- “But” and “However” are awkward starting sentences right next to each other. If you drop the “However” and start with “They are unaware…” it will read more smoothly.
I’ve had more feedback saying the same, so I will look at this again. I’ll check the Ventress stairs audio too.
Very glad your wife enjoyed the intro though!
A REQUEST
This is a long way off, but now that I’m planning on incorporating Revenge of the Sith into my show, I’d better review some edited versions. So, if you guys have any recommendations for preferred edits, I’d like to hear them. I’ll gladly chop and change between versions, if necessary. Bear in mind, my priorities will be:
- Adhering to franchise canon as closely as possible (rather than bending to match the OT or PT specifically, for example)
- Compelling narratives (like Hal’s reordering of the events which lead to Anakin’s fall) which bend the plot without breaking it
- Characterisation in line with TCW as much as the PT
- A narrative which fits with TCW and the wider franchise, rather than anything too radical
- Attractive additions and cuts which enhance the enjoyment of the story
- 1080p+ video quality, including incorporated deleted scenes
Happy to review supercuts of ROTS/SOM too, if they’re more than just the two official release versions intercut chronologically.
Thanks in advance!
i´m a little confused: Will you incorporate actual visuals from ROTS into your quality cut?
I would be against that…
I won’t be having mixed media episodes, but your conclusion of this show (and the Clone Wars journey) should either end up as:
VERSION 1
or
VERSION 2
Well done. My wife is going to start the series with me tonight using this version.
Two tiny nitpicks in the opening crawl, both on the second slide:
- “the duo” comes so far from the reference to ObiWan and Anakin that it might be better to say “the Jedi.”
- “But” and “However” are awkward starting sentences right next to each other. If you drop the “However” and start with “They are unaware…” it will read more smoothly.
The only other issue I noticed was a big drop in volume when Ventress jumps up the stairs, which lasts for a few seconds/lines of dialogue before returning to normal.
I’ve just changed the duo to the Jedi, and re-released that episode as v2.2.
I think starting with but, however, and, etc is alright though, so I’ve left that as-is.
By way of giving an update, I’ve been working through s01e02 Malevolence lately, bringing it up to standard. This is one of the very first episodes I produced, and quite a complex one too with all the inter- and intra- scene cutting, so it’s taking a while. I’ll be recreating some parts of this from scratch, now that I’m a better editor, to ensure the most polished result.
After this there aren’t any episodes that need nearly as much work done to them, other than my Ryloth episode, so things after this should speed up significantly.
Doesn’t that one just intercut the two release versions chronologically? I know Mechasalesman/Numeraljoker tends towards being a purist/completist, rather than being interested in restructuring.
A REQUEST
This is a long way off, but now that I’m planning on incorporating Revenge of the Sith into my show, I’d better review some edited versions. So, if you guys have any recommendations for preferred edits, I’d like to hear them. I’ll gladly chop and change between versions, if necessary. Bear in mind, my priorities will be:
Happy to review supercuts of ROTS/SOM too, if they’re more than just the two official release versions intercut chronologically.
Thanks in advance!
Notes as above. It’s as painless as I can get this content, as far as I can tell, though I still welcome any further feedback!
I’m rendering v2.1 of s01e01 The New Padawan now.
Addressing some other comments:
Very well!
With the reintroduced Yoda narration, and the louder Obi-Wan “Yes”.
I think the version without the obvious ignition works, because she clearly ignites it on the upswing. But I’d still punctuate that version with the beefy PWOMP as she brings it up, in that case, as the current version still feels too subtle.
#releasethebeefypwompcut
I think the dialogue works either way, and as Faraday says, it’s nice to hearken back to her origins, before she takes ownership of her new identity.
That said, I’d like to +1 for KEEPING the nice strong lightsaber ignition sound. It’s OK if it has to move to where we believe the ‘current’ one is (if we think there are now two), but that beefy PWOMP really helps sell the drama in the moment, I think.
No tweaks folks? Good as-is?
How’s this version four of the opening to s00e00 Dark Force Rising?
I think it’s getting closer, but that I maybe want to drop the logo in a little more punctually than this current fade.
That’s SO wonderful. Such a powerful conclusion. I’d maybe slightly boost the volume of the lightsaber activation SFX to give it a little more punch, or make sure that its bass component hits nicely, but the flow and clarity of all of the dialogue is flawless.
Thanks oojason, that’s appreciated. It was good of the mods to give Test another chance, but appropriate to uphold the ban after this disregard.
That said, folks, let’s please not discuss any assumptions about mental health. Test hasn’t offered up that information, and true or not, it’s not our place to say. His action was disregard for our culture, the mods’ action was a ban. That’s sufficient here. We owe each other better than to make assumptions like that, and indeed, to disparage those with mental health issues by doing so. I’m content to just dislike Test for his known actions.
The old SW movies used clearly flipped shots sometimes. I’ve suggested using this excuse before, but if all else fails… claim it’s a reference!
Yeah, we can get away with a few things this way. SW has a few outdated conventions, which permits us to use them if we need to.
Obvious flips are still fairly problematic, though, especially since people will pore over every frame in a Star Wars movie.
For Ep00, I essentially agree with exactly what Burbin said. I think option 2 is visually the cleanest way possible to present it, but the abrupt music at the title card is a bit jarring. If that can be somewhat gently faded in, then I think you’re golden.
I’m suprised by this, because I thought people would prefer version 3, where we get the opening scene in the office first. The episode title ‘DARK FORCE RISING’ follows nicely from Palpatine backing Anakin’s strength, and nicely precedes opening again on the imperial march over clone troopers, I thought.
The problem with sticking with option 2 is that I don’t think I have the opportunity to amend the audio here - at least without finding some other more radical solution. I feel like the CLONE WARS logo needs to come in on a pretty meaty audio cue, which probably means sticking with what I have, but the audio which precedes it doesn’t mix nicely with the music of Yoda’s narration, which can’t really be changed as the voice track is the same as the music track.
I have indeed! I was talking about that a couple of pages back. It’s not something I’ll put much thought into until I’ve finished seasons 1-5 properly, but I might consider turning episodes I and II into a season zero of TV-length episodes.
I actually did this before with my Hobbit trilogy-to-TV series edit. Cutting down into TV episodes also would give the advantage of giving more space for opening crawls, which means more opportunities for exposition, which means more ability to cut weaker context and potentially recontextualise without breaking canon. I’d love to get rid of the Naboo battle between Gungans and droids entirely.
I do want TCW:R to be able to fit in completely with normal canon, so that you can still consume any of the existing media without feeling like something’s missing.
I’ll PM you
All good thoughts. I’ll think about some tweaks with all of this in mind - though I am limited by how much space I have for the text, so often I have to pick the shorter option.
I used “Far side of the planet” to imply a long travel time (implicitly a more costly delay/distraction), but also to explain why they fight Ventress at night then return to the base during daytime.
Guys, this analytical feedback is impeccable and very much appreciated.
This episode will always end up a little janky just because of the source material available, but there are some excellent suggestions here.
Burbin, good shout on the redundancy of certain lines in the crawl. I could take back a little more flexibility there.
And that’s interesting on the audio. I did a lot of new audio work to keep it smooth, so it’s understandable that a few elements need tweaking further. I’ll fix a few noted places, but if it’s fully widespread I have an idea of why that might be, and know the fix.
One of the other motivations behind using that particular shot is that we don’t spend much time in space at all, but this way, the few shots we have all tell a clear narrative:
I think I agree with vranir, though, that we require a fifth ‘fleet’ shot
Noted, thanks djonesed and CMMAP. I’ll think further on these. What a tricky episode!
- Instead of opening with Republic ships taking fire, open with the speeder bikes. Your opening crawl already said that the Republic fleet had been forced to retreat to a medical station. If you want an establishing shot, maybe use one that only shows the Separatist ships in orbit?
This point raises some thoughts that are worth discussion.
Obviously a common rule of storytelling is ‘show, don’t tell’, and it’s one that Star Wars famously breaks with its opening crawls. In my edit, for reasons I’ve gone into extensively elsewhere, I need to rely on opening text for a lot of reasons, so I also have to break that rule - at least in a way that this franchise uniquely permits.
I had thought in this example that a nice dramatic scene illustrating one of the points in my opening text had value, actually showing the audience the retreat in spite of the opening text also telling it. But do we think that was unnecessary? An establishing shot would certainly be valuable (I’ve tried without, and the start feels a little flat in that instance), but do you think this was redundant? Showing the blockade above the planet would certainly follow naturally (if that footage exists), but would it be an improvement on showing the retreat so we can “feel” it more than just being told it happened?
I’m also interested in thoughts on the general case, here.
These are all good ideas, thanks for the lovely level of detail. I’ll give it a little while to gather more feedback, then I’ll give them all some serious thought.
…And while I’m at it, I’ve created a few more choices for the opening to s01e00 DARK FORCE RISING.
(I’ve just realised I’ve put a little video glitch in that third clip, but I’d fix it in the final version)
Let me know what you all think is best!