- Post
- #338489
- Topic
- Life Day is Coming
- Link
- https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/338489/action/topic#338489
- Time
Life Day, the cheerily secular high holiday of the Wookiee culture, is nearly upon us. You know what that means--Bea Arthur, cordon and knock searches, and presents! To build on this theme, how do you deal when you get things you don't like?
I'm am known by nearly all to be a big fan of Star Wars, comic books, and cartoons. The "fatal triangle" is what they called it when I got demoted to the least cool table at the high school cafeteria. But now I am a grown-up with a well-paying (not really) job, easy access to Amazon, and internet forums, so I can indulge my less respectable habits in private. Most of the time.
Christmas is that time when my less respectable habits become slightly more public. Well-meaning relatives think to themselves, "What does Scruffy like? He likes comics, cartoons, and Star Wars!" And I have to hand it to them, they really nailed the whole triangle this time. And so did LucasFilm marketing, those curs. I imagine a scene something like this played out:
Scruffy's mother hadn't seen her son in ages, but she wanted to make this Christmas something special. She had repeatedly asked Scruffy what he'd like Santa to bring this year, but Scruffy was always noncommittal. "I really have everything I need," he said. Or, "An Amazon gift card will do nicely, or order something off the Amazon wish list." But Scruffy's Amazon wish list was huge, with hundreds of obscure comic books, language texts, CDs, and DVDs of canceled TV shows. If only fate would deliver something into her hands, Scruffy's mom would wrap it up, put it in a box, wrap the box, put the box in another box filled with styrofoam packing peanuts, cover the whole thing in tape, and mail it off right now.That's when fate ... or the Force ... delivered. It delivered a DVD of the animated Clone Wars movie, packaged with a hefty-looking digest-sized comic. Scruffy would love this! Scruffy's mom promptly purchased the DVD, wrapped it up, put it in a box, and ... well, you remember the rest.
Fast forward ten or eleven days. Scruffy picks up a package, and finds Christmas presents in it. Christmas isn't for weeks yet, but no sense in letting gaily-wrapped boxes take up space when he could just unwrap them and enjoy the contents. Deferred gratification isn't worth giving up storage space for. He tears the paper away from the DVD-sized parcel, not knowing what to expect, and encounters what he least expected: the distorted faces of CGI Yoda, Hayden, and Ewan glowering at him next to a dual-pistol wielding clonetrooper. Oh, the humanity!
The question now is, what do I do with this accursed thing? I briefly--VERY BRIEFLY--considered opening it, watching the movie, and reading the pack-in comic. Then I realized that that would seriously damage my OOT-purist cred. Now I'm considering just giving it away, or even regifting it. I'm not sure who would want it, so right now my plan is to leave it in a public place and hope someone takes it. I would prefer to return it to the Target of Doom from whence it came, denying LucasFilm the small bit of profit they nefariously got from my mother, but that's not feasible right now. Any suggestions?
Alternate topic: Has your public confession of love for Star Wars ever led to particularly unwanted gifts?