Vultural

Coldiron, Katharine - Plan 9 From Outer Space

Excellent, in-depth analysis of a bad film, ridiculed, scorned, yet regarded fondly.
Scene by scene, Coldiron breaks down poor scenes, incompetent dialogue, amateurish mistakes.
Ed Wood desperately wanted to make films, but he simply did not have the chops.
Time and again, the author points out where Wood could easily have salvaged a scene. But no.
For all that, she enjoys watching this film, and others from this director.
She has no use for Hollywood formula, tentpoles, white bread, similar to my own tastes.
One point struck me, Plan 9 has NEVER been shown in Wood’s intended aspect ratio, which would have cropped boom mics, tops of sets, other errors.
An enjoyable read for those who have a taste for “bad cinema”, and delight in being surprised.

Thank you.
I backed my gifs to Postimage just in case.
All have been stored in cloud sites for years.
Finding reliable 3rd party file hosting, there’s the problem.
I’ve been with Tinypic, Photobucket, Google (sites RIP), Dropbox (workaround, which I suspect will close one day).
Some members hotlink existing images, which regard as balls. It’s lazy, the images often humongous, and those might disappear in a breath.

I appreciate your phrase, “Hopefully the UK Govt will see some sense …” which made me laugh.
Sense? From governments national, regional, local?
And do you believe in leprechauns, little boy?
The world is mad.

Owing to problems with UK regulations, Imgur has stepped away from Britain.
Several forums have already requested members no longer post images from there.
Any thoughts from the Top Hands?
I only have 11 images linking there, all gifs.

Linda - 1973 - 6/10

Oh, she has her claws in him, dug in tight.
Not only did Linda murder Jeff’s rich wife, but she also framed her own husband, Paul.
Paul either does the time or hangs, while Linda and Jeff live happy.
Pretty good TV Noir, over reliant on Ed Nelson.
John McIntire almost steals the film as the crafty defense attorney.
The real draw, however, is Stella Stevens, who was simply born too late for classic Noir.
Vixen Stella makes a coaxing femme fatale.

Another one to add is Fawesome (https://fawesome.tv). Similar to Tubi.
Thanks for reminding me of Pluto; I tend to forget that site.

In a Nutshell - 2025 - 6/10

The commission is to recreate a horrific murder site in a dollhouse.
Emma has been working at it, a perfectionist. Right down to the tiniest details.
The tiniest being a creepy sigil painted on the wall. Is that blood?
Effective Horror short builds to a brutal release.

Murder In Sarlat - 2017 - 6/10
AKA - Meurtres à Sarlat

Clues include references to ancient feuds between peasants and aristocrats.
Oh, and a big clue jutting from the chest.
The paired investigators apparently had an anonymous fling a few years earlier.
So he, a wad of insecurities, starts whining, wondering if he was unmemorable.
This was unnecessary, as the mystery, the history, the suspects, are all fine.
Ignore the forced romance, and focus on the slithering heels.

Sweet Mama - 1930 - 6/10

Goldie, member of the burlesque troupe, is stranded when she receives word her boyfriend is arrested.
She races back to New York, only to find Jimmy has already been sprung.
By his boss, nightclub owner and racketeer, who likes withdrawing money from banks.
Twist on a common trope, Goldie is determined to rescue her man.
Lively Pre-Code trots merrily from beginning to end.
Short film, under an hour, owing to most songs being cut after audiences hollered “Enough already!”.
Alice White captivates, others hit and miss, the gangster undercurrent adds an angle.

Apple Cider Vinegar - 2025 - 7/10

Quasi-true retelling of Belle Gibson, health influencer.
She had terminal brain cancer, but survived it. Incredible!
How? Good food, exercise, New Age medicines.
Once online, once with her own book and web app, she garnered millions of followers.
And – surprise – she reaps financial windfalls.
Hucksters and frauds extend back to cavemen.
Short series manages to be funny and infuriating, based on a true con artist.
For trusting souls who hope YouTube health videos will cure those ailments, here’s your guru.

Catling, Brian - A Mystery Of Remnant And Other Absences

His previous book, Munky, I never understood. The characters, the narrative, the “mystery”.
The one provides an incisive prologue by Victor Rees. What to look for in Catling’s writing, how to grasp his intent better. Much is made of Catling’s theme of the hollowness of it all.

There are a handful of stories in this, along with fragments and prose poems. Poetry, whether rhyming or prose, no longer stirs me. Add music and I might enjoy it.

“Heart Of The Forest” opens with the impoverished artist, once brimming with talent. Greatest was predicted. Until he chased the muse deeper and deeper. A subtle story, and a second read will help.

An elaborate extension of a Poe classic, “Further Facts In The Case Of M. Valdemar”, leads us past the last breath, suggesting the blinders of medical experts. The experiment taken too far.

The longest, and most satisfying story far and away, is “A Pendon Parva Ghost”. This opens with a mummified heart, which someone consumes. The tale told by the erudite man, a self-styled guru of sorts, ever trawling for new disciples. In this outing, a drives a handful to a remote village, then into an obscure museum. Where, on display, is a labor of love. A marvelous contrast of surface and substance.

Concluding is an afterword by Iain Sinclair, again dissecting and interpreting our author.
At the back are story notes = extremely helpful.
I did not enjoy this book.

Final Destination: Bloodlines - 2025 - 7/10

Aww, man. And the day had been going so well, too.
Who would have guessed such a small thing would have dire consequences?
Not only for Iris, in the middle of the conflagration, but for her family down the line.
Major reboot of a franchise I had lost interest in.
The Rube Goldbergs in this are cleverly thought out, well executed.
While not a comedy, the humor here is pitch black appropriate.
Tony Todd has a nice role in this, his final appearance in the series.

The Last Shark - 1981 - 5/10
AKA - L’ultimo Squalo

The annual windsurfing regatta is scheduled for the weekend.
Meanwhile, a great white has arrived in the neighborhood, and it has a taste for long pig.
The mayor and local skippers take precautions, but this is one wily fish.
It can tear things up, it can build, as well. It’s big, it’s fast, and it is not anorexic.
Blatant ripoff of Jaws proves laugh out action after a lethargic start.
For viewers who slow down to gape at car accidents, there are piles of unhappy meals.

Litsid - 2018 - 5/10
AKA - Madame K // Whores

So, in your wildest dreams, imagine Hallmark decides to create a series about a brothel.
Filled with lots of young, attractive females who love their work, giggle and laugh, and share happy moments.
Complicating matters: this is Estonia, 1939, on the eve of World War II.
Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union are squeezing the small nation.
Meanwhile, the house is kinda / sorta busy with well-dressed officers, glib politicians, and athletes.
The ladies are all smiles, historic accuracy – unsure, the storyline pure puffery.
Followed by a spinoff series, which I have no interest in.

The Girl On The Late, Late Show - 1974 - 6/10

So whatever happened to Carolyn Parker?
Big star a few decades earlier, now disappeared.
So wonders the producer of a New York morning show, who flies out to Los Angeles.
Mixed concoction of Noir, TV formula and laziness.
The premise is solid, but the plotting, the writing, lacks edge.
Stars in cameos include Van Johnson, Walter Pidgeon, Yvonne De Carlo.
Noir heavyweights John Ireland and Gloria Graham are given mere moments.
While a failed attempt, this is worth tracking down by Noir fans.

’49-‘17 - 1917 - 6/10

Stifled by Eastern refinements, the Judge hankers for the wilder West of his youth.
Back when he was an original ‘49er.
He sends his young assistant to restore ghost town Nugget Notch and fill it with suitable inhabitants.
Unfortunately, by 1917, most weren’t as comfortable with shooting irons as the Judge had been.
There are a few mysteries to unravel, pardner, as well as the town cutie lusted after by the gambler.
And Jean Hersholt as Gentleman Jim steals the money, the scene, and the movie.
Fun little Silent kinda moseys along, although it barely runs an hour.

On Becoming A Guinea Fowl - 2024 - 7/10

Driving home from a costume party, Shula sees a body in the road.
Her Uncle Fred – dead. She phones her father, who is drunk but still begs for money.
A cousin appears, waving a bottle and bombed out of her mind.
Police eventually take charge, and Shula goes home to settle herself.
Until an auntie quartet arrives, wailing, hollering, issuing demands.
Why, I wonder, is professional woman Shula is still living there?
This “comedy” will play better for members of big, boisterous, nosy families.
And while the aunties may say, “We love you, our children” it becomes clear they loved Fred more.
For ostriches and those who always look the other way, avoid this.
Otherwise, an eye-opening view of Zambia.

I’m rolling slow on this. Almost as slow as the pacing in this leisurely stroll of a series.
That said, I’ve finally made it to E05. Alien fans, this seems like the episode to watch.
Weyland-Yutani all the way. Hostile creatures on the loose owing to “malfunction”.
In fact, you don’t have to watch the first four shows, and thus avoid those whiny teenyboppers.
I sorta have interest in the series again, although, like the blonde date who says “maybe”, I know it’s going to disappoint me.

Behind Stone Walls - 1932 - 5/10

The dinner party was breaking up anyway.
The District Attorney (aspiring Governor) is taking wife Esther to theatre.
Until the courthouse phones, saying only HE can handle an extradition.
With that, Esther slips off to play hide the sausage with the best friend.
Grade-C Pre-Code is loaded with sleaze.
Adultery, murder, blackmail (financial and sexual), and sly courtroom deals.
Acting is stilted, directing stagey, dialogue a river of pauses and gushes.

Probert, Kate - The Descent

Asthmatics, those plagued by claustrophobia, nyctophobia, or being a main course.
Neil Marshall’s 2005 shocker is one to avoid.
This book is a fine companion for those who want to know more about the participants, locations, facts.
Facts becomes a dodgy area, since writer Probert received a parcel from “Tasha”, supposedly member of the original cave party on which the film is based.
Before officials obliterated all traces and concealed mountain openings.
This is highly readable and the author is enthusiastic.

I grew up in Appalachia and caved for over a decade. I saw the film during its run, knew it was not filmed in Appalachia, but that was OK. Sent DVDs to old companions.
One of our tricks for finding “new to us” caves was to look for warm mist rising from openings. Spring or fall, early morning, were best times, when the air was cool but the cave system was warmer.
Good luck. Tell others where you might be. Although we never did.

Arctic Circle - 2018 - 6/10
AKA - Ivalo

A sexually transmitted disease breaks out in northern Finland.
Mating is OK, hosts are OK, but pregnancies turn into spontaneous, bloodied abortions.
If it spreads, extinction of humanity on a mass scale within generations.
Scientists and law enforcement work in tandem to track down and isolate carriers.
For a cure? They need to find patient zero.
Potentially gripping thriller is weighed down with too many characters and side plots.
Minor characters are more like cameos, several of the breakaway plots simply vanish.
I suspect writers had enough material for a great 6-part series, but the show was 10 episodes.
Padding, and obvious padding at that.

Hot Enough For June - 1964 - 6/10

Aspiring writer Nicholas, on the dole, lands a job with a glass firm.
Which is actually a front for MI6, now sending ignorant amateurs into the field.
In this case, Prague 1964, still very much behind the Iron Curtain.
Even as an innocent, our faux spy (Dirk Bogard) catches on quick.
And tumbles for his Czech minder, Sylva Koscina.
This starts as a satire, gradually grows more serious, though the tone stays light.

Escape Dangerous - 1947 - 5/10

Height of the French Revolution, the Terror, and aristocrats scramble to save their heads.
Literally.
Several find shelter with a shifty female … for a large fee.
Then there is Doctor Belhomme. Refugees who sicken either die under his care, or vanish in his hospital.
All the makings of fine Gothic Horror, except this is dismal.
The directing is lackluster. Static sets, no camera movement, reminiscent of an early talkie.
Best is Beresford Egan (?!!?) as the villainous doctor.
Script by Oswell Blakeston disappoints in every way.

Sex From Beyond The Grave - 1984 - 5/10
AKA - Fung lau Yuen Gwai // 風 流 冤 鬼

During WWII, lustful Japanese murder her husband and son, then rape the beautiful actress.
Jump 40 years. The ghost, after having killed guilty parties, now haunts the home.
The narrative jumps to a luckless gambler, comically inept.
And a professor, his wife and son who purchase the cursed house.
Confused? The whole thing is a mess, with several nude dance sequences and other distractions.
Dylan Cheung provides a lively, if breathless, commentary ranging from the demise of Shaw Brothers, Hong Kong in the 1980’s, actors, films, in-jokes, locations, anecdotes, restrictions, much more.
Cheung never stops for air. His commentary is more valuable than the film which is uneven and cheesy.

Candidate For Murder - 1951 - 5/10

A killer roams the London streets at night.
Headlines blare corpse number three, knife in its body.
We follow the “perpetrator” throughout then next day.
Mystery short borders on Experimental, using rapid editing, atypical of the 1950’s.
I sought this out as it is a rare Oswell Blakeston scripted film.

Murphy, Damian - The Acephalic Imperial

Wayward spirit, Séverine, accepts a role in an unorthodox household.
Not a maid, not a servant, but as an observer, a watcher.
With instructions from her employer, Vital, to steal stray items occasionally.
Tasks are simple enough, and a change from the usual lethargy inducing jobs.
Séverine is a hired voyeur, aware that she herself, her activities are also observed.
The novella is increasingly steeped in a dream fugue.
The house, which is sumptuously furnished, along with her moonlit hours, influence her.
An alternate history emerges, perhaps a more aware doppelganger.
Murphy’s prose can be knotty at times, but never overbearing, and the wordplay is something to savor.