Grand Admiral Thrawn

You know I gotta take a stab 😄

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

The galaxy is in despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

With the Jedi now facing
extinction, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Unable to end this crisis
without Luke’s guidance,
the Senate has secretly
authorized the pilots of
a brave RESISTANCE to
find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

• Removed “crisis” in the first paragraph since there is also a “crisis” in the last paragraph
• Replaced the first “Jedi” in the third paragraph, and restored “the last Jedi”. I think it adds more to Luke’s character by clearly stating that they need his guidance to settle the conflict.

Not sure I am a fan of “dark” in the first line and then “darkening” in the last line.

The more I think of it too, as much as I’d like the crawl to have the New Republic secretly supporting the Resistance, it just clouds it up too much in exposition.

In the context of the Resistance being a militia, that already establishes they are separate from the “fragile New Republic”, and with the Leia deleted scene restored and Hux’s speech, I think it would be easily assumed for first-time viewers that Leia is getting some secret help from her friends in the Senate to fund the militia.

With that in mind, I suggest:

Amidst this rising threat,
only a daring militia
stands in RESISTANCE,
its brave pilots have been
sent across the galaxy
to find the last Jedi and
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I think this one reads well:

Amidst this rising threat,
leaders in the New Republic
have secretly aided a brave
and daring militia to stand
in RESISTANCE, sending its
pilots to find the last Jedi
and restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

And if you want to mention the fleet:

Amidst this rising threat,
the New Republic fleet
has secretly aided a brave
and daring militia to stand
in RESISTANCE, sending its
pilots to find the last Jedi
and restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

I agree JarJar. But very happy to say, I think we have a final contender!

I lied. @Nev, here is another one with some minor tweaks to the last version of paragraph 3 that you had:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia, secretly
armed by New Republic
Leaders, has sent its
pilots in search of the
last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars….

The problem I feel… is that if the Resistance being born out of the New Republic stalling on action against the First Order ISN’T included in the crawl, that just leads to confusion and questions as to why it isn’t just the New Republic that is searching for the map.

The original crawl states how Leia is desperate to find Luke and leads the Resistance. I feel like something is missing without that context leading into the movie.

That being said, I looked at the crawl again from V1.1 and made a few small tweaks, this should hopefully be my final crawl I ever write for TFA HAHA:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, sworn
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Restless from endless
debate in the Senate,
several leaders have
secretly formed a brave
RESISTANCE, and have
tasked its pilots to
find the last Jedi and
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Hey @Nev, @JarJar made my point for me why I suggested changing from this:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a militia armed in secret
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, seeking to
restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars….

To this:

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
armed a brave and daring
RESISTANCE to locate
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

The problem with the paragraph as you have it now, it doesn’t explain why the New Republic has to have the Resistance be secretly created. By making clear that the Senate is in endless debate, and that some of the leaders are impatient and want to act, and are going around the system makes sense in the context of the movie. It explains the reintegrated deleted scene with Leia explaining that the Senate thinks she’s crazy, and Hux’s anger about how the New Republic leaders secretly support the Resistance.

The New Republic is described as fragile in the second paragraph, but how are they together enough to support a Resistance to counter the First Order threat? There needs to be something more. I think the new paragraph helps to sell that more.

I don’t want to seem pushy, just want to help if I can. Totally understand if you are fine with how it is, it is your edit after all! 😃

JEDIT: If you want to keep pilots in the last paragraph:

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
tasked pilots of a brave
RESISTANCE with locating
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

ChatGPT helped a little. Thoughts on this take?

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

Becoming restless with
endless debate in the
Senate, New Republic
leaders have secretly
armed a brave and daring
RESISTANCE to locate
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

With endless debate in
the Senate, leaders of
the New Republic have
secretly armed a brave
RESISTANCE militia to
locate the last Jedi,
hoping that his return
can restore peace to
the darkening stars…

Maybe this is cleaner??? Just brainstorming…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With endless debate in
the Senate, a brave
RESISTANCE militia has
sent its pilots across
the vast galaxy to find
the last Jedi, and to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

I think I am setting a record for the most crawls written for TFA 😄

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, destined
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
all star systems beyond
the fragile New Republic.

With the Senate in endless
debate, leaders of the
New Republic have secretly
armed a brave RESISTANCE,
whose pilots have been tasked
with finding the last Jedi, and
restoring a light of hope to
the darkening stars…

Keeping the surprise until TLJ is the way to go. You can’t giveaway the biggest twist of the sequel trilogy in the first sentence of a crawl for a movie Luke is barely in.

I think Nev is pretty locked in on the first 2 paragraphs. Let’s keep the focus on the last one that is still a little up in the air.

Here is another run at it:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
several leaders of the
New Republic have secretly
armed a brave militia, and
have tasked its pilots with
finding the last Jedi, and
restoring the light of hope
to the darkening stars…

If we can add one more line of text to the final paragraph, this may be better:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia, secretly
armed by leaders of the
New Republic, has sent
its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, seeking to
restore a light of hope to
the darkening stars…

I agree with those changes! Might I suggest some different wording:

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a militia secretly armed
by the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, seeking
to restore the light of hope
to the darkening stars…

We got it 😄

Jar Jar Bricks said:

I think we were extremely close to the right one a few days ago. The following is mostly the same as Nev’s last post just with those minor adjustments I suggested:

Only nitpicks I have:

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soliders of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress
to claim supremacy over
every planet beyond the
fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
worlds in RESISTANCE,
a fearless militia loyal
to the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, seeking to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars….

poppasketti said:

The idea was the crackling followed by two simple words is a bread crumb that I think a strong force user could pick up, but so short for the audience it (hopefully) gives you a “wait, was that? No can’t be. Can it?”

I don’t know if the scene actually works as intended, but that’s the idea at least! It’s hard to know how I would’ve reacted seeing it for the first time.

Even if there are not any changes to it, it works GREAT with Hal’s The Rise of Skywalker: Ascendant edit.

Here is his crawl

Episode IX
THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Flames of rebellion burn across the galaxy. The tyrannical First Order has retaliated by attacking any planetary system that supports their enemy.

As Rey, sole heir to the Jedi, continues her training, General Leia Organa sends her brave agents across the stars to unite the disparate worlds in the name of Resistance.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has traveled to Mustafar, chasing whispers of a hidden power that would allow him to destroy any threat to his rule…

I think this is it 😀

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of a hidden Imperial
fortress to enslave worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia loyal to
the New Republic has sent
its pilots in search of
the last Jedi, hoping to
restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

In his absence, extremist
remnants of the fallen
Empire have emerged from
the shadows of the galaxy
as the evil FIRST ORDER,
conquering distant worlds
beyond the reach of the
fledgling New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
a brave militia loyal
to the New Republic has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, vowing
to restore a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

Because I have a crawl obsession…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to reforge the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, soldiers of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fledgling New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE, a
fearless militia loyal to
the New Republic has
been searching for the
last Jedi, hoping to
rekindle a light of hope
to the darkening stars…

EPISODE VII
THE FORCE AWAKENS

It is a time of despair.
Luke Skywalker, striving
to rebuild the legendary
Jedi Order, has vanished.

Emboldened by the Jedi’s
absence, agents of the
evil FIRST ORDER have
risen from the shadows
of an Imperial fortress to
conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
pacifistic New Republic.

Desperate to unite these
planets in RESISTANCE,
an underground militia has
sent its pilots in search
of the last Jedi, whose
mastery of the Force could
restore peace and justice
to the darkening stars…

Jar Jar Bricks said:
The crawl is the only place to directly explain why the creation of the Resistance was necessary. That’s why I opted to put that in there.

The new crawl does have that already though 😉

conquer isolated worlds
beyond the reach of the
fragile New Republic.

The First Order was acting far from the fragile New Republic, so the Resistance was made to “fight against this oppression”