DuracellEnergizer

Radio Free Albemuth and the VALIS trilogy by Philip K. Dick.

Star Wars has been a joke since 1999, so. . . .

"Oh, my God. They found me. I don’t know how, but they found me. Run for it, Marty!"

"Who‽ Who‽"

"Who do you think‽ The Libyans!"

"Holy shit!"

Sorry, but Leia kissing Luke isn’t upsetting at all.

STAR WARS

• I’d remove the “A New Hope” subtitle. The film would just be Star Wars.
• I’d incorporate footage from the end of Rogue One into the Tantive IV sequence (something akin to this).
• I’d restore the original “Artoo travelling through canyon” shot. Tatooine is supposed to be a desolate, ugly world with no natural beauty. The expanded canyon shots pretty Tatooine up too much, and I don’t want anything of Tatooine looking pretty in my edit.
• I’d restore the original “Look, sir! Droids!” scene. I hate the cramped garbage with the shuttle and added stormtroopers and CG dewbacks. Screw that shit.
• I’d remove the Death Star from the film completely. Leia would be imprisoned on Vader’s Star Destroyer, and Alderaan would be destroyed in a Base Delta Zero initiative.
• I’d remove the torture droid from the scene in Leia’s cell and re-edit it to imply Vader directly tortured her himself.
• I’d reinsert all the original Mos Eisley approach footage, keeping only the improved landspeeder effects.
• This would be the incidental music playing in the cantina.
• I’d reinsert the “wolfman with drink” shot while keeping the Rasta alien.
• I’d reinsert Han’s girlfriend in the cantina.
• I’d reinsert the original Jabba scene with Declan Mulholland intact. Taking inspiration from the radio drama, I’d make his character Heater rather than Jabba himself.
• I’d recolour the bolts from Han’s blaster & the Millennium Falcon white.
• I’d add cuts & bruises to Leia’s face.
• I’d crop every shot of Ben taking out his lightsaber before encountering Vader so that he doesn’t take out his lightsaber before encountering Vader.
• I’d reinsert the original “Han chases stormtroopers down corridor” scene.
• I’d add light cast from the lightsabers onto all nearby surfaces.
• I’d remove the shot of Ben’s empty robes falling to the deck after Vader cuts him down. I hate the “Jedi disappear when they die” concept.
• I’d re-edit the Falcon’s escape from the Star Destroyer to indicate the ship received heavy damage from the TIE fighters.
• I’d end the film on Tarkin & Vader discussing the homing beacon aboard the Millennium Falcon.

GENERAL CHANGES

• Adywan’s Star Wars Revisited would serve as the foundation of my edit, incorporating elements from the theatrical version only where indicated.
• I’d regrade the trilogy in red & cyan, harkening back to the two-strip Technicolor films of the 1920s/1930s.
• I’d make the trilogy a silent film trilogy. It’s easier to overhaul dialogue and plot points this way.
• I’d reinsert the original 20th Century Fox & Lucasfilm logos.
• I’d remove the episode numbers.
• I’d change the energy bolts fired from the larger ships into energy beams.
• I’d recolour the bolts from Imperial blasters & walkers cyan.

Though I lack the resources to make fanedits, that hasn’t prevented me from brainstorming fanedit ideas. What follows is my concept for a highly unconventional, avant-garde fanedit of the OT.

StarkillerAG said:

pleasehello said:

Valheru_84 said:

You’re not meant to stop and think and try to make sense of it all Hal 😉

You jest, but it’s true. That’s the way Star Wars has always been. It’s emotional, not logical. None of it makes any sense logically and if you think about the viability of certain plot elements in those terms, it falls apart. So no, you’re not meant to make sense of it all.

That’s not the way it used to be. The OT makes sense, every action is justified.

The walkers don’t make sense. Neither does the two-dimensional space flight. Nor the idea of a giant slug being sexually attracted to humanoid women.

A thing I like about TROS: the Force dyad. Not necessarily the concept itself, or the characters involved, but that it introduced me to the word “dyad”. My vocabulary has increased onefold.

StarkillerAG said:

mykyta-R4 said:

Nearly two years has gone and he is still taking people’s money for this TLJ Edit and coming up with excuses why it is not finished? Wow!

He already finished it, last summer.
And it was awful.

He never shot the revamped Luke vs. Kylo scene, though. That was the big lure he used to reel people in, and he still hasn’t delivered.

Valheru_84 said:

Wexter said:

So you suggest that along with Luke’s lightsaber, his X-Wing, his home, Han’s ship and his copilot, she should have also inherited Leia’s bikini?

LOL, unfortunately I don’t think Rey would fill those cups or more importantly, her shoes.

That’s okay. I’m an ass man, anyway.

I want to believe.

FreezingTNT2 said:

Aeris’s former handmaiden and now midwife, Sabé

What do you mean, “midwife”? '😓

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midwife

I’ve long suspected Jordan Peterson was a Sith Lord.

Wexter said:

So you suggest that along with Luke’s lightsaber, his X-Wing, his home, Han’s ship and his copilot, she should have also inherited Leia’s bikini?

They live on in her now.

Sounds boring.

No scantily clad Rey. If Daisy Ridley was gonna pump some iron for the role, the least they could’ve done was show off that toned feminine bod. But nooooooooo.

This discussion is funny, but not “ha ha” funny.

Watch a 2-hour critique of a movie you love/hate/have mixed feelings on/indifferent towards or don’t. Whatever.

OutboundFlight said:

OriginalTrilogy is a bunch of prequel haters who are so obsessed with hating them, they have to validate the DT to stick it to them while crying that their sons and daughters managed to find out about the existence of the prequels despite their efforts to hide them and having showed them Fanedit #28286 that retcons the existence of the PT, and worse of all, they liked the prequels, so they can only now hope they can brainwash their future grandchildren and that ROTJ Revisited can ramp up the foreshadowing for the DT, and ANH Revisited HD starts making deep retcons to erase the prequels from their headcanon yet again because “waaah they raped my childhood 20 years ago so bad i can’t even see a pixel of them ever again lest I get TRIGGERED”

They are the OK BOOMERS of Star Wars.

His comment section is hilarious.

Funny, but not “ha ha” funny.

FreezingTNT2 said:

grobnobthetroll said:

pleasehello said:

He says he’s going to hire someone to do a Mark Hamill impersonation. It should be, uh…interesting.

The person in question has now refused to work with Ivan.
This is quite a regular occurrence with Ivan.
He doesn’t seem to get anything finished aside from small touches to single scenes and he dedicates more time to asking for help and funding than he does actually producing any finished work. He’s more interested in promoting himself as an editor than he is in editing.

Proof?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOnPnmVZWKE&t=4m48s

Also, he states at the beginning of the video that he doesn’t understand why he was banned from this site. LOL

stickydixon said:

DominicCobb said:

*Her, and whether she follows a project through to the end is her business. Shaming is poor form.

HER? What an inconsequential piece of information that has blown my mind.

Snooker is trans; it’s only fair to provide ample warning so as to avoid accidental misgendering leading to unpleasant misunderstandings.

stickydixon said:

Anakin Starkiller said:

Your edits (besides this one; I guess it’s not for me) always sound so interesting. It’s just a shame you never finish any of them.

Why you gotta call him out like that?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog

SHANNAH BAKER