DuracellEnergizer

As it's a single trilogy, no. ;-P

^ACH DU LIEBER!

If I ever refuse to watch Episode VII, it'll be because I didn't like what I heard about it, not because the OOT didn't get a proper new release.

In any case, I won't be paying to watch it, so whatever's left of my soul will be clean.

Can't we just establish a telepathic hive mind or something?

bought 500 homemade Laserdiscs and

^Now I need to see that movie.

Make up a plot, eh? Heh, heh ... heheheheheheheheh.

***

STAR WARS: EPISODE VII -- THE FORCE AWAKENS

Once upon a time there was a galaxy far, far away. Thirty years have passed since Palpatine kicked the bucket, and the galaxy has now become divided equally between the New Republic and the Empire.

All is not wine and roses, however. Deciding now that the stars are right, dark side practitioner Luuv Krapht

decides to use his sorcery to bring the Immortal Gods of the Sith into the familiar plane of reality so that they may drown the galaxy in an orgy of blood.

Due to his inability to dial a ouija board properly, however, instead of summoning forth the Immortal Gods, Krapht summons their lesser cousins -- the Semi-Mortal Demons of the Sith -- instead.

Once in the natural plane, instead of immediately consuming the stars as their cousins would have done, the Semi-Mortal Demons merely possess the bodies of a poodoo-load of people, transforming them into space vampires

which begin preying upon all the peoples of the galaxy, Imperial and New Republican alike.

As the vampire plague spreads, Senator Leia Organa-Solo decides to enlist the aid of her brother Luke Skywalker to repel this threat. As Luke has long since hung up his robes and taken up residence at the Jedi Retirement Home on Tatooine, however, he is no longer willing or able to go back into action.

Instead, he takes Kylo Ren

-- the janitor who cleans the toilets at the Jedi Retirement Home -- and pressures him into doing the job for him. Kylo reluctantly agrees. First, however, Kylo must procure the light-crucifix, an ancient Jedi weapon, if he hopes of repelling the space vampires from the galaxy.

On his way to his mother's house to ask her if he can borrow her starship, Kylo meets up with a young lady riding a popsicle-shaped speeder.

This is Rey, the ice cream woman.

Anyway, Kylo buys a cone of rocky hyperlane from her and he and she continue on their respective ways.

Finally arriving at his mother's, Kylo convinces her to let him borrow her starship. Taking it, Kylo quickly leaves Tatooine in search of the light-crucifix.

Meanwhile, on another desert planet, a stormtrooper named Finn

gets overtaken by the space vampires and killed, proving that even in other galaxies, the black guy always dies first.

Some time passes, and after following a series of detours and dead ends, Kylo finally arrives at his destination: the planet Exxmas,

where it is Christmas all year round.

Landing on the surface, Kylo meets the Wizard of Exxmas,

whose voice is played by Max Von Sydow. The Wizard tells him where to locate the legendary light-crucifix of legend: past a mountain of skulls upon which stands a castle of pain which houses a throne of blood.

Kylo follows the Wizard's directions and eventually comes to a bridge guarded by a troll.

After successfully answering the troll's questions three, Kylo crosses the bridge, whereupon he discovers the shrine containing the chest encasing the light-crucifix. Unveiling the chest, he opens it and withdraws the light-crucifix. With a press of a button, he activates the holy weapon.

To then make an already long story short, Kylo Ren defeats the space vampires, banishes Luuv Krapht to the Outer Darkness, and gets the girl.

And who's this girl, you may ask?

THE END ('til Episode VIII)

DarthShackleford said:

holy shit how is this thread still going you guys know they'll be out before next christmas, rite?

Next Christmas rite? What Christmas rite? Christmas is over, man, over!

Luciferians hacked the forums and shut 'em down. Whether they were of the homosexual variety or not is still under investigation.

If I had $300 to burn on comics, I'd prefer to burn it on actual, physical comics I can hold in my own two hands.

TV's Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

77FN said:

Beats me why folks would want that many spoilers anyway, especially when there's still just under a year to go. That list above is a prime example - avoided! What's the point in having the films story/plot and other information (if legit) made available before one has seen the film? Takes away much of the enjoyment, and has almost become a competition amongst a certain sub-section of fandom - who can get the most spoilers. All thimgs considered I preferred the pre-internet era for films. There were more genuine surprises, and greater enjoyment overall of films without being dissected to death.

On the plus side, by knowing the spoilers in advance, you can avoid watching the movie altogether if it turns out to be a big steaming pile of crap.

 It must be hard being you.

If it's any consolation, I wasn't talking about this movie in particular. =P 

A month shy of 17, actually, give-or-take a number of weeks and/or days.

I'm glad it's back, too. It gets boring looking up pictures of half-naked, muscle-bound women all day long.

For Christmas, I got the gift of another 24 hours taken off my life. In other words, it was a bland, empty day like any other.

Of course I have a grave! I died back in June 2004, after all.

They sold their souls to Luciferian homosexuals for free access to the info.

This reminds me of a story I read about a guy who had some disease that left him incapable of having a bowel movement more than once a month. Needless to say, it ended up killing him.

^NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

77FN said:

Beats me why folks would want that many spoilers anyway, especially when there's still just under a year to go. That list above is a prime example - avoided! What's the point in having the films story/plot and other information (if legit) made available before one has seen the film? Takes away much of the enjoyment, and has almost become a competition amongst a certain sub-section of fandom - who can get the most spoilers. All thimgs considered I preferred the pre-internet era for films. There were more genuine surprises, and greater enjoyment overall of films without being dissected to death.

On the plus side, by knowing the spoilers in advance, you can avoid watching the movie altogether if it turns out to be a big steaming pile of crap.

Reading through this thread, I feel as if an eldritch abomination just walked over my grave.

I blame the Luciferian homosexuals.

Maybe Santa will finally get me that hypertime machine I've been asking him for for the past ten years.

Ths thrd s ddctd t wrds splt sng cnsnnts nly -- N VWLS R LLWD! Cn s wrds nrmlly splld wth vwls, bt th vwls thmslvs mst b rmvd -- N XCPTNS!

Nw, wth tht t f th wy, 'Ll pn ths thrd wth vwlss qt tkn frm Dgr Lln P's "Th Tll-Tl Hrt".

Tr! --nrvs --vry, vry drdflly nrvs hd bn nd m; bt wh wll sy tht m md? Th diss hd shrpnd my snss --nt dstrd --nt dlld thm. Bv ll ws th sns f hrng cut. Hrd ll thngs n th hvn nd n th rth. Hrd mny thngs n hll. Hw, thn, m md? Hrkn! nd bsrv hw hlthly --hw clmly cn tll th whl stry.

DuracellEnergizer said:

I can't say that I knew right off the bat that there was anything was wrong with the PT. I was a kid when I saw the first two prequels, so I wasn't quite able to see the faults of the films at that time. From the beginning I felt that the PT was inferior to the OT, though I didn't see them as bad until much later.

 

I first saw TPM about a year after I watched the OOT for the first time on video. I never saw it in theatres, but I had read a few novelizations (both junior and adult). I frankly found the novelizations dull when I read them, so when I did see the film I wasn't expecting anything groundbreaking.

In the end I did end up liking TPM once I saw it - much more than its novelizations. It wasn't as good as the OT, I thought, but still decent.

 

AOTC didn't impress me nearly as much. I didn't like the overuse of CGI, and thought the acting wasn't so great (I had seen Hayden before in over work, so I kinda knew what to expect from him). At the end I was like "So that's how Anakin lost his hand ... so Boba Fett's a clone ... so the Clone War clones were all cloned from some lame bounty hunter ... uh ... okay".

My distaste for AOTC only grew with subsequent viewings, but I didn't hate the film at that point. It was a Star Wars film, and even the least impressive entry in the series had to be okay, right?

 

I then later read the ROTS novelization ... and I thought "So that's how Anakin turned? That's how the Jedi were wiped out? What, Padmé died? So Obi-Wan didn't believe there was any good in Anakin after he fell after all? Obviously this isn't how things were originally supposed to unfold, and not how I would have done it, but overall a satisfactory conclusion to the saga".

Then I saw the film itself ... and I knew right away that it was worse than the book that was based on it. Worse acting and dialogue than ever before, and even more overuse of CGI. All the faults I found and accepted in the novelization were amplified in the film, and made utterly unbearable.

It was then that I knew something was wrong, but I still managed to convince myself it was a good movie. "Beyond the CGI and bad dialogue it is still a Star Wars film", I thought, "I still feels like a Star Wars film". 

 

It wasn't until I finally got a computer and Internet access that I came to hate the PT, all of it. Prior to that point I had never had regular access to the Internet, and had been sheltered from most of the diverse views the fans held (frankly, up til then I had assumed that pretty much every fan accepted anything SW).

After learning that many fans were distressed by the changes made to the OT and the discrepancies created by the PT I was able to put two-and-two together, and my own dissatisfactions boiled over into outright hatred.

 

This is my first post, BTW. Sorry if I rambled on there a bit ... =)

Ah, my first post ... with unnecessary double spacing as far as the eye can see ...

^Just one more.

Danfun128 said:

Leonardo said:

TV's Frink said:

Ryan McAvoy said:

DrCrow, please don't requote all of a large image post in the very next post. You keep doing it.

DrCrowTStarwars said:

FanFiltration said:

I always disliked these.

Yeah those are awful, I hate the fact that they used those on the Blurays. When compared to the VHS and Laser Discs, which used the great classic movie posters they just look insanely stupid.

I mean just compare those to these.

alright, you asked for it.

I think we can do better (or worse) than that. This may not be as long, but its 100% more insane! From http://heaven.internetarchaeology.org/heaven.html presenting something that makes no sense whatsoever. (Disclaimer: If the following offends you, I apologize, I am religious myself.)

There -- now we're set.