If I may make a suggestion for the framing of the first shot.
One of the cool things about the opening shot of A New Hope, that none of the other films have besides ROTS arguably, is the visual symbolism used to tell us everything we need to know about the two sides in a single shot. The Rebels are small, like the blockade runner, desperately trying to escape from the massive Empire, represented by the hulking Star Destroyer that passes overhead and made audiences’ jaws drop back in 77.
Could it be possible to create a shot in the vein of this opening with The Phantom Menace? What if when we pan down to Naboo, we can see the entire planet in the shot? Maybe the camera cold be even farther away, and Naboo could be relatively small, even smaller than the planet we pan down to at the beginning of TFA.
This could help show Naboo as beautiful, but isolated and vulnerable.
And for an entrance in the vein of the Empire’s great debut in ANH, numerous Trade Federation ships could enter the frame from every angle, from the top, the bottom, the sides, swarming the planet and slowly “blocking” our view of the planet. Controls ships, transports, even starfighters.
We could have a beat of silence similar to what you have in your mock-up, maybe a bit longer to help build audience anticipation, waiting for something to happen, then suddenly we hear the rumble and screams of starships as they pass the camera by. It might initially be strange for the Federation to approach from a farther distance, but the Empire Strikes Back actually set up the idea that ships can sneak up on a planet’s defenses if they jump out of hyperspace far enough away from the planet. Coming out of lightspeed too close to Hoth is what allowed the Rebels to know the Empire was coming, and led to Ozzel being “punished” by Vader. And since it seems like the Naboo government doesn’t know what is going on at first, this would line up pretty well with that idea.
It is possible rendering dozens of ships might be out of your range with your available equipment, though, so I understand if you couldn’t even be capable of doing this.
As far as the visuals go, I wonder if you desaturated the initial shot if it would help blend in with the rest of the scene, since the colors of the film seem a little muted and “filmic” rather than really popping out. Also, I felt that the engine glow was a little too intense for the control ships. If you also went with the idea I mentioned, I would suggest reinserting the shot of the transports entering the atmosphere, since an extra shot might be needed since the fleet starts farther away from the planet.
Also, not as relevant, but have you considered pitching Amidala’s voice up to not make it as deep throughout the film?
While I personally don’t like the use of TFA music, I understand why you wanted to add a little something extra to the music, although it would be nice if you could find alternate music from the TPM soundtrack or another previous one. Just my two cents on that though!
This is a pretty cool opening. The best version of this idea I’ve seen. Also really dig the voices for the Nemoidians! Good job so far.
EDIT: I would say TFA also has a metaphorical opening shot, with the shadow of the First Order blotting out the “light”.
This would be so dope, maybe a cold opening that starts with the villains could be done too