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Is that Jenny’s new phone number? 😉

HELL OR HIGHWATER – DAVID DUCHOVNY

ALBUM: 8/10

ALBUM COVER: 5/10

EVE 6 – EVE 6

ALBUM: 7/10

COVER: 7/10

If they ever get around to make a Namor movie, they should cast a blue-eyed blonde to play the titular character.

With non-atrocious versions of the Batsuit, Batvoice, and Batmobile … maybe.

EXT. NAR SHADDAA – CORELLIAN SECTOR – TWILIGHT

Up in the heavily polluted sky of Nar Shaddaa, countless starships and airspeeders move about like a swarm of angry hornets, passing around and between the countless rusting skyscrapers which reach up from the decaying surface of the moon below.

INT. MELTDOWN CAFÉ – TWILIGHT

A dank, filthy place illuminated by dirty red lighting, the Meltdown Café is packed with clientele, most of whom are visibly disreputable types. Sitting at a small round table in the back corner of the establishment, out of place in his surroundings, is a relatively clean-looking ORTOLAN. Visibly nervous, he chain smokes cigarette after cigarette, crushing one out and lighting another before finishing its predecessor. Resting on the floor beside him is a metal briefcase.

As the Ortolan worriedly smokes, a waitress – an incredibly emaciated Bothan with sparse, stringy hair and a lazy eye – approaches his table.

WAITRESS: (takes out a datapad and stylus) What’ll ye be havin’?

ORTOLAN: (looks up at the waitress; stammering) Oh no, nothing, please. I’m not hungry – I’m just waiting for someone.

WAITRESS: (sighs) Look, this is an eatin’ and drinkin’ establishment – ye come in here ta eat or drink, not ta sit ‘n’ stare like a stuffed bird. If all yer gonna consume is that goddamn smoke, then ye can take yer ass out o’ here and free up some space fer payin’ customers.

ORTOLAN: I’ll have a glass of Saurin brandy, then – a small one.

WAITRESS: (takes the order down on her datapad) Yer wish is meh command, meh lord.

The waitress walks off, leaving the Ortolan to himself again. Resuming his chain smoking, he takes a glance at his wrist chronometre.

ORTOLAN: By the goddess’ bulge, how long is he going to be?!

After a few minutes pass, a new figure – a TALL KUBAZ adorned in a dark green overcoat – enters the Meltdown. Taking a gander at the clientele filling the place, he notices the Ortolan sitting in his secluded spot. As he walks up to the Ortolan, he reaches to a mechanical device secured to his right wrist and presses a series of small buttons.

ORTOLAN: Are you Khar J’ak? Are you the one I’ve been waiting for?

KHAR J’AK utters something in Huttese. Judging by the artificial sound of the words, they come from a mechanical device rather than his own vocal cords.

ORTOLAN: I’m sorry, I don’t understand Huttese.

The Kubaz makes an adjustment to the settings of his translator.

KHAR J’AK: Did you bring my money?

ORTOLAN: (looks down at and places a hand on the briefcase beside him) It’s here.

KHAR J’AK: Good, very good.

As J’ak reaches down for the briefcase, the rotund Ortolan slaps his hand away.

ORTOLAN: No, not until you fill your end of the bargain.

KHAR J’AK: (rubs his slapped hand) Outside, then.

ORTOLAN: The alley?

KHAR J’AK: The alley.

Turning, the Kubaz walks away. Picking up his briefcase, the Ortolan follows after him.

EXT. MELTDOWN CAFÉ – ALLEY – TWILIGHT

The Ortolan stands waiting in the alley alone. Clutching the briefcase to his chest, he taps his foot impatiently.

KHAR J’AK: (O.C.) Here she is.

From the shadows Khar J’ak emerges, leading a small Ortolan female before him. In J’ak’s right hand is a blaster pistol, the barrel of which is pressed against the female Ortolan’s right temple.

ORTOLAN: Kleu!

KLEU: Papi!

KHAR J’AK: Alright, Imunafas, here’s your daughter. Now give me the case.

IMUNAFAS (ORTOLAN): Let Kleu go first!

KHAR J’AK: Try to run away, either of you, and I’ll burn holes in both your heads – capisce?

Taking the blaster away from Kleu’s head, J’ak pushes her forward. She runs up to her father, who hugs her to him.

KLEU: (ecstatic) Papi!

IMUNAFAS: (crying) Oh, Kleu – Kleu!

KHAR J’AK: I’m touched by the familial love you share, but my money?

IMUNAFAS: (sets the briefcase down on the ground and pushes it toward the Kubaz with his foot) Take it!

The Kubaz catches the briefcase and, holstering his blaster, pops the case open, revealing the contents: several small bars of a shiny red metal. As Khar J’ak looks upon the bars, the two Ortolans back away from him.

KHAR J’AK: Wait a minute. (looks up at the Ortolans) This is only half! Where’s the rest of it?!

IMUNAFAS: What are you talking about?

KUBAZ: (angry) Don’t play games with me! We agreed on one-hundred bars. This is only fifty!

IMUNAFAS: (incredulous) What?!

KUBAZ: (pulls out his blaster) I don’t like being played with, Ortolan. Now you tell me –

Before the Kubaz can finish his sentence, a razor-edged metal disc comes whirling out from the darkness of the alley. Passing through the air at nigh-invisible speeds, it slices through the Kubaz’s right elbow, severing his gun hand from the rest of his body. Releasing an untranslatable Kubaz SCREAM, J’ak collapses to his knees. Gripping his stump with his remaining hand, he desperately tries to staunch the blood flowing from his wound.

KUBAZ: (screaming) Goddamn you! I’ll hack your --!

Before J’ak can complete his curse, a loud, resonating BANG sounds out through the alley, followed immediately by the appearance of a bloody hole in the left side of the Kubaz’s head. Kinetic energy knocking him to the right, he is dead before he hits the pavement.

As Imunafas holds his sobbing daughter close against him, two tall, intimidating figures – a TRANDOSHAN and WOOKIEE – emerge from the shadows. The Wookiee – his fur black with silver streaks – is naked save for a gunbelt worn about his hips and a lanvarok secured to his left wrist. The Trandoshan – sporting midnight green scales and wearing a black-and-white spacer’s suit – carries a slugthrower rifle in his long arms. Walking up to the remains of Khar J’ak, they look down upon the corpse, inspecting their handiwork.

IMUNAFAS: Thank you, I –

TRANDOSHAN: (speaking through a translator) We don’t care about your thanks. (points at the briefcase) Is that the rest of our fee?

IMUNAFAS: (stammering) Y-y-yes. Fifty bars to go with the other fifty I gave you as a down payment.

Bending down, the Trandoshan closes the briefcase and hoists it up.

TRANDOSHAN: Then our business is concluded.

Turning, the Trandoshan leaves and re-enters the shadows, leaving the two Ortolans alone with his Wookiee partner.

The Wookiee, uttering a low grunt, bends down over the slain J’ak. Grabbing hold of the Kubaz’s severed arm, he picks it up, examining the controls for the corresponding translator secured to it. Peeling off the controls and tossing the dead appendage away, the Wookiee bends low over J’ak’s body and strips the translator apparatus from the dead being’s neck.

Releasing a short laugh, the Wookiee then turns and leaves himself, following his Trandoshan partner into the shadows of Nar Shaddaa.

EXT. SPACE – ORRON III

A freighter drops out of hyperspace and makes its way toward the green-and-blue agricultural world.

EXT. SPACE – CORUSCANT

A passenger liner drops out of hyperspace and makes its way toward the bronze-coloured ecumenopolis.

INT. FREIGHTER/COCKPIT

As the Ithorian pilot and co-pilot maneuver the ship’s controls in the seats before him, Anakin looks out the window to his right at the view of Orron III beyond.

INT. PASSENGER LINER/PASSENGER DECK

As a sleeping Ithorian snores in the seat beside him, Obi-Wan looks out the window to his left at the view of Coruscant beyond.

EXT. ORRON III – SPACEPORT/TARMAC – SUNRISE

The freighter has landed and its few passengers are filing out. Nik is among them.

EXT. CORUSCANT – GALACTIC CITY – SPACEPORT/TARMAC – SUNSET

The liner has landed and its many passengers are filing out. Obi-Wan is among them.

INT. ORRON III – FLOWER SHOP – SUNRISE

Nik hands a bouquet of flowers out to the Neimoidian teller. Taking the flowers, she brings out her scanner and scans the barcode.

NEIMOIDIAN TELLER: That’ll be thirty-two ingots.

ANAKIN: (hands her the ingots) Keep the change.

INT. CORUSCANT – CANDY STORE – SUNSET

Obi-Wan hands a box of chocolates out to the Duros teller. Taking the box, she brings out her scanner and scans the barcode.

DUROS TELLER: That’ll be twenty-three credits.

OBI-WAN: (hands her the credits) Keep the change.

EXT. ORRON III – DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD – COURTYARD – SUNRISE

A taxi comes to a stop before the quaint, cozy house of the DuQuesne family. Opening the side door, Anakin steps out.

EXT. CORUSCANT – GALACTIC CITY – 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX – SUNSET

A taxi comes to a stop before the 662 Gasgar Valley apartment complex. Opening the side door, Obi-Wan steps out.

EXT. ORRON III – DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD – COURTYARD – SUNRISE

Anakin stands before the front door, the bouquet of flowers in his left hand. He tugs at the tight collar of his black shirt as the door opens.

INT. CORUSCANT – 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/TURBOLIFT – SUNSET

Obi-Wan stands in the turbolift, the box of chocolates under his arm. He tugs at the tight collar of his white shirt as the turbolift comes to a stop and the doors open.

INT. ORRON III – DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD/LIVING AREA – SUNRISE

As Nik enters the living area he finds two individuals – NEMEC and CORIN DUQUESNE – waiting for him.

ANAKIN: (grins) 'Shira?

INT. DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD/NASHIRA’S BEDROOM – SUNRISE

Entering the bedroom, Nik finds 'Shira. Seated on the chair to the left of her bed, dressed in pajamas, Nashira stares into the mirror, brushing her pixie-styled strawberry blond hair as bright yellow sunlight falls upon the back of her head from the uncovered window. The joy upon her face is evident.

NASHIRA: (turns to Anakin) Nik!

Rising from the chair, Nashira runs up to her boyfriend. Wrapping her arms around him, she plants her lips on his and begins to kiss him passionately.

His fingers opening, the bouquet of flowers falls from Nik’s grasp, hitting the floor with a light RUSTLE.

INT. CORUSCANT – 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/LIVING AREA – SUNSET

As Obi-Wan enters the living area he finds it empty, the lights off.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) Siri?

INT. 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/BEDROOM – SUNSET

Entering the bedroom, Obi-Wan finds Siri. Seated on the chair to the right of their bed, dressed in a nightgown, Siri stares out the window, the heavy orange sunlight falling upon her face from between the window blind’s slats. The sorrow upon her face is evident.

SIRI: (turns to Obi-Wan) Ben ….

Rising from the chair, Siri moves up to her husband. Wrapping her arms around him, she plants her face in the hollow of his neck and begins to weep.

His fingers opening, the box of chocolates falls from Obi-Wan’s grasp, hitting the floor with a hollow THUD.

INT. ORRON III – DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD/NASHIRA’S BEDROOM – SUNRISE

Anakin and Nashira stand together silently in each others’ arms.

INT. CORUSCANT – 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/BEDROOM – SUNSET

Obi-Wan and Siri stand together silently in each others’ arms.

EXT. ORRON III – DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD – MAIZE FIELDS – DAY

Nemec DuQuesne rides his combine through the vast, sprawling fields of maize, mowing down and harvesting thousands of ripe stalks as he moves onward. Beside him, driving a trailer to collect the freshly mowed-and-ground maize, is Anakin. Due to the advanced age of both vehicles, neither one has functioning air conditioning, leaving Anakin and Nemec to sweat profusely within their cabs under the full midday sun.

Without warning, the engines of Anakin’s trailer suddenly begin to shudder violently. With an unwelcome SPUTTER and COUGH, the engines then blow out and the vehicle completely dies. Unaware or what has just transpired, Nemec keeps the combine rolling forward, leaving ground maize to spill out upon the ground.

ANAKIN: Oh, for the love of –

Opening the cab door, Nik leaps out of the trailer. Running forward, he begins yelling and waving his arms at Nemec to stop.

ANAKIN: (shouting) Nemec! Hey, Nemec! Stop the combine! You’re dumping maize all over the ground! Stop, man, stop!

Finally noticing Anakin’s cries of panic, Nemec hits the breaks. As the large combine grinds to a halt, Nemec powers down the thresher, halting the maizefall.

NEMEC: (opens the cab door and leans out) What in hell happened?!

ANAKIN: Dunno. The engines just died on me!

NEMEC: (sighs and runs a hand through his hair) Figures. (beat) I guess that’s that for the day. We’ll take a look at the engines tomorrow and see if we can’t get the old girl patched up again. (beat) Hop on in.

ANAKIN: (waves his hand dismissively) Nah, you go on ahead. I’d like to walk for a while, catch the breeze.

NEMEC: Suit yourself.

Closing the cab door, Nemec starts forward again, leaving Anakin behind. Anakin, for his part, just puts his hands in his pockets and begins walking at a leisurely pace, taking in the nature surrounding him.

ANAKIN: (singing; in Esperanto) The sights, they’re embryonic. See what you want, I’m not quite sonic. The sounds, they’re quadraphonic. Semi-moronic, not quite sonic ….

EXT. DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD – COURTYARD – DAY

As Nik finally arrives at the DuQuesne homestead, he finds Nemec and his wife Corin waiting for him. Corin stands holding a tray with a pitcher and glass of ice tea in her hands, Nemec seated in a sun chair with a glass in his hand beside her. With the two spouses so close together, it’s impossible not to compare and contrast their physical features. Where Nemec is stocky and rather plain-looking, Corin is gracile and strikingly beautiful. The only attribute they have in common is their blond hair.

CORIN: You must be thirsty after all that work and that long walk, Anakin. Have a glass.

ANAKIN: Thanks, Corin.

Taking the glass of ice tea, Anakin downs it in one long, uninterrupted swallow.

CORIN: (eyes widening) My, you must be thirsty. Here, have some more. (takes the pitcher and pours more tea into Anakin’s glass)

NEMEC: Pull up a chair, Nik, take a load off.

ANAKIN: (takes a small sip of his refreshed ice tea) Thanks, but I think I’ll head inside for a shower first.

Nodding to Nashira’s parents, he steps past them for the door. The man and wife exchange glances, cocking their eyebrows in unison.

INT. DUQUESNE HOMESTEAD/REFRESHER/SHOWER – DAY

Stripping off his sweaty clothes, Anakin steps inside the shower. Closing the door, he turns the water on, allowing a stream of fresh, clean water to hit him full-on in the face. Taking a bar of soap, he begins to lather himself up.

As Nik works himself clean, a SHADOWY HUMAN FIGURE can be seen slowly entering the 'fresher. With complete silence, the silhouette cautiously makes its way over to the occupied shower. Completely oblivious, Anakin doesn’t notice as the dark shade approaches the closed shower door, slowly raises an arm to grip it, then suddenly – violently – wrenches it open.

NASHIRA: Surprise!

ANAKIN: YAH!!!

Surprised, Anakin jumps back, nearly slipping in the shower. 'Shira, for her part, begins laughing hysterically.

ANAKIN: (irate) Dammit, Nashira! I could’ve slipped and broken my damn neck! Don’t do that ever again!

NASHIRA: (pouts sexily) Ohhh, you big bad baby. As if you’d ever slip, Jedi man o’ mine.

ANAKIN: Close the door, will ya? Water’s getting out all over the floor.

NASHIRA: (looks down at the water spraying out onto the refresher floor) Hmmm, I guess I should. (looks back up at Nik, grinning salaciously) Shouldn’t I?

At that, Nashira begins to undress. Taking her time, Nashira unbuttons her powder blue blouse, pulling it open and down to expose her naked shoulders and toned stomach. Once that is done, she unzips her dark brown pants and slowly works them down, exposing her long, shapely legs. With both shirt and pants off, Nashira stands there in her black undergarments, bearing her body to her man. In the years that have passed since we last saw her, Nashira has matured from a pretty young girl into a beautiful young woman with the lithe body of a nascent goddess.

ANAKIN: (eyes Nashira) ….

Grinning broadly, 'Shira steps into the shower. Closing the door behind her, she slips her arms around Anakin’s neck.

NASHIRA: No water getting out on the floor now.

ANAKIN: No, no … of course not now.

Leaning forward, Anakin brings his face close to Nashira’s and reaches behind to rest his hands on the small of her back; pressing his lips against hers, he slides his hands up to her shoulder blades and begins working to remove her bra.

As water cascades down the bodies of the two lovers, Nashira’s satin undergarments drop to the shower floor.

INT. CORUSCANT – 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/DINING AREA – EVENING

Obi-Wan and Siri sit on opposite ends of the small dining table, facing one another. Though they both poke at the food on their plates, neither are truly hungry.

OBI-WAN: How is it? The recipe called for twenty minutes but I left it in an extra five. I didn’t overcook anything, did I?

SIRI: (sullen) No, no. It’s just fine.

OBI-WAN: Do you need any salt? I could pass you –

SIRI: I don’t need any salt, Ben. It’s fine as it is.

An awkward moment of silence passes between them.

OBI-WAN: Siri, maybe we should talk about … about what happened.

SIRI: No, we don’t. Just eat your food.

OBI-WAN: Love, we can’t just avoid it. We have to –

SIRI: (enraged) I said I don’t want to talk about it! Now shut up and let me eat in peace!

In anger, Siri begins to stab at her plate violently, breaking it in half.

SIRI: (crying) Oh, goddammit!

Bolting up out of her chair, she runs out of the room. Abandoning his plate, Obi-Wan follows after her.

EXT. 662 GASGAR VALLEY APARTMENT COMPLEX/OBI-WAN & SIRI’S APARTMENT/BALCONY – EVENING

Siri stands out of the balcony, her hands tightly gripped around the railing. Her eyes shut tight and her teeth bared in a grimace, she weeps. Slowly, cautiously, Obi-Wan joins her, placing his hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

SIRI: I lost our baby, Ben! I lost him! Oh God, I lost him!

Wrapping his arms around her, Obi-Wan kisses her on the temple then rests his head on her shoulder.

OBI-WAN: He’s left us, but he’s gone home to the Force, Siri. One day we’ll be with him again.

SIRI: I wanted to see him, Ben, to hold him in my arms at least once. I wanted to let him know I loved him. (beat) That I wanted him.

OBI-WAN: You will, love, you will. We’ll try again.

SIRI: (turns to face him) Try again? For what? For another miscarriage? For another baby born dead?

OBI-WAN: We’ll just have to wait ‘til the treatments are finished before we try again. The next time will work. I promise.

Grabbing hold of him, Siri buries her face in his chest.

SIRI: Oh Lord, Ben, I need to get out of here! I need to get away! Away from this dead city, this dead planet! I need to leave! Please, Ben, take me away from here!

Releasing a tortured moan, Siri continues to sob, clutching her husband to her tightly. Bringing up his arms, Obi-Wan holds her, rubbing her back gently. Looking up, he regards the durasteel buildings stretching out beyond the balcony, their windows aglow with artificial illumination.

OBI-WAN: I know where to go, Siri. I know exactly where to go ….

EXT. OPHUCHI – PRISON – LANDING PLATFORM – DAY

On a duracrete platform stationed beyond the Ophuchi prison, under a stormy gray sky which matches his disposition, Yajuj Jukassa stands, his arms and legs shackled, surrounded by six armed prison guards. His blue military uniform traded in for a set of unflattering plaid prison coveralls, he no longer carries the same imperious bearing he once had. Before the deposed despot stands the warden, a malicious grin plastered across his skeletal face.

WARDEN: (to Jukassa) There’s a nice, clean breeze blowing, isn’t there, Lord-Commandant? (beat) Breathe it in, Lord-Commandant, get a good whiff of that fresh, crisp air while you can, 'cause where you’re going, you won’t get much of that.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: Only a year ago, warden, you had me over for dinner with your family. I don’t remember you being so flippant with your tongue then.

WARDEN: I had to coddle your over-inflated ego while under your “guiding hand”, Lord-Commandant. Now, with your regime pulled out from under you, I no longer have to kiss your high-bred hindquarters.

From out of the cloudy sky, a large shuttle descends over the landing platform. Coming to rest before the amassed group, the craft’s ramp opens and lowers, allowing FOUR ARMED GUARDS to climb out.

WARDEN: Goodbye, Lord-Commandant. You’ll think of me when you bend over to pick up the soap, won’t you? (to the four new arrivals) Take him away.

Moving forward, the four guards motion with their weapons for Jukassa to step forward toward the shuttle. His expression grim, the ex-dictator complies; with the four guards flanking him, he enters the shuttle.

Once Jukassa is aboard, the ramp draws back up into the shuttle and the shuttle then proceeds to take off, returning to the sky on a course for open space.

INT. SHUTTLE/LOADING COMPARTMENT – DAY

Yajuj Jukassa stands facing the four guards, his eyes unblinking. The dark visors of their helmets pulled down over their eyes, the expressions of the guards are impossible to read.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (brings his restrained hands forward) Well, aren’t you going to get me out of these?

GUARD #1: At once, Lord-Commandant. (turns to the guard to his right) Unfasten his restraints.

Nodding once, the guard steps forward to the ex-lord-commandant. Taking a key, the guard unlocks Jukassa’s chains.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (rubs his wrists) That’s much better. (beat) We’re going to Nar Shaddaa, correct?

GUARD #1: Yes, milord. The Imperials will be unable to persecute you in the heart of Hutt space – they have no jurisdiction there.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (sighs) The lord-commandant of Ophuchi reduced to seeking sanctuary on a polluted cesspool like Nar Shaddaa. It’s criminal.

GUARD #1: It’s only temporary, milord. In time Ophuchi will be yours once again.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: As much as I would like that to be true, I must face reality. My reign on this world is over – completely and finally over. (beat) But I can still have my vengeance – my complete and final vengeance.

EXT. SPACE – OPHUCHI

Moving out of Ophuchi’s gravity well, the shuttle crewed by Jukassa and his loyalists makes the jump into hyperspace.

TITLE CARD: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away …

A vast sea of stars serves as the main backdrop for the main title, followed by a roll up, which crawls up into infinity.

STAR WARS

KNIGHT OF THE EMPIRE

Five years have passed since Anakin Skywalker was discovered on the desert world of Tatooine by Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and taken on as his apprentice. In that time under Obi-Wan’s tutelage Anakin has learned much, emerging as an acolyte for the light side of the Force.

United under the banner of the Galactic Empire, Obi-Wan and Anakin have fought against the genetic hordes of the malevolent Clonemasters, defending the Known Galaxy from the insidious White Peril.

But as the power of the Clonemasters slowly wanes, another force for evil – a darkness out of the ancient past – stirs, threatening to re-emerge and take the Galaxy for itself.

PAN UP

To reveal the head and shoulders of a man hung upside down, his eyes open and glazed over in death.

ZOOM OUT

To reveal that the man is a dead Imperial trooper strung upside down from a gnarled, dead tree. Beyond the tree, in a field situated between the tree and a large duracrete fortress, a fierce battle is underway.

EXT. OPHUCHI – BATTLEFIELD – EVENING

The TROOPERS OF THE IMPERIAL ARMY are engaged in pitched, deadly battle with the GEN-TEMPLARS OF THE OPHUCHI ARMY. Attired in dark gray armour and open-faced helmets, the Imperials are easily distinguished from the Gen-Templars, who wear gleaming black armour and face-concealing helmets with mirrored visors.

Like a living wave, the Imperial troopers press against the Templars, mowing down those they can catch in their sights with green blasterfire. The Templars counterattack, reciprocating with their own yellow plasmafire. Many soldiers on both sides go down with screams of agony, but those who remain press on, using sheer force of will to continue against their opponents.

Moving out from the star-studded night sky, two Nu-class attack shuttles descend over the battlefield. As the Imperial ships approach the epicentre of the warzone, Gen-Templars train their plasma cannons on the craft and begin opening fire. Making a series of twists and turns, the first shuttle manages to evade the plasmafire, but the second is not so lucky; caught in a crossfire, it erupts into a vibrant fireball and then plummets like an ungainly phoenix to the ground below.

Coming to a stop amongst the Imperial troops, the sides of the attack shuttle slide open, allowing a new squad of troopers to pour out. Standing side-by-side at the head of the squad, adorned in gray trooper armour and burgundy cloaks identifying them as Jedi non-coms, are the knights OBI-WAN KENOBI and his apprentice ANAKIN SKYWALKER. The two Jedi have changed much in the years since we saw them last; Obi-Wan sports long hair and a slight beard while Anakin has grown taller and honed with lean musculature.

As one, the two Jedi draw their lightsabers, pressing the activation studs of their weapons; two blades – one azure, the other cyan – ignite with a pair of sharp SNAP-HISSES. Bringing their weapons to bear, the sergeant and corporal lead their squad into the fray against the armoured Gen-Templars. Though the pinnacle of Ophuchi eugenic science, the black-armoured soldiers prove to be little match against two Jedi. One-by-one, they fall to the glowing plasma blades of the two mystical warriors.

ANAKIN: (blocks a blaster bolt with his lightsaber) These guys are supposed to be the end result of five centuries of controlled, selective breeding, right?

OBI-WAN: (literally disarms a Templar) That’s correct.

ANAKIN: (kicks a Templar in the face) So why do they fight like Hutts coming from an all-you-can-eat buffet?

OBI-WAN: Pride and perfection go hand-in-hand. The greater the perfection, the greater the pride.

ANAKIN: And pride comes before a fall.

OBI-WAN: Though I detest cliches, you’re correct again.

ANAKIN: (grins) This isn’t going to be on the pop quiz tomorrow, is it?

Working together, Nik and Obi-Wan cut a swath through the Templars, working their way closer towards their final destination: the towering fortress beyond.

EXT. FORTRESS/BALCONY – EVENING

Standing on a balcony that overlooks the fierce battle beyond, his face twisted in a scowl, is LORD-COMMANDANT YAJUJ JUKASSA, the despot of Ophuchi. A beefy man with a short beard and perfect hair, he wears a black cloak over a dark blue military uniform.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (angry) This isn’t right! This is wrong – all wrong!

With a flashy toss of his cloak, Jukassa turns around to regard his companion, a COLDLY BEAUTIFUL RATTATAKI WOMAN dressed in white cloak, robes, and veil.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (approaches the woman) The Imperials are overwhelming my troops – troops that are supposed to be faster, more intense, than mere Imperial soldiers! (beat) You promised us victory!

JOY-1017: (half-smiles) Am I to blame for the complete failure of your eugenics program?

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (points his finger at her) Don’t take that tone with me! You’re only here by my blessing!

JOY-1017: (grins evilly) Are you threatening me, Lord-Commandant?

Seeing that shark-like grin, Jukassa goes silent, his expression of anger replaced with one of fear.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: They’re going to spoil everything we’ve worked towards. They’re going to capture this fortress and Project Overman is going to fall into their hands.

JOY-1017: Our failure doesn’t guarantee their success, Lord-Commandant.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: What do you mean? (beat) Are you saying …?

She nods.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (sighs) Will you cover me?

JOY-1017: I will keep them from flaying your hide long enough for you to get the job done.

Running a hand through his immaculate hair, Jukassa leaves the balcony. JOY-1017, like a graceful swan, moves along after him.

EXT. FORTRESS – EVENING

Breaking through to face the last line of Gen-Templars, Obi-Wan and Anakin come across an awesome sight. Engaged in battle against six armoured Templars, a double-bladed vibrostaff in her hands, is a FEMALE MANDALORIAN WARRIOR encased in violet-blue armour.

As two of the Templars attack the female Mandalorian, slashing their wrist-mounted vibroblades through the air, she pivots on her heels, turning to the side to simultaneously decapitate one warrior while running the other through. Pulling her blade free, she twists it around as another Templar attacks. As the ebon-armoured soldier throws his bladed gauntlet forward, she locks their blades together, twisting hers fiercely until she causes his wrist to dislocate. As he howls with pain, she throws her leg up, kicking him squarely in the head and ending his part in the fight.

Before she can dislodge her vibrostaff blade, two of the remaining three Gen-Templars pounce, tackling her to the ground. As they pin her to the ground, the third Templar retrieves her vibrostaff. As she struggles to free herself from the Templars’ combined grip, the black-armoured warrior with her weapon positions himself over her, raising the staff high above his head as he prepares to run her through.

Unsheathing a vibroblade, Anakin activates it, pulls back his arm, then sends the weapon hurtling through the air toward the vibrostaff-equipped Templar at tremendous velocity. As the blade of vibrating durasteel plunges into the Gen-Templar’s back, he screams, dropping the vibrostaff.

Having moved her legs into a better position, the Mandalorian pushes up with her legs, somersaulting herself free of the two Templars’ grasp. With a heavy punch and kick, she lays the two warriors down before they can even take a breath. Retrieving her vibrostaff and Anakin’s own vibroblade, she turns toward the two Jedi. Lifting both weapons up, she points them at the knight and apprentice.

KANNEN DOOM: It’s about time you hauled ass over here.

Deactivating the vibroblade, she tosses it back to Anakin. Throwing his hand up, he catches it effortlessly.

KANNEN DOOM: (cont’d) I figured you were going to leave me to take the fortress all by my lonesome.

ANAKIN: (grins) Lady, someday they’re going to put together history records on this battle. I don’t know about Obi-Wan, but I’m not content being relegated to the footnotes.

KANNEN DOOM: If history’s to be made, then let’s make it.

Leaving the Imperial troopers to take on what remains of the Ophuchi Army, the two Jedi and their Mandalorian escort enter the duracrete fortress.

INT. FORTRESS/SUBTERRANEAN TUNNELS – EVENING

A squad of ebon-armoured Gen-Templars stands before the closed doors of a turbolift, watching the numbers on the readout change as the cab within descends.

As the turbolift reaches its destination, the doors slide open. Wasting no time the Templars open fire, unloading a hail of yellow blasterfire into the turbolift. Several seconds pass and then they lower their weapons.

Stepping forward, the leader of the squad looks inside the blaster-scored interior of the turbolift; there are no bodies to be found – living or dead – inside.

GEN-TEMPLAR: (turns toward his men) There’s no one inside!

As he steps back out of the turbolift, the top hatch of the cab is blown inward, allowing the Mandalorian and two Jedi to leap down from above. Spinning around, the Gen-Templar only has time to bring his blaster up before Anakin engages his lightsaber and slices the soldier’s arm off at the elbow. Kicking the ebon-armoured Templar in the gut, Nik knocks him out of the way. Then, with Obi-Wan and Kannen at his side, he makes short work of the remaining Gen-Templars.

ANAKIN: These guys are just too easy.

KANNEN: (points down a specific tunnel) The chamber’s down that way.

Wasting no more time, the trio heads down the tunnel.

INT. FORTRESS/SUBTERRANEAN TUNNELS/ANTECHAMBER – EVENING

Entering an antechamber at the end of the tunnel, the three compatriots find themselves facing a large vault door.

KANNEN DOOM: As sharp as my staff is, it isn’t quite up to the task of cutting through durasteel. You boys wouldn’t mind giving me an assist?

Engaging his lightsaber, Obi-Wan steps up to the door, thrusting his blade deep into the durasteel plating. With minimal effort, he begins carving through the thick door. Activating his own lightsaber, Anakin moves in to assist him. Once they complete the circuit, they disengage their lightsabers and kick the freed metal out of the way.

OBI-WAN: (points at the hole) Ladies first.

KANNEN DOOM: Much obliged.

Ducking down, Kannen slips through the hole into the chamber beyond. Ducking down, the two Jedi follow after.

INT. FORTRESS/CLONING CHAMBER – EVENING

Stepping through the makeshift doorway, the trio finds itself within a vast cloning chamber. Cylindrical in shape, the chamber stretches down farther than the eye can see. Spaced along the walls of the chamber, all containing identical Human figures, are thousands upon thousands of Spaarti cloning cylinders. Catwalks lead from the walls to a platform surrounding a large power conduit situated in the centre of the chamber. Standing on the platform, busy at work on a computer console, is Yajuj Jukassa with the white-clad JOY-1017 by his side.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (to JOY-1017) They’re here already! You said we’d have more time!

JOY-1017: (sighs) Just continue working on the computer. I’ll deal with our party-crashers.

As Jukassa continues working on the console, JOY-1017 turns and walks down the catwalk toward the three new arrivals.

JOY-1017: Welcome, Jedi, to our humble cloning chamber. (stops midway on the catwalk, gesturing to the Spaarti cylinders) As you can see, over four-thousand clones of Ophuchi warrior stock are in utero. Within four months, they will reach maturity and emerge to serve the Supremacy. (beat) Of course, that was the goal before you came here, overwhelmed Jukassa’s pitiful forces, and foiled our plans.

OBI-WAN: Do us both a favour and surrender peaceably.

JOY-1017: Surrender? (smiles) Perhaps at the end, after Jukassa takes the cylinders off-line, killing every clone and leaving your Imperial Starfleet one conscript battalion short.

OBI-WAN: (frowns) That’s just not going to happen.

JOY-1017: (grins) Try to stop me.

OBI-WAN: We won’t try.

Bringing their weapons to bear, the Jedi and Mandalorian begin moving down the ramp towards the Rattataki. Grinning like a shark, she unclasps her cloak, allowing it to fall away from her shoulders, then causes a pair of short black lightsaber hilts to slip down from hidden sheathes under her sleeves into her hands. Pressing the activation studs, she engages two short, pure white blades and moves to attack the Imperial agents.

With the reflexes of a darting snake, JOY-1017 engages the three others, using the blades of her twin shotos to intercept their blows. Without enough room on the catwalk to fan out, the two Jedi and the Mandalorian find themselves unable to properly assault the insidious Force-wielder.

JOY-1017: (laughs) The Athas hold you in such high esteem!

As Anakin moves to run his lightsaber through JOY-1017, she side-steps the blade and counterattacks. Throwing himself backward, Nik barely manages to avoid losing his throat to one of her white blades.

JOY-1017: (cont’d) Surely you can do better!

ANAKIN: Better?

Springing up into the air, Nik somersaults over the woman’s head and lands behind her.

ANAKIN: (cont’d) How’s this for better?

Now less encumbered, Anakin swings his cyan blade, aiming to connect it with the Rattataki’s throat. Bringing up a shoto, she blocks it.

As the four duel on, Jukassa continues working at the console. With a press of a button, the main red light on the console turns to white.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: I’m in!

RATTATAKI WOMAN: How far along are you, Jukassa?!

YAJUJ JUKASSA: I’ve broken the encryption! I’m entering the commands to shut the cylinders down now!

KANNEN DOOM: Hell with that!

Pushing Obi-Wan back out of her way, Kannen moves to bring all the power she can bear against the white-robed woman. Swinging her double-bladed Mandalorian iron vibrostaff with the ferocity of a gundark, she makes the Rattataki work hard to intercept both her blows and Anakin’s.

OBI-WAN: Anakin, stop him!

ANAKIN: (parries one of JOY-1017’s strikes) But Obi –

OBI-WAN: We can take her! Deal with Jukassa!

With a moment’s hesitation, Nik turns his back on the white-robed woman and races down the catwalk toward Jukassa.

Throwing herself forward, Kannen cartwheels across the catwalk, kicking JOY-1017 in the back as she passes her. JOY-1017 stumbles forward but manages to right herself before she can topple into Obi-Wan. Grinning, she locks blades with both the Mandalorian and the Jedi Knight.

JOY-1017: You’re an excellent fighter, Mandalorian. We could use your stock. Why don’t you join us? The Mandalorian civilization can live again.

KANNEN DOOM: I’d sooner see every remaining Mandalorian in the grave.

JOY-1017: Pity.

Pushing downward, JOY-1017 forces the blades of her combatants down against the catwalk.

As Anakin reaches Jukassa, the lord-commandant turns to face him, contempt evident on his face.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: You think you can stop me, boy?! My mother was of the soldier class! Warrior’s blood flows through my veins!

Reaching to his side, Jukassa unsheathes a vibrosword. Activating it, he brings the blade around to cleave Anakin’s skull in twain. Casually, Anakin brings up his lightsaber, slicing through the metal blade effortlessly as it connects with the shaft of cyan plasma.

YAJUJ JUKASSA: (stammering) B-b-but –

Balling his hand into a fist, Anakin punches Jukassa in the face. The man’s glass jaw breaks easily and he collapses to the platform out cold.

Back on the catwalk, JOY-1017 witnesses Jukassa’s defeat. Outraged, she feeds on the dark side of the Force, using it to amplify the ferocity of her attacks on Obi-Wan and Kannen. Kicking Obi-Wan back, she turns on Kannen and locks the shaft of the vibrostaff between the blades of her shotos. With a twist, she wrests the weapon out of the Mandalorian’s hands, sending it over the side to plummet straight into oblivion. Before Kannen can compensate for the loss of her weapon, the Rattataki stabs her through the left kidney.

OBI-WAN: Kannen!

Springing back up, Obi-Wan rushes JOY-1017. Pulling her blade free from Kannen’s side, the Rattataki pushes the Mandalorian woman down as she turns to engage Obi-Wan. As he brings his azure blade arcing downward, she intercepts it with her left-hand shoto. Forcing his saber down, she then brings her right-hand shoto up, slamming the pommel of the weapon into his temple. With a groan, he collapses to the catwalk in a stupor.

Refocusing her attention of Anakin, JOY-1017 leaps over Obi-Wan’s form and comes racing down the catwalk towards the Jedi apprentice. As she reaches him, he spins around, catching her twin white blades with his single cyan one.

JOY-1017: You should have stayed home, little boy, curled up in the covers of your soft, warm bed. War isn’t the place for teeny tiny little younglings such as yourself.

ANAKIN: (cocks an eyebrow) Youngling?

Knocking her blades out of the way, Anakin headbutts JOY-1017, forcing her to reel back.

ANAKIN: I can’t stomach being called a youngling. Kid? Child? Sure. Youngling? (shakes his head) I’m a sapient being, for crying out loud!

Recollecting herself, JOY-1017 sneers.

JOY-1017: What you are is food for the maggots!

Lunging forward, the Rattataki begins making a series of strikes against Anakin. In little time, she begins to drive him back. Locking his blade in hers, she pins him against the power conduit. As she looks upon him, she grins with salacious desire.

JOY-1017: I’m going to kill you, but not right away.

Leaning forward, she licks Anakin across the face.

JOY-1017: (cont’d) First, I’m going to have some fun.

ANAKIN: Fun, huh? I thought your kind couldn’t experience that type of fun.

JOY-1017: We can’t, but we find ways to compensate.

ANAKIN: I see. Put on some synth-leather, strap me into some energy-binders, and power up the lightwhip. Am I anywhere near the bullseye?

JOY-1017: You’re dead centre.

ANAKIN: Well, that’s not exactly my scene, but I’ll try anything once.

At that moment, Obi-Wan moves in up behind the Rattataki. Grabbing her by the shoulder with his left hand, he brings the emitter of his inactive lightsaber up against her throat with his right.

ANAKIN: (cont’d) Just not today.

Sighing with resignation, JOY-1017 lowers her shotos and deactivates them.

OBI-WAN: (takes his hand off her shoulder) Now step back and drop your sabers.

Backing away from Anakin, JOY-1017 steps away from them both. Downcast, she lets her left-hand shoto fall to the platform.

OBI-WAN: Now the other one.

JOY-1017: (grins) I’m not taken so easily.

Laughing, the Rattataki raises her remaining shoto. Before the two Jedi can bring up their sabers, she turns the emitter of her weapon inward and engages it, running herself through on the white plasma blade. Collapsing to her knees, she releases an almost sexual sigh. She then falls face-forward onto the platform.

Crouching over her, Obi-Wan grabs JOY-1017 by the shoulder and turns her over. As he reaches for her throat to take her pulse, the veil encasing her head slips back, exposing a barcode tattooed on her forehead.

OBI-WAN: (looks up at Anakin) She’s dead.

ANAKIN: (looks down at JOY-1017 dispassionately) Clones. They never change.

EXT. SPACE – OPHUCHI

Leaving the orbit of Ophuchi, the Victor-class Star Destroyer Lancer cruises over to join the other ships of the fleet amassing outside the planet’s gravity well.

INT. LANCER/CORRIDOR #1

Obi-Wan and Anakin make their way down the corridor, their expressions unreadable. Having discarded their battlefield cloaks and armour, they are now dressed in the burgundy uniforms of Imperial Jedi personnel.

As they near the door into the sick bay, it slides open, allowing a Caamasi officer to step out. Once she is past, the two Jedi enter the sick bay.

INT. LANCER/SICK BAY

Obi-Wan and Nik walk through the sick bay, passing by a number of beds containing patients, before they finally come to the bed of Kannen Doom. Stripped of her armour, we can now see that Kannen is a very handsome Human woman with thick, voluminous blond hair. Though visibly weary from her severe injury, she is conscious and alert.

KANNEN DOOM: (weary) Greetings, Jedi.

ANAKIN: (puts his hands on his belt, smiling) Hello yourself. (beat) How are you doing?

KANNEN DOOM: The 'droid says I’ll be in tip-top shape within two weeks. A few more immersions in a bacta tank and I’ll be good as gold. (chuckles) Two more weeks like this. Gods, I’ll go stir crazy.

OBI-WAN: (grins) You never could stand to sit still in any one place for too long.

KANNEN DOOM: No more than you could resist my wiles, Kenobi. (winks)

ANAKIN: I’m sure the weeks’ll just fly by, Kannen. Don’t worry about it.

KANNEN DOOM: (sighs) I guess I’ll have to try, won’t I? (beat) Your leave’s coming up, isn’t it?

OBI-WAN: Yes. Five weeks for both of us.

KANNEN DOOM: Going home, spending time with friends and family, all that jizz?

OBI-WAN: Anakin’ll be returning to Orron III and I’ll be returning to my wife on Coruscant.

KANNEN DOOM: Wife? You got married?

ANAKIN: (elbows Obi-Wan in the arm) Three months ago.

KANNEN DOOM: To that Coruscanti Jedi, Sara, right?

OBI-WAN: Siri, and yes.

KANNEN DOOM: (smiles) My belated congratulations, Kenobi. You should have invited me. I would have loved to have been at the wedding. (grins salaciously) Or the bachelor party.

OBI-WAN: (groans) Don’t remind me.

KANNEN DOOM: (frowns) Huh?

ANAKIN: (smirks) The bachelor party wasn’t exactly what you’d call the last great hurrah for single living.

OBI-WAN: It would’ve been the last great hurrah for living, period.

KANNEN DOOM: I’m intrigued. Tell me more.

OBI-WAN: (waves his hand) No, no more!

ANAKIN: (to Kannen, grinning) I’ll tell you later.

KANNEN DOOM: You’d better not skip over any of the juicy details.

ANAKIN: Don’t worry about that. I’ve got a holographic memory for juicy details; these are no exception.

OBI-WAN: (facepalms) Lord, have mercy ….

KANNEN DOOM: (yawns) It’s been nice catching up, gents, but I think it’s about time we called it a night. The drugs are kicking in and I’m getting sleepy. See you in transit, okay?

OBI-WAN: Alright.

ANAKIN: See you.

With that, Kannen closes her eyes to rest. Turning around, Anakin and Obi-Wan leave her and exit the sick bay.

INT. LANCER/CORRIDOR

Stepping out of the sick bay, the Jedi Knights make their way back along the corridor.

OBI-WAN: Well, that certainly was a robust conversation.

ANAKIN: (grins) You’re not sore over me bringing up the party again, are you, Obi-Wan?

OBI-WAN: Yes, yes I am. I wish for the life of me that I could erase the memories of that party from my mind forever. Your bringing it up doesn’t help me to do that.

ANAKIN: From what I recall, you enjoyed the party at first.

OBI-WAN: I did – until the Felacatian had a panic attack, shifted into her animal form, and tried to kill us all.

ANAKIN: (puts up his hands) Hey, I hadn’t ever heard of Felacatians before that night. The catalogue listed Aigria’s measurements, attributes, and one fine portfolio of sexy snapshots, but it didn’t give any background details on her race. Blame them, not me.

OBI-WAN: (sighs) At least the ordeal taught you a valuable lesson.

ANAKIN: Yes, yes, yes. Always do background checks on individuals or groups you plan on hiring in advance of hiring them.

OBI-WAN: Right. Now never bring this matter up again – ever.

ANAKIN: Of course, of course. (smirks) Right after I tell Kannen.

OBI-WAN: (rolls eyes) You’re going to be the death of me.

ANAKIN: Not in this life. (beat) It’s funny, you know, about Kannen. I like her – I wouldn’t change a thing about her – but I still find it strange that she’s a Mandalorian. She’s nothing like the Death Watchmen.

OBI-WAN: Not all Mandalorians are like Vizsla and his group, Anakin – you have to remember that. There is as much diversity among them as there is amongst the Jedi.

ANAKIN: I know. Still, it’s hard to forget what they put us through.

OBI-WAN: Don’t forget it, Anakin. Just remember to keep it in perspective.

Reaching the end of the corridor, the two Jedi make a turn to the left and enter another.

INT. LANCER/CORRIDOR #2

ANAKIN: Nashira would like to see you and Siri again, you know. It’s been two years since the last visit.

OBI-WAN: I know, and she and I’d both like to take a trip to Orron III ….

ANAKIN: It’s the baby, isn’t it?

OBI-WAN: (nods) This is the first successful pregnancy we’ve had, but the doctors say that the danger she could miscarry is still great. Neither of us want to take the chance of a long-distance trip right now.

ANAKIN: I understand. (beat) Maybe we could visit you.

OBI-WAN: I thought the DuQuesnes didn’t have enough money to charter a flight to Coruscant.

ANAKIN: I’m sure I could pull a few strings. (grins) I am a Jedi corporal, after all.

OBI-WAN: An enlisted rank. Jedi or not, I don’t think it carries much weight among the top brass.

ANAKIN: It wouldn’t hurt to try.

EXT. SPACE

All ships lined up in formation, the Imperial fleet makes the jump to hyperspace.

As I promised, here’s the new draft of my Ep. II re-write-in-progress, Knight of the Empire.

I’m presently working on the first new scene with Darth on Geonosis, and it should be ready for posting within a couple days. In preparation for that, I’m going to start reposting the stuff already ready for prime time. I’m going to place the reposted material in quote blocks; that way it’ll be easier for the reader to discern between the old and new material.

Just as an aside, I have made minor revisions to the old material to fix the clunkier dialogue and descriptions. None of the revisions really tie in to the new scenes I’m writing up, so you don’t have to read them if you don’t feel up to it, though.

Poke fun at myself, and everyone takes me seriously. *sigh*

bkev said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – 5/10

Are you allergic to anything fun that doesn’t have Heather Langenkamp in it?

No, just to anything fun made after 2004.

No. Hyper is all you deserve and all you’ll ever get.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGqQ4EteFyc

There were some similarities, yes. No sunglasses or leather jacket, though.

My last dream was pretty disconcerting.

It was like I was trapped in a Twilight Zone episode or a David Lynch movie where the laws of physics themselves seemed to be breaking down around me. I would see things appear and disappear in-and-out of thin air without anyone else noticing, and the people in my life themselves would change shape – take on different hairstyles, skin colours, even different dimensions (Imagine someone becoming a living Picasso and you’ve got a pretty accurate description or what I’m talking about.).

Matters got so bad that I opened the front door of my home, and facing the cold winter weather outside, I screamed out to God to deliver me from whatever was happening. Well, it seems that God did answer my cry, for the weird breakdown of reality came to a halt. In this new stabilized reality, I found that I was now blond, in my early teens, and with a pronounced overbite; I was also the sidekick of both Superman and the Flash, dressed in some Kid Flash/Superboy combo outfit.

TV’s Frink said:

DuracellEnergizer said:

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – 5/10

Way too low.

Meh.

Ghostbusters II (1989) – 6/10

Way too high.

Meh.

I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meathook, and Now I Have a Three Picture Deal at Disney (1993) – 3/10

What?

It’s Ben Affleck’s directorial debut.

As Good as It Gets (1997) – 10/10

Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983) – 6/10

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – 5/10

Ghostbusters II (1989) – 6/10

I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meathook, and Now I Have a Three Picture Deal at Disney (1993) – 3/10

The Man with the Rubber Head (1901) – 7/10

The Red Spectre (1907) – 10/10

The Merry Frolics of Satan (1906) – 9/10

Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) – 8/10

Queen of Earth (2015) – 7/10

captainsolo said:

I’ve never been a huge fan of the book anyway for what it did to Babs, and it’s really overrated.

I was just going to say this. Thankfully, now I don’t have to.

Is it wrong that I never care to see another comic film adaptation ever again?

Nope. I’m in a very similar boat.

RicOlie_2 said:

Also, last I checked, Protestantism has its origins in the 16th century, before which time, Christians were almost universally Catholic or Orthodox, and it is they who invented the rule that all true doctrine must come from the Bible (note that that rule isn’t anywhere in the Bible…). Talk about changing the rules, huh?

He’ll probably just pull some discredited “Babylonian mystery religion” claim out of his ass, now.

suspiciouscoffee said:

It’s sad that a direct to DVD animated movie is better than any live action film DC’s put out in years.

If you want to avoid shortening your natural human lifespan, avoid watching the “scientifically accurate Barney” video on YouTube at all costs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlFYAgweUms

Girl is Hot

^Sneaky sumbitch …

DREAMS – GRACE SLICK

ALBUM: 7/10

ALBUM COVER: 10/10

The Same Yellow Stormtrooper

WeirdScienceJabba

thejediknighthusezni said:

RicOlie_2 said:

moviefreakedmind said:

I feel like this should be a red flag for Christians. At my most faithful I was always against Lutheranism and Calvinism too for the exact same reason.

So what did Christians do before the Bible was a thing? Before the biblical canon was established, some held The Shepherd of Hermas and other non-canonical books to be canonical, while other rejected Revelation or the Epistle of James. The books of the New Testament were not even completed until around 150, over a hundred years after Jesus’ crucifixion.

The Bible does not even declare itself to be the only source of true doctrine, so what authority decided that it was? 2 Thessalonians 2:15 says “So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us.” That’s more or less what the Church has always done. It doesn’t introduce brand new doctrines. Almost invariably, they have their roots in the earliest days of the Church.

Blah blah blah LUCIFERIANS blah blah blah CLOSETED HOMOSEXUALS blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah …

WYRS