McFlabbergasty

Tremendous improvement! I'd watch it all day. Nice humanization of the characters, particularly the relationship between Obi-Wan and Padme. Seeing Obi-Wan as a younger and less confident man would have made a great parallel to Luke.

I would never write the prequels like this myself because I think it's still too close to the Lucas PT, but I'd enjoy watching them anyway.

More of Episode I to come soon. I'm trying not to let it all too quickly because I'm still unclear about the course of Episode II: The Dark Times Begin. This happens to me a lot, though. The middle part is generally the one I find to be the most difficult to write. What I do know, though, is that the linchpins of Episode II are the debut of the Empire and the turning of Anakin Skywalker. Its closest counterpart in the Lucas PT is Revenge of the Sith. 

But strangely enough, I know Episode III: War of the Skywalkers like the back of my hand. It is the farthest removed from the Lucas prequels of all three of my films. If anything, III's closest narrative cousin is A New Hope. 

Before I post more of Episode I, though, I might as well get out some of Ben's backstory...

Ben Cortel was born on the harsh steppe world of Ambria in 55 BBY. He never knew his Human mother, who died in childbirth because of the poor medical care on the world. Ben's father was a former Chiss noble who was exiled because of the part he played in a feud between competing siblings in the Chiss royal family.

In his early years, Ben was faced with little opportunity in life except for working as mineral prospector on Ambria, the work his father had to take up as a necessity. Ben's restless spirit was dissatisfied with this notion. To escape his trappings, Ben enlisted as a marine in the Republic Navy in 38 BBY.

Ben spent the next few years serving with distinction, holding the rank of sergeant by the time he was assigned to the troopship Anarkilion. On the cusp of being considered for officer training, Ben's life would be changed forever. In 33 BBY, Ben refused to obey an order to open fire on anti-Human, anti-Republic protesters (all unarmed civilians) at Elom. His commanding officer had him incapacitated and interned on the Anarkilion's brig. 

Ben was sentenced by court-martial to six years of confinement on the prison world of Despayre. One year into his sentence, 32 BBY, Ben and thirty other prisoners formed a complex escape plan. However, only Ben and four others made it out due to the group's detection by security forces.

The five escapees stole a transport and set a course for Nar Shaddaa, the nearest world with any substantial commercial opportunity. While the ship was in hyperspace, one of the crew members staged a mutiny to change the ship's course to Ord Mantell because a Nar Shaddaan crime syndicate had put a price on his head. The mutineer murdered one of the ex-cons before being killed by Ben and the other two escapees.

Upon landing at Nar Shaddaa, the three men collected the bounty on the mutineer's head and split it evenly. Then the three went their separate ways.*

Ben decided he could best get by as a spice smuggler. He was already handy with a gun and had learned a lot about small unit leadership from his time as a marine sergeant. He started out as a second-in-command and first mate for a few freighters before graduating to become the captain of his own ship.

In 30 BBY, Ben found an engineering droid, "Zero", in salvage on the planet Kelada. He paid an engineer there to reprogram the machine to serve as his assistant. Ben won the Belisarion in a sabacc game in the year 29 BBY, finally getting a vessel under his captainship. He had a brief relationship with his navigator Jeni in the year 28 BBY, after which they were mostly platonic.

Ben had carved out a living as smuggler for seven years before the Force came to him in 25 BBY. He did not know it at the time, but he had become another conduit for the energy field.

One day he noticed that he had the ability to see very slightly into the future. Another day he realized that nearby objects would occasionally move a few millimeters for no discernible reason. At first, Ben believed that he was either going insane or that his mind had been permanently addled by spice. But it wasn't until his sabacc game in the bar at the start of Episode I did Ben realize that he could use these new powers to his advantage.

Over the course of this trilogy, Ben's powers will propel him into the galactic arena in ways he could never have imagined before.

*One of these men was Hal Dagman, who would have a few run-ins with Ben in the ensuing years. Yes, this is the same Hal Dagman who was mentioned up there at the start of Episode I, where he is cheated against in a sabacc game. That's not the last we see of him.

Something I forgot to mention: Jeni's past, particularly how she knows Bail.

Jeni Lars was born on Tattooine in 50 BBY, Owen Lars being among her siblings. Unlike her older brother Owen, Jeni had aspirations beyond her home planet. She idolized the semi-mythical Jedi Knights and had a knack for flying and exploration. Jeni always dreamed of traveling to every moon and planet in the galaxy, and witnessing all of the native cultures, learning their languages, and collecting their art. 

Jeni was accepted into a civil flight academy on Corellia in 34 BBY, the youngest recruit ever. She spent the next few years on Corellia honing her navigational skills. But in 31 BBY, the year of the League's formation, the Republic re-instated conscription. Numerous Senators went on a campaign to try to turn back this measure.

The delegation sent Senator Bail Organa to the Corellian academy to protest and try to lobby against the act. When the academy headmaster proved unyielding, Bail had nothing to do but report back to Coruscant. So he took off in his shuttle, only to find that Jeni sneaked aboard as a stowaway. 

Jeni explained that her name came up on a Navy conscription detail. She was an objector, so she decided to flee. Bail, initially apprehensive, now understood her plight. Having witnessed her piloting skills, he offered Jeni an opportunity. He decided to drop her off at Coruscant with a small sum of credits so that she can find her way as a private pilot. 

Jeni did just that for a few years with a number of ship captains. Some were underworld crews, smuggling massive quantities of spice. Others were legitimate passenger vessels for those who needed transport...but with no questions asked. Sometimes Bail would be the client. It is in this way that the two got to know each other.

In 28 BBY, when Jeni agreed to join the Belisarion in exchange for shares of the profits, she met, fell in love with, and later fell out of love with Ben Cortel. It was through Jeni that Bail met Ben, and the two became fast friends as well.

By 25 BBY, Jeni was living the spacer's life she had dreamed of, though she had never imagined in her academy days that she would experiencing it as an outlaw. 

Then came the Clone Wars.

The crew spends two days in and out of hyperspace. Normally the trip from Coruscant to Alderaan would take the better part of a few hours, but Jeni plots a circuitous path to avoid hostile League patrols.

The Belisarion finally gets to Alderaan. The League attacked this world at around the same time they did Coruscant, but the Republic detachment here fared better than the one at the capitol planet.

It is 22nd Naval Defense Task Force, led by Commander Cev'ko, still with many cruisers, frigates, bombers, and other vessels at its disposal. The fleet hovers at Alderaan's exosphere. Small ships are ferrying supplies and personnel between the fleet and the planet, aiding in recovery efforts. At the Commander's request, the Belisarion docks inside his flagship, the battleship Aegica. 

On the Aegica...

Ben, Jeni, Zero, and Bail are escorted to bridge. On the way there we see military officers trying to establish communications with nearby surviving Republic forces and giving orders to send pre-fab shelters and bacta tanks to the planet, sounding wary that supplies might run short.

When the four get to Cev'ko, the Commander recognizes Bail immediately and suggests that he take leadership over recovery on Alderaan not only because Bail is the highest-ranking royal but because that would be a sorely-needed morale boost. Cev'ko brings the group up to date on the war.

Cev'ko's last orders from on high were to use his army to detain the aliens on Alderaan in isolation camps. The commander's reluctance to act on the order was answered by a League attack on almost every world in the Core and many in the Expansion Zone. Since then, Cev'ko has been in charge of all military affairs on Alderaan. No-one has been detained in camps.

Friendly communications ceased only a few hours after the attack. The 22nd has sent scoutships to report on findings in nearby systems, always on the lookout for friendly reinforcements. 

Bail does indeed take over managing the recovery duties. He needs to know the whereabouts of his wife Queen Breha. Cev'ko replies that security feeds last spotted her in the Royal Palace at the time of the attack. However, the Royal Palace was targeted by the League's turbolaser cannons. Though the structure is still recognizable, many parts have been turned to black smoldering dust and mangled metal supports.

Bail expresses anxiety over the possibility that his wife might been caught in the attack, and asks Cev'ko what he could do. Cev'ko already sent a reconnaissance droid to the ruins, but it has yet to report back. One of Cev'ko's subordinates thinks the droid might currently be surveying the subterranean levels, where commlink signals cannot pass through the rocks.

Ben takes it upon himself to find Breha for Bail. It was part of their contract on Coruscant. Ben may be a rogue, but he is a rogue who keeps his word with close friends.

Cev'ko discourages this, but Bail insists that Ben be allowed to go so that Cev'ko can deploy his already-limited manpower elsewhere on the world. Cev'ko relents and warns Ben that if he encounters substantial resistance at the Palace, the fleet won't know about it soon enough to send reinforcements in time. 

Bail stays behind. Ben and Jeni are given demolition charges by the quartermaster to help clear away any rubble obstructing their path. The two and Zero board the Belisarion. 

The freighter unclamps from the Aegica. In minutes, our heroes are descending upon the ruined Royal Palace...

I must admit, I never thought about the above points before a couple of days ago. The Unification War was improvised as I wrote my previous post. It's fun to delve further into the past, not to mention it allows an even greater separation from the Lucas-verse.

For periodization purposes, it goes...175 to 150 BBY: Expansion Era, 150 to 129 BBY: Unification War, 129 to 31 BBY: Pax Republica, 31 to 21 BBY: League Era, 21 BBY to 4 ABY: Imperial Era

Basically the only other Star Wars material that would be canon with this PT rewrite would be the OOT and any closely-related spinoffs that were released before 1999.

In fact, *nothing* before the Devastator's capture of the Tantive IV in this canon matches the canon of that era in the Lucas-verse, with the exception of any references to said era in the dialogue of the OOT. And even those were often contradicted by Lucas when it came time for him to write the PT.

Re: In the Age of the Jedi: More to come soon, including Ben's adventures on Alderaan and our first encounter with Anakin Skywalker.

And as always, I invite constructive criticism.

VideInfra78 said:

... the war is not very interesting and I'm not getting any political intrigue. Even though you explained it to me, I still don't see why races that co-existed in a peaceful Republic for thousands of years would just grow to hate each other and end up going to galactic war. Especially if Jedi are in place to resolve disputes. There has to be some impetus, an event or something that divides them.

That's a good angle, VideInfra78. Reminds me that I need to think more about broader social motivations in addition to the ones of individual characters. My backstory for the whole aliens-vs-humans thing was inspired by Joe Haldeman's "The Forever War".

Hyperdrives and cloning are both relatively recent inventions (175 BBY and 135 BBY respectively). These innovations were what spurred the major conflict of the PT, and thus led to the war of the OT.

My story goes that the Core Republic (before it was the Galactic Republic) ruled an area of space mostly consisting of the Human-dominated Core and some of the immediate surrounding regions of space...this was achieved through the use of "hypergates".

The hypergates were stationary FTL ports that sprang from a "gate nexus" constructed in orbit above Coruscant thousands of years BBY.

The invention of the hyperdrive in 175 BBY promised a new era of mobility and freedom for all species, as well as a golden age of peaceful expansion for the Republic. The hyperdrive was far less energy-intensive and could propel a ship far faster through hyperspace than could a hypergate, not to mention that it essentially removed the upper limit in size with regards to starship design. The hypergates were all dismantled as a new era of galactic community was to dawn.

But even that was not to be. At least not for now. The hyperdrive was also an enabler for ever more destructive star wars.

Republic merchants signed off on colonization ventures designed to gather resources from the new worlds and absorb the natives into the Republic. Not every species encountered by Republic explorers wanted to be assimilated. Some were taken in by force, in an "ends justifying the means" manner. On many worlds, the aliens violently retaliated.

Not being able to comprehend that the galaxy's myriad of species did not desire to be governed by a single polity run in the Human manner and by Human aristocratic overlords, a variety of Core politicians demanded military action in order to "civilize" these "savage and brutish" aliens.

It should be noted that the hyperdrive was invented by a Corellian engineer and a Twi'lek physicist, but the role of the non-Human was downplayed and often completely ignored in Core propaganda.

The Unification War began in 150 BBY with a outward surge of Republic troops and ships to "pacify" the outlying settlements and protect Republic colonists. This long and brutal war of attrition between technologically-asymmetrical forces took its toll on the non-Human community's opinion of the Republic.

Throughout the conflict, the secretive Jedi Knights took advantage of new hyperdrive ships to travel the galaxy and locate more of their number. They also educated the populaces of border worlds on how to coexist with their neighbors. This had a considerable effect of reducing the number of battles being fought at any one time, and arguably delayed the collapse of the Republic by over a century.

But eventually atrocities were committed on both sides. In this war, the alien belligerents never united the way they would for the Clone Wars. Their militias were just that: armies. No real navy to speak of.

While the insurrectionists of many worlds were eventually defeated, great unrest was felt in the Republic towards the vast expenditures going to the war.

As the war carried on, the Jedi were increasingly burdened by the pressures of the conflict. Starting in 140 BBY, the Knights llessened the efforts they put towards negotiations with the disparate populaces, and began to bring their own brand of justice to belligerent individuals of both sides.

Leaders on the planetary and sector level recall the appearance of "robed phantoms" sweeping in and personally defeating enemy forces in melee combat, as well as exhibiting strange powers of telepathy and kinesis. They were seen to use "laser swords". This was the Jedi doing their duty as guardians of peace and justice.

The breakthrough of cloning in 135 BBY brought new fuel to the fire of military innovation. The first clones were of Human soldiers, further augmented to gain superhuman strength and reflexes and an unquestioning loyalty to the Republic.

But these clones were not cost-effective to replace due to the difficulty of cloning Humans, thus ending the initiative only three years after its inception. Some of the indoctrination methods for the clones would later be used by the Empire for its Stormtroopers.

It was discovered that some species were more difficult to clone than others. In later years this would give way to a racist belief that the difficulty in cloning Humans was because they were better and "more evolved" than other species. In reality, this was not at all the case. It was easier to clone species that reproduced in large litters, which almost invariably tended to be non-mammalian species.

The endgame of the Unification War was on the planet of Barab I, where Barabel insurrectionist forces had gotten a hold of cloning technology through Bothan spies. Between 132 and 129 BBY, the Barabels' newfound numbers allowed them to outman and outgun the Republic detachment on the planet. As the Barabel king's clone army was poised to overrun and cleanse the last Republic outpost on the world, the Republic was ready to retaliate with an orbital bombardment, willing to kill even the colonists on the planet.

But the Jedi were once again able to intervene with mental powers to bring commanders of both sides together and calm their minds with the Force, after which both parties agreed to a peace proposition. The Jedi had again succeeded in one their key mandates: the prevention of genocide.

By now, the year 129 BBY, the other belligerent worlds had been beaten into submission or convinced to settle differences through alternative means by the Jedi. The Knights faded back into the uncharted star system from whence they came. And the Republic was utterly exhausted from the decades-long conflict. The Unification War was over.

Yoda was the only Jedi who never took a life and who always stuck to the notion of peaceful resolution. He was one of the facilitators of the peace agreement on Barab I. "Wars not make one great." After the conflict subsided, Yoda returned to his homeworld of Dagobah, where he remained until the end of his days.

It seemed that peace had finally come to the galaxy.

But anti-alien sentiment in the Republic would linger.

And the Jedi were no longer as mysterious to the galaxy as they were before the War.

That was not the last time the Jedi would be involved in total war. But by the time of the Clone Wars, circumstances had changed. Cloning technology, banned in the Republic at the end of the War, flourished in the newly-formed League. Also, the League could not have existed in the era before hyperdrive ships became ubiquitous. It was only through this innovation that the malcontent elements of so many worlds could band together and organize a massive front against the Republic...as demonstrated by the League's conquest of Coruscant in 25 BBY.

But perhaps the biggest difference was that by the start of the Clone Wars, there were two Force-sensitives who practiced the ways of the dark side and (either openly or secretly) worked against the Jedi: the ex-Jedi Ceres and Admiral Palpatine. Anakin Skywalker would eventually fall to the dark side as well, and the rest is history...

VideInfra78 said:

Neither the humans nor aliens are particularly evil are they?

No.

Does anybody know the name of the music playing at the very beginning of Part 1, where we see the Lucas quote about the transition from 2D to 3D being like the transition from black and white to color film?

Chewtobacca said:

McFlabbergasty said:  I am leaning towards the Morrowind style of leveling up, where you increase a skill level by performing the action(s) associated with the skill.

Ah!  I used to really enjoy playing Morrowind.  That system sounds like a good one to use.

Have you considered a set of ESP skills or do you not wish to venture into that sort of territory?  Your mention of Morrowind brought magic to mind

As interesting as that might be, this is a strictly "hard sci-fi" kind of setting.

The most outlandish things in there so far are a carbon nanotube space elevator, an unmanned asteroid miner, and a few somewhat hokey ways of "computerizing" existing objects (augmented reality contact lenses and stuff like that). And the whole thing about "locking" guns. That shit's been around since at least MGS2.

But these are all at least theoretically possible, whereas claims of ESP are unsubstantiated and generally considered a hoax.

Yeah, I like to stick to realism. 

Though I do like the other comparisons to Morrowind. "Stealth" sounds like a mix of Sneak and Illusion. "Medical" is an obvious counterpart to Restoration. And "Bypass" combines elements of Alteration, Mysticism, and Security.

To everyone else: keep the suggestions coming :P

I've  been brainstorming my through the development of an indie action-RPG type of game for the PC. I am still undecided about many things, such as whether this game will be real-time or turn-based, first-person or some other perspective, etc.

The premise is that in the near future, a space elevator built on a remote Pacific island nation (by a multi-national conglomerate) gets sabotaged by an unknown party.

The player, a member of the island's security agency on his first day of the job, is tasked with getting to the bottom of the mystery and finding a way to repair the elevator...but this must be done within thirty in-game days, otherwise a cargo craft returning from the Asteroid Belt will crash unguided into the elevator's orbital dock and destroy both vessels, losing billions of dollars worth of valuable mineral ores in the process and killing many people.

There are many factions who want to either control the elevator or destroy it. The conglomerate obviously wants it to stay, but there's a nationalist militia group on the island that wants it to go because it has led to the island being "invaded by foreigners". There's also a religious cult that wants to use the elevator to go to a "promised land" that they believe lies beyond the Earth's atmosphere.

Below I've outlined a set of skills that I think would be suitable for a game of this setting, story, and genre. I'd like to know what you guys think. What might be missing, what seems unnecessary, what needs to be expanded, and so on...

COMBAT SKILLS

"Long Guns" - This skill covers your abilities with any large firearm (large in this case being bigger than a pistol). This includes everything from SMGs and shotguns to the light machine gun and large-caliber rifles. These weapons have the advantage of great damage potential, at the cost of mobility and the lack of concealability (an important asset for many stealth missions).

"Sidearms" - Your character's ability to use any small firearms like pistols of all kinds and the micro-shotgun. These weapons are easily concealable and can carry respectable firepower without compromising your movement abilities, but in most cases they cannot provide the extreme damage output of their bigger cousins.

"Close-Quarters" - A skill that governs the player's proficiency with melee maneuvers, both with his bare hands and with his knife. This can mean doing a number of things to the enemy: disarming them, killing them, interrogating them, debilitating them, among other activities. 

NON-COMBAT SKILLS:

"Medical" - Your effectiveness at using medical items to cure ailments, both on yourself and others. Sub-branches include "Hemo", "Ortho", and "Burns". This skill also allows the curing of poisons through antidotes, as well as extracting them for later use against an enemy.

"Signals" - This skill governs your ability to use SIGINT devices to engage in wireless communications, potentially gathering useful intel like the concentrations of enemies and other hazards or the locations of objectives. With enough skill, the player can decrypt secret transmissions and engage in other SIGINT activities.

"Bypass" - Your character's ability to hack into computer systems. This includes accessing mainframes, doors, and digitally-locked guns. This can be an important money-making skill, as unlocked guns sell for far more on the black market than do locked guns. 

"Stealth" - The player's proficiency in a number of clandestine actions like quiet movement, stealing, planting items on people, assassinations, and passing as a member of the enemy force. 

"Athletics" - The skill that concerns your running speed, ability to haul large inventory loads, and your character's overall physicality.

"Social" - Interpersonal abilities of all kinds, ranging from persuasion to intimidation and even deception.

I am leaning towards the Morrowind style of leveling up, where you increase a skill level by performing the action(s) associated with the skill.

So what do you folks think thus far? How does the new setting appear to you?

Aboard the Fire of Exodus, flagship of the League fleet...

Commander Hossk stands at attention on the bridge of the starcruiser, officers of many species working at the consoles around him, performing essential star-craft duties such as astrogation. Hossk speaks to a hologram of his commander-in-chief, Ceres. She orders a sit-rep, to which Hossk replies that all ships in his fleet have amassed at the rendezvous point above Kessel and are awaiting her command. Ceres orders a commencement of attack and bids the commander farewell. Hossk complies, and the warships jump into hyperspace...

In the seediest bar on Coruscant...

Ben Cortel has just used the Force to cheat in a Sabacc game against rival smuggler Hal Dagman, earning a large sum of credits and spice in the process. Hal stomps away dejectedly after giving a thinly-veiled threat to his competitor.

As Ben is counting his winnings, Bail shows up and greets his friend. He requests passage to Alderaan that can avoid any "Republic entanglements", promising to pay Ben a sum when they get to Alderaan. Ben waives the fee entirely, not just because of his recent winnings, but also because he is on good enough terms with Bail.

The two men go to the hangar bay where Ben has docked his freighter, the Belisarion. Inside Bail tells Ben about goings-on in the higher political circles, with no fear of consequences after having relinquished his Senate position. Ben cares little for the over-arching political machinations at work, focusing instead on Bail's remarkable brazenness when he threw away his Senate brooch.

We see Zero making last minute flight checks before Jeni returns from an arms dealer, newly-modified blaster holstered at the thigh...not unlike another smuggler who will one day help decide the fate of the galaxy.

With Bail and the crew aboard, the Belisarion takes off. But as the freighter leaves the skyscraper-laden stratosphere, a massive fleet of alien warships jumps out of hyperspace just outside Coruscant's gravity well. The League force is far larger than any of the Republic's military strategists had predicted.

Furious pillars of plasma and light rain down from the sky and vaporize thousands of beings each second on Coruscant. The defensive detachment in orbit scrambles to put up a fight, but it is ultimately not enough to hold off such a concentrated assault.

Ben and Jeni expertly weave through the battle, sustaining only a single hit on a starboard maneuvering thruster. Zero hovers over there to patch up the damage with whatever parts he can bring to his disposal. There is chaos and warfare all around the Belisarion. Ships on both sides plummet to fiery deaths, exploding like a hundred suns. Bail really hated being right about the war.

The Fire of Exodus moves into position above Coruscant's seat of government and lets loose with every weapon at its disposal. All of the Senators and other officials on the planet perish in flames, the government complex rendered a smoldering crater.

As Zero finally makes the necessary repair, Ben and Jeni have moved the Belisarion to the edge of Coruscant's gravity well. The battle is essentially over at this point, and League gunships are mopping up any survivors. Two gunships then pursue the Belisarion through space. Evasive maneuvers give way to a decisive jump into hyperspace, on to Alderaan...

On the Fire of Exodus...

As the last pockets of resistance on Coruscant are being wiped out, Ceres shows up in person via shuttle to greet her subordinate Hossk. She congratulates the Trandoshan for his victory. As a reward, Ceres orders a pair of Red Nikto clone warriors to bring the captive Chancellor Antior to Hossk...for consumption.

The Republic is dead. The Clone Wars have begun.

VideInfra78 said:

What war? Who is the League of Sovereign Planets and why are they in opposition to the Galactic Republic? What is the war over? What extreme measures were taken? Why? What is their relationship to each other? What are their motivations?

Those are all perfectly logical questions. I will do my best to answer them.

The League of Sovereign Planets is a coalition of alien worlds that have banded together in order to combat the perceived Humanocentricism of the Republic. Most of the League's members believe that the playing field ought to be leveled, with regards to the power that the various races have in the galaxy. The more radical types want to see Humans exterminated altogether.

The League sees itself as having been disenfranchised (economically, politically, and socially) and taken advantage of by the Humans overseeing the Republic. As an aside, not *all* non-Human species have joined the League. But because of the League's military buildup (through the use of cloning technology that has been banned in Republic space), aliens in the Republic are looked upon with fear and suspicion, with certain elements of the Core (such as the Chancellor) calling for their systematic internment.

Others still want the aliens to be enslaved and eventually wiped out...these people will form the nucleus of the Empire.

So as you see, the Clone Wars turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The hatred and xenophobia on both sides provides the tinder with which one spark will immolate the entire galaxy.

The "extreme measures" are the Republic's buildup of military forces coupled with an increasingly potent attitude of xenophobia in the higher circles of authority. For the League, the extreme measures are the recent induction of a hundred worlds in less than two years and the synthesis of armies of genetically-engineered supersoldier clones, copies of the greatest warriors of so many races.

I put quite a bit of thought into the causes of the Clone Wars. I demanded that they be as different as possible from the causes suggested in the Lucas prequels. Hell, I'm still not sure why those were fought. Something about tax disputes, I think.

But my attempt at rationalizing the Clone Wars involves a lot of Third Reich-style drawing of battle lines based on race. It reinforces the "us vs. them" atmosphere needed for a titanic existential conflict that ultimately ends in the destruction of both factions...only to have the spoils ruled over by an even greater menace: the Empire.

I hope that clears things up. More of the outline will come soon.

Mrebo said:

I think RLM had a point that it should have been the story of Obi Wan Kenobi. In the OT, Obi Wan was there to pass the torch. It is more impactful if Obi Wan was the central heroic figure of the PT rather than the mentor of the hero

...

Alternatively, the central hero could be Luke's mother. Her character is a blank slate. She could be a strong character, urging Kenobi to take her son away where he would not be found. It is through her that Kenobi gains importance as caretaker. [Not sure how to deal with baby Leia yet].

Those are two very appealing constructs, Mrebo, especially the one with Madam Skywalker as the protagonist.

Currently I'm having Obi-Wan be a secondary character (at best) for Episodes I and II, mentoring the protagonist and warning Anakin not to let the hatred he feels for his mortal enemy take control of him. It is only after Anakin goes off the deep end (at the conclusion of Episode II) that Obi-Wan becomes the Gandalf tagging along with our traveling heroes. Before that point he was more analogous to Dumbledore...wise and powerful, but mostly off-screen and concerned with higher affairs at the Jedi Sanctum.

As for Mother Skywalker, here called Jeni, she's had a past relationship with the protagonist ("Ben") that went sour, and then takes an interest in Anakin. But after Anakin goes dark, Jeni acts as a foil to Ben; she knows that there is still good in Anakin, an echo of Luke's attitude towards Vader in ROTJ. It is by this time that Jeni is pregnant with the twins.

One thing I'm trying to cement is the extent of Palpatine's on-screen time. I've already decided to *not* show him using his Force Lightning ability, at least not in the way we see it used in ROTJ. Perhaps he puts his hand on a control panel and sends a surge through it, crippling power to an entire facility and trapping our heroes in some kind of dangerous and seemingly-impossible-to-escape situation.

This occurrence only has the proper narrative precedent, though, if it is established that these prequels are meant to be seen *after* the OT. Same goes with the parentage revelation.

The way I've written it out, there is no need to show the birth of the twins, their placement on the two different planets, or even the cocooning of Anakin inside the suit. Also, I require *some* justification for why the name Darth Vader is chosen for Anakin's alias, otherwise I will skip that scene too.

I'm trying to tell a new story in the Star Wars galaxy that also happens to set up the OT. But the things that happen in this PT ought to make good enough sense on their own, too, not simply "my character exists solely to fulfill this one prerequisite to set up this one background condition for the OT".

The point is to have the consequences that set up the OT emerge organically from the chronicle being told in a remade PT, not simply going through the motions of a space opera story in order set up the bowling pins that will inevitably be knocked down by Hamill, Fisher, and Ford. While that may be a byproduct of a remade PT, I'm trying my best not to make it the sole end.

As for inter-trilogy connections...I  think GL went too far in all the wrong places. I'm trying to write this PT so that there are bridges between the trilogies (other than the obvious fact that one leads to the other and they take place in the same universe)...but either one can almost feel like its own little self-contained series. There's a different overall journey being undertaken in either trilogy. Also, only three characters "diffuse* from this trilogy to the OT (Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Palps). 

The year is 25 BBY. War is brewing between the Galactic Republic and the League of Sovereign Planets. Our saga begins on Coruscant, with Senator Bail Organa entering the office of Chancellor Antior.

Antior has called Bail to his presence in order to request the Senator's support in a new law requiring the internment of non-Humans throughout the Republic on the suspicion that they may be collaborating with the League. Bail is outraged by the racist measure and, after some heated argument with Antior, storms out of the office, tossing aside his senatorial brooch as a sign of his resignation of the senatorial position.

Bail realizes that all-out war is imminent because of the extreme measures being resorted to on both sides of the issue. He realizes that his capacity as a Republic Senator is no longer useful...so he would rather be with his wife Breha on Alderaan when the unthinkable (but inevitable) happens. Bail makes his way to a bar in the nether-regions of Coruscant, where his friend Ben Cortel can provide passage to Alderaan, bypassing the planetary blockade...

Kaalib (born 73 BBY) - A male Human Jedi who always wears a cloth band around his eyes. Harboring a disdain for cybernetics, Kaalib passed up the opportunity to regain his vision through mechanical prosthetics. Instead, he chose to hone his Force sensory abilities to such an extent that he can now detect things that would be impossible to see, as well as react to events almost before they happen. Kaalib has a crusading personality; he has buried himself in his lifelong journey of bringing light to those who need it, and confronting the dark ones wherever they rear their heads...so that he can forget the family that he lost as a result of bigotry towards his Force sensivity. "My eyes deceived me. Only after I lost them was I truly able to see." It is from Kaalib's example that Obi-Wan placed the blast shield helmet over Luke's head decades later, as a lesson in how to perceive with the Force.

Orannu (born 61 BBY) - A male Mon Calamari Jedi. Orannu is the most brazenly humorous of the Jedi, leading to him getting along very well with Ben. His Force-influenced perspective on life has given him a zen sense of light-heartedness, even in the most dire situations. Though he also feels very strongly about using his powers to help those in need, Orannu does not take the same heavy tone to the task as most of his fellow Knights. He is an adept star pilot, in addition to an expert in telekinesis.

Hirala (born 94 BBY) - A female Anzat Jedi. Obi-Wan may have introduced the audience to the Jedi mind trick, but Hirala elevates it to an art form. Because of this, she is the most inclined to psychoanalyze others. Her powers are effective at peacefully mediating disputes between belligerent parties. She wishes to bring her former apprentice Ceres back from the dark side by these means, putting her at odds with the vindictive Skywalker. Although she carries a reputation for diplomacy, Hirala is not afraid to use her considerable telekinetic ability and piloting skills to eliminate foes in self-defense. 

That's it for character bios. I'll post the first part of the story next. I am spreading the comic relief aspect between Orannu, Ben, and Zero.

@Spielbergo: I am struggling to figure out what character context is provided by re-using Padme Amidala's name. She's a more interesting character in your treatment, to be sure, but sometimes I catch myself thinking of your new Padme as having that same drab monotone and *total* lack of any personality quirks or emotion, like in the Lucas films ("important Senator and mother of Luke and Leia" doesn't count as a personality)...though that does not seem to be your intention.

I do respect your insistence on trying to accentuate the elements of the PT that you thought were cool, and then crafting other stuff to go with it.

My treatment, though...the one name it has in common with the Lucas PT is "Coruscant".

xhonzi said:

Offered many times before:

Please, for the love of Mike, don't reuse Prequel specific names!

Especially when the entire character has been changed.  It is so very distracting. 

This. Definitely this.

But with that being said, I appreciate Senor Spielbergo's draft's differences from the Lucas PT. So far I have noticed that Anakin feels more like a real character (if for no other reason than that he *has* some character now), there's no stupidly huge Jedi Order...I like the pacing leading up the final battle, with Anakin speaking to Amidala beforehand and hitting off their romance, then she joins the fight in her ship. Feels more space opera-like than anything Lucas gave us after 1999. 

I'll get to Episodes II and III...

Obi-Wan Kenobi (born 124 BBY) - The de facto leader of the Jedi Knights; though there exists no official hierarchy, the other Knights respect Kenobi enough that they follow his directives anyway. Kenobi has provided training and counsel for all of the order’s Jedi for the past fifty years, but his final apprentice Anakin proved to be a unique case. Obi-Wan was in awe at the amazing potential for both goodness and cruelty contained in a single person. Though he has tirelessly kept peace and justice throughout space for decades, the prospect of a galaxy-scale conflict is testing even for a venerable old Master like Obi-Wan...

Commander Hossk (born 103 BBY) - A League fleet officer of Trandoshan origin. Hossk is a ragged, cruel being who believes in survival of the fittest. After clawing his way out of the litter, he saw little but cruelty at the hands of Outer Rim slavers who passed him between Human masters for a number of years. This was all the motivation he needed to take up arms against Humanity. Hossk's years of service in insurrectionist fleets gave way to being crowned a fleet officer in the League navy, as well as a mechanical prosthetic leg resulting from battle. Hossk has a habit of consuming the raw flesh of those enemies that are unlucky enough to be his prisoners...

Three descriptions remaining. Palpatine will not be one of them; he is not seen or mentioned until Episode II.

Bail Organa (born 67 BBY) - The Senator representing Alderaan. Bail has shown a growing discontent with the militant, xenophobic ways of Antior's reign. He senses more acutely than any other Senator that all-out war with the League is nigh. It is at the beginning of Episode I that he sees the unequivocal death of liberty. Ever the philosopher, Bail can forsee the one possible outcome when two massive forces collide...

Zero (built 45 BBY) - The engineering droid aboard the Belisarion. Zero is a capable assistant, programmed to manage astrogation, damage control, and encrypting and decrypting sub-space signals. He sometimes displays a comical mis-understanding of basic biological principles, as well an aloofness towards the emotions of sentient beings. But Zero is always there for Jeni and Ben, through thick and thin...

Chancellor Antior (born 85 BBY) - The self-important and highly paranoid leader of the Republic, elected into office with the help of widespread pro-Human sentiment throughout the Core. He earnestly believes that he is doing the right thing by passing into law a new order requiring the internment of "suspicious non-Human individuals" throughout Republic space, including any non-Human Senators who speak out against him. But even his bloated ego cannot sustain the state for long. Indeed, Antior will prove to be as clumsy as he is foolish...

Commander Cev'ko (born 80 BBY) - Esteemed leader of the Republic's 22nd Naval Defense Task Force, veteran of numerous brushfire wars and attempted insurrections. Cev'ko believes in defending the rights of the Republic citizenry, regardless of individual creed or species, putting him ideologically at odds with the militant Humanocentrists who have recently taken power in the Republic's military. When the drums of war beat anew, Cev'ko hears his calling. Fight the foes of liberty, until you can't...

Five more descriptions to go. Then the story begins. I'm doing it this way because I had a hard time writing a concise story outline while also describing the characters' personalities. So instead I chose to do those two things separately.

Thank you for the encouragement, Mrebo!

As much as I am averse to the "floating head" school of movie poster design, I must concede that Ben, Jeni, Anakin, and Ceres would be the perfect characters to display should this project ever be realized in such a format.

Oh, and uh.....more coming soon!

In this thread I will detail my outline for a new film entitled "Star Wars Episode I: In the Age of the Jedi". Before I do that, though, I thought it might be appropriate to give short biographies of the most important characters in the film. Here goes nothing...

Dramatis Personae:

Ben Cortel (born 55 BBY) - The protagonist of the trilogy. A half-Chiss, half-Human captain of the smuggling freighter Belisarion. Ben is down on his luck because the threat of galactic war has shut down all the usual spice trade routes. He is a wily character who cares for little except for amassing credits through the use of his knack for defying the odds. This changes when he starts to realize his place in the order of the Jedi. But little does Ben know that his latent Force-sensitivity will let him shape the destiny of the galaxy in ways that no-one can foresee...

Jeni Lars (born 50 BBY) - Navigator of the Belisarion. Her long and complex relationship with Ben has put the pair at odds with each other. Jeni turned down a potentially-promising career in politics alongside Bail Organa in favor of free-wheeling about the galaxy as an independent star pilot. Like her cohort Ben, Jeni is not one to be loyal to a greater authority. The crew of the Belisarion takes what it needs, when it needs, with little regard for the Republic's reaction. What Jeni does not yet realize, is the role she will play in the fate of the galaxy and the Jedi...

Legate Ceres (born 66 BBY) - The supreme leader of the League, a union of secessionist alien worlds bent on exterminating Humanity. Her war against the Human race accompanies her crusade against the light side of the Force, putting her at odds with the Jedi, those she once called her comrades. It is realized only too late that her hatred of the Human species stems from being abused by her Human father, who killed her Zygerrian mother. She personally issues the order that begins the Clone Wars, the seminal conflict of the galactic chronicle...

Anakin Skywalker (born 59 BBY) - A powerful Jedi Knight who hides a fiery, vengeful soul under a placid exterior. Anakin's torn past is betrayed by his mechanical right arm. His bitter vendetta against Ceres will have long-reaching consequences, not just for the course of the Clone Wars, but for the fate of the Jedi and the galaxy at large...

Yes and...

1) They are the military forces of the League, a non-Human separatist movement that seeks to destroy the Republic in order to end the perceived dominance of Humans over the galaxy.

2) They started it.

3) The answer is two-fold. First, cloning was outlawed in the Republic and stays that way in the Empire. Second, some species are easier to clone than others. Humans are one of the more difficult ones. And as they are the main species of the Empire by the time of the OT, cloning has faded into obscurity. Also, in my draft, you cannot clone Force-sensitives.

4) Difficult to determine. The League has been covertly preparing a fleet and several armies for upwards of five or six years by the start of Episode I. The war is briefly symmetrical when they attack Coruscant at the start of the war, causing the Republic to collapse after the League bombs the Senate and kills the Chancellor. After that it's roving fleets of clones vs. various different remnant groups and rebels. So you could say that for part of the war, it's asymmetrical in favor of the clones.

5)

League: wipe out Humanity.
Alliance to Restore the Republic: restore the Republic.
Empire: take over the galaxy by any means necessary.

Episode II shows all three factions existing simultaneously. It's depicted as a two-against-one conflict of Alliance and Empire vs. the League. Needless to say, the League is eventually defeated...only to have the victors turn on each other afterward.

6) The Clone Wars begin with a surprise attack on Coruscant in the year 25 BBY.

7) The Clone Wars end with the destruction of the League in 21 BBY.

1) No. Yoda is never on-screen, though he gets a mention here and there.

2) No. Anakin is in his thirties in Episode I. He has had an apprentice of his own already! One thing I was sick of right away in the PT was the decision to focus so much screen-time on Anakin's youth.

How many years before Episode 4 does your story take place and how old are the main characters?

Episode I: 25 BBY
Episodes II and III: 21 BBY...the gap between these two films is only a few "days".

My protagonist is in his late twenties in Episode I, Anakin is in his mid-thirties, his love interest is around the same age as my protagonist...point is, there are no stinking kids. The other major villain (besides Anakin and Palps) is in her forties.

I will address the OT surprises if absolutely necessary, but I will not go out of my way to name the twins or show Anakin being put into the Vader suit. Turning him evil and burning him will be enough. In the Lucas prequels, I always felt like he was just running down a checklist..."did we show how that prop from the OT got there? ok *tick*"

Will you have surprises in your new PT? Will it affect anything that we thought we already knew in the OT?  

Lips = sealed. :-)

How do the droids fit in to your new story, if at all?

No. With all due respect, **** the droids. I have A droid in my treatment, but not *those* droids. My droid character is named "Zero" and is the engineer aboard the main character's ship. He has a few important technical functions in the plot, roughly analogous to how R2 took care of all the computer-related conundrums in the OT.

Zero also lends some comic relief here and there, mostly pertaining to his lack of understanding of living creatures' biology (such as referring to muscles and bones as actuators and struts, for instance).

Zero is the only non-English-speaking major character. 

I'm specifically avoiding any appearance or mention of astromech or protocol droids.

It's sad to see someone make iron-clad "should" statements based on Lucas' six-year-long fecal output. You ought to open your mind a little and accept the existence of other possibilities.

Case in point, Anakin is *not* the main protagonist of my trilogy. My protagonist is a likable half-Chiss everyman who happens to be a smuggler captain, but with a latent Force sensitivity that entwines his destiny with that of the Jedi's. His name is Ben. I have set things up so that he is the hero of one trilogy and the unsung precursor of the next. Echoes of his actions and personality can be felt throughout the OT, with Obi-Wan and Luke even uttering his name out loud. Let me say right off the bat, that this does *not* mean Ben is Skywalker Senior. That's still Anakin's domain.

In short, Anakin is important in my treatment, but he's not the protagonist. He's a part of a larger story, just like he was in the OT.

danaan said:

I'm honestly not sure that building monuments would be the Jedi's thing. I mean, their focus is distinctly beyond the physical, "luminous beings are we", and all that, and such ultimately worldly edifices seem too material for them to really be too concerned with. 

 

I see your point, danaan. The Jedi always were champions of the metaphysical. Showing Yoda to be a little guy illustrates that, and having the Jedi build monuments would piss all over that message.

As for other things...I'm not keen on showing the precise origins of certain elements found in the OT. My prequels don't show the inceptions of the Empire, the Stormtroopers, or the Skywalker twins. Having those things committed to film feels more like wanky wish-fulfillment than anything else.

I show the early actions of the Empire and Stormtroopers, but not the exact moment Palpatine pondered, "Hey, you know what? Imagine how fun it would be to rule the galaxy as a fascist dictator."

And while one of the trilogy's other villains can arguably be called "the first Stormtrooper", we do not see the origin of the corps as a whole.

Likewise, the births of Luke and Leia are never seen because the preceding events are far more suitable as the climax of a space opera trilogy. Same for the Vader suit. The last we see of Anakin in Episode III is a bloodied, screaming embodiment of rage, barely clinging to life after suffering horrific burns.

It's good to see another re-writer cut so many ties to the pointless garbage that was in the PT. In your treatment, it seems that at least part of the reason Kenobi became a hermit on Tattooine was because of his life of being ostracized as a clone, which is not something I would have thought of at first (namely because cloning doesn't work that way in my draft) but it is a novel concept. Your explanation feels like a more illuminating (and entertaining) story of Anakin and Kenobi than the PT ever was.

I hope you continue the story!