Imhotep said:
Thanks for considering my feedback, I’ll try and get to previous episodes and then follow along as you go.
Oh man! More wonderful feedback - and on the same batch of episodes too! This is super useful, thanks.
For Shadow, that the Jedi are becoming corrupt by resorting to these tactics is good, and serves the overarching plot well. Still, if you were to reduce the weirdness here a little, perhaps the following lines could be cut at around 7:10: from Anakin, ‘what does that mean, Senator?’ up to Windu’s line ‘do you think you’ll be able to rekindle your relationship with him?’, if those cuts don’t butcher the scene too much. This would reduce the honey trap element, and reduce Anakin being terrible at keeping his concern for Padme apparently platonic. The previous scene at 4:30 is fine, it’s the later scene at 7:10 that I feel goes a little too far in this.
I’m not sure whether less is more here. I kind of like the weirdness. I think that, while having the Jedi order be so obviously sketchy, it puts more pressure on Padmé’s character because it puts her in a difficult position given her sense of duty. So while it is odd, it puts Padmé’s duty at odds against Anakin’s emotions, which is one of their core tensions.
For the crawl in Assault, it’s fine to note Lumiara’s absence in some way, but her fleet being delayed didn’t stick well with me, it didn’t seem to fit well with what follows. Instead, consider noting that Luminara and Barris are making some kind of preparations to attack the factory. Perhaps for the last slide of the crawl: ‘Master Luminara scouts the planet, confirming Padme’s report of a massive droid factory, built by the Archduke POGGLE THE LESSER / Fearing overwhelming droid production in the sector, the Jedi have swiftly diverted three fleets to neutralise this resurgent threat. / The second battle of Geonosis is about to begin…’
Yeah, I think I’ll soften this here a little, as you suggest. Originally she was scouting other battlefields (because the battle was planetwide, though we only saw the Anakin/Obi-Wan/Plo prong of it. I’ll tie it a little more closely to the plot, rather than put in a delay.
It’s fair to demote Assassin, as it feels on about the same level as Lightsaber Lost; still enjoyable but not essential viewing.
Glad you think so. I think it’s harmless, but it’s something I’d skip for a new Refocused viewer, but as you say, it’s there in the ordering for those who know it and prefer to include it.
I wonder if the Nelvan Crisis episode should be way earlier (even x1e00-C), given the more immature characterisation of Anakin and destruction of his robot arm, unless you’re using the end to tie into the battle of Coruscant?
I wasn’t planning on having it lead into the Battle of Coruscant, so when I do eventually visit this episode I’ll bear that in mind and think about its most appropriate placement.
S1E0, Dark Force Rising
- Consider cutting the opening montage; this could be replaced with your normal opening sequence, but keeping the 2003 ‘Clone Wars’ title card (00:00 to 00:12) instead of the TCW style title card.
That’s a nice idea, I’ll think about that when I come to polish the ‘maybe’ episodes.
- Open with Ventress on Rattatak, trim the arena so we begin with a classic planetary descent; then cut from this scene to Palpatine’s office on Coruscant.
- Your placement of the second Ventress episode is great, especially the cut from a close up of Anakin to Ventress; I wonder if the duel here could be trimmed a little, to focus more on Dooku destroying Ventress’ Jedi lightsabers, maybe cut the bit with the sculpture?
- In the space battle, cut the missiles (from around 19:35) firing across the bow and tracking Anakin.
- Cut Obi-Wan sending a squad of clones to follow Anakin, and their arrival at Yavin.
I’m intending for my cuts of this episode to be fairly light touch, since Tartakovsky has such a bold style and you either like Tartakovsky but you don’t, so my feeling is that if you want this episode included you generally want as much (non-conflicting) Tartakovsky as possible.
- Extend the static close up of Ventress at 8:55, to remove the white flash at the beginning of the shot.
- Cut part of the Arc troopers on Muunilist, from 13:15 to 15:38, intercut this with part of the space battle to cover this.
- Without the vision (of Qui-Gon and Anakin on Dagobah), the shot of Yoda at 34:55 doesn’t work for me. I’d suggest adding the vision here, or restoring it’s original placement.
I’ll check these though.
- I’m unsure about your placement of the scene with Grievous and Dooku. I prefer Grievous at the battle of Hypori to be his first scene; I would remove the Grievous-Dooku scene and instead cut from the close up of Obi-Wan to Anakin approaching Yavin.
I think I want to stick with this change. I do enjoy the Grievous suprise intro but we’ve kind of all seen Grievous now so I figure the suprise here is kind of lost, and therefore unnecessary to maintain. My justification for keeping that scene in this episode is that this episode is the most important of the Tartakovsky ones (due to the Ventress intro), so I wanted to get any relevant info in this one - and “I’ve been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Dooku” is explained by this scene.
S1E1, The New Padawan
- In the crawl: consider instead ‘a year ago…’ instead of ‘many months earlier…’; ‘treacherous Separatists’ rather than ‘insidious Separatists’; for the third sentence consider, ‘With Republic support, Senator BAIL ORGANA provides relief and supplies for the people of Christophsis, a planet under Separatist blockade’; for the last slide consider ‘Anakin Skywalker has earned the rank of JEDI KNIGHT, so Master Kenobi, eager to teach, has requested a new Padawan. / The duo have tracked ASAJJ VENTRESS, Dooku’s vicious disciple, to the recently evacuated Separatist command tower. / The two Jedi Knights move to investigate…’. I found the mission of the Jedi, and the tactical situation on Christophsis with Bail and Asajj, a little confusing at first, so tried to write up something that could situate things for me.
- I had this idea for another sentence in the crawl, but there’s likely not enough space for it: ‘The duo have bypassed the blockade to support Senator Organa, but this infiltration has left their troops isolated from the Republic fleet.’
I’ll think about all of this, thanks. Though I’ll stick with ‘Insidious Separatists’ because it’s a cheeky reference to Darth Sidious!
- For the episode title, perhaps instead ‘A NEW PADAWAN’? It’s a little more ambiguous.
Nice thought, but I think “The” makes it a bit more punctual, and (slightly) enhances the fact that Ahsoka is the focus.
- Interpolated frames at 10:26, 19:20, 22:24.
Thank you!
S1E2, The Death Watch
- In the crawl, in the second sentence consider instead ‘War against the Separatists spreads like fire across the galaxy, yet thousands of worlds refuse to take sides in the conflict’; in the third sentence, ‘The Council of Neutral Systems is led by MANDALORE, ravaged homeworld of the now pacifist Mandalorians.’
Valid!
- I’m not sure what to make of Almec’s disavowal of Jango at 2:58, it seems like an unnecessary deception on his part, and one that overly complicates the canon. Would it be too jarring if Almec’s response was removed, and we cut from Kenobi to Satine here?
I’d agree with you here but for the Mandalorian TV show specifically clarifying this scene recently, so I think his disavowal is important. Plus, it correctly establishes that there’s a difference between Mandalore (the state) and a few people who wear Mandalorian armour.
- Cut Kenobi missing with the blaster in the battle on Concordia, at 16:05.
- I wonder if the dialogue would run smoother (at 30:45) if Kenobi’s line ‘Satine, this is hardly the time or place for’ was cut.
I’ll look into these, thanks!
- Cut Anakin straight up asking if OWK and Satine were ever involved, as it’s really not the right time, unless Anakin should be insensitive in this way.
I think this is OK! Anakin’s a bit insensitive and he does like to goad and poke at Obi-Wan’s resolve.
S1E3, Malevolence
- In the crawl, in the first slide consider instead ‘The leader of the Separatist droid army, General Grievous, strikes strategically, targeting critical Republic defenses. / With his new weapon, the dreadnaught MALEVOLENCE, he ruthlessly attacks Clone medical stations, killing thousands of wounded troops.’; also in the last sentence of the second slide ‘But in every battle with the Malevolence, there are as yet no survivors…’
Nice ideas here, thanks.
- Interpolated frame at 22:10.
- The attack on the Malevolence felt a little odd, given the original attack angles. I think its just the shots at 24.20 and 24:36, where the squadron is shown off bow of the Malevolence, that feel out of place, as they’ve already passed the bow at this point and should now be over the middle of the ship.
- Also, without fighters being disabled by the ion cannon, dialogue on half the squadron being lost (at 23.55) seems inaccurate at this point. Perhaps this scene where squadron losses is noted could be placed after Matchstick’s death?
- The Malevolence crashing into the moon works well enough, but I wonder if any of the shots with the droids on the bridge of the Malevolence (such as scenes with the lines, ‘I think we have a problem’, and ‘reset the navicomputer’) could be used to extend things a bit here?
I’ll look into all of this too, thanks!
That’s all I’ve got for now, hope it helps!
Brilliant feedback, and extremely useful, thank you! Please keep it coming!
