TheBoost

Bingowings said:

All time covers a lot of ground...there must be worse films

Nope.

PSYCHO_DAYV said:

I DISAGREE WITH IT BEING THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

Sorry. Wrong.

TV's Frink said:

So, if it's worse than The Room, does that mean it is actually better?  And by better, I mean more enjoyable, of course.

Also, I thought you maybe had misspelled Enemy Mine.  Come to think of it, the plot description sounds similar...

That would have been #11, but I had to go gargle bleach.

ENEMY MIND

This is worse than anything by Uwe Boll. This is worse than 3 hours of Jar Jar Binks singing. It sounds like it was written by a twelve year old, acted by guys who couldn't make it playing trees in the third grade play, and edited by someone who had never seen a movie before.

Here's a link to the video-on-demand of it on Amazon. For two bucks you can have your mind BLOWN with awfulness beyond your imagination.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00444YOQ4/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_3?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B003WUYO66&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0XRQHXHYBE72YZ98KFYK

I am not exaggerating. I saw this flick because it was in my local video store, with a little sign that said "SHOT LOCALLY" at the nearby Salton Sea. Curious I checked it out. Now I have to rub icy-hot on my eyeballs to heal some of the hurt.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

I declare this the worst film ever made, based on that it is so bad I would give them a "D" if they were in my old Junior High video production class, and that's because the principal told me not to give "F"s for completed projects.

I would dismiss it totally and not even call it a real movie except that

• it has the voice of Ernest Borgnine, and was apparently done union.
• Somehow got into video-stores and at least on festival.

I could write all day about this movie sucking. To save myself the effort, I will write 10 points of terribleness, and consider myself expunged

1. Editing is terrible. Repeated actions, accidental frame flashes, continuity errors in probably 2/3 of all cuts. Most YouTube videos are better edited.
2. Production values 1. This is a low budget sci-fi flick. But in a scene where they find TIN CANS on the ground, the framing doesn't show the ground in order to hide that they didn't bother to have tin cans on set.
3. Production values 2. The hidden "Terrorist base" they go to is someone's tastefully decorated living room with tarps on the walls.
4. Production values 3. One of the character's shirt doesn't fit, giving his tubby white belly an appearance whenever he moves his arms.
5. The frame changes sizes. Apparently they zoomed in digitally on some shots, resulting in the letterboxes changing size.
6. Special Effects- 1. The spaceship on fire actually has the fire LEAVE THE FRAME AND GO OVER THE LETTER BOX!!
7. Special Effects 2- At the end a character with his eye burnt out has a digital "black" thing over his eye that totally fails to track with his motions. A smear of charcoal would have been better.
8. Dialogue- The Prisoner character says a line, and then immediately repeats that same line probably 3/4 of the times he speaks.
9. This is petty, but stupid screen names. The actors are XU RAZER and RYKEN ZANE! And the editor is BRIAN DELIZAREUX. Zane and Delizareux are actually the same dude, real name Brian Neil.
10. The acting. One of the two characters screams the entire movie. The other guy sounds really stoned. Ernest Borgnine is only a voice over, but he actually says "over" at the end of everyline, which got funny after a while.

In closing, if you hate yourself or want to make a drinking game, give this a view. Otherwise go rent "In The Name of the King" "The Room" and "Charlie St. Cloud" and enjoy real quality film.

ps.

here's the IMDB page, just to prove this movie exists.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1670229/

American Hominid said:

During the space battle, it would be nice to see the Falcons gunners like Han and Luke in 'Hope. I love those gun turrets and targeting screens and it would be nice to see shots of the battle from that view point, see another couple rebel characters in the film and add some cool shots of imperial fighters getting taken out. You could maybe even add a bit of dialog between them and Lando at one point.

Shots like this were filmed but cut.  Perhaps we might see them on the blueray release... ?

That dude is grizzled! I like it. He doesn't look like a young ILM employee.

I'd go with most, but arriving late, eating and drinking seem kind of petty.

The movies are a fun night out. If you want to enjoy art in an audience with rapt attention, go to film school or rent it.

I know it's been said before but ESB had the best script of the OT, great cast, and went way over time and budget to make it great.

Give Kershner one of the weak-to-mediocre prequel scripts, no pre-production, and Lucas's rigorously short shooting time, I don't think there's any guarantee of a much better movie.

SilverWook said:

Didn't the pod race course cross their territory? And the first time we see them in Star Wars, one is about to shoot at Luke's landspeeder. It's implied he's going out into a dangerous area looking for Artoo.

Luke tells Threepio it's too dangerous to go out at night because of Sand People. IIRC, Ani's mom gets grabbed in the morning, presumably when the sun is up, because nobody who's spent a lifetime living on Tatooine would be going mushroom hunting at night.

A simple kidnapping to gain a wife or slave might be in character. (Right out of old westerns.) The torture part makes no sense, other than to have Shmi croak the minute Anakin gets there, so he can go nuts right on cue. A nomadic tribe with limited sources of water can't afford to waste anything on keeping someone alive just to beat them.

 

 "Their territory" is a tricky concept if the Sandpeople are a nomadic people. "Dangerous areas" for settlers tends to mean places they haven't managed to kill off enough of the local nomads yet. I doubt there's a sign that says "NO TUSKENS" that the Sandpeople stop at. And since AOTC is 20 years before Star Wars I think it's a possibility that there were more Tuskens and less settlers, meaning more danger.

So Shmi was picking mushrooms, normally safe, but a group of Tusken Raiders picked that morning to go raiding (it's what they do) and she was unlucky enough to be caught. It's a risk people take settling in dangerous territory. No reason to assume she was 'dumb' at all or that it had to be dark.

Since Sand People, every time we see them do anything are in a state of active agression against the settled people of Tattooine, I don't see why its unlikely they would kidnap a settler if the oppurtunity arose. If they then beat/tortured/raped her (never made clear in the film) that plays right into their normal pattern.

Since 2 of the 3 times we see Sandpeople they are taking hostages, I disagree that they must lack the resources to take hostages. Instead I would say clearly they do have the resources, because they do it.

SilverWook said:

The impression I got of Sand people in the original was scary territorial nomads who are best avoided. The novel pretty much says this in the photo insert. The snipers on the pod race course are consistent with that.

If you follow the old school of thought about how Star Wars is a "space western", the sand people fill the same plot function as hostile indian tribes would.

Kidnapping Anakin's mom, and basically torturing her seems needlessly sadistic, even for them.

 I think given that we only have two actions to judge the Sand People on

• attacking, robbing, and abducting a young man for unknown reasons.
• Taking pot shots at people for no benefit to themselves

It seems odd to me to label kidnapping a lone defenseless women as somehow out of character. They seem like a pretty vicious people.

ChainsawAsh said:

The idea I've heard is that, since he "ceased to be Anakin Skywalker" when he turned to the Dark Side in ROTS, the Force ghost should depict him as he was before he turned.

I hate that line of reasoning because it is wrong.

Obi-Wan says "he ceased to be Anakin Skywalker." Vader says, "That name no longer has any meaning to me." They both think Vader is an irredeemable being, no longer Anakin. They are both wrong.

There's this other guy, Luke,  the hero of the movie, who points out that it's Vader's "true name" and that there is still good in him and that Vader really is Anakin Skywalker. In the end LUKE IS RIGHT. Everyone else is wrong.

doubleofive said:

Fang Zei said:

I found something interesting in a post over at the avsforum. This person's dad apparently sat next to John Lowry on a plane flight. Here's the relevant text:

"He also mentioned that they're working with the Star Wars movies again, and have gone back to the originals for the groundwork. This is probably for the 3d versions (I would assume the masters for use with the Blu-Ray set are finished already). He implied that this restoration means they will have restored versions of the theatrical Star Wars movies, but that they have had no indication from Lucas that the movies are in the pipeline for release in their theatrical versions."

Here's the direct link to the post:

http://www.avsforum.com/avs-vb/showpost.php?p=19486382&postcount=71

Friend of a friend who happened to know who John Lowry was got quotes that they're restoring the originals? I doubt it, but I won't let it not give me a shred of hope.

 That's nothing. My uncle's nephew's cousin was trapped in a broken elevator with Rick McCallum for 14 hours. Rick told him that Jar Jar was actually a US government experiment that CIA spooks made Lucas put in TPM, and that a totally restored OOT will be released, but "accidentally" packaged as collector sets of "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses II" so no one will ever see it.

It was all posted on the internet in code. Without the cypher it looked like a Twilight/Duck Tales fan-fic, so that no one would suspect the truth.

Bobocop said:

You should change it to Needa taking an escape pod and being intercepted, then brought to Vader :P

 Couldn't disagree more.

Needa as a character has one moment to be defined: He mans up and takes responsibility with Vader. That makes us like him and makes Vader more of a jerk for killing an honorable officer.

Changing this totally alters the character, makes Needa worthy of execution (he's now a deserter) and blows Vader's best line "Apology accepted Captain Needa."

I have about 10 British pounds, 20 euros, 3 Canadian dollars and maybe 70 Mexican pesos in my sock drawer.

They really aren't 'collections' as much as me forgetting to exchange my money when I get home.

adywan said:

 

I'm glad this was just a goof on us, but regardless, it sure is purdy.

Johnny Ringo said:

TheBoost said:

Johnny Ringo said:

I snapped his yesterday on my phone.

...Catholic Royalist... ...anarchist... I guess I can see the confusion.

for the record - this was in Australia.

Which explains why the "A"s are upside down.

xhonzi said:

coorporations - noun - a word created by theBoost whilst trying to put down corporations. 

;-)

I gave you an "e" in prequal, but it wasn't enough for you was it?!?!

ChainsawAsh said:

Darth Solo said:

Theres another George (it must be in the name) who seems to have lost their tallent lately aswell.

 

 

Yeah, The Walking Dead is pretty freakin' great.

But I disagree that George Romero has lost his talent.  I liked Survival of the Dead quite a bit.  It wasn't as good as the first trilogy (Night/Dawn/Day), but it was substantially better than Land or Diary.

 Well, it would have taken some kind of bizarre anti-genius to somehow be worse than Diary or Land.

On topic, when I was in college and frequenting dance clubs, there was a techno remix of The Cranberry's "Zombie" which made me uncomfortable to dry hump girls to a song about the horrors of war.

Just finished "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

What an excellent and compelling mystery. Great from beginning to end... ... ... except that after it ended the book went on for another fifty pages about the importance of sound financial journalism long after I stopped caring.

That's what you get when a financial journalist writes a mystery I suppose. Still a great book.

ChainsawAsh said:

The Eric Bana one ends with Banner hiding from the government in the Amazon, which is where the Ed Norton one begins.  Therefore, sequel.

All the actors are different, though, and the origin is completely different.  Therefore, reboot.

Why are WE the fans torturing logic to try and fit marketing labels on movies?

Here's what these words really mean.

• SEQUEL: Let's make another one! Maybe it'll even have some continuity!
• REBOOT: I can't think of any more ideas! Let's do another origin! Grittier this time!
• REIMAGINING: Lets have Tim Burton do the remake!
• PREQUEL: I'm out of ideas! Let's do an origin! Maybe it'll even have some continuity!

These words don't easily apply to the stories because they aren't words used by creators, they're words invented and promoted by coorporations.

TV's Frink said:

http://amondstien.wordpress.com/2008/03/29/the-empire-strikes-back-reality-bites-and-gen-x-love/

 Thank you Frink. I am now stupider for having read that.

If he in anyway compared the self-indulgent, masturbatory nonsense of "Reality Bites" to ESB, I have no time for him.

xhonzi said:

How critical are "monsters" to the Star Wars fiction?

ANH
Krayt Dragon (call and skeleton)
Dewbacks
Banthas
Dianoga

ESB
Wampa
Tauntaun
Space slug
Whatever eats R2

RotJ
Rancor
Sarlaac

It seems like something I don't strictly care about, but has always been a focus of the OT.  I don't think a lot of the EU concerns itself with monster scenes.  Unless it's reusing stuff from the OT.

 

I think the monsters in the OT were all a lot of fun, adding to the whole galactic fantasy feel. 

The EU is too busy writing treatises on the nature of good and evil to worry about fighting monsters. Except that rancors exist on every planet in the galaxy.

Frankly, I dislike the term 'reboot.' To me its right there with 'reimagining' as a marketing term for "yep, we're doing it again."

"The Incredible Hulk" could be called a lot of things. I think its just another Hulk movie that doesn't waste time on an origin or continuity. What's the point of a label for it?

James Bond and "The Simpsons," to me, are in the same boat. A series of stand-alone entertainments with only the rarest, weakest nods to any sort of continuity. Casino Royale was no more a 'reboot' to me an episode of the Simpson's that show Lisa being a baby. If the entertainment in question clearly has no concern with continuity, why should I?

nothing to see here. move along.

doubleofive said:

TheBoost said:

There was a "character just died montage." I've never seen that in print before. After we think Juno died, he actually REWRITES THE SCENES FROM EARLIER IN THE STORY. He literally describes the film montage we would see as if we were seeing it, not reading it.

I have to read some examples from this. How does that even work?!

 Apparently (I didn't check) he just cut-and-pasted hunks of prose from key points in the novel (Juno meeting Starkiller, their only kiss, etc) and just put them in a row, exactly mimicking the montage in the game (I assume, having not played it).

Bingowings said:

If Leia has the Skywalker impatience it would give her family tie to Luke some validity if they had previously came up with a long term plan but her emotional attachment to Han had got in the way.

As a Rebel leader Leia may be used to long waits and the risk of sacrificing comrades (just as Anakin and Luke would) but when there is a direct emotional attachment the Skywalker way seems to be to rush in and need rescuing.

 I smell what you're cooking here, but still think it's a bit of a stretch. Leia is a take charge kind of dame. She took over her own rescue in "Star Wars." I don't see her to twiddle her thumbs and wait for incopetent Luke to come back and save the day.