DuracellEnergizer

Clone troopers don't exist, so don't worry about it ;-)

I've just finished listening to the radio drama, and I absolutely loved it -- which is kind of surprising, really, because I've always had a hard time listening and getting into audiobooks, which aren't too different from radio dramas (I guess the use of multiple actors with different voices makes all the difference *shrug*) .

The only -- small -- problems I had with the drama were that some of the dialogue didn't sound all that natural (Leia's "my Alderaan" bit following the destruction of her homeworld is a perfectly hokey example) and that the actor who played Vader sounded too much like Frank Langella holding his nose.

Anyway, I'm definitely going to give the TESB radio drama a listen after this.

Hmm ... I never did post a picture of Ms. Langenkamp (Heather, that is) in this thread, did I? This must be rectified post-haste.

00001101101100001101101100001

Irregardlessly. Du iht riht ohr dohnt du iht aht ull.

Kyoot dahg.

SilverWook said:

Is one or both of them named Sid? ;)

 LOL. The same thoughts pretty much came to my mind as well.

And here I thought this thread might be about something interesting -- like whether or not the GFFA possesses teleportation technology and the like. But nope -- its a thread devoted to patently stupid questions that anyone can use their common sense to figure out. 

Does Lobot = lobotomy?

It takes more effort to spell horribly than it does to spell correctly.

Ledgen haz iht taht iht wuz writen by teh dahrk wons. Nekronohmicohn X Mortez, ruffle tranzlayted, "Bohk uf teh Ded". Teh bohk survd as a passegewhay 2 teh evul worulds beohnd. Iht wuz writen lohng ago, wehn teh sees rhan rehd wif blud. Iht wuz thes blud taht wuz uoozd 2 inq teh bohk. Ihn teh yeahr 1300 AD, teh bohk disupearhred.

Banghcoc, Orentell seteng
End te sitty dohnt no tat te sitty ehs geteng
Te crem del a crem uff te chez woruld en ah
Show wiff evurehfeng but Yool Brenahr

Thim flihs duhsent seem eh minut
Sinz te Teerolleahn spah had te chez bhoz en eht
Ul chanj dohnt u no tat wen u
Pla eht tiz levul thars no ordenare venoo

Ehts Issland or te Filipeens ohr Hasteengs ohr
ohr tiz plays!

Won nihet en Banghcoc end te worulds ur oystir
Te bahrs ere tempuls but te peruls ahnt free
Ull fihnd eh gud ehn evry goldhun cloystur
Ehd iff ure lucke fen te gods eh she
Ih chan feul anh ahngel sliydeng uhp 2 meh

Won tohns veray lihk anoffer
Wehn ur heds dohn ovr ur peesez, broffur

Ehts ah drahg, ehts a bohr, ehts reelay sutch eh pitee
2 b lookeng aht te borhd, noht lookeng eht te sitty

Whaddyuh mehn? Yu sehn won crohded, polutted, stinkeng tohn

Te, gurels, warhm, sweht
Sum arh set uhp en te Somurset Moogham sweht

Ghet Thihd! Ur tahkeng 2 ah toorest
Hoss evry moovs amung te pyurest
I get meh cics abuv te waystlin, sunshiyn

Won niht en Banghcoc mayks eh hard mahn humbul
Noht mutch beetween despayhr end xstase
Wom niyht en Banghcok end teh tuf ghuys tumbel
Khant b 2 charfull wif ur chompane
Iy chan feul fhe devul wakeng nekst 2 me

Syamhs guna b te whitnes
2 tuh altemut test uf sirebrul fhitnes
Zis grips meh mohr fan woud ah
Mude ohlud rivur ohr reclihneng Budah

End fank Gohd Ihm onle wattcheng te gahm controolingh eht

Ayh dohnt c u ghz ratteng
Zuh kiyhnd uv maht Ihm khontemplaytengh
Ihd let u wahch, I wud enviyht u
Buht te qwens weh yuse woud nhot xsiht u

Soh u betuhr go bak 2 ur bahrs, ur tempels, ur mahssag
parlars

Won niht ihn Bangkohk ahnd zuh woruld ur oystehr
Te bahrs ahr tempulz buht te peruls ahnt freeh
Ull fynd ah godh inh evury goldin cloystar
Ah litel fleshuh, a lital hisstore
Eh khan feulh ahn ahngul slihdeng ohp 2 meh

Won nihtuh ehn Bangcokh mayks ah harduh mhan humbulh
Nhot mutch betweenh desparh ahnd xstaseh
Whon nite ihn Banghkok ehnd te tuf gues tumbel
Chant beh 2 karful wif ur comphane
Ih kan feol fuh devel wakeng nhekst 2 meh

wat iz thez fred abuwt enewah ih dunt undurstehnd ene fheng ur seyeng plez enlehten meh 4 godds seks

Darth Lars said:

Jetrell Fo said:

The Crispy Creme Calendar Girls ...

 I was stupid enough to google that...

FrankT said:

So was I.

Sissies.

=P

Ryan McAvoy said:

This picture reminds of the winter of '96/97, when my childhood dog died of old age. No Superman film should remind me of that.

EXT. SPACE

With a blur of pseudo-motion, the Nyax and its contingent of assault ships drop out of hyperspace.

INT. NYAX/FORCE HOUND'S MEDITATION CHAMBER

Within a circle of burning candlesticks and under the varicoloured glow of an artificial stained glass window sits the Force Hound, his legs crossed and his head -- unhelmeted but turned away from us -- bowed in deep contemplation.

The door to the chamber slides open, and a Mandalorian warrior steps inside. Roused from his meditation, the Force Hound turns his head slightly to regard the newcomer.

FORCE HOUND: Remove your helmet.

Without the least resistance, the Mandalorian obeys; lifting the helmet free, the beat-up-but-handsome face of the Mandalorian who defiled Zull is revealed.

MANDALORIAN #2: You requested my presence, lord?

Without a word the Force Hound rises to his full height, donning his Mandalorian helmet as he does so. As he turns to face the lesser Mandalorian, the rugged pretty boy involuntarily flinches, overwhelmed by the Force-sensitive warrior's aura of formidable menace.

FORCE HOUND: What is your name, warrior?

MANDALORIAN #2: (swallows audibly) D-Dus Ubbs.

FORCE HOUND: You have served me well, haven't you, Dus Ubbs? Dedicated yourself to the cause without question or remorse, all for the glory of the Mandalorian people.

DUS UBBS (MANDALORIAN #2): (stammering) Y-yes, milord.

FORCE HOUND: You would give your life to see our lost honour restored, wouldn't you?

DUS UBBS: Of course, lord, without question.

FORCE HOUND: So be it then.

With a wave of the Force Hound's hand, six other Mandalorians -- all previously hidden in the deep shadows of the far corners of the chamber -- step out into the light, revealing themselves to the Mandalorian called Dus Ubbs. Nervously, he looks about at these intimidating warriors.

DUS UBBS: (to the Force Hound) Milord, what --

Before the Mandalorian can finish his thought, one of the Mandalorian Knights lunges out at him, sending an armoured punch to his face. His jaw snapping with the blow, Ubbs spins around, blood and teeth flying from his open mouth.

The Force Hound, radiating with extreme satisfaction, watches as the Knights proceed to beat Dus Ubbs to a bloody pulp.

INT. NYAX/ZULL'S CELL

Zull sits in the far corner of the cell, hugging her knees to her chest. Clad in the coveralls the Force Hound gave her, she is a fair sight better than when we saw her last, though her haunted eyes are still dark with bruises and unpleasant memories.

With an audible click, the cell door is unlocked. Turning to regard it, Zull watches the door slide open and the Force Hound -- the horribly beaten and shackled form of Dus Ubbs in tow -- step inside. Turning to face the girl, the Force Hound pushes the rapist to the floor in front of her.

FORCE HOUND: A gift, my dear.

With that the Force Hound departs, leaving the battered Mandalorian warrior alone with his traumatized victim.

DUS UBBS: (smiles weakly) Not such a grand sight now, eh, goddess?

Silently, the priestess draws herself to her feat. Her eyes wide with rage, she takes a step forward.

DUS UBBS: (frowns) Hey, now girl --

Her eyes and lips twitching, she crosses over to the Mandalorian and, seizing his head in her hands, drives her fingertips into his skull.

DUS UBBS: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Thin tendrils of sickly green energy begin to snake out from her hands, driving themselves into the violator's head. Immediately, the Mandalorian's body begins to shudder violently, his eyes rolling up into his head. Zull, for her part, merely increases the dosage, intensifying his shudders until they become full-blown seizures.

DUS UBBS: Ubbaaadduuubbaaabbbbdddduuubbbaaaaaa ...

His head vibrates rapidly in her hands, tongue and saliva trailing from his mouth with his eyes rolled up in their sockets; smoke begins to rise from the wounds surrounding Zull's fingers.

Her teeth bared in an animalistic snarl, Zull wrenches her fingers from the Mandalorian's head. Dus Ubbs collapses to the floor, stone dead and not a pretty sight in the least.

EXT. SPACE

The dungeon and assault ships pass through the void of space, an infinitude of white stars glowing behind them.

TIMELINE-I

PODD

13,000,000,000 BCE

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS

A universe where H. P. Lovecraft was never born and the Great Old Ones are real.

Suffice it to say, Cthulhu eventually left R’lyeh to drown the Earth in an orgy of madness and the Great Olds in general awoke from their aeons of slumber, fracturing the fabric of existence itself in the process.

FINAL NOTES

S. T. Joshi is in love with this universe and wants to marry it (or at least be the mother to its blasphemous hybrid offspring).

^^If you look into his eyes deep and long enough, you'll eventually see the face of Azathoth Itself bubbling and blaspheming at the centre of the universe.

Them's fightin' woids.

^PSEUDO-BLASPHEMY!!!

I didn't know that Eric Roberts was Julia Roberts' brother before tonight. Now that I do know, the resemblance is so obviously apparent.

I'm having fun with the new Episode I rewrite I'm currently writing*.

http://originaltrilogy.com/forum/topic.cfm/Star-Wars-The-New-Dawn-The-First-Episode-in-DuracellEnergizers-New-PT-Rewrite/topic/16317/

*The shameless self-promotion is obviously intended.

TV's Frink said:

Nah, they're all equally terrible.

Even this one?

EXT. DESERT - BOULDERS - EVENING

Some time has passed, and Ben has returned to the two large boulders in the desert beyond the Lars homestead. Laid out in the front seat, his arms crossed behind his head, he looks up into the night sky, gazing at the three moons glowing a pure white amongst the stars.

Reaching under the collar of his shirt, the Jedi knight pulls out an aquamarine crystal on a fine gold chain. Holding it up before his eyes, he's drawn in as the moonlight plays through the facets of the crystal, making it glow from within as if alive with its own cyan fire.

FADE TO

Another place in another time. Obi-Wan, still the same age he is today, stands on a balcony overlooking a beautiful pond with a lovely girl in ornate robes by his side. This world -- like Tatooine -- has three moons, the light of which plays upon the liquid surface of the pond like white fire.

GIRL: Obi-Wan?

OBI-WAN: Yes?

GIRL: Give me your hand.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) What for?

GIRL: (giggles) Just give me your hand.

With a shrug, the Jedi holds out his right hand. The girl, a fourteen-year-old beauty with long, curly dark brown hair and deep brown eyes, reaches around her neck and unfastens a gold chain bearing an aquamarine crystal. Placing the beautiful crystal in his palm, she closes his fingers around it.

OBI-WAN: (surprised) Amidala, what --?

AMIDALA (GIRL): (smiling) A gift, Obi-Wan.

OBI-WAN: (looks down at the crystal) But this has been in your family for generations -- I can't just take it!

AMIDALA: (reaches out and touches Ben's cheek) I don't need it to remember them, Obi-Wan. (beat) Wear it to remember me.

Taking his hand once again, the beautiful young woman known as Amidala brings it up to her face, kisses it and then rests the side of her face upon it, her lips spread in a smile of contentment. Obi-Wan, touched by her display of emotion, smiles in return.

Suddenly, without warning, a row of blade-like metal teeth erupt from Amidala's mouth, spraying a mist of red blood over the Jedi's hand. Rearing back, she opens her violated mouth and, with a cat-like hiss, buries her inhuman teeth into Obi-Wan's hand.

OBI-WAN: YYYEEEAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

CUT TO

Obi-Wan, here and now, suddenly awake, his right hand red with his own blood. Bringing his wounded hand up close to his face, he looks up to find a robed-and-masked Tusken Raider standing before him atop the hood of his speeder, a bloody gaffi stick in his hands. With the Tusken Raider, surrounding the vehicle, are seven other Tuskens.

As the Sand Person brings his gaffi stick down for a killing blow, Obi-Wan springs into action, somersaulting out of the seat and out of the speeder, spinning through the air to land on the ground right behind the nearest Tusken. As this Tusken spins around, swiping at Ben with his weapon, the Jedi ducks then punches the Sand Person in the face, throwing the creature forward into the speeder, knocking him out instantly.

Backing away from the Tuskens, Obi-Wan reaches for his lightsaber with his unwounded hand. Closing in together, the remaining Tuskens move in on Ben, their gaffi sticks ready for battle. Bringing forth the weapon, the Jedi knight presses the button set into the pommel, and a bright azure blade springs into existence with a sharp snap-hiss.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan, on a catwalk within the reactor core of some complex in another place and time. The same age he is now, he stands with another Jedi -- a SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD APPRENTICE with his long, dark hair done up in a topknot -- both of them wearing uniforms taken from Neimoidian soldiers. Both Jedi wield lightsabers, although here the boy carries the lightsaber with the azure blade while Obi-Wan brandishes a weapon with an emerald blade.

Standing before the Jedi, clad in black robes with red trim, is a DARK WARRIOR. His crown of horns identifying him as a member of the zabrak race, his skin is covered in red-and-black designs. In his hands, blazing with hellish intensity, is a double-length lightsaber sporting two ruby-red blades on each end.

His piercing yellow eyes aflame with evil glee, the dark warrior smiles, revealing a row of pristine white teeth.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan in the here-and-now.

As a Sand Person charges, the Jedi knight swings his lightsaber, cutting into the creature's shoulder.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the Jedi apprentice and dark warrior.

Lashing out with his lightsaber, Obi-Wan attempts to decapitate the darksider, but the villain merely ducks the blow. Before Obi-Wan can recover himself, the dark warrior kicks him in the chest, knocking him off the catwalk and sending him into a freefall through the void.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the Tusken Raiders.

As two Sand People swing at the Jedi, he dodges backward, allowing their blows to connect with each other instead.

As the two Tuskens fall to the ground unconscious, another decides to attack the Jedi. Slashing with his lightsaber, Obi-Wan cuts the warrior's right arm and head off.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan as he falls through the length of the reactor core.

Using his powers, the Jedi knight slows his descent enough to allow himself to reach out and grab the edge of another catwalk. The force of the fall working against him, his own velocity almost yanks his arms out of their sockets, and he gasps with pain. He fights through the pain, though, and hoists himself up onto the catwalk.

As he stands up on unsure legs, he looks up to the levels above, where he sees the other Jedi fighting against the dark warrior alone.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan with the remaining three Tusken Raiders.

Standing before a wounded Tusken, the Jedi knight draws back his lightsaber. Before he can strike, however, one of the other Sand People hits him in the back with his gaffi stick, causing the Jedi to drop his weapon with a cry of pain.

As the Tusken hoists his weapon high, Ben quickly recovers and lashes out, grabbing the warrior by the throat and pushing him back, using the Force to send him hurtling into one of the large boulders with fatal force.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan standing within a corridor, a wall of impassible energy blocking him off from the other Jedi, who continues to fight alone against the dark side warrior.

As the energy field drops, the Jedi breaks into a sprint down the corridor. Before he can reach his comrade and rejoin him in battle against the zabrak, though, another wall of yellow energy springs up in front of him, blocking him off once again.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan as he kicks a Tusken in the throat, breaking his neck. As the robed warrior collapses lifeless to the sand, the Jedi knight finds himself facing the last of the Tusken Raiders -- the same warrior who wounded his hand.

Releasing a loud battle cry, the Sand Person charges him, swinging his gaffi stick. Anticipating the warrior's movements, the Jedi easily side-steps the Tusken, wrenching the gaffi stick from his grasp in the process. Losing his balance, the Tusken Raider falls forward. Somersaulting across the sand, he comes to a stop beside Obi-Wan's fallen lightsaber. Noticing the weapon, the Sand Person swipes it up eagrely.

As he rises to his feet, the Tusken engages the weapon, casting blue light across the features of his swaddled head. Grimacing, Obi-Wan raises the gaffi stick into an attack position. In unison, the combatants charge one another.

FLASH TO

The Jedi apprentice engaged in lightsaber battle with the zabrak warrior inside a small, enclosed chamber. Obi-Wan, trapped behind a field of yellow energy at the end of the corridor leading into the chamber, can do nothing but watch as his friend begins to falter beneath the ferocious attacks of the dark warrior.

Visibly tired, the apprentice successfully blocks a blow from one of the zabrak's ruby blades. His counterattack is sloppy, though, and he overextends himself, allowing the dark warrior to bring the shaft of his saberstaff up and into the Jedi's chin, knocking his head back with teeth-loosening force.

Before the young Jedi can regain his composure, the dark warrior pulls his double-bladed saberstaff back. Smiling with dark glee, he strikes.

FLASH TO

Obi-Wan and the Tusken Raider as they come at each other, weapons swinging. The azure blade passes over the Jedi knight's head harmlessly, but the butt of the gaffi stick makes contact with the Sand Person's face with a sickening wet crunch. The fabric of his face covering quickly growing dark with blood, the Tusken drops to the ground, the lightsaber deactivating as it falls from his hands.

Tossing the gaffi stick to the ground, Obi-Wan looks about at the carnage surrounding him; five of the Tusken Raiders are dead, the other three unconscious.

Sighing, the Jedi knight retrieves his lightsaber -- a lightsaber that was once the weapon of that unnamed Jedi apprentice -- and clips it back to his belt.