottish lasses, with those who travel a global circuit.
One Texas girl sported a Bettie Page look which the locals mistook for Amy Winehouse vibe.
Some may find this interesting, others might hit MUTE and crank grind music.
Chances are, this will entice the cultured crowd who appreciate artistic dance.

A Christmas Carol - 2020 - 6/10

Yes, another version of the Dickens’ warhorse.
This “lockdown” performance hails from the Old Vic Theatre.
Photography for the socially distanced actors is imaginative.
Split screens, double exposures, shrewd lighting tricks.
Casting strives to be inclusive, which I have no problem with.
The three ghosts are female. The cast represents modern London demographics, the attempt seems partial, you cannot please everyone.
Liberties have been taken with the text, the narrative, which will distress purists.
Miking ranges from acceptable to inaudible.
Disappointing, as this is apparently beloved, but I would suggest finding another rendition.

Shaolin Soccer - 2001 - 6/10
AKA - Siu Lam Juk Lau // 少林足球

One of Stephen Chow’s most successful and accessible films.
An ex-monk, wanting to bring Shaolin doctrines to the masses, decides soccer is the vehicle,
With five other monks and a ragtag team, they build victories.
Until they encounter Team Evil, reliant on performance drugs.
Fair play versus cheating. Honor versus treachery.
Will good prevail?
Miramax, then owned by Disney, got the rights and poorly distributed this Stateside.
Or Disney planned to remake this with Western adolescents. Who knows?
Terrific crowd pleaser and constantly funny.
Still banned in mainland China.

Miss You Already - 2015 - 5/10

Drew and Toni on the cover, with the “miss you” title, I knew exactly how this would play, who was going to be the sufferer, and how events would transpire.
I was correct across the board.
Predictable tale of best friends forever, where one faces the ultimate battle.
Great chemistry between leads cannot compensate for oft repeated tale (reference to Beaches does not help).
Both women are too old for their roles, also.
Some of you will get stuck watching this beside your better half. Too bad.

Bones Of Steel - 2020 - 6/10
AKA - Tetsu no hone // 鉄の骨

Heita (right) works as site inspector for the construction firm.
His overzealousness gets him transferred to HQ Operations.
Abilities, idealism, or less obvious reasons.
The mid-sized company has trouble competing against the large groups.
Nevertheless, all outfits engage in illegal bid-rigging and collusion.
Legal and ethical concerns weigh against company loyalty and climbing the corporate ladder.
Sharp “business drama” is a mere five episodes, so easily watched.
If you develop a taste for this, check out the superb Hanzawa Naoki.

Persuasion - 1995 - 7/10

Concise adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel serves the passionate undercurrents.
Thwarted romantics Anne Eliot and Captain Wentworth are older in this version.
Good Society advised against their match years before, to their profound regret.
Years on, the flame still flickers, while “Society” still disapproves.
Wonderfully understated film of repressed emotions, family expectations.
This hews closest to the book.
Subsequent films deliver a steady increase of emotional outbursts by younger protagonists.
Janeites, this is the one. Those insisting on dramatics, go later.

Lee, Edward - Operator “B”

Not bad SciFi thriller finds retiring test pilot offered a final gig.
A mission involving the highly experimental craft.
Novella is strewn with aeronautical and military jargon. No idea if any is accurate or if Mr. Lee is letting his imagination run wild. It works, though.
Like I said, not bad. Alright way to spend an hour.
What is bad is how Lee spends so much of his efforts in Horror where he is a mid tier writer.

Kentucky Fried Movie - 1977 - 6/10

Series of unconnected comedy sketches, similar to the fledging Saturday Night Live but with more blatant sexuality.
The skits vary considerably, from hilarious to tasteless to dated and incomprehensible.
There are about 20 bits, ranging from seconds in length to longer. Highlights include:
“Catholic High School Girls in Trouble” – parody of sexploitation romps, popular in the 70‘s.
“The Wonderful World of Sex” – the couple retire for romance, but first spin the how-to LP.
“Eyewitness News” – where the TV reporters can eyewitness participants on the couch.
The real gem is “A Fistful Of Yen”, a 30’ spoof of kung fu films, particularly Bruce Lee.

A sinister mastermind, his indomitable fortress, an army of thugs. And one smart-ass hero.
This film is where the Zucker team cut their teeth, paving the way for Airplane, Naked Gun, Scary Movie, etc …

Pumping Iron 2: The Women - 1985 - 6/10

Following the success of the first film (Arnold vs Lou Ferrigno), filmmakers eyed female bodybuilders.
Eventually honing in on the popular Rachel McLish against muscled-to-the-max Bev Francis.
Bev is cast as a naive innocent, akin to Lou Ferrigno.
McLish, who had won numerous competitions is shown in a darker light, akin to Ken Waller.
The doc is uncomfortably funny, as Bev Francis is clearly the most muscular, though not particularly feminine.
Event organizers wring their hands throughout, anticipating a negative crowd reaction.
More soap opera than documentary, with an infuriating ending.

Blood Relatives - 1978 - 5/10
AKA - Les Liens de Sang

Somewhat overlooked Claude Chabrol potboiler of gruesome murder.
Cast is French, Canadian and English, setting is Montreal.
Female cousins, returning home from late night party, are assaulted, one murdered.
Detective (Donald Sutherland) starts investigating, focusing on family and coworkers.
Perhaps more sensational in its day, the narrative thuds, though sleazy sidetracks spice it up a bit.
Hairstyles and clothes are pure late 70’s, though no other cultural references.
Chances are, early on alert viewers will guess the slasher’s identity.
Might even guess the motivation.
Dud.

Tár - 2022 - 7/10

Lydia Tár, premier “female” conductor of her time, prepares to conclude her Mahler cycle.
She leads the BPO (Berlin Philharmonic), teaches at Juilliard, composes, gives sold out speaking engagements.
Her home life is settled and secure. Rival conductors seek her counsel.
Bright days ahead, yes?
A young protégé has committed suicide. Tár wants to replace an aging, beloved assistant conductor.
Then there is the young cellist, ripe with youth.
Deep character study of an artist not quite recognizing how turbulent are the waters they have stirred,
Early sections may remind one of Clouds Of Sils Maria, later of Blue Jasmine.
Make no mistake, this is arthouse. Steeped in classical music.
Dropped names include Bernstein, von Karajan, Furtwängler, Dutoit, Levine. Even a sly comment about Gould.
Performances include the Mahler 5, Elgar’s Cello Concerto, Bach.
Exceptional performance by Cate Blanchett in an engrossing, if overlong film.

Camping - 2016 - 6/10

Weekend campout / birthday celebration in the cabins, close by a beach.
The mild-mannered man and his overbearing wife.
Our caretaker, who could be janitor at Camp Crystal Lake.
Enter the late arrivals, the recently separated man and his eager beaver girlfriend.
Add alcohol, old resentments, jealousy, rampant sexual antics.
Wildly incorrect Julia Davis series boasts drug use, nudity, unappealing ruttings.
If you have a taste for Julia Davis’s work, this is laugh out loud funny.
Beware the sanitized USA remake.

Emma - 1996 - 8/10

Emma Woodhouse, matchmaker in the worst manner, repeatedly fails to connect her targets.
At the same time, fumbling her own romantic affairs.
Of all the Jane Austen novels, this is one of the funniest.
Cast is picture perfect (even silver spoon Paltrow is great).
First rate across the board: costumes, settings, period music, lush photography.
For guys worrying, this is not Hallmark kryptonite, though still a romantic comedy.

Danny Deckchair - 2003 - 6/10

Danny, construction worker, is bored with his lot,
Worse, his girlfriend is unresponsive.
What to do? How about string helium balloons to your lawnchair and up, up and away!
Adventures, national acclaim, a MYSTERY, then a new girlfriend!
Reinventing Oneself 101.
Silly, harmless romantic fluff, based, astoundingly enough on a real-life, and far more compelling, story.
https://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-11.html
https://www.cartalk.com/radio/letter/lawnchair-pilot-larry-walters-0

Shaun The Sheep Movie - 2015 - 7/10

I’ll try to be careful here. Shaun is perhaps best viewed as still a juvenile.
The farm has become routine. Tedious and predictable.
When Shaun spies the banner on a passing bus, “Take A Day Off!” he devises a scheme.
And, as with so many plans concocted by man and livestock alike, events swiftly go awry.
Shaun, fellow flock friends, and loyal dog Bitzer, accidentally unleash havoc.
While the party-popping pigs drag the house into a breezy bachelor pad, the others skedaddle to Big City.
Danger and disaster darken their path, yet persevere they must, for family must be rescued.
An inventive claymation romp, with barely any dialogue, this is one of those gems parents can safely share with young children. Studded with jokes and gags, with an irresistibly catchy theme song, “Feels Like Summer.“

Affair In Trinidad - 1952 - 6/10

Chris’s husband commits suicide.
Or did he? Police smell murder.
As luck would have it, her brother-in-law appears and starts poking his nose about.
Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford reteam, and once again he plays a snarling jealous moron.
Meanwhile, there are suspicious European ex-pats runs by a calculating smoothie (Alexander Scourby).
Plot is muddy because of rival mysteries, both poorly delineated.
Hayworth does two numbers. First one is over the top and silly. The second is gold.
Don’t think about Gilda when watching this mediocre potboiler.