Vultural

Kill Your Friends - 2015 - 6/10

You ever wonder why pop music is so damned dreadful?
How inarticulate halfwits, scabbing lyrics a three-year-old would be ashamed of, soar up the charts?
Mostly, the herd is responsible.
You know, us, the feeble brained audience, especially when we are young and have discretionary income and limited tastes.
Oh, and there is also the A & R guy, force-feeding us crappy artists he thinks we might like.

Ferocious satire set in during the heyday of BritPop or Cool Britannia.
Our Artists & Repertoire rep is cynical to the core, ambitious, terrified of getting fired, and treacherous.
He’s hunting for the next new group, next hit. Longevity? Sod off!
Time specific to the mid 90’s (in five years, filesharing will start to destroy the vast majority of record labels).
Sharp edged, wicked comedy revs out of the gate, falters midway, then strikes for the jugular.

Swallow - 2019 - 7/10

New bride Hunter is a mess of insecurities.
Of humble origins, she has married into wealth and status.
She doesn’t seems capable of doing much, nor is she given opportunity.
Besides esteem problems, she is overly eager to please.
When pregnancy arrives, a pica compulsion mounts.
(As someone with a mild pica myself, I know how insidious this can be.)
The pace is deliberate, in keeping with unearthing Hunter’s deeper issue.
Psychological story flirts with female oppression, and the family stain.

Burt’s Buzz - 2013 - 6/10

Documentary about elderly Burt Shavitz, cofounder of Burt’s Bees product line.
Featherweight across the board, simply because this man talks little and while his story is mildly interesting, it is hardly compelling.
Suffice to say, in the 80’s, Maine resident Burt and fellow hippie female friend started selling beeswax candles, lip balm.
His backwoods, bearded image was used as logo and namesake.
Company enjoyed incredible success, Burt was bored, sold out for a trifle.
Don’t know whether to praise filmmakers for trying to make him appear entertaining, or to blame them for displaying this taciturn, slow thinking old man.
Shavitz died in 2015, by the way.

Mauprat - 1926 - 6/10

An infant aristocrat is kidnapped by a scoundrel and raised with bandits.
Of age, he meets his beautiful cousin, falls in love, and tries to amend bad habits.
Creaky Silent has too much melodrama and love misunderstandings.
The villainy and conflicts are exciting, yet there are not enough of those moments.
The print I watched was very good (though no audio).
Director Jean Epstein dissolve transitions are marvelous.
Reworked subs = https://subscene.com/subtitles/mauprat/english/2781723

Almost Human - 2013 - 6/10

Bit of a mistake, this. I had watched the Swedish series Äkta Människor, then decided I wanted to view the remake. Only I chose this buddy cop series instead of Humans.
This is a slick, empty headed failure. Glossy high tech, stereotype roles.
Angry cop, wise supervisor, nervous geek deep in his lab, mouthwatering chrome-femme colleague.
Angry cop’s new partner is a discontinued robot model (with synthetic soul, that way the actor doesn’t have to speak and move like other androids).
Plots are stale, outcomes predictably happy, dialogue is crap, acting stiff.
In the year 2048, there are still cellphones, cars, desk computers, nightclubs, as well as Frisbee sized drones.
There are noodle shops and plenty of booze. Blame limited imagination on producer J H Wyman (Fringe)
J J Abrams created the three-note opening music, yet the rest of the music, better, is by Crystal Method.
For the patient, by E10 the show finds its footing and voice. Original ratings tanked around that point.
For the first time, the underbelly of an elite city is shown, also a growing class divide between normal humans and genetically perfect ones, and rudimentary story arcs appear.
After E13, there are a couple of loose ends, but no annoying cliffhangers.
I have read it is canceled, I have read it is renewed. Eh.

Female Jungle - 1955 - 4/10

On the brink of stardom, a blonde actress is strangled outside a cheap dive.
Stumbling out of the bar is an off-duty detective, senselessly drunk.
He had been dating a blonde, he wonders. Was she … did he … He can’t remember.
Noir wannabe written, starring and produced by Burt Kaiser.
Poor script, amateurish direction sink this turkey. (Bad and boring.)
Director favors reaction shots and cutaways - lots of them.
John Carradine plays elegant, sinister artsy type, Lawrence Tierney coasts.
Everyone else overacts, or worse, wait for partners to finish lines so they can say theirs.
Film introduced new actress, all hips, lips and curves, Jayne Mansfield.

Farewell, My Lovely - 1975 - 7/10

“Find my Velma.”
And Marlowe is shanghaied into searching for the hulking Moose’s old flame.
Velma had disappeared seven years earlier, after Moose went into the slammer.
As Marlowe hunts, others seek furiously, and lethally, for Moose Malloy.
Two steps forward lead to one step back and two more sideways.
Police, prostitutes, murder, dope, nudity, language.
This is Film Noir, but it ain’t 1946 Noir. Actually, there are references setting this in 1941.
Historical namedrops: DiMaggio’s streak and Operation Barbarossa.
Cars, I was less sure about (I needed my father to nitpick there).
I switched the color to black and white at one point, but it lacked the depth and contrast to resemble Noir.
Exceptional homage, nonetheless, beautifully stitched tale of doom and betrayal.
Mitchum, John Ireland, Charlotte Rampling, Harry Dean Stanton, (a slim) Sly Stallone.

Remainder - 2015 - 6/10

A lone man, walking a crowded London street, notices windows shattering off a nearby skyscraper.
Next thing, something falls (appears to be scaffolding) smashing him to the pavement.
After months of rehabilitation, he returns to society.
His memories are shredded, but lawyers got him a £8.5 million settlement.
Naturally, his oldest, bestest friends - of whom he has no memory - are eager to assist.
To its credit, as the guy throws money to restore memories, the narrative goes in unexpected directions.
Answers and truth seldom equate to happiness.
Slow initially, momentum escalates, as does the violence.

Manson Family Vacation - 2015 - 6/10

Artistic, unemployed brother crashes with more successful attorney brother for a few days.
“Hey, while I’m in the neighborhood,” he suggests, “do you wanna check out homes of Manson murders?”
There’s the premise.
Viewers best expect creepy crawl.
Film begins in uncomfortable territory, yet the aim does not hold true.
Narrative gradually curves into an unexpected, and rather refreshing direction.
Note the title, note the subject matter.
Do not wander into this if you have qualms or get squeamish about outsiders.

Emptied - 2014 - 6/10

8:30 PM, the hygienist clocks out, leaving Dentist Charlotte alone.
Who remains to greet her late night patient, an “ex” of sorts.
Those who suffer dentophobia, stop now! Right now.
Visceral, gory short of the jilted and a pair of extractors.
Based, so the intro says, on true events (April 2012).

Gothic & Lolita Psycho - 2010 - 5/10
AKA - Gosurori shokeinin // ゴスロリ処刑人

Rough club in Neo-Tokyo caters to cage boxing, torture, blood wagers, Kimono fan dancers …
Parasol spinning girl arrives, resembling Cher having a bad hair day.
She slaughters everyone in the room, just to get at the first notch on her list.
Yes - vengeance. Flashback shows five black robed assassins murder her mother.
Truckloads of action and a fair bit of comedy.
The best “duel” was #4 with Lady Elle, a bubbly sort wearing skimpy schoolgirl duds.
This has decent fight choreography (I ran in slo-mo) with Elle pausing to chat on her weapon phone.
Plot is paper thin, the acting is broad and goofy (eyepatch Elle is a jewel, though).
Mindless fun for pre-teens any age.

Northern Soul: Living For The Weekend - 2014 - 7/10

Another documentary on the scene that flourished in Northern England from late 60’s to mid 70’s, stressing obscure hard soul songs hailing from the 60’s US.
The region - at least those particular clubbers - ignored psychedelia, bubblegum, heavy metal and just wanted music to dance the night away. None of that sitting and nodding stuff.
Athletic dance moves prefigure break-dancing, along with a juicy mix of stomping tunes.
This period has been covered in a couple other docs, but Living For Weekend seems target dated for the imminent release of the film version.
Packed with music, some of the usual clips, different shuffle of talking heads.
Should satisfy the curious and provide an easy introduction to Northern Soul.

Attack On Titan - 2015 - 6/10
AKA - 進撃の巨人

Fire up the barbeque grill!
Bygone, post apocalypse dystopia finds humanity lingering behind towering fortress walls.
Within fifteen minutes, the root of the apocalypse (100 years earlier) lumber inside.
30m tall, humanoid looking “titans” who soon get down to business.
Oh yes, carnivore chomping business. Preferred food - tasty humans.
Gore galore as the giants squabble over dainties and rip ‘em apart.
Technology being at subsistence level, survivors wage a losing war using blades, gunpowder and dwindling petrol.
Based on popular anime which was based on popular manga, this is an efficient distillation.
Moreover, this live action version loses the immature comedy and most of the leads are at least in their twenties, rather than teens and tweens.
Savory film with wings or ribs. Bon appétit.

A Long Way Down - 2014 - 6/10

Film launches with a disgraced television presenter preparing to jump from a towering building.
A woman approaches behind him, asking if he will be long. She’s in a hurry to leap.
Next, another female. Then a guy. You get the picture.
On New Years Eve, no less, and no one carries bubbly. No wonder they are depressed.
With group suicide as a beginning, how far down can it go?

Start asking yourself questions: Could these characters become unlikely friends?
Will they realize their miserable lives aren’t so miserable after all?
Will fun and laughter start creeping into their lives?
Large name cast wisecracks Nick Hornby’s feel-good novel.
This coulda shoulda been over in 2 minutes. Less talking, more jumping.

Murder In Mulhouse - 2021 - 5/10
AKA - Meurtres à Mulhouse

The corpse of a jogger is found under a mound of potash.
Leading the investigation is the lieutenant, who has lost custody of her son in a divorce.
Somewhat assisting the inquiry (why?) is the divorce attorney for her husband.
The attorney, her own brother.
Lackluster French mystery wanders aimlessly only to quickly resolve in a force-fit finale.
Take note of the suspects above. To the left. Yes, that one, Saint Nick.

Life Is Sweet - 1990 - 6/10

Lo, the pipedreams of the common lot.
Andy, restaurant cook, buys a beat up caravan, hoping to turn it into a gourmet wagon on wheels.
Meanwhile, best mate Aubrey opens a cafe tribute to Edith Piaf, Regret Rien.
Add two dysfunctional teenage daughters, and a chuckling Fate.
Understated comedy (British) scores in one amusing or inept situation after another.
Because this is a Mike Leigh film, I was bracing for a message theme.
Marvelous gem of hope amidst Life’s weeds.

A Gorgeous Girl Like Me - 1972 - 6/10
AKA - Une Belle Fille Comme Moi

Sociologist decides to write his thesis about jailbird, Camille, convicted of murdering at least two men.
She demands her banjo (to polish her nonexistent singing prowess) and she wants fresh nuts since the prison does not provide.
Sociologist is soon in over his depth as Camille’s lies, eyes, thighs and absurd stories befuddle him.
Frothy Truffaut comedy studded with nonsensical situations, foolish males who follow their wands, and a fast talking sorceress who offers petals freely yet takes and takes.

At one point Camille is handling four different men, putting the squeeze on each of them.
Funny, sexy, beguiling satire of the femme fatale.
The same actress played a bitter, vengeful vixen in 1969s La Fiancée du Pirate, but this is much more fun.

Sleuths, Spies & Sorcerers - 2016 - 6/10

Three part doc (of which I only watched E01, and am uninterested in the others) hosted by Andrew Marr
“Sleuths” charts the rise of detective fiction. Poe mentioned, but Sherlock seems the starting point.
From there, Marr details cozy, targeting Christie (though Sayers and Marsh referenced).
After WWII, hardboiled Americans Chandler and Hammett, then to modern masters Pym and Rendell and current Scandinavian dominance.
Show is about the works themselves, as well as trends - less about author’s personal lives.
Current writers discuss bygone scribes and their own processes.
Breezy, slight, though enjoyable. Marr a craggy host.

Frenzy - 1972 - 7/10

One of Hitchcock’s final films flirts with slasher territory.
London is menaced by the Necktie Killer, a vicious serial murderer.
The slayings are gruesome in this, as are some of the disposals.
Nonetheless, black humor runs like a giggling corpse throughout.
Scenes are an expertly arranged flow of suspense, uneasy laughter, deception.
If you know your Hitchcock chronology, this really makes up for several previous outings.

Nine Lives - 2016 - 5/10

Say you are a massively successful businessman, with titanic ego.
For her birthday, your small daughter asks for - again - a cat.
Instead of delegating your secretary, you yourself go to an obscure pet shop to get the feline.
And who’s running the cat shop? Mr Perkins, or as he would say, Purrkins.

Only wait! Before he can say, “I hate cats," the tycoon lies in a coma, his soul in the cat!
What to do, what to do?
I suspect because we are in an era of edgy television, family friendly movies tend to get overlooked.
Jennifer Garner, Kevin Spacey, Christopher Walken headline a comedy of a man who almost loses family and soul.
Warning - Cat haters, there are cat antics aplenty. Caveat emptor.

Sharktopus Vs Whalewolf - 2015 - 3/10

Yeah, I know, I asked for it.
Witless stupid sequel to an already awful movie.
This installment aims for a more comic approach (think Sharknado franchise), only the humor is on a three year old level.
Sharky is same old guy, whalewolf has expressive eyes and resembles Wile E Coyote.
Human actors are uniformly crappy across the board.
Lots of meals, aquatic tussles, blood splatters.
Still, I was bored.

The Heavy Water Wars - 2016 - 7/10
AKA - Kampen Om Tungtvannet

Norway gets occupied by Germany during World War II.
One of the factories the Reich is keenly interested in is Norsk Hydro, where they make fertilizer, ammonia.
Especially the by-product, heavy water.

Story relayed from four points of view:
The Nazis, British Intelligence, Norwegian Resistance, and Norsk Hydro management. The latter understood the huge profits to be made, plus they were keeping employees working.
Lavish production values, sumptuous sets (early on, worse as war prolongs).
Main threads follow the experiments race and the sabotage.
While this series boasts strong ratings, sabotage is not necessarily action.
Sabotage involves stealth, subterfuge, and invariably silence.
That may be challenging to the viewer demanding gun battles, fistfights, explosions, superheroes.
There are also several languages, meaning subtitles. γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Outstanding historical war drama for adults.
Note: For action diehards, Michael Bay has announced intent to film his version of this.
Tentative title - “Sabotage: A Genius Scientist, His Band of Young Commandos, and the Mission to Kill Hitler’s Super Bomb”
Expect stylistic differences, explosive action, superheroics, loud Bay trademarks.

Sundown - 2021 - 7/10

Probably one of those films best gone into cold.
British family of four vacations in Acapulco.
Money appears to be no object, and I try to decide between idle rich and criminals.
Then an emergency, the family must race back to England, except one has to remain.

Then the slow boil mystery kicks in. Why does he stay? Tell lies?
What is his relationship with the family?
For the patient, the story unfolds like a multi-petaled flower, new details adding answers and questions.
Tim Roth quietly effective as the subdued enigma.

The Real Jane Austen - 2002 - 7/10

Charming one hour documentary “written” by Jane Austen and hosted by one of her nieces.
Actors portray various friends and relatives as well as Jane. Their lines come from actual letters.
Host Anna Chancellor played Miss Bingley (the Colin Firth version) and is also a great - great … niece of Austen.
For hardcore Janeites, nothing is new, though hearing her juvenile works is a rare treat.
For newcomers, this will be informative without being heavy handed.
Breezy throughout with glowing photography and clips from numerous film adaptations.

Convoy Busters - 1978 - 6/10
AKA - Un Poliziotto Scomodo

Inspector Olmi shoots first, beats out confessions, doesn’t know his place.
In that he takes on high-status crooks with judicial friends.
Tired of the corruption, he leaves Rome for a small coastal precinct.
Where, wouldn’t you know it, illegal smuggling is ongoing.
High action Euro-Crime entry is an excessive gem.
Ugly murders, violent shootouts, great chases (including a gunfight between helicopter and getaway car).
Maurizio Merli, as always, makes a brooding anti-hero.