It went great! But it was in a church, and with all that has been happening to me lately, that was very stressful. Luckily, I hid it from my parents. Luckily, I was able to appear normal and not ruin anything for anybody. So that was good, at least.
Today is my brother’s wedding.
Mike O, I don’t know what to say, but hang in there. And always feel free to rant, even if no one responds. It’s good to share rather than keeping everything inside, even when we can’t offer you any help.
I’m sick of hanging in there! I’m sick of shrinks I’m too cowardly to listen to, I’m sick of doctors and psychiatrists and pills! I had to cut my medication in half because I was sleeping for 14 hours at a time, and now I feel I’m facing some sort of withdrawal or something. I’m sick of my life, I’m sick of being a prisoner in my own fucking head, my dad went off on one of his tangents watching far-right videos (I don’t agree with practically any of his politics). I shrugged it off and moved on. Barely thought about it. Why can’t I do that with Matt Dillahunty and AronRa? Why? Why? Why can’t I? Why?
I want to come home from work and relax. I want control over asmy fucking thoughts back. I want to be able to see a priest or a crucifix without spiraling into a panic attack. I have had enough of this shit. I just can’t control it. And it doesn’t feel like I ever will again. I feel so broken.
You’re right that sometimes I come here to rant, and I’m sorry if I dump on others. Sometimes I just need to get this stuff out.
Well, the psychoanalysis evaluation didn’t reach my psychiatrist. They fucked up, in layman’s terms. They were also supposed meet with my mother, and someone fucked that up too. Not encouraging. I turned 30. I’m disappointed that as a virgin, I did not receive my wizard powers. I started splitting the medication I was on because it was making me a fucking zombie who slept 18 hours a day. If I’m honest, I secretly liked that because being asleep meant I didn’t have to think.
I’m in hot water at work, my manager pulled me into the office and bluntly told me I’m not moving fast enough and that I could get transferred or lose my job if I don’t scan more items more quickly. No customers have complained, mind, I’m just not meeting with their statistical standards. I called my union boss, almost crying, and she never called back. We’re doing a remodel which means a big chunk of our checkouts are closed and even our main restrooms. I’ve been getting really good hours lately, but the stress of work is almost unbearable. And I need my job for money for all kinds of things, not to mention my insurance to pay for my therapists I don’t listen to, psychiatrists, and especially medicine which isn’t helping. I’ve been miserable at my job for over a decade, but I’ve never made any effort to get another, resigning myself to a “devil you know” situation. Now I’ve accumulated 11 years of seniority and I almost feel like I can’t leave. It’s all I know.
Then there’s the crisis of faith that I think has culminated in me losing faith. Yes, apparent YouTube videos were all it took to shake my “faith.” Some fucking faith. The melodramatic way I articulated it was by saying that I feel like I’ve lost something essential to myself and feel broken without it. For someone who barely thought about faith for many years, suddenly I’ve become obsessed. I’m so scared, existentially, spiritually scared. I just don’t know anymore. Maybe this isn’t fixable.
Fuck, I’m sorry for the pity party. I just needed to get some stuff out.
Well, I see my psychiatrist tomorrow for the first time in about five weeks. I have no idea how it’ll go. I’ll be honest and hope for the best, by it’s hard to be honest when you aren’t even sure about things yourself.
Sigh. I’ve had TWO WEEKS of vacation. Lots of people would die for that. I’ve TRIED to fight against my depression and OCD, but it’s so hard. I’ve gone out with friends twice, with family once (going to be twice, and hopefully three times), but I can barely enjoy ANYTHING. I have to go back to work on Monday, and can barely stand the the thought, but it’s not like I’m deriving any pleasure from my time off. I had a huge compulsion binge today. I’m beginning to think that I’m going to have to live with the fact that my faith is cracked, and just can’t deal with it, but that’s still no reason for this obsessive behavior and thoughts.
I completed a psychoanalytic evaluation. I’m depressed and obsessive, which I could’ve told them, but apparently I’m a therapist’s dream because I’m self-aware and full of potential. But I couldn’t even DO the ERP my last therapist assigned me. I didn’t listen, then I complain that I don’t feel better. I kind of wish I could apologize to him. I just…feel stuck. If I’m not willing to put in the effort, I waste a therapist’s time. They’ll be submitting my analysis data to my psychiatrist, and hopefully he’ll recommend someone. I see him again in a week or two. But my mysterious compulsion to do things multiple times isn’t getting better in the meantime even after I indulge the compulsions. I’m tired of this. I just want to sit down and watch some TV or read and relax. I want my brain back. What’s happening to me? Why is this happening to me? I was fine a year or so ago, and had REAL problems. This is so fucking stupid.
At some point both SE and OOT versions will be available. It might not be until the copyright expires and the films enter the public domain, but eventually the OOT will be available to new viewers as long as it’s preserved.
When the two versions are both made available on equal terms, it’s obvious which one will be more often viewed.
I really hope you are right, but my faith diminishes every passing year.
This.
I think I am starting to hate Father Day.
I’m sorry, Warbler. I wish I could offer some condolences that didn’t sound empty and hollow. I’m so sorry for your pain. Don’t apologize. Take comfort in what you can and as much time as you need to heal, in as much as you can.
My doctor raised the Abilify up to 10mg, and I was a way over-medicated zombie. My psychiatrist reduced it as well as the Klonopin (which is good; I asked him to), but many, I didn’t factor in the withdrawal and readjustment. I go in for more full-on psychological testing on Monday, a couple of hours worth. I hope some good comes of it.
Work is fucking unbearable; I’ve almost gone home sick several times, and I can’t just stop working. Something needs to be done about this FAST. I’m frightened.
My doctor raised the Abilify up to 10mg, and I was a way over-medicated zombie. My psychiatrist reduced it as well as the Klonopin (which is good; I asked him to), but many, I didn’t factor in the withdrawal and readjustment. I go in for more full-on psychological testing on Monday, a couple of hours worth. I hope some good comes of it.
Have you gotten any help at all?
What absolute horror. I can’t even imagine your pain, and I’m so sorry.
https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&q=star wars unaltered trilogy
Some info on when people have searched for ‘Star Wars unaltered trilogy’.
In short, there were small spikes in 2006 and 2011, then people cared a whole lot right when TFA came out, then cared a bit less when Rogue One came out.So I’d say it’s obviously a good idea to create a stir when it coincides with a major movie release or a blu-ray/4K release of the OT.
Rian Johnson is not a fan of the SE if this tweet from January of 2011 is any indication:
https://twitter.com/rianjohnson/status/23164864209887232
Granted, this was still more than three years before he was hired for Episode VIII, but I’m sure his feelings on the matter haven’t changed.
People were still replying to this more than four years later in August of 2015. It might be worth replying to it and/or liking it and/or retweeting it on the 25th.
I mean, he never deleted it so…
I’m sure Disney would rather no know he said that, and his opinion has probably “changed” in the wake of getting hired.
I’m on vacation this week. I’ve slept through like half of it. God, I hate living like this.
Nobody’s replied to you, Mike, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t heard you. There’s just not much we can offer to help, at least me. But we are listening.
Hey, and that’s kind of you. You guys can only do so much, and you aren’t obligated to do much of anything at all. So thanks, is what I’m saying.
People, and by that I suppose I mean nearly everyone, just don’t understand mental illness at a fundamental level. People suffering from it, living with those suffering from it, and pretty much everyone they encounter in their daily lives. They wish for magic wands that can make it go away–medications that are “cures” rather than “managers”, psychotropic drugs without any side-effects, drugs that always work the same way for everyone at every time, unicorn and rainbow stuff. And why shouldn’t they wish for that? Mental illness really is scary. Your mom wants to wave a wand and have her smiling son back, no medicines, no side-effects. And shit, man, it sounds like you’d like that too. You’re just a little closer to the truth of the daily struggle than she is.
I’d fucking love that. Unrealistic as it is, I know how tempting it sounds.
I wouldn’t begrudge people for wishing for things that are never going to happen–it’s a coping mechanism. Not a great one, I agree, but that’s what it is. Explaining the experience of having mental illness to someone else is a Herculean task. But it’s your family. Even if you don’t get it across, it’s worth repeated attempts.
Do your best. It’s the most any of us can hope to do. I can also say if it helps that cracked faith still manages to work pretty well sometimes, although it works differently than the pre-cracked variety.
Lately it’s an obsession with a video about an abortion debate. Let’s just say it’s not a fucking step up. It’s like 100 times worse. Which would be funny if it weren’t destroying me AGAIN.
Sorry I haven’t been around much lately due to life, but I wanted to echo what CatBus said!
Thanks, Iron Man 😉.
Abilify is up to 10mg. The doctor said I can experiment a little with the Klonopin. My mother is a nervous wreck about sucking down there psychotropics. The side effects so far-fatigue and soreness-suck, and the intrusive thoughts still sort of come and go. I know, it’s been a few days, be patient. But fuck, it’s hard. My fat butt has gained a little weight too, and unhealthy. To be fair, all it does is rain; I may excercise if it ever warms up. God, this is hard. I’m scared of the drugs and the side effects, but when they help even a little, I want to say “gimme more.” Klonopin is a Benzedrine, and I’m really scared of the prospect of addiction. I just want to be fucking normal again.
I don’t see that you’re “sucking” down the psychotropics. You are taking them as prescribed which would be in a timed fashion per day. As for the exercise … there is plenty you can do at home when weather is inclement. If you are truly worried about the Kolonopin then maybe you should just ask for something else due to your fear. As long as you respect the medication and only take it as prescribed you should not be worrying about something that might be helping you.
I’d like to ask what you consider “normal”? Maybe understanding the actual goal you are trying to reach would help your parents and those of us that support you do so better.
“Normal” would be back to the way I was before this happened. With my faith cracked, I don’t know if that’ll ever be possible again. Ever. I’m concerned about the side effects too, sleeping all day and this endless exhaustion. I’m going to tell my doctor about it next time I see him. But then we’re back to square one with the medication roulette. I’m see the actual diagnosing psychologist in a few weeks, so it’s not like I’m relying solely on medicine.
Warning: rant coming. And a long one. Got into it a little bit with my mother last night. Since I’m sleeping too much and frequently lethargic, my mother is upset, and so is my dad, that I’m on too much medication and I’m kind of becoming a zombie. Now, they have a good point. And I’m currently questioning if the medication is helping as much as it should. But I think that they think it’s just my depression, and they both have that. It’s not. It’s also this pseudo-OCD, and I can’t talk to my mother about that at all because of the religious nature of it. It takes time for your body to adjust to medication, and medication has side effects. I get that. And I’ll be honest, both my dad’s doctor and my psychiatrist scare me a little. I’ve never been assertive with authority figures. And the medicine does help. Sometimes. Somewhat. They don’t know how I feel. And it does take time for your body to adjust. But I’ve had that time, they argue. And given that it’s been months, they aren’t wrong. But in a way, I think I secretly like it. Sleep is the ONLY respite I get from this. So if I’m sleeping more, what’s so wrong with that? Other than, you know, sleeping my life away and wasting it. It’s hard to see any further into the future than the end of my shift at work with the condition I’m currently in. I’m just SO sick of fighting. I don’t have the strength to do this day after day, this isn’t much of a kind of living.
“You’re on too much medication!” She says. She’s probably right. I don’t know anymore. But this is a constant battle. Like they said, I’m going to have to exercise every day, work at this every day. Medicine isn’t magic. There’s no simple solution. This just came out of nowhere a year or so ago, prior to which I was fine except for my frustrating inability to move forward with my life. Now there’s this mess. And it’s just not getting better. I say I’m trying. Am I? I am, but not as hard as I should. But that’s hard. It’s hard to fight and live like this every fucking day. I need some way to stabilize it and control it. I’ll never be back to normal. My faith is too cracked now, and too much damage has been done. But maybe I can repair something and try to regain what’s left of my life, rebuild it somehow. But that’s sure a lot easier said than done. It just seems like a no-win situation.
What’s most frustrating is that with my brother’s wedding coming up, my mother is almost angry with me. She insists that I’d better smile through the whole thing, horrified a single picture will really show me, and wants me walking every day because of the damn weight gain she’s alleging she sees from the medicine. I bluntly think this is pretty unfair. I’m hurting. I hurt a lot. And she’s concerned about how I look in public? It’s hard enough to function at work. I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit angry with her that she so damn concerned about public appearance that she isn’t necessarily taking my feelings into consideration as much as she should. Or least is much as I think she should.
I do have one or two questions if you’d consider indulging me. What exactly were you like before you really noticed the change and what do you believe actually tipped the scales and caused the change that is affecting you?
I am sorry that your parents may not be taking this as seriously as you obviously would like them to be. You want them to be parents and not critics. It can be difficult considering the religious factor and maybe whatever their upbringings have brought to the table for them. We ARE here and we ARE listening. Please keep communicating with us as you can.
We support you Mike.
I’m not sure. I was reading a message board a year or so ago and someone made a snarky anti-religious comment, and it all kind of spiraled from there. Like I’ve said, I wasn’t exactly super-religious to begin with, so I don’t know why this happened all of a sudden. It just came out of nowhere.
My parents are supportive, don’t get me wrong, my mother is just probably the one from whom I inherited some of this, and she’s obsessed with having everything perfect for my brother’s wedding. I think the both feel as impotent and angry as I do at being unable to help me because they love me so much and wish they could. And I know they do, in both cases. It just frustrates the hell out of all of us, but I think me most of all since I want to just be fucking normal and enjoy life again.
Thanks to you guys for being here and listening. It’s nice to have a place to go vent, if nothing else. I appreciate the kindness and continued support of everyone here.
Abilify is up to 10mg. The doctor said I can experiment a little with the Klonopin. My mother is a nervous wreck about sucking down there psychotropics. The side effects so far-fatigue and soreness-suck, and the intrusive thoughts still sort of come and go. I know, it’s been a few days, be patient. But fuck, it’s hard. My fat butt has gained a little weight too, and unhealthy. To be fair, all it does is rain; I may excercise if it ever warms up. God, this is hard. I’m scared of the drugs and the side effects, but when they help even a little, I want to say “gimme more.” Klonopin is a Benzedrine, and I’m really scared of the prospect of addiction. I just want to be fucking normal again.
I don’t see that you’re “sucking” down the psychotropics. You are taking them as prescribed which would be in a timed fashion per day. As for the exercise … there is plenty you can do at home when weather is inclement. If you are truly worried about the Kolonopin then maybe you should just ask for something else due to your fear. As long as you respect the medication and only take it as prescribed you should not be worrying about something that might be helping you.
I’d like to ask what you consider “normal”? Maybe understanding the actual goal you are trying to reach would help your parents and those of us that support you do so better.
“Normal” would be back to the way I was before this happened. With my faith cracked, I don’t know if that’ll ever be possible again. Ever. I’m concerned about the side effects too, sleeping all day and this endless exhaustion. I’m going to tell my doctor about it next time I see him. But then we’re back to square one with the medication roulette. I’m see the actual diagnosing psychologist in a few weeks, so it’s not like I’m relying solely on medicine.
Warning: rant coming. And a long one. Got into it a little bit with my mother last night. Since I’m sleeping too much and frequently lethargic, my mother is upset, and so is my dad, that I’m on too much medication and I’m kind of becoming a zombie. Now, they have a good point. And I’m currently questioning if the medication is helping as much as it should. But I think that they think it’s just my depression, and they both have that. It’s not. It’s also this pseudo-OCD, and I can’t talk to my mother about that at all because of the religious nature of it. It takes time for your body to adjust to medication, and medication has side effects. I get that. And I’ll be honest, both my dad’s doctor and my psychiatrist scare me a little. I’ve never been assertive with authority figures. And the medicine does help. Sometimes. Somewhat. They don’t know how I feel. And it does take time for your body to adjust. But I’ve had that time, they argue. And given that it’s been months, they aren’t wrong. But in a way, I think I secretly like it. Sleep is the ONLY respite I get from this. So if I’m sleeping more, what’s so wrong with that? Other than, you know, sleeping my life away and wasting it. It’s hard to see any further into the future than the end of my shift at work with the condition I’m currently in. I’m just SO sick of fighting. I don’t have the strength to do this day after day, this isn’t much of a kind of living.
“You’re on too much medication!” She says. She’s probably right. I don’t know anymore. But this is a constant battle. Like they said, I’m going to have to exercise every day, work at this every day. Medicine isn’t magic. There’s no simple solution. This just came out of nowhere a year or so ago, prior to which I was fine except for my frustrating inability to move forward with my life. Now there’s this mess. And it’s just not getting better. I say I’m trying. Am I? I am, but not as hard as I should. But that’s hard. It’s hard to fight and live like this every fucking day. I need some way to stabilize it and control it. I’ll never be back to normal. My faith is too cracked now, and too much damage has been done. But maybe I can repair something and try to regain what’s left of my life, rebuild it somehow. But that’s sure a lot easier said than done. It just seems like a no-win situation.
What’s most frustrating is that with my brother’s wedding coming up, my mother is almost angry with me. She insists that I’d better smile through the whole thing, horrified a single picture will really show me, and wants me walking every day because of the damn weight gain she’s alleging she sees from the medicine. I bluntly think this is pretty unfair. I’m hurting. I hurt a lot. And she’s concerned about how I look in public? It’s hard enough to function at work. I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit angry with her that she so damn concerned about public appearance that she isn’t necessarily taking my feelings into consideration as much as she should. Or least is much as I think she should.
The exploitation of our nostalgia to sell the new movies and shows is a valid criticism. Touché, SilverWook.
But for me it goes even deeper. The Exorcist and Apocalypse Now were both revised and yet we can still view all versions in modern quality. Neither “Episode IV: A New Hope” nor its 1997 special edition won six academy awards in 1978, Star Wars did.
All versions of Close encounters of the third kind, all versions of Blade Runner… (and what about THX1138? I know it’s not Lucasfilm, but still…)
The theatrical cut of THX 1138 isn’t on the disc. Meaning I’ll never be able to see it, in simplest terms.
Well, my username is supposed to be hanshotfirst1138. I’m not quite sure how I fucked up and used the wrong name when I created my account.
USERNAME: “Duracell” and “Energizer” fused. In retrospect, I wish I had gone with “Duragizer” instead.
Have you asked Jay to change it?
I guess I could, but that’s not what everyone here knows me as now.
Abilify is up to 10mg. The doctor said I can experiment a little with the Klonopin. My mother is a nervous wreck about sucking down there psychotropics. The side effects so far-fatigue and soreness-suck, and the intrusive thoughts still sort of come and go. I know, it’s been a few days, be patient. But fuck, it’s hard. My fat butt has gained a little weight too, and unhealthy. To be fair, all it does is rain; I may excercise if it ever warms up. God, this is hard. I’m scared of the drugs and the side effects, but when they help even a little, I want to say “gimme more.” Klonopin is a Benzedrine, and I’m really scared of the prospect of addiction. I just want to be fucking normal again.
A “no” would almost be more satisfying because then we’d at least have some answer. Disney’s silence on the matter just confuses things more and more. But I doubt they’d answer us. If Jay still has all the e-mail address of the petition signers (and I think we should still have the petition), then what the hell, bombard them with letters (What address?) even if the answer is “fuck off.”
Cue 10 pages of pointless speculation.
That’s the state of things and will be until Disney makes an official announcement, which they seem to have no interest in doing.
I’m fucking sick of shit. “Oh, wait for the 40th anniversary, oh wait for May 4th, oh Wait for 2020.” Fuck this shit. I’m not getting any younger.
Kennedy’s comments make it sound 100% certain that the OUT is never coming.
I just can’t wrap mt head around this translation of what was said. All she said was that she wouldn’t make further changes to the SE. It’s a totally different subject. What am I missing?
It sounds to me like she’s saying these are the final versions, the end.
Doctor raised up the Abilify. My mother is more than a little concerned about Lemnos taking three different psychotropic drugs. He told me I can take more of the Klonopin, but frankly, it’s a Benzedrine, and I’m a little scared to. I’ve heard lots of addiction horror stories. I’m still on the Prozac as usual. Part of me just keeps saying “give me more until I feel better,” but part of me is scared that I’m too reliant on them or have too much faith (heh) in them. My dad just approached me, saying he’s sad to see me so miserable and my mother is deeply concerned about the drugs. The doctor is an odd guy, but he’s a professional MD, and my dad’s trusted him for longer than I’ve been alive. I’m just scared. My dad just sat down and said it hurts him so much to see me so miserable and mother is deeply worried about the medications. I hate hurting them almost more than I hate how much I hurt.
I hope I don’t monopolize this thread. God knows, there are other people here with problems.
You’ll probably get more detailed and correct info here:
http://originaltrilogy.com/discussion/How-Tos-and-Technical-Discussions/id/12
But the basics are: TSMuxerGUI can create a BD-compliant file structure from an MKV, and ImgBurn can make a BD-compliant disc from a file structure. How much more complexity you want to add on top of that is up to you. TSMuxerGUI creates an auto-playing menuless BD that repeats when done. I like that (except the repeating part, which is fixable), but if you like menus then you have a lot more work ahead of you.
As for disc art, my only suggestion is for God’s sake do not use those printable adhesive labels. Use real printable discs or a sharpie. Those adhesive labels can lose their adhesion in a warm environment (such as inside a piece of electronics), and then gum up the inside of said electronics. Not super likely, but way more likely than having the man come down on your for downloading a fan edit 😉
What about case art? This sounds more complicated than I thought. Maybe I should just skip the menu.
Well, my username is supposed to be hanshotfirst1138. I’m not quite sure how I fucked up and used the wrong name when I created my account.
So how’s can I make a customer cover and stomp the discs 😉?