Vultural

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - 2005 - 6/10

It’s a downright shame. In fact, it stinks, this being the Christmas week.
Lockhart, fleeing from a botched robbery, somehow gets cast in a Hollywood movie.
The role, a detective. Training him will be a real PI, Gay Perry.
Poolside, Lockhart eyes the hotties, just before he is involved with murders.
While something of a shaggy dog yarn, there are multiple narratives and backstories.
The root is pulp fiction, with hardboiled dicks, lost femmes, broken dreams.
Humor very dark in this, with Downey a scattered, unreliable narrator.
Val Kilmer floors it as the cynical, barb wielding shamus.
Ain’t much Yule here, aside from Santa and cocktail waitresses resembling Hugh Hefner’s wet dream.

It’s A Wonderful Knife - 2023 - 4/10

The sinister Angel Of Death launches a series of murders during Christmas.
After two kills, high schooler Winnie snuffs him – and – look who our killer is!
One year later, the town of Angel Falls has moved on, save for Winnie, who is miserable.
So miserable, she wishes she had never been born. And lo, it is granted.
Soon, without Winnie, the town soon suffers a reign of blood.
Intriguing premise, mutating the classic It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) into a slasher.
The script is poor, however, ranging from Hallmark to ignorance of the horror subgenre.
Direction is clunky, unimaginative and dull, lacking humor, style, thrust and reverence for the genre.
A lot could have done with this concept, pity it was handled by the inept.

Once Upon A Murdoch Christmas - 2016 - 6/10

During holiday revels, the rich. I mean really rich, are being robbed.
Their gifts are pawned or exchanged, the resultant funds used for practical necessities.
The Toronto force investigates, but the thieves are technologically advanced.
Indeed, for fans of steampunk, there are outrageous gadgets and scenes.
Despite that, the plot is overly schmaltzy, and saccharine to disbelief.
Side plots are even more corny.
Escapist Christmas fare, lacking edge, yet fine for family viewing.

This Is Christmas - 2022 - 7/10

“Since we all take the same train every day, I’d like to invite you to the first annual Christmas party for passengers in this compartment.”
Ah, the chance gesture of goodwill and holiday bonhomie. Inviting absolute, total strangers.
Adam’s cynical girlfriend warns they are likely psychopaths, drooling homeless, or insistent fundamentalists.
Nevertheless, he feels somewhat unmoored this season and reaches out.
British Rom-Com manages to be farfetched and predictable.
Yet, it is a charming, feel-good story, and one of the best ones in the past few years.
Hallmark has so saturated the season with syrup and formula, it is worthwhile to mention rare quality.

Violent Night - 2022 - 6/10

Santa, disillusioned with another crop of holiday ingrates, gets sodden at the pub.
Before climbing into the sleigh and later inadvertently crashing an unmerry heist.
High tech band of thieves have invaded the maximum security fortress of the ultra rich.
Bludgeoned proceedings are stuffed with black-humored comedy.
Couple of mushy bits that sog the dash-along pace, but these are few.
For those who appreciate Yule mayhem, there are nods to perennial favorites.
Prefer Christmas crimson of the splashed kind?
Suffer no guilt.

Ostermeier, R - Rumsy Schoolchildren

Elly had attended the auction because of the vintage dolls. Bidding immediately outstripped her budget, which led to her considering the next lot – sixty school desks from Rumsy, circa 1976-1989.
Battered, grimy, scrawled with graffiti on top, gobs of gum underneath. Sex doodles, oaths aimed at despised teachers, private mottos, teen anguish, the lonely misery of adolescence.
Later, cleaned and arranged, the desktops reveal a haphazard history. Perhaps there is enough in them for an exhibition. Perhaps enough for a small book.

The story, which launches on promise, optimism even, skews ever so slightly, and one is drawn deeper into darkness. Elly, our witness, is one who never turns away, even when she suspects something dreadful is being exposed.
Libby Grady beckons and Elly finds the attraction fearfully hard to resist.

This novel is a gradual descent into the horror of “otherness”. Wonderfully paced, as if the curious soul steps carefully, gingerly into the cellar, all while the cellar itself grows dimmer and darker with each footfall.

Caveat? There is an unnecessary afterword that merely serves to bring the proceedings into the “Peninsula” sphere. It dissipates the atmosphere, and ought to be avoided.
Otherwise, this was one of the best things I read in 2024.

Fatman - 2020 - 6/10

In a world of limited to no consequences, it is unsurprising Santa is dispensing more coal than toys.
Chris is also suffering a crisis of faith, although wife Ruth tries to rally his cheer.
Add a wealthy, spoiled, sore-loser of a little boy, furious with his lump of coal.
Who hires a professional hitman to snuff the fatman.
Needless to say, there is a lot going on in this rambling holiday fantasy.
It does coalesce somewhat, yet the focus is not on Yule.
An odd film, not the first choice for family viewing, unless your kids giggle at a rising body count.
If so, perhaps anthracite may be fill future stockings.

Home For The Holidays - 1972 - 6/10

No, not the Thanksgiving classic with Holly Hunter and Robert Downey.
Here, Pa summons his estranged daughters to his bedside.
The girls blame their odious-to-the-core father for their mother’s suicide.
“My new wife!” he wails. “She’s poisoning me!”
“So, what do you want us to do about it?”
“Why, kill her!”
There are a few decorated trees, one of the females hums a carol.
Otherwise, this is a knock-em-off whodunit.
Bland made-for-TV movie, wasting a terrific cast.

Street Of Chance - 1942 - 6/10

Only afternoon, you’re strolling easy on the sidewalk, when a chunk of rubble bounces off your head.
Regain consciousness and, “Hey, my name is Frank Thompson! Why are all my initials DN?”
Oh, no! He had been suffering amnesia, and in his previous state had been a sinister type.
Worse, several shady characters are chasing him.
Narrative is the search for identity, what Frank did – if he actually did it.
Burgess Meredith lacks the oomph to carry this.
Plus, Frank’s loyal wife is a mousy brunette, alter-ego Danny’s girl is torrid blonde, Claire Trevor.
Massive plot holes, photography is pre-Noir, although close.
Sheldon Leonard is the absolute best thing in this.

The Heart Of Texas Ryan - 1917 - 4/10
AKA - Single Shot Parker

Texas Ryan being the bossman’s daughter, just returned from a fancy Eastern finishing school.
Parker is the ranch foreman, a rootin-tootin, hijinks lovin’ cowpuncher.
Out in the sagebrush are cattle rustlers, led by a wily Mexican, who wants that new filly, Miss Ryan.
Lots of action, shooting, horses running all over, steers, saloons, whatnot.
Plot is skimpier than a jackrabbit. Romance? Educated girl, wild, boozing cowboy?
I reckon they’ll last a shade longer than this hour film. Print is in terrible condition.

Newell, Adam - The Croglin Vampire

What a treat! Expanding on the original tale by Augustus Hare, his midnight tale set in remote Cumbria.
Mr. Newell has enhanced this with illustrations of author Hare, photos of Croglin, an essay exploring how the “events” have altered (exaggerated) over time, and cover of numerous anthologies containing the story.
While not essential, this is well-thought out and nicely produced. And oodles of fun!

Being There - 1979 - 7/10

Chance, simpleton, is tossed onto the streets after his elderly benefactor dies.
By contrivance, he finds a home with another wealthy, influential family.
The satire expands as his vacuousness is mistaken for wisdom.
His naive comments are heard as thoughtful insight.
When much younger, I dismissed this film as sheer nonsense.
Nowadays, I realize humanity can and will believe all manner of tripe as gospel.
Relevant when it came out; relevant now in our era of “influencers”.
Chance, however, is an innocent, whereas most influencers range between self-serving and malicious.

Of Human Bondage - 1934 - 6/10

Aspiring artist Philip is advised he lacks talent, imagination.
Disappointed, he returns to London and eventually becomes a doctor.
Well and good, until he meet, and becomes smitten with, trashy waitress Mildred.
From this point, this becomes a soapy melodrama.
Why would a doctor …? And why would a waitress spurn advances from a rich physician?
Leslie Howard well cast as the human doormat, Bette Davis as the disdainful idol.
Although everyone knows characters like this is real life, the lengthy attraction here seems incomprehensible.

The Ghost Writer - 2010 - 7/10

Anonymous scribe gets hired to polish the memoirs of an ex-Prime Minister.
(Tony Blair is implied, although there is nothing overt to affirm that.)
The PM is holed up on a high-security, island fortress.
Soon enough, the ghost realizes the journal reveals too much national security.
That, and the job description failed to declare how hazardous it would be.
Top-notch thriller, blanketed in Noir, inside a claustrophobic setting.
Late era Polanski film, and a reminder just how potent he can be.

What’s Good For The Goose - 1969 - 4/10

Norman, fifty-something bank clerk, picks up two free-spirit female hitchhikers.
After a quickie fling with Nikki, he imagines he is in love, and his life unravels.
Swinging 60’s film mixes silly farce with nudge-nudge innuendo.
Norman would NEVER pull any hot girls of the time. Too old, no money, no power.
Benny Hill would have better luck, at least he had a sense of humor.
Speaking of which, as a comedy, this is a dismal failure.

To Kill A Tiger - 2022 - 7/10

“She should just marry one of the boys. That would solve it.”
So say the village females, after a 13-year-old child is attacked and raped by three men.
You read right, their “solution” is for her to marry the rapist.
Her father, Ranjit, decides to press charges, unheard of in India, where females are routinely raped.
Documentary observes the indifference, then ostracism by neighbors.
There are outside support groups, seen simply as “outsiders”.
Court, as is most nations, is agonizingly slow.
Throughout, “marry your rapist” is offered as the wisest counsel.
Significant watch, especially for fathers with daughters of any age.

The Strange Vice Of Mrs. Wardh - 1971 - 7/10
AKA - Lo Strano Vizio Della Signora Wardh

Even though Julie has married diplomat Neil, an ex-lover, the abusive Jean, provokes her.
Then, there is her friend’s handsome cousin, George, to whom she is attracted.
Meanwhile, Vienna is besieged by a razor blade serial killer!
More? Yes, there is much more in this stylish and sex charged Giallo.
Edwige Fenech, as ever, is easy on the eyes. Likewise, the eye-popping 1970’s Italian interiors.
Frequent nudity, hairpin plots packed with flashbacks and twists.
One of the better titles of this genre, and one that stitches together nicely.
Subs for COMMENTARY TRACK ONLY = https://subscene.cam/download/3352040

Starve Acre - 2023 - 6/10

Asthmatic son Owen exhibits anger issues, starts therapy, before a felling.
Parents Richard and Julie grieve in different ways.
She withdraws into isolation, he unearths and excavates a buried past.
Along with bones, which seem to be resuscitating.
Slow, brooding film demands patience and intelligence from viewers.
You must intuit subtleties on your own, nothing is handed to you, let alone explained.
Sister Harriet is our alter-ego, and she is likewise stymied by lack of communication.
Moody, atmospheric, until the finale which is stupefying.

Captain Ron - 1992 - 6/10

Milquetoast family inherits Clark Gable’s old schooner, the Wanderer, which needs work (box of matches?).
They hire the very shady Cap‘n Ron to sail the boat and them from Bermuda to Miami.
How many boozy situations and adventures can you envision?
Well, the writers and cast could concoct a lot, lot more.
This makes an OK family film, (a good stoner flick), and a laugh filled romp.
Just don’t think. “A shark ate your eye?”

The Fix - 2024 - 5/10

Don’t take drugs if you don’t know what they are!
Well, if you’re young, you don’t care. If old, you trust Big Pharma.
Near future, global air quality has deteriorated to toxic levels.
Breathing drugs are insufficient, and seem reserved for quality citizens.
TV model Ella accidentally quaffs a vial of an experimental test.
Her body begins to mutate, and all manner of characters begin pursuing her.
Overlook budget limitations, and a script that needs tightening.
A good dystopian SciFi buried by poor direction, mediocre cinematography.

The Mystic - 1925 - 6/10

Why hoodwink Hungarian villagers for loose change, when you can go to the States and fleece rich Americans?
Madame Zara and her Gypsy act arrive in New York and start the big swindle.

Aside from the swells at the private séance, there is a young heiress.
As well as her older guardian, quietly embezzling to play the stock market.
A Tod Browning film, this lacks the callous bite his output is usually steeped in.
Acting is fine, although one can envision Lon Chaney and Lionel Barrymore in key roles.

A Good Year - 2020 - 5/10
AKA - Een Goed Jaar

Erik receives an inheritance from an aunt. Large manor with weedy grounds.
It is in deplorable condition, estate taxes are horrendous, and Erik is recently fired for malfeasance.
He hires a ride from low-level con-man, Lenny.
And after they discover a hidden, and small, cache of old wine they hook up with restorer, Judith.
Yes, such contrived plotting leaves much to be desired.
The trio are soon offering bottles to high-end collectors, saying the vino is from Hitler’s stash.
The first victim? A mob boss (Russian, Eastern Europe). Things soon get complicated.
I was hoping this would resemble Faking Hitler, but it does not.
As a comedy, I never smiled once. Midway, I started rooting for the gangsters.

The Critic - 2024 - 7/10

Theatre critic Erskine and popular actor Nina Land, whom he skews mercilessly.
He is convinced she possesses “talent” yet fails to deliver, because she tries too hard.
Meantime, a change of leadership at the paper, means all jobs are uncertain.
Erskine is asked to tone down the malicious venom in his reviews.
“But that’s what readers want.”
Rather, he takes a more subtle course to deal with the new publisher.
Trenchant, manipulative thriller steeped in poison, set amidst the theatre boards.
A must for theatre fans, but a torturous ride.

The Bigamist - 1953 - 6/10

Once Eve and Harry start the adoption process, the secret starts to emerge.
After all, there are deep background checks.
Salesman Harry, dividing his time between San Francisco and Los Angeles, has things to hide.
Hey, reference the title!
Narrative shows how Harry came to have two better halves.
Marked as Noir, this is not. This has enough soap for a bubble bath.
Still, a good Ida Lupino film and, I think, the last feature she directed.