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Montcalm

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Join date
8-Aug-2003
Last activity
29-Sep-2012
Posts
306
Web Site
http://mapledogart.blogspot.ca/

Post History

Post
#209095
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/209095/action/topic#209095
Time
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
_______________________________________________________________________________________
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

Post
#156889
Topic
Lucas Did Not Think about It
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/156889/action/topic#156889
Time
http://img365.imageshack.us/img365/8519/gl6hk.jpg

I was thinking about this^ Lucas is against colorizing B&W movies,which made think since he believes he can edit reedit and reeedit Star Wars as much as he want,we could tell him that if the producers of these old B&W movies could have made the movies in color they would have,and if some were alive today they might want their movies colorised,which in relation to GL and modifying SW they too or their families can say they want the movies colorised.
Post
#156238
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/156238/action/topic#156238
Time
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American
churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando,
thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line
to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American
thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this
was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby
nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to
heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you,"
said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston,
and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the
same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to
see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Montreal, and again,
there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it
read "10 cents per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son, it's a local
call".
Post
#154960
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154960/action/topic#154960
Time
Basic Rules For Driving In Montreal


1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Montreal driver
never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody
else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered
going with the flow.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects
it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want
your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete
stop at all stop signs.

6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the
left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before
hitting the orange construction barrels.

7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Quebec is a no-fault insurance province and the other guy doesn't have
anything to lose.

8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake
pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch
your legs.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good
way to scare people entering the highway.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
are apparently not enforceable in the Montreal area during rush hour.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn't mean that a Montreal driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during
rush-hour traffic in Montreal.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Montreal is the home of high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the SAAQ, which puts potholes in key locations to test
drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

15. It is traditional in Montreal to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes.

16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left
before proceeding.

17. Remember that the goal of every Montreal driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary.

18. Real Montreal women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye
makeup at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

19. Real Montreal men drivers can remove their girlfriend's panties and
bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

20. In the Montreal area, flipping someone the bird is considered a
Quebec salute. This gesture should always be returned.
Post
#154013
Topic
Asterix
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/154013/action/topic#154013
Time
As a French-Canadian,i've read almost all of the Asterix comics saw the animated movies and the 2 live action adaptation with Gerard Depardieu as Obelix,btw Roberto Benigni was funny as Detritus

EDIT: BTW i looked at IMDB to be sure,and the first Asterix animated movie was made in 1967
Post
#152537
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/152537/action/topic#152537
Time
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the
seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of
satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look
Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said,

"What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while
Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over
there is a continent of black people,"

God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass
in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's
Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains,
lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line.

The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous
and they're going to be well-liked as they travel the world. They'll be
extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What
about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm
putting next to them."
Post
#123795
Topic
Jokes thread : Reloaded
Link
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/123795/action/topic#123795
Time
Ace Pilot

Zack volunteered for military service during WWII. He had such a high
aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot
camp.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the
base.

All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately
to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6
Japanese Zero's. Then climbing up to 20,000 feet he found 10 more Japanese
plans and shot them all down, too.

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier
and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy ,
climbed out and jogged over to the Captain.

Saluting smartly, he said, "Well, Sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The Captain replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!!"