Vultural

Beware - Cooking Show Alert ! !

I watched four seasons of the US reboot of the British culinary show.
Eventually, I abandoned the US show in disgust. It was fraudulent, it was rigged, it was bait n hate.
The US FOX “reality" version was not about improving cooking skills, the focus was pseudo drama.
The hosts (presenters) ought to be ashamed.
One of the contestants (Ben Starr) had a revealing blog about what went on behind the scenes of the FOX trolls.
In comments, numerous souls suggested the Australian version.

MasterChef Australia S01 - 2009 - 7/10

From=the onset, when one contestant made a dismissive comment about another’s dish, the host gently chastised him with, “We’re not about that, mate. We are not that kind of show.”
This set a bar. Then there were elements omitted from US version because they were “boring.”
After a contestant was eliminated, the two host chefs gave remaining contestants a “Master Class.”
Top recipes with tricks and technique how to prepare.
When a winning team ate at a trendy restaurant, afterward they entered the restaurant kitchen to learn how to cook the dishes. Once a contestant won an individual challenge, they got to square off against a celebrity chef.
The challenger invariably lost, but they were coached and helped throughout.
This was how those home chefs picked up their “skills.”
Were there unseen backstage dramas, rivalries, other problems?
Cram 20 souls together and, of course, there will be friction. Those were not aired.
To its credit, the Australian version focused on individuals helping and supporting each other.
For viewers who prefer the positive experience, MC Australia is for you.
Those who prefer animosity, backstabbing, grudges (know thyself) MC USA is your poison.

Falling For Figaro - 2020 - 6/10

Successful financial fund manager, on the eve of a major promotion, decides she wants to be an opera singer.
Buckets of cash at her disposal, she drives to Scotland, where an ex-opera star, ex-vocal coach resides.
Will the soured diva take her on? Will our protégé fall for the coach’s assistant / student?
Predictable rom/com holds tight to formula.
Similar to 2013’s One Chance; in some ways better, in other ways poorer.
Those who watch the occasional rom/com, this will be endurable. For genre fans, irresistible.
Watch for Rebecca Benson as a terrified contestant whose brief role is hilarious and electrifying.

Prospero’s Books - 1991 - 6/10

Over-the-top adaptation of Shakespeare’s “The Tempest.”
A wizard living in exile attempts to thwart his daughter’s affair.
Not to spoil for those unfamiliar, but this contains vast stretches of nudity.
There is tremendous activity in every shot, from one end of the frame to the other.
This can be distracting, at times overwhelming.

Greenaway, after the success of The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, Her Lover was given free rein and he took full advantage.
Cinema at once self-indulgent and truly breathtaking!
Greenaway fell off my radar for awhile, but I enjoyed Goltzius And The Pelican Company, which in look and feel echoes Prospero’s Books.

The Young Marrieds - 1972 - 4/10

Playboy husband lunches at strip clubs, bangs bunnies in the woods, goes home to uptight wife.
How uptight? Well, they certainly do “everything” as far as sex-dial positions go.
He just wants her to be more outgoing, exhibitionist.
An omniscient narrator dispenses dime store psychology throughout in this hard core, moral tale.
Curious souls still investigate this movie because this was the last film from the prince of bad films -
Ed Wood Jr.
Vintage porn. Slow, dreadful acting, cheap looking in every way.
To be fair, the look (clothes, hair, interiors) was fairly spot on. Crappy dune buggys were a rage, too.
Music was instrumental rock at the club, lounge for thrusting.
Sleazy junk - Wood aficionados will need to seek this out.

A Very Curious Girl - 1969 - 6/10
AKA - La Fiancée du Pirate

Revenge film about the maltreated village slag.
After Marie’s mother is killed by a hit n run, and her pet goat comes to a bad end, she methodically gets even.
No more kissing and cuddling with menfolk to warm the nights. Now it’s, “Money first.”
Village men pay. And pay. Marie may not be easy on the eyes, but she is easy - - when cash is offered.
When irate wives refuse to give husbands money, the men barter watches or possessions.
When elders try to persuade her to cease, she offers a little persuasion of her own.
Even though this is likely set in the late 1960’s (a poster with Belle de Jour is in one scene), one gets a feeling this could have been set in Medieval France.
Look quick for Louis Malle as the penniless Spaniard, “no tengo dinero,” who scores, nevertheless!

Verdun: Visions d’histoire - 1928 - 7/10

Long (150 minutes) dramatization / reenactment of the historic battle for Verdun during World War I.
This is helped along with some stock footage, as well as maps, diagrams, and rough animation.
WWI had ended only a decade earlier, so original audiences would have been quite familiar with the history.
Tactics are shown for both German and French. Victories are noted, as are defeats.
British troops are referenced, but they were busy at the Somme.
Yanks would not enter the war until 1917, a full year after Verdun.
For history buffs - especially war buffs - this is interesting throughout.
“French” companion to the BBC series, The Great War (1963).

Dead Again - 1991 - 6/10

Branagh’s followup to Henry V is a Hitchcockian mystery.
A private eye accepts a client with amnesia, suffering terrible nightmares.
Strangers, it turns out they have something of a history. Perhaps.
The narrative is veiled there (unless you watch the trailer) and maintains good suspense.
Two mysteries begin to dovetail: a current story and a flashback.
Not full Noir, but elements used really enhance this, along with a few Gothic flourishes.
Derek Jacobi is delicious.
Old-fashioned whodunit, updated in a good way.

The Secret Life Of Books: S02 - 2016 - 6/10

Superior followup to the first series (S01 marred by inferior presenters).
This season is a trifle more “English” with several titles less known outside of Britain.
Episodes include Spenser’s “Faerie Queen,” Lear’s “Nonsense Songs,” Eliot’s “Mill On The Floss.”
Also “Confessions Of An Opium Eater,” “Cider With Rosie,” and “Swallows And Amazons.”
Each show is a mere 30 minutes. Hosts read from the book, talk of their relationship with it, and the legacy of book and author.
Book lovers need no recommendation. Others, this is a literary way to kill a half hour.

The Judas Breed (Mimic) - TMBTM

I saw Mimic years ago during a preview. Del Toro was in attendance to field questions, including the ever popular, “Is this film autobiographical?”
It played well enough that night, and I enjoyed it.
Disillusion set in swift once I bought a copy and watched at home.
Sloppy narrative, poor characters.
(For Sorvino in particular, Mimic was where her slide began.)

Video - Intelligent reconstruction throughout. Good editing and good choices of what to edit.

Audio - Clean 2-channel audio. Subs, yes, though unnecessary. All dialogue clear.

Narrative - This – this is where the edit gleams, even in the abandoned subway darkness. The story no longer bounces around, as if the flashbacks provided important information, but is more linear, more coherent. The annoying Chuy has been marginalized as much as possible, as has the “baby blues” theme. The “science” of the judas bugs remains sketchy, but this is not the film to overthink.

Enjoyment - For all its gloss and high octane cast, Mimic still cannot escape its cheap B-Horror roots. The last act is little more than a bug hunt and succumbs to cliches.
No mistake, though, this is better, much better, than the Del Toro original. Solid late night Horror. Even better if you watch in your friend’s roach infested home.

NOTE!! Sit through those credits! Two bonuses await.

The Empire Begins (Prequel 3-in-1) - Darth Awesome

Fan-editor Darth Awesome combines all three Star Wars prequels into a single viewing experience, running two hours forty minutes. The heaviest trims come from Phantom Menace. The main sequence is the duel between Darth Maul vs Obi Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn. For action fans seeking Clone Wars, this ain’t it. Though Darth Awesome describes it as rise of Empire, fall of Anakin, the story is really a character study of Anakin Skywalker, with all the good and bad that entails.

Video editing had nice transitions, a couple scene shifts were marvelous.
Audio 2.0 stereo. No subs. At any given time, dialogue was understandable, during combat, street activity, whispered conversations.

Not scratching here, but pointing things out. Planet Kamino barely appears, to me a startling omission. As noted, all but eight minutes of Phantom Menace was jettisoned. The battle on Geonosis was minimized. Duly noticed and missed. General Grievous, on the other hand, was no loss. I could go on and on, parts I missed, others I was happy to see gone. The narrative holds together, but this is a story about Anakin, and I don’t particularly care for this Jedi. Exchanges with Padme remain awful, specifically because of utter lack of chemistry between the leads.

Grumbles aside, Mr Awesome’s edit is OK. I rewatch E02 and E03 occasionally, E01 never. There is clever invention in this effort. Definitely recommended, especially to those who can tolerate the Christensen films. For those who hated them, I doubt this will improve your opinion.

The Killing Joke (Birds Of Prey) - Jack Tourette

Batman Consecution short.
I was / remain unfamiliar with the source material - never heard of, let alone saw - Birds Of Prey
The video quality was poor, the editing a bit heavy handed.
Audio was a decent 2-channel, dialogue clear.
The narrative was really interesting, however, and by the end I wanted a larger peek into that world.
As noted by another reviewer, this was also a pretty good Joker tale.
Enjoyed this a lot.

Boiling Point - 2021 - 7/10

Character study of a head chef nearing the end of his tether.
Andy, recently divorced / separated, has finally found a flat after a spell of homeless status,
The health inspector has just docked his restaurant a massive two points.
Main cause, sloppy paperwork, which one gathers is due to Andy’s personal problems.
Stressors include tardy employees, a food critic arriving, an old mentor, food shortages.
One thing after another.
The camerawork is spectacular, lingering on one character, then latching on to another.
After twenty minutes, I realized that had not been a single edit.
In essence, a one take feature. Spellbinding.

Viper In The Fist - 2004 - 6/10
AKA - Vipère au Poing

The boys live with grandma at the family chateau, unaware of their impoverished gentility.
Grandmama dies, however, and the parents grudgingly return from Vietnam.
Mother removes stoves from the boys’ rooms, decides they only need one blanket, cuts meals.
Removes them from boarding school, confiscates their toys, stabs hands when one speaks at the table.
She is determined to destroy their spirits.
The boys try to rebel, call their mother-from-hell “Freakso” behind her back, but they are so young.
Middle son is the strongest and the film becomes a battle of powerful wills.
Supposedly a watered-down version of Hervé Bazin’s novel of the same name.

I imagine someone could start a specific thread for Star Wars fanedits in that section of the forum.

For both of my review threads, I cleared the idea with MODs. They vetted banners and mission statements.
An index for each thread was essential. That must be alphabetized and hyperlinked to reviews.
Then it’s just maintenance. Login often, update the index.

I know some reviewers here also post in Reddit.
Possibly the Star Wars thread, too. I just seldom prowl around there.

Good luck.

6ixtynin9 - 1999 - 6/10
AKA - Ruang talok 69 // A Funny Story About 6 And 9

Bad luck, Tum is laid off from her financial office position.
Back at her apartment, unemployed, a box filled with cash is left outside her door. Good luck!
Surely, it’s a mistake. Well, finders keepers I always say.
Except for Tum, the criminals realize their error and come calling.
“Money? What money? I don’t know nothing about no money.”

And then, the bodies start piling up. As do comic situations.
Cheap looking, poorly acted, and yet this has an undeniable charm.
The exuberant energy of a cast having a blast making a movie!

Strange Report - 1968 - 7/10

Short lived, cult favorite holds up well after several decades.
Anthony Quayle plays retired police superintendent Adam Strange.
He is tasked with mysteries, peculiar or delicate.
Kaz Garas is his assistant who does forensics, chemical analysis, lab work.
Finally there is ex Dr Who girl, Anneke Wills, neighbor, artist, undercover infiltrator.
Unlike much of the era, this is not campy, no heroics, no flashy nonsense.
Being the height of the 60’s and Swinging London, the colors, fashions, sets are off the charts.
Plots include student unrest, Cold War intrigue, illegal immigration.
Show only ran 16 episodes (it was supposed to relocate Stateside, but actors declined).
Noteworthy for one the of the best, and catchiest, opening theme music ever.

Lost World: Jurassic Park - 1997 - 5/10

Considered the weakest of the original trilogy, yet my personal favorite.
Main reason - the sheer quantity of meals.
With two tyrannosaurs and a pack of velociraptors, one expects to see tasty kills.
This does not disappoint.
From the opening child (gutlessly explained away) to all those armed and experienced hunters to Fido.
Chomp chomp chomp!
Unfortunately, director Spielberg, at this stage of his career, was still pandering to his core soccer mommy audience.
So, violence and mayhem tinged, this is family friendly.
Another big problem is the script.
Most of the characters, so-called seasoned professionals, are astonishingly dumb.
For all its flaws, this is a guilty pleasure. I just wish someone could edit out the human stupidity.

Watt, D. P. - An Emporium Of Automata

Watt’s first collection, originally published in a small printing, is a sumptuous buffet. The stories are gathered into three sections, which Daniel Corrick, in the Introduction, offers a sketchy roadmap.
The opener, “Dr. Erbach’s Emporium Of Automata,” sets the tone. The seaside pleasure fair of a simpler age, pre-internet, where favored diversions include a peculiar museum of mechanical curiosities. Luring those whose curiosity is matched by their innocence.
One hundred and ten years old, what an age to reach! The sweep of history, what a life! Or was it such a life? She seldom did anything, aside from the annual holiday. After all, she was only “The Butcher’s Daughter”.
“Room 89” should strike an dissonant chord with M. R. James devotees. Weatherby decides to spend a month in Ryde. Diverting enough burg, close enough to other sites, towns, should boredom prod investigation. The proprietress is efficient, and he makes a steady friend in Major Turnbull. The room is another matter altogether. And yet, Weatherby keeps to a parsimonious budget, so cheaply bought, dearly paid, as they say.
The second section, on surface, are mostly mundane observations of Roberta. An odd creature, intelligent, morose, manipulative, dismissive, holding fixed opinions that she may, or just as likely may not, elaborate upon. I have known, and continue to meet, others of this type. Best avoided, should you ask me. Not so the various male narrators who share a morbid fascination for Roberta.
The third section is more difficult to categorize (possibly why Mr. Corrick was so vague in his intro). Tales wander through theatre and puppets, the fog of Kafka permeates. Traumatized villages and dimly remembered czar … or was that commissar? Less straightforward, less traditional, these nudge the reader off-axis into so much loose sand, only to abandon the baffled traveler.

War Of The Robots - 1978 - 4/10
AKA - La Guerra Dei Robot

One of the most ridiculous SciFi movies, and an absolute gem!
There must be 47 plots that careen wildly, launch from nowhere, dead end, so I’ll try to pick the main threads.
Brainy, old man scientist gets kidnapped by robots wearing blonde Prince Valiant style wigs.
No idea why he is snatched, but Space Command reckons he needs rescuing!
There are dumpy space battles - imagine the old arcade fave, Asteroids.
The Earth force arrives on some planet to engage in more battles with the blonde robots (who have knockoff light sabers), and ultimately aid a slave rebellion!

Add an alien empress - human, of course, betrayals, quest for immortality, plastic spacesuits.
Music is cheesy, the camera crops everyone, pisspoor dubbing.
There is a final space battle that goes on for what feels like five hours.
Clearly, film producers wanted to create a grandiose space opera to hop the Star Wars bandwagon, only they were utterly clueless and used the same tropes from sword and sandal epics.
Cannot stress how indescribably awful this is. Normal viewers - beware. Trash connoisseurs - whee!
Oh, if only this was available as a deluxe DVD with commentaries.

Friends - 1912 - 6/10

On surface, a lightweight love triangle.
Dora has two admirers. Dandy Jack and Grizzly Fallon.
While she prefers Dandy, he is breezy, and uninterested in a serious relationship.
When Grizzly asks for her hand, she must decide.
Griffith Biograph short boasts stellar cast (Mary Pickford, Lionel Barrymore, Henry Walthall, even a young Harry Carey).
These early Silent Westerns always stand out for costumes, a wild mix of hats and outfits, probably closer to what the West had been 20 years earlier. By the 1940’s, all cowboys appeared to have shopped at Miller’s Outpost.
This print comes from the Mary Pickford Foundation, and is clean, but has a modernist score of piano and repetitive synthesizer. It grew on me, yet it is essentially incongruous.

Queen Victoria’s Letters - 2014 - 7/10

Unexpectedly entertaining two part series on the Widow Of Windsor.
Victoria wrote an astounding 50 million words in journals and letters.
Many myths debunked here.
Until widowhood, she was used and abused by strong men.
She had a strong sense of humor, as well as a strong sex drive (9 children).
The memoirs published in her life were considered scandalous, and after her death her daughter Beatrice did serious redaction.
With so many, many journals, however, much abides.
Fine documentary for Anglophiles.

Marlowe - 1969 - 6/10

Once (If) you get past the idea of James Garner as Philip Marlowe, this will be a solid mystery.
Marlowe is hired by a corn fed, Kansas farm girl, looking for her wayward brother.
$55.00. It ain’t worth it. He refunds her money, tells her the brother should return in a month.
Just as well, as he is soon engulfed in a Hollywood scandal, gangsters, an icepick murderer.
Not to mention drugs, buxom women, and explosive cops.
Glossy, California Noir boasts piercing dialogue, as well as a neatly tangled script.
Wait around to watch Rita Moreno do a striptease number.
And midway in the film, holy moly, Bruce Lee is a study in controlled annihilation.

L’Étudiante - 1988 - 6/10

Breezy French romance.
Ambitious student, bracing for exhausting finals, enters steamy affair with musician.
Each barely has time for the other, even making time is possibly career destroying.
Yet they recognize they share a spark and recklessly hold onto the relationship.
They chase across the region trying to carve time for themselves, then hurry back to the classroom or concert appearance, exhausted.
A young Sophie Marceau is pouty and luscious.
Quite an 80’s experience, from music, to clothes, to the photography, to makeup, to the romantic attitudes.
One can’t help but wonder how much physical desperation has been lost in our era of love via digital.

The Big Steal - 1949 - 6/10

Confusing Noir set in sunny Mexico.
A military detective hounds Robert Mitchum, thinking he stole a military payroll.
Mitchum teams with Jane Greer, and the pair pursue con-man / ex-boyfriend who actually did the theft.
Film roars across the desert with high speed chases, fistfights, and treacherous alliances.
Logic disappears at times, but Mitchum’s easy nonchalance makes this enjoyable.

Audio commentary, by historian Richard Jewell, is dry with frequent lulls.
Most of it details the troubled production, such as —

• Howard Hughes had taken over RKO (which he would run into the ground).
• Robert Mitchum was busted for reefer and served 60 days during filming.
• Actresses declined to work with him, fearing their careers would be tainted.

These reviews are for fanedits. Some are Star Wars related, most are not.