Vultural

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex - 1972 - 6/10

Uneven assortment of comic sketches based on the bestseller by Reuben.
Skits range from uproarious to tasteless, depending I imagine on the viewer.
Social norms have also dated a few. Transvestites and sexual perversions come to mind.
Still, when it works, this rolls along.
The mad professor (John Carradine), deranged cub scouts, monster mammary.
Exhibitionism, styled after Italian cinema.
The inner workings of the male body, when the cards seem to be lucky.
Those who long for a zanier, sillier Woody, this has classic moments.

The Bonnie Parker Story - 1958 - 6/10

Wild retelling of Bonnie & Guy (yes, Guy, not Clyde) and their spree in the panhandle region during the 30’s.
Bonnie is the cigar chomping, tommy gun crazy, kickass boss of small time gang.

They knock over hardware stores, gas stations, diners until she bullies her crew into robbing banks.
Film is peppered with explosions, gun battles, car chases, and arguments.
Menfolk don’t stand a chance.
Music is 30’s Swing combo, hillbilly, and 50’s jukehouse.
Dorothy Provine landed this ultimate hard blonde role and rode it for all it was worth.
Even during lulls, she is electric.

New Jack City - 1991 - 6/10

Nino builds a crack team, literally.
Dealing in those illegal goodies that make your heart go boom.
The team of crooks, Cash Money Brothers, lay the groundwork with care, then royally harvest.
Their blind spots seem obvious, clumsily built in, and ought to have been better thought out.
One of those gangster sagas where you root for the villains.
Wesley Snipes began a heady run with this, and he ought to have won awards or been nominated.

Russian Ark - 2002 - 7/10
AKA - Russkiy Kovcheg

Visual tour de force, although the narrative may leave one in bewilderment.
We become the roused consciousness of the roused visitor, wandering through the Hermitage.
From room to room, following beckoning laughter, into parties, into the swirl of history.
Grand balls and visions of rulers, flashes of history sweep past.
All film students ought to view this one.
Ninety minutes packed in a single tracking shot.
On repeated views, one may catch mistakes by extras, but the feast for the eyes overwhelms.

The Goes Wrong Show: The Nativity - 2020 - 8/10

Early on, I’m going, “Oh, I hope they can keep this up.”
And do they ever! A half hour of nonstop jokes, gags, farce.
The stage is deliberately cheap, akin to the worst of amateur theatre.
Nevertheless, this is howlingly funny.
Alas, wouldst there had been a second play the following Yule.

A Taste Of Honey - 1961 - 6/10

High school senior Jo and mother, barfly Helen spit and feud ceaselessly.
Forever behind in rent, they flee from one flat to the next.
Once there, Helen drags home boyfriend de jour for a tumble.
Not exactly rivals, they are simply an ill fit and tired of each other.
Jo eventually moves out, finds work, rents what appears to be warehouse space.
She is actually doing pretty well, though complications are swelling.
Film is very much of a time and place, post WWII London.
Viewers who can relate to the era and situations may appreciate more and score higher.

Lake Mungo - 2008 - 7/10

Family outing at the lake goes badly wrong when Alice vanishes.
Rescue teams arrive, and after a few days her drowned body is recovered.
Not the end of the tragedy, however, as a presence soon haunts the house.
Cameras are placed to capture images, and a psychic is consulted.
Events grow progressively weirder.
Part supernatural, part mystery, part suspense.
Viewers, along with friends and family members, discover a darker, and darker, side to Alice.
As a stunned friend said, “Alice kept secrets. I knew one Alice, her mum knew another, and there was another one that none of us knew.”
Terribly overlooked gem.

Prey - 2022 - 6/10

1749, alien Predator arrives in North America’s upper Great Plains and begins hunting.
From snakes to wolves to bears to humans. French trappers and Comanche warriors.
This has a nice slow burn build to it, and human hunters put up fair resistance.
When they seem close to winning, the Predator resorts to “cheating” as one swore at it.
Closing scene underwhelms, and the director should have reshot.
Look, I understand qualms about our hero. Size, gender. Deal with it, or don’t watch.
Remember, you are already accepting the notion of an interstellar alien traipsing the woods.
I watched the Comanche language version.

Criminal Lovers - 1999 - 6/10
AKA - Les Amants Criminels

Another French film of young love.
Pair of high school teens commit a grisly murder, then go on the run.
Fleeing into the forest, they break into an isolated cabin.
The woodsman returns, overpowers both, and drags them into a deranged version of Hansel and Gretel.
Starvation and force feeding commences, since the man prefers girls rail thin and boys plump and soft.
Flashbacks of school days alternate with soapy water, bondage and escalating violations.
Frightening film by François Ozon never flinches from the brutality the teens dispense, yet includes scenes that remind viewers that the pair are, in many ways, barely out of childhood.
Absolutely not for the squeamish.

Cinderella: A Comic Relief Pantomime - 2020 - 5/10

Someday, this will be a time capsule on how Covid made for odd decisions.
Such as, the panto show must go on. Pandemic? What pandemic?
A bevy of actors, comedians, influencers, act a Cinderella story from their homes.
They react to each other, and forced merriment abounds.
Recall the party you attended which someone recorded. Drunk, stoned silliness, curdled by dawn.
If you MUST have Cinderella for Christmas, track down BBC’s “Charles Paris: Cinderella Killer” with Bill Nighy.

Cover Girl Models - 1975 - 5/10

Three girls and a photographer head off to exotic Hong Kong and regions thereabouts.
Once there, they are unwittingly involved with smugglers and espionage.
Not that they know, they are mostly hapless eye candy.
They bring their own wardrobes (please, designers would supply fashions they wanted showcased) that appear to have been grabbed out of a fabric shop.
On the sly, the photographer keeps pushing for nude spreads for girlie mags.
The girls refuse, they are fashion models after all, but there is nudity throughout.
Poodle fur, pointless drive-in goop.

Comfort And Joy - 1984 - 5/10

Scottish radio announcer gets entangled in ice cream truck feud.
Mister Bunny (no more Mister Softy!) trucks vandalize McCool trucks and vice versa.
In other hands, this might have been a holiday turf war.
Instead, this is weird for the sake of weirdness.
No character development - indeed, even the main character, one Dickie Bird, is barely a sketch.
A “wintery" film, the story is fairly depressing and meanders a lifeless path.
Of course that may well be the point, that the Life path is a dreary myth.
I screened this theatrically when it first came out. I had no memory of it because it is not memorable.
Quirky, not comedy, and not as charming as I had recalled.

Jodorowsky’s Dune - 2013 - 7/10

Documentary about the failed attempt to film Herbert’s “Dune” by outsider filmmaker, Alejandro Jodorowsky, in 1975 - years before the 1984 Lynch version.
The pitch, which was a telephone sized book, was fully story-boarded by French artist Mœbius.
Other members of the creative team included the little known Giger, Chris Foss and Dan O’Bannon.
The tentative cast included David Carradine, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, Salvador Dali, Gloria Swanson.
Missing anyone? Oh yeah, music by Magma and Pink Floyd.
Numerous interviewees discuss conception, building the foundation, then the collapse of the project.
Jodorowsky, while not bitter, does blame corporate Hollywood and lack of artistic vision.
Problem is, the 70’s was one of the most experimental and free-wheeling decades in film.
What they balked at was a 15 hour film by an unknown director whose three films were well beyond the outer fringe of the arthouse sphere.
Arguments about how great Jodorowsky’s Dune would have been fail to fully factor the director’s past track record.
Simply put, this would not have been Star Wars.
The creative team went on to acclaim with Alien and beyond.
One might assume I did not like this.
No. This is constantly interesting.
I simply found too many of the presumptions flawed.

Flaming Brothers - 1987 - 6/10
AKA - Gong woo lung foo dau // 江湖龍虎鬥

The boys bond on the streets, steal food from the Catholic church, run errands for coins, fight for each other.
Fast forward, two men now. They have a small casino, run gambling, have a brothel. No drugs.
Profits attract a powerful boss, who demands respect. How much respect? 80% of profits.
Brace for impact.
There are three or four major gun battles in this, along with a fun chase in tuk-tuks through Thailand.
Along with insipid comic relief, romances that kill the pace.
Alan Tang and Chow Yun-Fat make a great team! Even resemble brothers.

The Cutting Edge - 1992 - 6/10

Winter perennial, although less here after my bride tired of figure-skating melodramatics.
Ex hockey enforcer, following injury, grudgingly agrees to pair with female prima donna.
Bickering, training, training, training, romantic entanglements.
Solid romantic comedy, and the premise, while Hollywood, is not as far-fetched as one might assume.
There was Rocky and Calla, the truck driver and the waitress.
Madison Hubbell and Zach Donohue, still skating though divorced, who dislike each other.
Don’t even get me started about Nancy and Tonya.

Strangled - 2016 - 7/10
AKA - A Martfüi Rém

Réti stalks his girlfriend as she leaves the shoe factory, attempting to reconcile.
Not interested. So he threatens her, smacks her, and the next morning her body is found.
After a few days of police interrogation he confesses and is sent to prison. Case closed.
Except a few years later, a similar murder occurs. Followed by another, then another.
Local police come under extreme pressure.
Communistic Hungary does not make mistakes! There is no serial killer in Communistic Hungary.
In other words, investigators cannot let on there is a sex murderer loose.
Or that the State could possibly have made a mistake.
Political interference and restrictions enhance based-on-actual-murders series.

Still Crazy - 1998 - 6/10

70’s British rockers Strange Fruit attempt a reunion after a 20 year hiatus.
They are older. Most have found day jobs. The road, instability, rejection, no longer tempt.
A key member is long gone, however. Probably dead.
This is British, not American. While this flirts with feel-good territory, it is not a given.
My take is this is a cozy noisy film, little seen, and very entertaining.
Terrific casting! Lead singer Ray would be reborn as Billy Mack a few years later.

Strippers - 2015 - 6/10

Thinking about a Highland excursion? Here’s a deal sweetener!
Three part documentary of the stripper industry in Scotland, focusing on dancers in three cities: Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen.
“Decent” clubs are shown, where management seems to care about their girls.
No mention of crime, traffickers or drugs.
Girls fret about money - parents - boyfriends - stigma.
Not surprisingly, younger girls suffer more than seasoned professionals.
Mix of Scottish lasses, with those who travel a global circuit.
One Texas girl sported a Bettie Page look which the locals mistook for Amy Winehouse vibe.
Some may find this interesting, others might hit MUTE and crank grind music.
Chances are, this will entice the cultured crowd who appreciate artistic dance.

A Christmas Carol - 2020 - 6/10

Yes, another version of the Dickens’ warhorse.
This “lockdown” performance hails from the Old Vic Theatre.
Photography for the socially distanced actors is imaginative.
Split screens, double exposures, shrewd lighting tricks.
Casting strives to be inclusive, which I have no problem with.
The three ghosts are female. The cast represents modern London demographics, the attempt seems partial, you cannot please everyone.
Liberties have been taken with the text, the narrative, which will distress purists.
Miking ranges from acceptable to inaudible.
Disappointing, as this is apparently beloved, but I would suggest finding another rendition.

Shaolin Soccer - 2001 - 6/10
AKA - Siu Lam Juk Lau // 少林足球

One of Stephen Chow’s most successful and accessible films.
An ex-monk, wanting to bring Shaolin doctrines to the masses, decides soccer is the vehicle,
With five other monks and a ragtag team, they build victories.
Until they encounter Team Evil, reliant on performance drugs.
Fair play versus cheating. Honor versus treachery.
Will good prevail?
Miramax, then owned by Disney, got the rights and poorly distributed this Stateside.
Or Disney planned to remake this with Western adolescents. Who knows?
Terrific crowd pleaser and constantly funny.
Still banned in mainland China.

Miss You Already - 2015 - 5/10

Drew and Toni on the cover, with the “miss you” title, I knew exactly how this would play, who was going to be the sufferer, and how events would transpire.
I was correct across the board.
Predictable tale of best friends forever, where one faces the ultimate battle.
Great chemistry between leads cannot compensate for oft repeated tale (reference to Beaches does not help).
Both women are too old for their roles, also.
Some of you will get stuck watching this beside your better half. Too bad.

Bones Of Steel - 2020 - 6/10
AKA - Tetsu no hone // 鉄の骨

Heita (right) works as site inspector for the construction firm.
His overzealousness gets him transferred to HQ Operations.
Abilities, idealism, or less obvious reasons.
The mid-sized company has trouble competing against the large groups.
Nevertheless, all outfits engage in illegal bid-rigging and collusion.
Legal and ethical concerns weigh against company loyalty and climbing the corporate ladder.
Sharp “business drama” is a mere five episodes, so easily watched.
If you develop a taste for this, check out the superb Hanzawa Naoki.

Persuasion - 1995 - 7/10

Concise adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel serves the passionate undercurrents.
Thwarted romantics Anne Eliot and Captain Wentworth are older in this version.
Good Society advised against their match years before, to their profound regret.
Years on, the flame still flickers, while “Society” still disapproves.
Wonderfully understated film of repressed emotions, family expectations.
This hews closest to the book.
Subsequent films deliver a steady increase of emotional outbursts by younger protagonists.
Janeites, this is the one. Those insisting on dramatics, go later.

Lee, Edward - Operator “B”

Not bad SciFi thriller finds retiring test pilot offered a final gig.
A mission involving the highly experimental craft.
Novella is strewn with aeronautical and military jargon. No idea if any is accurate or if Mr. Lee is letting his imagination run wild. It works, though.
Like I said, not bad. Alright way to spend an hour.
What is bad is how Lee spends so much of his efforts in Horror where he is a mid tier writer.

Kentucky Fried Movie - 1977 - 6/10

Series of unconnected comedy sketches, similar to the fledging Saturday Night Live but with more blatant sexuality.
The skits vary considerably, from hilarious to tasteless to dated and incomprehensible.
There are about 20 bits, ranging from seconds in length to longer. Highlights include:
“Catholic High School Girls in Trouble” – parody of sexploitation romps, popular in the 70‘s.
“The Wonderful World of Sex” – the couple retire for romance, but first spin the how-to LP.
“Eyewitness News” – where the TV reporters can eyewitness participants on the couch.
The real gem is “A Fistful Of Yen”, a 30’ spoof of kung fu films, particularly Bruce Lee.

A sinister mastermind, his indomitable fortress, an army of thugs. And one smart-ass hero.
This film is where the Zucker team cut their teeth, paving the way for Airplane, Naked Gun, Scary Movie, etc …